Chapter 51
Ciara smiled and snuggled deeper into
Nick’s chest, bringing her feet up beside her on the couch. This is what she
needed. Quiet. With Nick. She never had to talk for him to know her heart.
Neither did he. They both just wanted quiet and understanding. They both were
stinging from their own set of heartaches. They’d share. They’d talk. But now,
they were quiet just letting the comfort of his arms around hers, and the feel
of her head on his chest say all that needed to be said.
As
the lull of the ceiling fan motor began to hypnotize them, he broke the silence
with a giggle.
“What?”
“You
need new slippers. Those mice have had it.”
“Um,
yeah…” She sat up straight and kicked her feet out in front of her, letting the
heel of the slipper pop off and dangle. “Lexie likes
their ears. She nibbles on ‘em when I watch TV.”
No
more words again…he just pulled her back and wrapped his arm around her again,
sighing as she curled up to his chest and silently wondering if they could just
stay like this forever. Everything on his mind, in his heart, in his life just
washed away whenever he had her near. And she was feeling the same. The
feelings of failure, of rejection, and even the physical pain just seemed to
disappear. So why not…
She
slid out of his arms and stood up, pulling him to stand with her. Nick looked
at her expectantly, not sure what she was doing, anxious to find out. She
tugged on his hands, pulling him backwards toward the stairs, but he stopped
her and blurted out what had been cycling around in his head since she’d
invited him in…what he had to get out before one more minute had passed.
“I’m
so sorry, Cici.”
She
shook her head and put a finger to her lips. “Shhh…no words now. I wanna show
you something.”
She
had no idea why she was doing this, but her decision had been made. How it
would change things between them was unknown and at this moment, she couldn’t
believe it’d be a negative thing. He had been her strength, her comfort, her
liveliness for over 7 years now. Yeah, so he was in the dark with some of her
health issues…some of her life issues. But the true heart, her true being, he
owned. He had it. Knowing how much he was hurting in his life now, when he’d
always been the happy one, made her want to just jump in and help. Take two
wrongs and make a right, maybe?
She
led him to her bedroom, but he stopped at the doorway, pulling her back into
the hall.
“Ci…” His heart was racing, his mind was racing. His feet
were frozen. How can you be afraid of something you want so desperately? ”Come
on. It’s in here.”
He
swallowed hard and closed his eyes, finally letting her pull him inside. As his
body passed from hall to bedroom, he felt almost a physical shift, like passing
through a sheet of water or thick air as in a dream. Yeah, he’d been in here
before…for a house tour. Truth was, he hardly looked then because even then it
just about killed him. He’d been in her bedroom in the apartment before too,
but somehow this one seemed forbidden. Maybe it was the four poster bed. Maybe
it was because she owned it. A totally adult thing…maybe…maybe it was because
he completely knew what he wanted to happen in here. He’d dreamt it,
he’d…yeah…he had many scenes laid out in here in his mind. Whatever it was,
once he passed through that barrier, he knew…she knew, their relationship would
never be the same again.
She
led him to the chest-of-drawers and pulled a manila envelope from the top,
handing it to Nick. “Here…look inside.”
As
his eyes continued to question, he took the envelope and pulled out a small
packet of papers. Glancing at the legal mumbo jumbo on the pages, he put two
and the-party-of-the-first-part together and figured it out. “It’s final.” He
couldn’t muster more than a whisper from his voice. It seemed appropriate
anyway.
“Yep.
I’m Miss Watkins again. He’s gone, Nick. Out of my life for good.”
As
a smile spread across Nick’s face, he could see that the gleam in his eye and
his heart wasn’t being shared. “You okay?”
“No.”
She took the packet and envelope from him putting the past away…or at least up
on her bureau and took hold of his hands again looking into his eyes wondering
what was going to happen next. “But I feel better with you here.”
And
there they stood, hand in hand, eye in eye, heart in heart. Their breathing
matched exactly…shallow, quick, excited, nervous. Finally, she broke eye contact
and looked down at her hands resting in his, watching his thumbs rub gently
over her knuckles willing her tears to stay in their ducts. No tears now.
Later. Now, she just wanted to feel alive and well and complete. Could he do
that for her? Could she do that for him?
Letting
one of her hands go, he trailed its finger up her stomach, softly grazing her
breast and landing on her chin. He lifted her face up to meet his again, both
getting lost in the anticipation they found in one another’s eyes. Once more,
minutes passed as their breathing continued in rhythm and they searched for the
words, the movements, the actions to fit the moment.
Still
only able to summon a whisper, he finally spoke. “So, what do we do now?”
Two
more breaths passed. Three. Four. His finger left her chin as his hand slid
under her hair and caressed the side of her neck. Finally, her lips parted and
she uttered the only coherent words running through her head. “We kiss.”
This
time his smile was matched and somehow he found the will within to spend one
more second taking it in, admiring the shimmer in her eyes as the soft skin
surrounding them wrinkled in play. But then, he could wait no longer. She could
wait no longer. He leaned down, she lifted up and their lips met in the kiss that
would make their world spin. This was the kiss with no end. The kiss of
resolving temptation not frustrated wanting as it had been in the past. The
kiss…of lovers.
Soft,
gentle kisses blended with a soft, gentle embrace as her hands slid up his
stomach and chest to cup his neck and allow her fingers to tangle in the ends
of his long, silken hair. Their bodies didn’t yet touch. It was too soon. Every
motion, every sensation was to be savored and right now, it was only beginning.
He
gently ran his tongue along her bottom lip causing the softest of moans to
escape her parted lips. Finally tongue met tongue and their bodies naturally
pressed together loving the lure of the moment, wanting all barriers to
disappear so it could all just happen.
Right
now the barrier was height. She was a good foot shorter than he and as
wonderful as the beginnings of their time together were, they were
uncomfortable. She reluctantly pulled away from his kiss and led him to the
bed, never losing eye contact, never letting go of his hands. She sat on the
edge and scooted back as he just stood by and watched, waiting for an
invitation. Which he got. No words, just a shy smile and a curl of her index
finger. Jesus.
He
approached her, wondering if his legs would actually function and let them lead
him to the foot of the bed. He stood watching her a few more moments, hanging
onto a bed post and finally leaning his head on it., drinking her in. Totally
taken with the reality of what was to come, he fought the battle of “hot sex”
and “slow love making”, partially because he was scared to death of the slow
stuff. Could he make it? Could he last? Could he satisfy her? And the constant
question…should they be doing this anyway?
Finally
he lowered his hands on the bed and crawled toward her straddling her legs with
his. He was beautiful. Hair falling in his eyes, desire pouring out of them as
they glistened a deep blue, peeking behind the blonde curtain. As he towered
over her he brought one hand up and touched her face again, almost in disbelief.
Definitely in disbelief.
“What
are we doing, Cici?” So soft. So desirable.
A
seductive smile spread across her lips and she ran her hand up his perching arm
to meet his face as well, brushing a few strands of hair back to their rightful
spot. Yes, it was time. “We’re changing everything, Nick.”
He
silently nodded, amazed at how their breath could be so equal, so measured. His
hand fell down to her chest, feeling the rise and fall of it match his own. And
then, lower still, smiling at the tattered feel of a worn emblem on yet another
of his old shirts and then the change from soft skin to erect nipple as he
continued to caress her.
He
finally allowed his eyes to break from hers, looking down at his hand as it
worked and kneaded her breast, watching her body slowly move into his hand.
Wanting to feel her flesh…to see her, he moved back down her body, almost
stepping off the bed again to find the edge of her shirt hem. What he found
were two beautiful, creamy white thighs peeking out from the hem and he had to
touch. Had to feel.
Keeping
the kneading motion he’d used on her breast, he massaged both thighs while
sliding his hands up and under the hem of her shirt, kissing the skin as it
peeked out from under the fabric. He skipped the “forbidden zone” for now…too
soon…too nervous…and gingerly slid the t-shirt up over her stomach continuing
to cover her with kisses, licks and nibbles.
Dipping
his tongue in her belly button and smiling at the way it made her body squirm
he suddenly stopped all motion. The next push of fabric would take him to a new
place with her. Thighs and tummy he’d seen for years. But now…now she was
right. They were changing everything. Closing his eyes to shut out the milky
skin beneath him, he laid his head down on her stomach, fear and concern and
honestly…a little bit of embarrassment giving way to the desire of the moment.
“Nick?”
She ran her hand through his hair, coaxing him to look up but he wouldn’t.
“I’m
being stupid, I know it…”
“How’s
that? You’re…this is…Nick…” She moved her body around a bit again wanting to
see his face. What was going on in his head? She’d never felt more beautiful or
desirable in her life…how could he be so unsure?
“I
feel like…like I need to ask permission before going any further.” He kissed
her stomach again, but wouldn’t lift his head.
Smiling
at the blonde head so sweetly laying on her, she brushed his hair back again
loving its coolness contrasting with the warmth of his scalp. She found his
cheek and gently pulled his face up. “Come here, Nick…please.”
He
finally did, getting up on all fours again but hanging his head afraid he
wouldn’t be able to go through with this. She was going to laugh at him…or be
reminded at what a child he really was. This wasn’t happening. Wishes like this
never came true.
“Look
at me.” She pulled his chin up with a finger much like he had with her earlier
and waited until his eyes were firmly planted in hers. Fear. Yup. “Nick…you
have my permission.” She leaned up and captured his lips for a brief kiss and
laid back down again, gently urging his head back to where he had left off.
One
more kiss of her abdomen and his hands slowly slid the fabric up over her
breasts, his eyes never leaving each new inch of flesh as it appeared. As it
reached the point where it would go up no further, he stopped and just took her
in. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Even the scar that rested in the valley of her
breasts was beautiful. It was hers. He met her eyes once again making sure
permission granted was truly permission given.
With
a nod of her head and a look in her eye he had only since dreamed of, she
uttered two words that made him fear he was going to come right then and there.
“Taste
me.”
“Oh
Jesus, Ci…” The slow measured breathing quickly
became ragged and desperate as his mouth lowered to her breast, soft kisses
working their way to her sensitive nipple. When she moaned at his touch, he
slid his hands under her bringing her chest up to his mouth. One breast was
treated to his tongue and lips and just as she thought she might scream, he
kissed his way to the other one. So much more of her to discover, but now…for
right now, this was all he wanted.
While
he made love to her breasts, she shimmied out of the t-shirt and spent time
running her hands through his hair, over his shoulders and down his arms. She
wanted to feel him too…to taste him…to know him. Not wanting him to stop his
gentle treatment of her breasts, she reluctantly slid her hands down to find
the hem of his shirt and began to pull it up. When the cold air hit his back,
Nick flicked the nipple he’d been working on one more time and pulled his hands
from behind her. Sitting back on his haunches, he took off his shirt and tossed
it aside. Now, having the moment broken, a new barrier crossed and a better
perspective of things, he stopped again and just looked at the beauty before
him. His wish…his dream.
“You
are so beautiful, Ci…”
“So
are you.” Her finger traced up one arm and over to a nipple, circling it,
taunting it. His eyes closed and lips parted amazed at how wonderful such a
simple gesture could feel. He opened his eyes to watch his own fingers mimic
the moves she was making on him. She’d trail down to his belly button and his
finger would do the same. Back up to outline his collar bone and his finger
would follow suit on her, missing the scar as her gaze left him briefly
whenever he’d get near it. Smiling at his game, she let her finger trail to the
waistband of his pants and slide under, teasing at the button closure.
His
finger trailed down as well, sliding under the waistband of her panties but
stopping as he felt her bring both hands into action as she undid his pants and
started to pull them lower off of his hips.
He
hiked up off his haunches and helped her pull them down, shock running through
him as he realized she had hold of both his pants and boxers. Jesus Christ, he
was going to be totally naked in front of Ciara.
Somehow the reality of that truth never dawned on him. Fortunately he was so
lost in the moment, it didn’t slow him up.
Distracted
by the business at hand, neither thought much more of it until he slid off the
bed and was standing beside her, pants having been freshly tossed to the side.
She looked him up and down and his eyes followed hers down his body. They both
had to take a moment to close their eyes and get over the strangeness of it
all. Seven years of friendship. A deep, abiding friendship that started when
Nick was still wondering what the big whooptiedoo
even was with that word…”sex”. Now…now they would experience it together. As much
as they both wanted this, they had to deal with the slight moment of
discomfort, shyness, uneasiness at the change.
Simultaneously
their eyes met and she sat up, taking one of his hands in hers. Pulling herself
up on her knees, she ran her hands up his chest and brought her body close,
moaning as her thigh brushed his tip. He jerked back at the sensation, and she
captured him in a kiss before reaching down and taking hold of his length,
sliding her fingers over the tip to steal the moisture that waited there.
This
time his knees did buckle and he groaned, grabbing onto the bed post for
support, running a hand through her hair, nipping and kissing her neck. Sadly,
this is where long time temptation, her experience and his young age could
become a problem. “Mmm…God…Ci…I’m gonna…stop…”
He
took hold of her hand and looked in her eyes. “I’ve waited too long…”
“Well,
we don’t wanna waste it then, do we?” She kissed his neck, sending shivers down
his spine and moved her hand to take hold of his, pulling him back on the bed
with her. As she scooted back, he slid his fingers under the waistband of her
panties again, this time sliding them off of her leaving a trail of kisses on
her pelvic bone, thighs and calves until she kicked them off of her feet.
He
moved his hands slowly back up her legs, keeping his eyes on where his hands
traveled and smiling as one slid in between her thighs and he felt the warmth
there. Just on her thighs. He only imagined the treasure he’d find when he
built up his nerve to go closer to the center of her spread legs.
So
she helped him along and guided his hand there. His eyes bugged out of his head
as he felt her mound of soft curls under his palm and then sliding lower
feeling her warmth, wetness and softness. He tried to visually take her all in
as she threw her head back feeling his fingers slowing teasing and taunting
her, never going inside, never centering on one spot…just a constant, delicious
torment. And damn if she didn’t love it. But she wanted more…just a little bit
right now. She opened her eyes to find his glassy with desire.
“Put
your fingers in me, Nick.”
Jesus,
how did she do that with one simple command? Again, he almost lost it right
there on the bed. Somehow he held on and did as asked, sliding first one, then
two fingers deep within her, groaning as he felt her walls tighten around him
encouraging a gentle pumping motion.
“Like
that?”
“Mmmm…yeah…just
like that.”
He
wasn’t so inexperienced as to not know what else she’d like. He brought his
thumb around to seek out her clit and when he found it, he could do nothing but
honor her invitation to lick and kiss her neck as she arched her head back in
desire.
He
continued to kiss her neck, working his way up to her jaw line, teasing an
earlobe, finding her lips and then heading back down again to her shoulders and
breasts, listening and responding to her reactions on what she preferred…what
she liked. He could tell she was getting closer and he couldn’t believe he was
truly able to do this to her…to Cici. He could bring
her pleasure. This kind of pleasure. What an amazing thing.
Just
when he thought she was reaching the edge, her eyes slowly opened and she
reached up for his face. “Nick…now…I want you now…please.”
You
don’t have to ask a guy twice. The smile that spread across his face bled onto
hers as she nudged him to move on top of her. “Wait…dammit.”
“What?”
Wait now? He must be kidding.
“Do
you uh…I mean, I’m just following your advice and all…” He sat back on his
feet, running a hand through his hair. There had to be a better way for crying
out loud.
“Oh
shit, yeah.” She shimmied around to her nightstand and opened the drawer,
pulling out a box of condoms. “Me and my bright ideas.”
Finally
getting one out, she quickly ripped the package open and offered it to him,
giggling at the sudden discomfort that had crept back into the room.
“You
do it…”
Without
a word, she sat up, kissing his purple tip before slowly sliding the condom
over him, taking extra time…driving him crazy.
“Jesus,
woman.”
“Sorry…if
I gotta wait, so do you.”
Grateful
for the lighthearted break, she kissed him and fell back against the pillows.
“We
all set now?”
“Oh
yeah…”
Spreading
her legs apart with his thigh, they stopped for a moment to look at each other
as if to double check that this was indeed really happening and that it was
indeed really okay. Their moods swiftly went back to where they were before,
filled with anticipation and nervous desire. Giving one more move of approval,
she slowly brought her legs up and around him, pushing him closer to her until
his tip teased at her still wet opening.
“God,
Ciara. I don’t believe this…”
“I
know…I know…” With one long, languid push, he slid inside her, filling her
completely. Completely. Never had she felt complete. Never. She felt well and
whole and complete…just as she hoped she’d be. This had to be right.
They
found their rhythm quickly and lost themselves in the sensations between their
legs as they moved in unison, under her hands as they ran over his back, around
his hips as her legs continued to guide him deeper and deeper inside of her. It
was too much. He’d waited so long. She’d wrestled with it for months. And now,
here they were, finally joined, finally united. Finally one.
He
buried his head in her neck, not wanting to look away, but trying desperately
to hang on, to make it last. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to. Not this
time. “Ci…babe…oh God…I’m…”
She
pulled him up, cupping his face in her hands. “Shhh…it’s okay. Let it go.”
The
look in her eyes, the desire in her voice, the warmth of her body wrapped
around him was more than he could take. So he again did as asked and let it go,
speeding up their rhythm, pushing into her harder as she unwrapped her legs
from him, opening herself up further to his thrusts. She just relaxed to his
motion, brushing his hair from his face, watching him, feeling him build to his
climax and when it finally came with a cry from within...kissing his lips and
nose and forehead, soothing his body as it relaxed and stilled and quieted.
She
shifted just so and he slid off of her to lay beside her, moaning as he slipped
from her warm cocoon. Still reeling from his orgasm, he wanted to be sure she
was satisfied and moved his hand to finish the job he’d started earlier. But,
truthfully, it wasn’t needed. This time was not about mind blowing orgasms and
she was fine. Satisfied in the joining of their bodies, the union of their
souls, she stopped his hand from going further, bringing it up to her lips for
a gentle kiss.
“Ci…but…”
“It’s
okay. We have all the time in the world, Nick. This is perfect just as it is.”
So young, so eager. So…
wonderful.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Ciara was stirred from a light sleep
feeling soft, wet lips on her shoulders. “Mmm…that feels good.”
“You
feel good. You taste good.”
Nick
brought his kisses to her lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling
his naked body to hers, relaxing in the warmth of his touch. They’d done it.
They’d been teasing it for almost a year and now, here they were, vulnerable,
exposed and quite satisfied, thank you very much. But now what? How would this
effect their relationship? What about Mandy? What about…everything?
The
weird truth was, Ciara didn’t want him to leave Mandy
for her. She couldn’t give him a relationship like that, especially with a new
album coming out and all that went with it. He was still too damned young for
the kind of relationship she needed. And she had no desire to be a pop star’s
girlfriend either. But somehow this still didn’t feel wrong. For Nick and Ciara, this had to happen. They needed this…as a couple of
sorts, and as individuals. Could they truly be just friendly…she shuddered at
the thought…fuck buddies?
They
stayed in one another’s arms for awhile never wanting this to end, knowing it
had to. At least for now. They’d have more time. And right it was time to go
back to a bit of reality. They eased out of their embrace and Ciara found his t-shirt and slid it over her head.
Seeing
the pout on his face, she had to laugh. “We need sustenance, Mr. Carter.”
“True…what
do we want?”
“Talk
food…pizza and beer.”
Yeah,
talking. Can’t use sex to cover up what’s going on, nice as it sounded. Only
months ago, he’d called her completely at the end of his rope and the truth
was, he hadn’t ventured far from it yet. He was still a mess. Still scared, and
tired, and confused. And in light of her reaction to the divorce papers,
something was going on with her as well. One thing Nick and Ciara
always did well was share their hearts. So, pizza it was. Talk it was. And strangely
enough, as they talked…it almost felt like nothing had changed at all.
Was
that even possible?
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
It
seemed to be. They never talked about that day. But they repeated it often
enough. He was still with Mandy…sort of. As “with” her as he ever would be, but
he was also busy flying here and there getting the album recorded, spending
holidays with his family much against his will, and preparing for a new chapter
in his life. Ciara was just going as usual. Working,
being well, being sick, and keeping her door open for calls from Nick. It
worked. It was warped, but it worked.
Now,
it was New Year’s Eve. Ciara had been AJ’s guest to
their show in
“Jesus…who
is it?”
“It’s
me, Nick…can I come in?”
Why
the hell was he whispering…what was he up to?
She
opened the door to her suite and he literally ran inside, closing the door
behind him. “What’s up, hon? Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go?”
“Yeah…in
a bit. I just…I miss you.” He swallowed her up in his arms, covering her neck
with kisses.
“I’m
right here, silly. What’s up?” Goodness, what had gotten into him?
“Nothing.
Everything. I…” he pulled back running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.
It’s just…you’re here and I’m there and…it’s driving me crazy.”
“Well…now
we’re both here. You still seem a bit crazy to me.”
Damned
tease. All he could do was growl, scoop her up in his arms and carry her to her
bed tossing her down, throwing himself next to her and covering her again in
kisses. “I’m crazy alright…” He frantically ripped her shirt off her head and
deftly unhooked her bra, pushing the two cups apart and sighing as her breasts
escaped the confines of the lacey fabric. “…crazy for you…God, Ci.”
He
lowered his mouth to her breast, moaning at the connection. He’d been stuck in
a stupid meeting all morning and all he could think of was her. Her taste, her
smell, the sounds she made when he touched her, when
he entered her, when she went over the edge of ecstasy. Yeah, the friendly fuck
buddies deal was working, but Nick was consumed with desire for her whenever he
could allow his mind to shut down from whatever he was supposed to be doing.
This afternoon, he just couldn’t take it anymore.
And
now here she was, in his arms, her fingers running through his hair, driving
him mad. Long slow love making was not going to fly today. He wanted her now.
She was not complaining.
She
pushed him up off of her to sit up and slid his shirt over his head kissing his
nipples as they peeked out from the knit. Without another thought, another
word, she undid his pants and they clumsily got them off, tossing them on the
pile on the floor. While he pulled his pants off of his feet, she slid out of
hers and took a bit of control, pushing him on his back on the bed.
“Ciara!”
“Yeah?”
“Damn…”
She climbed on top of him, but not before licking the drop of pre-cum from his
tip causing him to buck up and grab at her hair. Okay, an aggressive Ciara wasn’t a bad thing. Jesus.
“Wanna
go crazy, big guy?”
“Um…yeah…”
She
stuck out her hand before going any further. “Condom.”
“Ugh!
Back pocket of my pants.”
“Don’t
move…” She hopped off of him and quickly found the prized possession, expertly
unwrapping it and sheathing him.
Now
settled back on top of him, she took hold of his length and looked deep into
his eyes as she lowered her body onto him. “Good…let’s go crazy.”
***
