Chapter 19
Ciara sighed at the reality of the comment.
“Yeah, I probably could offer my body to science, Linds. I sure as hell leave
them scratching their heads often enough.”
“So,
explain this myasthenia gravis to me. I don’t quite get it.” Lindsey got up and
helped herself to pop from Ciara’s refrigerator. The
girl always had a well stocked frig.
And
Ciara tried in layman’s terms to help her friend
understand. The bottom line was her body was fighting itself. It’s what caused
diabetes and it’s what was causing this. The result of this battle was muscle
weakness in her hands, arms and somehow fouled up her swallowing mechanism.
They had tried medicines first, but they didn’t work as well as they’d hoped,
so a serious surgery was the next step. A thymectomy.
Sounded awful and frankly it was. They were going to cut her open, spread her
ribs apart and take out her thymus gland. For some reason they had determined
that a possible tumor on that gland could be responsible for the flare ups of
weakness. Remove the thymus and put the disorder in remission…at least that was
the plan. Problem was, as though there weren’t enough of those lying around
anyway, that she’d be in ICU for a few days…on a breathing machine. If her
breathing was weakened too much from the myasthenia, she may never get off of
it. Add her blood sugar issues, naturally weakened kidneys from the diabetes
and the follow up drug treatment to the whole plan and you have one huge mess.
Ciara was petrified, but learned early on
with her illnesses to keep a brave front for her friends. Reality was bad
enough. No sense making it worse.
“So
when is this surgery?”
“Two
weeks.” Ciara took a swig of her pop and tucked her
leg underneath her on the couch. Two long damned weeks.
“Oh…yeah,
okay.” Lindsey looked down feeling horribly guilty for where her thoughts were
going. The boys had a break then before leaving for
“Kevin’s
gonna be here then isn’t he?”
“Yeah,
Ci…I’ll still come visit you.”
“Whatever,
Linds. Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“How
often do you actually see him?”
“Whenever
they’re home and have a break. Well, almost whenever. Sometimes. About…once
every few months I guess.” God, that sounded awful.
“Uh-huh…about
as often as I see Nick. But see Linds, Nick and I aren’t dating. We’re friends.
Do you really think he’s not seeing anyone else while he’s off in
“Well,
he SAYS he’s not. That’s all I have to go on, Ci.”
“And
you know him well enough to believe that?”
“I
know what you’re getting at Cici and I’m not
listening. You sound like my damned mother. He loves me. He tells me so. And I
love him. End of discussion.”
“Okie dokey. End of discussion.” Ciara got up and stretched. There was no sense trying to
talk sense to a senseless woman. She’d just be there when the shit hit the fan.
Joy. Although, it wasn’t like she was in a healthy relationship at this point
either. Blind leading the blind is all this one was.
Just
as her thoughts turned to Dwayne and his less than attentive ways, the doorbell
rang. Not expecting anyone, Ciara got up on her
tiptoes to look through the peep hole, squealing when she saw it was her own
personal nightmare…love…whatever.
“Dwayne!
Get in here! I wasn’t expecting you!”
Dwayne
stumbled in the house and planted a sloppy kiss on Ciara
as he leaned onto the couch inside the door. “Hey…thought I’d stop by.”
She
looked in his eyes and knew something was definitely wrong. He wasn’t drunk,
but he was not all together either. “Dwayne? What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothin’
baby…I just wanted some lovin’ before I head home.” He leaned in for another
kiss, hands all over her.
She
squirmed free and looked helplessly at Lindsey who quickly came over to the foyer
to see what was going on with him. Instantly she knew. Ecstasy.
“Uh,
Dwayne. Come on. I’m heading out. I’ll take you home.”
Ciara looked quizzically at her friend only
to be silenced with a glare. “I’m not goin’ home. Get your hands off me. Or do
you wanna join in our fun?” He leaned in to kiss Lindsey shifting his groping
from one woman to the other.
“No,
asshole. You’re going home. And I’m taking you. Ciara,
I’ll be right back. Let me get him in the car.”
“K…..”
Ciara just stared at the man standing, leaning…there.
Who the hell was this?
Lindsey
somehow successfully got Dwayne to her car and ran back to fill Ciara in.
“What
the hell, Linds? What’s he on?”
“Ecstasy,
Cici.”
“Ecstasy?
Why in the hell haven’t I ever heard of it? I’m a damned nursing student!”
“It’s
new…mostly underground. And it’s awful. They think it’s not dangerous, but it
is, of course. Let me get him home and I’ll come back, okay?”
“No…just
get him home. I’m going…I’m just…” She walked mindlessly back to her bedroom
muttering something about sleep, nerves, idiots and drugs. So, he was a nurse
already and could take care of her. That’s why she’d held onto him so long
isn’t it? He wouldn’t run. Well, this time, she was going to. Run far away.
Maybe this time she’d even lock the door so no one else could get in and break
her heart…lose her trust…make her hurt worse than her body did day after day
after day.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Nick?
Is that you?” Ciara’s mom rose from her seat in the
waiting room to greet the somewhat familiar boy.
He
smiled nervously and wiped his hands on his pants. “Yeah, it’s me, Mrs.
Watkins. How’s she doing?”
“She’s
still sleeping, but they think she should wake soon. Do you want to go see
her?”
“Is
it okay? They told me downstairs only family could go in.”
“You’re
family to her. Come on, let me take you back. Her sisters need a break anyway.”
Nick
ran his hand through his long hair and looked around nervously. “Um, yeah…okay.
If you’re sure it’s okay.”
“Do
you WANT to go back, Nick? I can just tell her you came by. That’ll put a smile
on her face, I’m sure.”
“No…no…I
need to do this. I’m leaving for
The
older woman slid her arm through the boy’s and slowly guided him back through
the swinging door into the ICU. “You sure have grown since I saw you last. Ciara tells me all about you, but…you’re becoming quite the
young man.”
“Thanks.”
Small talk was not something he could quite manage right now. He just wanted to
be assured Ciara was going to be okay. They stopped
by her door and she motioned for Ciara’s sisters to
come out. Two at a time was the rule.
“Do
you want to be alone or should I stay?”
“Um…could
you just wait outside here? In case…yeah…”
“Sure,
sweetie. I’m right out here. Girls, why don’t you go down, find Dad and eat
something. We’ve got it covered up here.” Turning back to Nick, she rubbed his
arm for assurance. “Just talk to her. She’s just sleeping very deeply. The
machine helping her breathe is normal for now and should come off tomorrow.”
“Okay…”
One more wipe of his hands on his pants and he tentatively pushed open the door
to her room. And then he stopped cold. Machines were everywhere, tubes, wires,
beeps, hisses, drips…and in the middle of it all lay Ciara.
Her auburn curls pooled around her head like a wreath of fire. He approached
the bed slowly, stunned at how little of her he could really see from all of
the tubes and wires covering her pretty face.
The
biggest one came from her mouth and made the loudest noise. Rhythmic. Like
breathing. Every time it hissed, her chest raised and then slowly lowered. An
oxygen tube came from her nose and tons of wires fed under the sheets to
unknown places.
Nick
blinked back a tear and reached his hand up to her forehead, brushing an
imaginary hair from her face. “Cici…it’s Nicky.” That
was all the brilliance he could come up with for the moment.
Pop.
Hisssssss. Drip. Drip. Pop. Hisssssss.
Drip. Drip. It was madness. She was supposed to be wrapping her arms around his
waist for a jet ski ride…or catching bigger fish than he did…or tormenting him
on his shyness with the girls. Not this. His eyes took inventory of the room,
looking at all the numbers on the machines like he’d know what the hell they
actually meant. He looked up at her heart monitor. Looked like a healthy rhythm
from what he’d seen on TV anyway. That had to be good.
He
walked around to the opposite side of the bed, turning each of the IV bags
around so he could read the names of the medicines being sent to her blood stream.
Again, he had no idea what they were, but…well, it gave him something to do.
Something other than her pale, swollen face to look at. He couldn’t bear it.
“You’re
sure wired up here, Ci…they want you to be healthy.”
He touched her cheek again with the back of his fingers amazed at the fear that
was over taking him. What if she didn’t come off of this breathing machine?
What if this surgery didn’t make her better? What if….
No.
Just…no. She’d be fine. They’d go fishing again. She’d meet his first real
girlfriend and tell her all of his stupid secrets. Yes. She was going to be
fine. With a new resolve, he ignored the machinery and looked her up and down.
So still, so teeny in that bed. Peeking out from the top of the sheet, right in
the center of her chest was a bandage stained with a bit of blood. Her
incision. God, that’d be a permanent scar right there, wouldn’t it? He could
hear her bitching and moaning about that one already and he had to chuckle at
the thought. He wondered how far down it went, but seeing she was probably
without further covering, he decided against peeking. That’d wake her up!
Finally
feeling a bit more comfortable in these surroundings, he pulled a chair closer
to the bed and found her hand under the side of the sheets. Taking it in his,
he gently rubbed her knuckles and started talking. He didn’t even know what all
he was saying, just rambling about the boys, about how excited and petrified he
was heading to
He
didn’t know how long he was there, but somewhere in the midst of his ramblings,
he made a decision. No matter where he was, no matter how far away, no matter
how sick she got, he was going to be there for her. He didn’t know how he was
going to accomplish it. He was only 15 years old for crying out loud, but
somehow, someway, he’d stay by her side.
As
he made this silent promise to himself…to her, he laid his head on her bed,
nuzzled to her shoulder. As much as he had wanted to flee from the room when he
first got there, it was going to take an act of God to get him out of there
now. He closed his eyes and let the rhythmic sounds of the machinery lull him
to a light sleep. Just as his mind began the sweetest of dreams, the bed
shifted slightly and woke him.
He
lifted his head and was surprised to feel Ciara’s
fingers wrapping back around his now…gripping him tightly. He quickly stood,
not letting go of her hand and looked to her face for some signs of waking.
“Ci…Cici…come on, hon. It’s time
to wake up!”
***
