Chapter 52
Ciara looked down at the man beneath her,
lost in his own pleasure from her body’s movements on his and yet, seeing him
that vulnerable, that relaxed brought her pleasure beyond compare. He was
leaving tomorrow for a long recording session in
Lowering
her body to his while still keeping their rhythm, she kissed his neck and
worked her way up to an ear lobe, gently sucking it into her mouth, sliding her
tongue in and out of the hoop earring that decorated it. She loved those fool
things. She loved how his large hands felt on her hips as he guided her up and
down on him, yet letting her lead their dance. She just loved being with him.
Period.
But
this particular dance would soon end, although not without waves of pleasure
washing over both of them, exhausting them, fulfilling them. How far they had
come from their first time together…so nervous, so scared. But, despite the
strange circumstances surrounding this aspect of their relationship, neither
could deny that this much intimacy was only shared with each other. No one else
could touch the places deep within saved only for Nick and Ciara.
Finally, it seemed, they’d quit trying to deny it.
Snuggling
up to his chest but keeping one leg wrapped around him, Ciara
sighed realizing this was their last time together for awhile. They’d been
spoiled these last few months. Could they take the separation? She believed so.
As did he. But yet…
“I
gotta go home and pack today…”
“Yeah,
I figured. And really, I need to sleep. Get my schedule back to my work one.”
“It’s
been awhile…you know I could have stayed with Nate
while you worked the last few nights…let you get back to normal sooner.”
“Yeah,
I know. I just felt guilty leaving him here with you. He was my
responsibility.”
“I
know…he’s a good kid, Ci. I love watching you with
him.”
“That
goes for you too…he’s quite infatuated with you.”
“I
think he likes that I’m Aaron’s brother more than anything.” He chuckled at the
memory of Nathanael’s face when they walked into
Aaron’s hotel room in
“I
hope so. He’d love to go out on the boat and stuff. We could have a great time
this summer.”
“Yeah…”
Their talking stopped, minds going the same place but conjuring up totally
different feelings. Kids. Ciara had a special touch
with them. She needed it for her work, but not all had it. She did and it was
one of the things he admired most about her. To see her as a mother? He could
hardly stand it, it brought such a wonderful feeling to his heart. Too young,
too soon, but someday, she could be the mother of his kids. What a thrill.
Kids.
Ciara loved them and Nick was a kid magnet to be
sure. The big brother in him took over and he connected with them on such a
special level, it warmed her heart. And made her blood run cold. Too young, too
soon, but it had been permanently decided years ago that she could never have
children. How could she deny him that thrill? How dare she keep his heart and
his time and his love when she knew that she could not be the kind of future he
deserved? The concern hadn’t been prominent in her mind until Nathanael came around. Now, it was all she could think
about.
Patting
his chest and closing out all negative thoughts from her mind, she too sat up
and started collecting clothes for a shower. “So, you need to go and I need to
sleep.”
“Yeah,
guess so….” Suddenly this felt weird. Like their trysts from years past. Flirt.
Fuck. Flee. Damn…this was no good.
“What?”
She saw the look on his face and felt the sag in her heart. Ick.
“I
don’t like this. I feel like I’m just leaving you…like…”
“…like
we used to do.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re
not leaving me this time, Nick. We just have to get back to our lives. Back to
our own ‘normal’.”
“I
guess so.” He felt her shutting him off again and it frustrated him. Thing was,
he really didn’t have the time or the energy to do much about it. He had to go.
Dammit. Reluctantly, he grabbed his clothes from the
floor and started to get dressed, feeling a dark cloud in the room.
“I’m
gonna shower…let yourself out, huh?”
“Yeah…do
you want me to stop by tonight?”
“I’ll
be sleeping, but you can if you want.”
“Nah…come
here then.”
Tossing
her clothes on the bed she opened her arms and soaked in the warmth of his.
Yep, she was shutting him out again. Didn’t want the hurt of his absence.
Didn’t want the confusion of this new realization for a future with him. She
just wanted to get to work, deal with some pending doctors appointments and
move along. “Call me when you get in tomorrow, okay?”
“Of
course. Well, I might be headed straight to the studio. I’ll call you at work
when I get back to the hotel or something.”
“Whatever…just
call.”
He
pulled her back and looked in her eyes, taking her face in his hands.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah…everything’s
okay. I’m just going to miss you.”
Softly
kissing her lips and nose, his eyes landed in hers once again. “I’ll miss you,
too.” With another kiss to the top of her head, he patted her on the behind and
walked out of the door.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Since
when did this store only sell ugly clothes?” Ciara
lifted up the pant leg of a pair of 70’s looking polyester bell bottoms and
turned up her nose.
“I
have no idea…rust tones or gray this season. Yuck. This place sucks anymore.”
Deanna pulled Ciara’s out of the store and stood dead
in the center of the mall.
“No
kidding…ugh. Where to next?”
“Express.”
“Well,
if you’re going to Express you might wanna join me this way.”
“Oh…I’m
lost.”
“In
a mall? You?”
“Mmm…where
are we going again?”
Deanna
stopped walking and looked to her friend. “Ciara, do
you need to eat?”
“No,
I just ate before you picked me up.”
“And
you said you were at 35 when we talked on the phone. Maybe you need to eat
again.”
“Eh,
I’m okay.”
They
started walking in the same direction this time, Deanna waiting just a few more
moments before Ciara realized what was going on. “Um,
but I do feel a little weird. Let’s eat.”
“Thought
so, come on. You gonna make it?”
“Yep…just
started feeling loopy.”
“You
know how to make a shopping trip exciting, you know that?”
“Life
of the party, baby.”
The
women quickly slipped through the weekend crowds and found a bread store.
Perfect.
Finally
seated, Ciara bit into her bagel and simply moaned.
“Like candy…better than candy.”
Deanna
shook her head, never understanding how Ciara did it.
Glad she was always willing. “Speaking of candy, how’s that candy cane you been
lickin’ lately? He’s keeping you from me…I dun like
it.”
“
“Eh,
if I was boppin’ Mr. Carter I’d probably dump you by
the road too…”
“You’d
dump me by the road if you were boppin’ anything. “
“Bitch.”
“Whore.”
“Yes…proud
of it.”
“I’ll
be around a lot more now anyway, dammit.” He’d been
gone for only 3 days and she was not dealing well with it. Her work schedule
had been whacked out with Nathanael’s visit and she
was finding herself sleeping time away. Which is where Deanna stepped in. She
couldn’t let Ciara fall into an all too familiar
pattern.
“Everything
okay?”
“Yeah,
it’s great. I just got used to having the twit around. Phone calls just don’t
swing it.”
“You
could do phone sex.”
“Mmmm…might
have to try that. Won’t compare I’m sure.”
“No…damn…I
still can’t believe it all.”
“If
it’s any help, neither can I. If I can get my work schedule figured out, I
might meet him in LA for the Grammy’s. The Grammy’s
“You’re
living the high life…so, uh…have you talked to him about your doctor’s
appointment yet?”
“Shaddup.”
“Ci…I swear, you must get off on destroying relationships.”
“Yeah,
I orgasm just thinking about it.”
“Thanks…no
orgasms in front of me. So when do you go back?”
“I’ve
not called. They bug me every 3 or 4 days with my results from that last pap
and I just…I don’t return the call.”
“You
afraid it’s positive?”
“No.”
Bite. Chew. “Yes. I have no idea what I’m afraid of,
“Well,
what’s the worst case?”
“That
it’ll finally have developed into cancer.”
“And
what happens then?”
“I
die.”
“No…..”
“
“Then
what are you afraid of…you’re avoiding the issue.”
“That
they’ll just wanna take the cervix. Which means I’ll have to come clean with
Nick. Which means he’ll walk. Which means…I’m not even gonna think about what
that means. You almost done?”
“Yeah…but
you’re not walking away from this conversation, dammit.”
“What
more do you wanna know,
“He
deserves to live his life how he wants to, Ci…maybe
that’s with you no matter what the cost.”
“He
has no concept of the cost.”
“Because
you won’t TELL him!”
“And
I have no intention of it now either. He’s holding out on me with something
too…”
“Oh
good…dueling wills. A match made in heaven.”
“Exactly…can
we go please? You’ve picked the shit outta that sandwich.”
“Yeah,
yeah…you’ve shut me out anyway.”
“Yes,
I have. I still need shoes.”
“Shoes????
Oh Jesus.”
“No,
not Jesus. Shoes.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Hey
baby…” Lonely. Bored. Lonely. And Lonely. Nick was miserable.
“Hey…how’s
it goin’?”
“Okay.
Feeling smothered here. Everyone knows I’m here. I can’t fuckin’ leave the
hotel.”
“I’m
sorry. I saw some girls got their pics with you
yesterday.”
“Yeah…they
camp out. Almost worse than tour. At least I can torment AJ then. Now I’m
just…blah.”
“I’m
sorry. How much longer?”
“Few
days. Back home for a few, back here…LA for the Grammy’s and either there or
here for more recording.”
“You
sound tired.”
“I
am. Tired and bored.”
“Isn’t
Mike there?” She secretly hoped not. Mike seemed to lead him to a path of
destruction. Nick didn’t think she knew…but she did. At least some of it. She
didn’t trust Mike as far as she could throw him. Which wasn’t far. Big boy!
“Yeah…it
helps. We’ve gone out some, but they’ve got me recording at night…”
“Yeah,
I’ve noticed…why are they doing that? Seems like it’d be more expensive that
way.”
“Yep.
They uh…well, that’s just what the company’s requested, I guess.” Truth was,
they’d seen his behavior on tour and some of it off tour when Ciara had been working. He may be able to keep it from her,
but not from them. He was being watched and scheduled so he’d not get out of
line again. Keep him from trouble. Problem was…trouble seemed to follow him
when he was bored.
“Mmm…well,
sweetie. You’ll be home in a few. I’ll be off work. It’ll be good.”
“Yeah,
I know…I gotta sleep.”
“Okay…miss
you.”
“Miss
you, too. Miss you bad.”
“Soon,
baby…soon.”
As
they hung up, they both couldn’t help but feel almost worse. Could they take
the separations his job required? Could he keep his act together during them?
Could she work through her health issues and wait for him? Would she allow him
in when he got home? It was something they’d really not considered. It was
something they’d have to.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“So,
did you finally call?”
“Yes,
MOM…I called.” Deanna had made it her personal mission to make Ciara take responsibility for this latest health crisis.
She couldn’t keep ignoring it.
“And?”
“I
hate doctors. I really do.”
***