Chapter 18

“Mmmm…I suppose it is time. I’d much rather stand here and look at you. You look beautiful tonight.”

“You don’t look so shabby yourself. You ought to bring in loads of money for the auction, my dear.”

Nick joined her gaze in the mirror, adjusting his tie one more time. “I can’t tell you how much I hate this. Feel like a dumb old lamp on ebay.”

“Pull your chain and it turns you on.” She turned him to her and straightened the tie one more time, patting his chest for good measure.

“Whoever ‘wins’ me ain’t touchin’ my chain.”

“Aw, you just lost yourself $1000. Such a shame.”

“Come on…let’s get this show on the road.”

Ciara grabbed her purse and the couple made their way out of their room only to be immediately accosted by a group of fans. Nick looked up, trying to find his security who curiously didn’t seem to be present. He leaned down to Ciara’s ear, “Go back inside…this is nuts.” Talking to the fans, he smiled graciously and backed into his room. “Sorry…no time now…I’ll see you at dinner!”

He shut the door behind him and yanked his cell out of his jacket pocket. Waiting for an answer he glared at nothing in particular. “Eddie…where in the hell are you?”

“Sorry…got distracted. I’m on my way.”

“Good plan. Knock so I’ll know you’re there. The hall is packed with fans.”

Nick hung up the cell and angrily shoved it back into his jacket. Looking over at Ciara, he chuckled at the pretzel she was making herself…trying to reach an itch or something. “Ci…what are you doing?”

“Well, I have a problem. This dress is so tight on my back and chest that…”

“Yeah, I noticed that!” He wiggled his eyebrows and made his way over to her. “What are you doing?”

“Well, it occurred to me…I’m not going to be able to get my shot in me. I didn’t take it before I got dressed since it might still be a bit before we eat.”

“Oh, damn. What are you going to do?”

“Well, my dear. I believe it’s now what are you going to do.”

“Huh?”

“You get to give me my shot.”

“Oh no…uh-huh…I’ll do anything but that. There is no way.”

“Nick. I need to eat and I need my insulin before I do it. I rotate my shots each meal and it’s gotta go in my arm this time. I can’t get to the right spot with this stupid dress.”

“Ci…I can-“ Eddie’s frantic knock on the door interrupted their discussion. “Shit. We gotta go, Ci. Isn’t there a nurse or something on board that can do this?”

She got up and they met Eddie outside, this time with much less confusion and chaos. The trio wordlessly made their way to the dining room while Ciara tried to figure out how to get Nick out of this mess. Frankly, she wasn’t sure she wanted him out of it. If he was going to be ‘okay’ with her health like she needed him to be, what better way for him to start dealing with its realities than by giving her her shot…just this once.

Nick held her chair for her as she tried to avoid the eyes from the guests in the dining room watching her every move. Tonight there would be more fans than before. There were so many dining halls giving so many options to eat, but all the fans wanted to be present for the auction, so they were all here tonight. Naturally.

Taking his seat across the table, he took her hand in his. “Ci, what are you going to do?”

“No, it’s still your question, Nick. What are YOU going to do? I need someone to give it to me and I truly don’t trust anyone else. We can sneak into the kitchen I’m sure. I don’t expect you to do it out in public.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t do it, Ci.” He slid his hand out of hers and pulled the cloth napkin from his place setting, laying it on his lap. This conversation was over.

“You won’t hurt me and yes, you can. I’ll walk you through it.” No it wasn’t.

“You’re not giving in on this, are you?” Why did he try to argue with her? She always won, dammit.

“No. I really don’t have many other alternatives. Nick, please. Twenty seconds of your life.”

He sighed in resignation. “When do you need to do it?”

“Anytime now…looks like they’re serving salad over there already.”

“Okay, let’s go back to the kitchen then and get this over with. I can’t believe…”

They got back up from the table and made their way to the kitchen. Nick explained the situation to the waiter by the door and they were allowed in. Ciara pulled out her bag and filled the syringe with insulin. Nick wiped his hands on his pants like a skittish kid before a piano recital.

“Okay, now you’ve seen me do this a million times. You know where it goes.”

“Yeah, but what if I go in wrong or something. Won’t you bruise?”

“I bruise at the drop of a hat anyway, and yeah, I might. It’s no biggie. Won’t keep the meds from getting in me.”

“Godddddddd…..do I stab quick or slow?”

“Quick. Just take some of the fat of my arm in your hand there…that’ll help. Pretend you’re just stabbing an orange or something.”

“An orange, yeah right. This is YOU!”

“Nick…just do it, baby. I’m okay.”

Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking her arm in his left hand. He held the syringe in his right and looked at it and the needle one last time. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You’re fine…just relax. On the count of three…oh!”

“What?”

“Do NOT close your eyes! I need it in my arm, not my shoulder.”

“Ha. Ha. Eyes open…count before I chicken out.”

“One…two…open your eyes, dammit…THREE!”

Nick stabbed the needle into her arm and looked at her afraid she’d pass out or something. Or maybe it was he who was afraid to be passing out.

“You’re in Nick, now just push the plunger in kinda slow, but not too slow…” He started to push the medicine in her arm. “Yeah…perfect. Now take it out the same direction you put it in and cover the hole with your finger.”

“Okay.” He did as told and quickly covered the small hole. “Shouldn’t I be using cotton or something? That’s what they do at the doctor’s office.”

“Eh, probably. I’ve never bothered. Figure it’s my germs, yanno?”

“Yeah, but this is me now.”

“I trust your germs, Nick…and you, uh…you can let go now.”

He quickly pulled his hand away from her arm, realizing he was holding on a bit too tightly. “OH! Sorry. Jeez. I’m still nervous.”

“You’re fine. Gimme the syringe. I need to put it away. And Nick?”

“Yeah…”

“Thank you. I’m proud of you.” She touched his face and leaned up on her tiptoes to steal a kiss. “Now, let’s go out there and auction you away. I have to go bid on Howie.”

“Oh you wouldn’t…”

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

Nick came back from the stage area to join Ciara with a combination scowl and smile on his face. “You won Howie. You don’t even BID on me and you WIN Howie!?”

Ciara buried her face in her hands, obviously embarrassed. “Yeah, I guess I did. I didn’t MEAN to, Nick!”

“Can you even afford that?”

Now, she was a bit incensed. “Of course I can afford it. I’m not an idiot…I don’t bid what I can’t pay.”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…why in the world did you do that, though?”

“Well, I was trying to keep it up there. Looked like interest was waning and he wasn’t getting enough money. So…I tossed in my bid to make it interesting. I didn’t think it’d be the final bid.”

“You’re crazy. So, you’re goin’ on a date with Howie, huh? I’m not sure whether to be jealous or amused.”

“I’m not going, Nick. I’ve already got it all worked out.”

He raised his eyebrows in curiosity. “Oh yeah?”

“Yep. See those two ladies over there?” She pointed to what looked like a mother and daughter pair still watching Howie up on stage, both obviously completely entranced by him.

“Yeah…who are they?”

“No idea, but for some reason I get the feeling they blew their last dollar on this cruise to see him. You could see their disappointment when the auction got out of their price range…which was early on. I’m gonna pay up and let them have the night with Mr. Latin Lover.”

A smile spread over Nick from the inside out. She was too cool. “That’s great. You’d better check with him first though.”

“Yeah, I will…and here he comes now.”

Ciara met him halfway across the dining room, leaving Nick at the table signing a few autographs for some brave fans. He signed and smiled and in between, kept an eye on her and how she moved, how she threw her head back and laughed, how she touched Howie’s arm when they talked. As he continued to sign, Howie and Ciara made their way to the two women she had pointed out earlier. After only a few moments, Ciara came back and sat down with Nick smiling across the table, making him crazy.

“Okay, one more and then I gotta go.”

About ten pictures and pieces of paper were thrust in his face hoping to be the final one. He looked up and saw a small girl peeking out from under the crowd. Bingo. He smiled at the papers and tipped his head toward the small child motioning her to come toward him.

The girl slowly made her way up front holding a CD jacket cover tightly in her hand. As the older girls saw the child, they stepped back covering the air with sighs of delight seeing their idol treat a child with such tenderness.

“Hey…what’s your name?”

“Mackenzie.” She looked at him and then quickly diverted her attention to the design in the carpet.

“Well, hi, Mackenzie. I’m Nick. Can I sign this for you?”

“Yeah…I don’t have a pen though.”

“That’s okay…” He looked up to one of the other girls who quickly thrust a pen in his hand. “Here we go…can you spell your name for me?”

“My mommy just calls me Mac sometimes…that’s M-A-C. It’s easier.”

He chuckled and quickly personalized an autograph for her. “There you go, Mac. Can I get something from you?”

“I don’t have anything.”

“I bet you do…could I get a hug?”

Finally a huge smile spread across the child’s face. “Yeah! I have lots of those!” She jumped up and wrapped her arms around Nick’s neck and landed firmly on his lap.

“Woah! I guess you do!” He squeezed her tightly and quickly kissed her cheek, putting her back on the floor. “Thank you, Mac…” looking up to the crowd, “ladies…time for me to go!” He found Ciara in the hoard and followed her with his eyes as she shimmied her way through the fans to his side. “Good night!”

Eddie kept the crowd still to allow Nick and Ciara out. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “You’re damned cool, you know that?”

“Ah, I learn from the best…can we change clothes and go gambling?”

“Yeah, but you and I have something to talk about first, woman.”

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Unzip me, please.” Ciara offered her back to Nick and let out a comfortable breath of air as the zipper slid down her back.

“This dress was beautiful on you.”

“Thanks. I’ll go up a size next time though. Can’t believe I couldn’t even reach around to give myself my shot.”

“I can’t believe I gave it to you…did it bruise?”

She pulled the back of her arm around to look, figuring she’d have felt it already. “Nope. You done good. Now, what does one wear to lose all of her money gambling?”

“I’m goin’ casual and Ci…” He touched her arm pulling her to him as she tried to sneak away to find something more comfortable to wear for the remainder of the night, “we need to talk before heading back down there.”

She kissed his chest and looked up in his eyes. This was not necessarily going to be a friendly talk, she could tell. Shit. “What’s up?”

“You didn’t answer me earlier and I want an answer…a real one. Why did you do that?”

“Bid on Howie? Are you jealous?”

“No, it has nothing to do with that. Ciara…that is a ton of money you just casually tossed out there. I’m obviously all about giving to charity, but…”

Well, now was a good a time as any. Time to spill a bit. “Let me throw a shirt on and I’ll tell you okay?”

Now he was totally confused. He had no idea what her answer could possibly be, but somehow he had a feeling it was going to change a few things. Instead of worrying about it, he found a t-shirt, threw it on and sat on the edge of the bed watching her finish getting ready.

After a few moments, she heaved a sigh and joined him on the bed. “Okay, remember I’ve said you don’t know everything going on with me?”

“Yep. I figured I’d quit asking and let you tell me in your own time.”

“I appreciate that…you have no idea. Now’s the time for me to tell you something.”

“Okay…” He took her hands in his wanting her to know nothing was going to change his heart. Hopefully she’d believe it.

“You know about the diabetes, the myasthenia…all of that…”

“Yeah, I thought the myasthenia was taken care of a long time ago.”

“Well, that’s just it, Nick. All of my problems are chronic. That means there is no treatment. Symptoms can be relieved, they can do things to put them in remission, like we hoped for with the myasthenia treatments, but nothing will make them go away. They’re all one kind of disorder and there is no getting better with any of them.”

“What kind of disorder is that?”

“Auto-immune. Where your body seems to think it’s its own worst enemy. Diabetes is an auto-immune disorder. Myasthenia is an auto-immune disorder. And Nick…Lupus is an auto-immune disorder.”

“Lup—you mean…YOU?”

“They think so, yeah. It’s not something that’s easily diagnosed, especially with all of my other crap. But yeah, they waffle between Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. They’ve settled on Lupus.”

Nick paled. His hands let go of hers and he turned looking in his lap. Such a small gesture, but it was enough to make Ciara’s blood run cold. Here he goes. I should just get up and open the door for him.

“So is this why your hands are so weak again? Why you can’t do IV’s and stuff as well?”

“Yep. That and the myasthenia.”

“But…I thought…”

“It was a possible fix, Nick. Not promised. I don’t listen to promises anymore.”

Well, that explained some things. She couldn’t trust the medical profession or her body. Why should she trust another human being?

“Ciara, Howie’s sister died from Lupus. You’ve always told me that your problems aren’t terminal. You won’t die from them necessarily.”

“And I probably won’t. Diabetes itself doesn’t kill you, but it damages organs. Same with myasthenia and Lupus. THEY won’t kill me, but I could end up with breathing problems or something and that might. But Nick, all in all…I’m fine.”

“You’re fine? You’re FINE!? Ciara, you can’t even open a goddamned pickle jar without help. You take 4 shots a day and still have insulin reactions or blood sugar spikes high enough to scare the shit out of me. You get a simple cold and you’re out of commission for weeks at a time. I’m sorry, but that is NOT fine!” He was up on his feet pacing by now. Fine? How in the hell could she even THINK that?

“It’s fine for me, Nick. Compared to a few years ago I’m fine. I do okay. I live day to day. I can go snorkeling with you and Wednesday we’ll go scuba diving. I’m here with you now. I’m functioning day to day. I go to bed in pain everyday and wake up in pain as well, but for ME, I’m fine. I’m not dying…tomorrow anyway. Maybe another day this week, but not tomorrow.”

“Don’t even try to get cute now, Ci. And since when are you in pain everyday? I never hear you complain.”

“That’s because I didn’t want you to know. Now that you do, I’ll be upping my grumbling mode a notch. Thing is, griping about it doesn’t make it hurt any worse, so I tend to just be quiet about it.”

“Lupus? You…have…” he plopped back down on the edge of the bed and looked helplessly at her, “Lupus?”

“Yes, Nick. Lupus. And believe it or not, that’s not all. But for tonight it is. We’re going to get out there and gamble our money away and then we’re going to come back in here and I’m going to make mad passionate love to you because you made that little girl’s night tonight and…and…”

Nick silenced her with a kiss. Lupus. It sucked, but he didn’t care. She was right. She was here right now. As was he. No one was going anywhere. He just wanted to enjoy every moment he could with her. Just like she did. Day by day, minute by minute. Pulling back from the kiss, he looked deep into her eyes.

“You know, you could probably make that money back you gave up at auction by offering your body to science. I bet the medical profession would get a kick out of you.”

***

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