Chapter 53
“Alright,
Ciara. I’m going to refer you to a rheumatologist and
an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist. You need to get these constant ear infections
under control.”
“Yeah,
I know…they’re getting sick of me missing work all the time.”
“Probably…and
the rheumatologist can run some tests to see what’s causing all the hand and
hip pain, okay?”
“Yeah…what
are we thinking here?”
“Any
number of things. Rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, could even be Fibromyalgia for all we know.”
“That’d
figure.” Fibromyalgia…how perfect. ‘Unexplained,
chronic pain.’ Sounded more like her life in general, not another diagnosis.
“Now,
Ciara…they’ll figure it out. You’re blood tests
were…average. Not horrible.”
“Kidneys?”
“For
you…pretty good. Not much different from last time.”
“Okay…can
I see?”
“Oh,
yeah…sure. I’ll leave this here while you get dressed. Just leave it with your
bill.”
“Thanks…the
docs are on this?”
“Yeah,
that slip of paper there. I’ve recommended them both before and my patients
seem to like them.”
She
smiled at the older man as he left the exam room. He’d been her doctor since
she was a teenager. In many ways, a father figure. Sad thing, always a symbol
of bad news, sad diagnoses and no real solutions. Not his fault…there just
weren’t any solutions around.
Before
leaving the room, she looked over her blood work. Yeah, average she supposed.
For a healthy person they weren’t good at all, but for her…it could be worse.
This was getting old. She felt old. Just newly twenty-four and she felt like
she was at least sixty. But again, nothing could be done. This was her lot in
life.
Her
drive home felt long and lonely. But, just as promised, before she was
completely in the door, her phone was ringing. “Reliable ain’t he?”
Hopping
out of her shoes, she stumbled to catch it before her machine picked up. “You’re
right on time.”
“Hey,
girlie. How’d the appointment go?”
“I’m
gonna die tomorrow.”
“That’s
not even funny, Ciara…come on. You promised you’d
talk to him about your pain and stuff…don’t let me down now.”
“Yes,
Howard. I told him. He gave me the name of a rheumatologist for tests…will you
leave me alone now?”
“Not
‘til you call him.”
“UGH!
I’ll call! I’ll call! I can’t very well do that if you’re pesterin’
me all the time now can I?”
“You
love me.”
“Yes,
I do…how are you? Have you been able to…you know…” Shit. ‘Have you cried
lately, Howie? How’s the mourning going, Howie?’ What was she supposed to say
here?
“Yeah…I’m
doin’ okay. Just spending time with family as I can. You know.”
“I
have yet to hug you, Mr. Dorough. I’m sure that would help.”
“I’m
bettin’ it would. Can’t believe I missed you in
December. When will we see you again?”
What
a loaded statement. Now that she and Nick were…were…what the hell were they
now? Whatever it was, gathering for BSB activities was weird, especially if
Miss Mandy was around. Ciara and Nick’s friendship
was as normal as the day it started…it was that other “stuff” that complicated
matters…and tended to seep into their time together. Flirtations, innuendo,
knowing looks. Somehow someone would find out. And she just couldn’t risk it.
AJ maybe, but up ‘til now even he didn’t know.
“Nick’s
mentioned me comin’ up to
“Good…that’ll
be nice, although we’ll be running like crazy then.”
“Yeah,
I know. I’ll go sightseeing or something. Catch a few Broadway matinees. It’s
“I’m
sure you can…no doubt. Well, sweetie, I gotta go. Glad you finally told him,
and I hope to see you in a few weeks.”
“Thanks
for pushin’ me. I’ll keep you posted.”
As
she hung up, she had to chuckle. Somehow over the years she’s accumulated a few
more brothers than she’d bargained for. Kevin remained a distance acquaintance,
and Brian was Nick’s confidante. Ciara left that one
alone. But Howie was her health care man, AJ took care of her heart and
Nick…hmmm…Nick. He had all of her in one fashion or other. She just couldn’t
let him know it. Too risky. Too young. Too…no. What they had now was fine. It
had to be.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Hey!
You made it! I was thinkin’ they threw you out of the plane over
“Hi…miss
me?” She reached her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another. Now
that she’d had his lips all over her time and again, she couldn’t get enough of
them. Of him.
“You
know it.” Another kiss. He pressed her against the door with his body, lifting
her up to his height and moaned as she wrapped her legs around him bringing him
in even closer. It was true…there was no going back to holding hands now. Every
time he saw her, he wanted to feel her, to taste her, to take her in every
corner of his heart. Hell, he wanted it even when she wasn’t around, but put
her within 2 feet of him and he was gone.
“I
take it we’re alone.”
“No,
actually, she’s in the bedroom…thought we’d try a threesome..” He buried his
face in her neck, licking, sucking, flicking her earlobe and running his tongue
from her ear down her neck.
“Mmm…Jesus…you’re
a pig.” All she could do was hang on for dear life and run her hands through
his hair trying to steal a kiss here and there as he continued to press his
hard-on into her, wishing the fabric between them would miraculously disappear.
“Oink.
You’re just a chicken.” He was giggling now, imaging the look on Mandy’s face
should he suggest something like that. Oh, she’d probably go for a
threesome…but with Ciara? Hell no. Mandy knew
something was up with her. She could never prove it and knew if she did, she’d
lose Nick. So, she just hated her. Suited Nick just fine.
Giggling?
The only thing separating them from figuring out how to do this against the
door was their clothes and her damned height. And here he was giggling.
Probably imaging Ciara’s face if Mandy WAS in the
bedroom waiting for them. Ha-frickin-ha. She unwrapped her legs from his waist
and he could do nothing but let her slide back down to the floor. Their lips
never parted, their hands never stopped wandering.
“Nick…mmm…please…mmm…clothes
off…now!” She was frantically pulling at his shirt hem and he backed away long
enough to get it off and to rip hers from her as well, diving his mouth to her
breasts, sucking the nipples through the satin bra. God damn, he was magical
with his tongue. And his hands. And his…
Laying
on their backs on the floor in complete exhaustion and satisfaction, Ciara started to giggle.
“What?”
He slowly rolled his head over to look at her, afraid to know what was so funny.
“I
think I got a rug burn on my ass.”
“Aw…lemme
see.” He rolled to his side, moaning as his legs throbbed from the exertion of
her welcome. Pushing her over a bit to take a peek, he bent down and kissed the
smallest red spot. “Yep…it’s horrible. I think you might need some cream or
somethin’ on it.”
“Mmm…you
think?”
“Yes,
it’s awful…” He kissed her butt again, caressing the round flesh, sliding a
finger just inside her crack as she moaned and moved her body closer to him.
“I’m
thinkin’ Mr. Carter…”
“Mmmm-hmmm?”
“That
you might kill me.”
“What
a way to go, baby…” Rolling her on her back, he got up and straddled her,
kissing up her thighs, hips and swirling his tongue in her naval. Feeling her
hands run up his arms and shoulders, he looked up to her, a thick strand of
blonde hair covering one lust-filled eye.
“Again?”
“Let’s
take this one to the bed…we don’t want matching rug burns…”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
If
she was going to see Nick much at all this short trip to
“Mmm…are
those no bake cookies???” Ciara peeked up into Nick’s
overloaded plate from the spread in the green room.
“Yes…”
“The
kind with chocolate…and peanut butter…and oatmeal????” She was almost drooling.
“Yes
and no, you can’t have any.”
“Just
a bite…pwetty pweeze???”
Drooling and pouting. Not attractive.
“Ciara…these are loaded with sugar. No.” He swiftly turned
away trying to make a bee-line for a chair.
“Aw,
come on Nick…just a bite!” She caught his sleeve and turned him back around,
opening her mouth like a hungry baby bird.
Irresistible.
“Just a bite, huh?” His mind was immediately swimming with ideas of what else
he’d like her to bite, and his eyes showed it. And the other guys were here.
This was not a good thing.
“Would
you look at that? I’ll be…” AJ popped a cookie in his mouth, nudging Brian as
they watched the scene before them.
“Yup…he’s
got it bad. I wish they’d just do something and get it over with.”
“HE!?
Jesus…look at her! She’s fawning all over him. I’m bettin’
they already have.” AJ looked down to Brian’s plate, stealing a carrot.
“No
way, man…Mandy’d kill him. And get your own damned
plate.”
“I
will…gimme a sec. I’m watchin’.” He chewed the carrot thoughtfully and
continued, “Besides, it’s not like being with Mandy’s stopped his fuckin’
around before.”
“True…but
this is Cici. He wouldn’t do that to her would he?”
“If
she let him, yeah.”
“Yes,
Nick…just a bite.” She pulled out her full mack pout
and he was done for.
“Oh
for God’s sake…if your blood sugar sky rockets, woman I’m not helping you.”
“It
won’t. I’m good…just…mmmppphhhh…” She bit off the
chocolate and peanut butter blob suddenly shoved in her mouth, moaned
seductively and smiled around the crumbs. “Fank-u.”
Finally swallowing the luscious treat, she pulled him down to whisper in his
ear. “And when we get back to the hotel, I’ll give you a bite of something.”
Lick of the earlobe and off she went. What a brat.
Nick
stayed in his half-bent position totally turned on and completely unbelieving
she’d do that in front of the guys. Now, how was he supposed to walk and act
like nothing had just happened? Gracefully. He was a walking hard-on 90% of the
time anyway. They’d probably never notice.
“You
okay there, Nick?” AJ was cackling now. No tact. No taste. He could be such a
pain.
“Yeah,
AJ…why do you ask?” He finally took a seat lowering his plate over his tented
crotch and glaring at Ciara who sat across from him
looking incredibly smug.
“Eh,
just look a little uh…uncomfortable. Wondered if you had something you need to
share with us.”
“No…not
this time.” Boring his eyes into Ciara’s. “This time,
I don’t share.”
That
was it. She had to leave. She was going to completely lose it and humiliate
him. But god, what fun it had been up to this point. “I, uh…I’ll be back.
Forgot to take my shot. Purse is in the coat room?”
“Yeah,
lemme go with you…” AJ put his plate on the table threatening anyone who
touched it with a good tongue lashing. Like they needed to steal from his.
“No,
AJ…really, I’m fine.”
He
wasn’t to be swayed. His nosey, gossip-loving self had to get the dirt on this.
He’d been helping her deal with it all for so long. How dare they consummate
and she not tell him!?
She
made her way to the coat room, actually needing to take her shot but grateful
for the reprieve. She shouldn’t tease Nick like that in reality, but damn, he
was so easy. Just as she was standing from her bent position to retrieve her
medicine, she was popped in the butt. “You care to fill me in on the little
budding romance Sister, or am I gonna have to drag it out of you?”
“AJ!
Jesus…” She shooed him away with her hand and found a bench in the hallway,
sitting down and opening up her packet of insulin.
“Ciara…” AJ joined her, watching her fill up the syringe
with medicine. She rarely did this in front of them and he could never get used
to watching. Her casual attitude helped, but…it made him squeamish. “…I’m being
serious now. I’ve always been here for you when it comes to Nick. Are you
holding out on me?”
She
only offered a smile as she lifted up her shirt, pinched an inch of flesh and
stuck the needle into her abdomen. Looking back up to AJ as she pushed the
medicine into her system she had to shake her head. He was pale.
“Jesus…I’ve
never seen you put it in your stomach before. Doesn’t that hurt?”
“Nope.
I’m pretty calloused up and…I do this every day, sweetie. I just don’t think
about it.” Cleaning up her supplies she sat back and looked at her friend and
gently removed the sunglasses. “I’ll talk if you keep these off.”
“Deal.
What’s up, Ci?”
“What
do you wanna know?” Okay, so she knew full well what he wanted to know. He was
going to have to work a little for it anyway.
“What’s
up with you and Nick. Have you two….”
She
couldn’t keep anything from him for anything. Only reason he didn’t know before
now was because she’d never been alone with him to tell him. Dammit. “Yes, we have.”
“Good
God…how long…”
“Since
November.”
“Nov-!
That’s…” he quickly counted on his fingers. “That’s six months! You’ve been bangin’ Nick for six months and you never TOLD me!?”
“What
was I supposed to do, AJ? Call you up, ‘Guess what AJ? Me and Nicky finally fucked!’
Give me a break.”
“Well,
no…I suppose not. But…what about Mandy?”
“What
about her?”
He
couldn’t believe it. He figured Ciara would have more
self-esteem than to allow Nick to keep both of them going. What kind of
relationship was this anyway? “Uh…you do know he’s still with her? In every
possible way…”
“Yep.
I know. We use protection and he swears he does with her. I can’t keep a
relationship going with him, AJ. I just can’t. So…we’re friends. We sleep
together when the pressures of life are too much, and…and it’s wrong. I don’t
care. It works for us.”
“Mandy
doesn’t bother you at all?”
“She
bugs the fuck outta me, AJ…but she bugged me before. I know it sounds asinine,
but for us…for now…for how our lives are now, it works.”
“So
you’re happy?”
“Yes,
AJ. I am. I can’t even begin to think of what it’s going to be like when you
guys leave in a few weeks for the tour, but we’ll work through it. We’ve done
it before.”
“But
the rules have changed now, Ci. You’ve changed them.”
“Yeah,
I know.” She looked down. She knew it full well. And Mandy was going with them
this time. Overseas. For two straight months. No breaks. Two weeks off and it’d
start up again for another two and a half months, only this time in the states.
This is why she couldn’t do a relationship. Who the hell had time?
“And
Ci…he does need you. I’m scared to death of this leg.
No access to you at all. He’s…he needs you to keep him level.”
“I
can’t be his balance, AJ. I’m not my own.”
“Together
you work and you know it. Please promise me you’ll keep in touch with him.
Don’t make him responsible for your contact this time.”
“I’ll
do my best, but I do have a girlfriend to work around. She’s not the best at
giving him messages.”
“True…but
try, baby. Please?”
“Yeah.
I will. He’s still one of my best friends, AJ. Nothing will change that.”
“Then
take care of him when he’s gone too.”
AJ
stood and offered her a hand up, which she happily accepted. Time to eat. Time
to go ‘be friends’ with Nick because really, none of the other boys needed to
know this was going on. Not unless it came from Nick himself and obviously he
wasn’t talking. Ciara was glad for AJ’s insistence at
telling him. Now she had her sounding board back. She needed him and had a
hunch, she’d be needing him even more as time went on.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Nick
woke with a start, frustrated again at the empty pillow next to him. It was
filled with an auburn haired beauty as he fell asleep. But, as usual, she snuck
out in the night and went back to her room. He hated it. He agreed to it, but
he hated it. While they were together everything felt right, but after one of
them left, it was almost naughty or something. It couldn’t be changed. Not now.
No time. She in a few hours and he’d have to get back to work. Serious work now.
Saturday Night Live that night, MTV all day tomorrow and next week they were
filming a concert for Disney. Insanely busy.
He
tossed on a pair of sweats and a shirt and peeked out into the hallway. Too
early for fans. For other boys. For anyone. Perfect. Quickly walking down a few
doors to her room, he slid the key card into its slot and quietly made his way
in only to hear the shower running from far back in the suite. Even more
perfect.
Looking
around, still amazed at how damned neat she’d keep a room, he saw that she’d
eaten without him again. Frustrating. Necessary he supposed. But, his libido
was stronger than his concern over such things. Six months, but it had been a
sporadic six months. One thing they’d yet to share was a shower. Time to make a
change with that one. He took off his shirt and snuck into the bathroom hoping
she’d not see him.
Fortunately,
with the layout of the expansive room, he was free and clear. The frosted
shower door blocked their view of each other and she had the radio blaring so
loud, she’d never hear him. He took his time, trying to build up his nerve and
looked over at the vanity and her belongings strewn across it. His eyes landed
on a clunky, unattractive silver bracelet, one he’d never seen off of her
before.
Taking
it in his hand, his mind traveled through their years together. From their
first meeting until…well, until this moment she’d been a mystery with her
health and well-being. He remembered the fear that snaked through his body as
he watched her give herself her shot that day at his house so many years ago.
And more than 7 years later, it still freaked him out sometimes. But this
bracelet, over all things probably bugged him more than anything else. It was a
constant reminder that she’d never be well. Not completely anyway.
He
opened the case of the medic alert bracelet, never having really looked at it
too closely before. It was just a part of her. Inside was nothing more than an
aged piece of paper describing what to do in case she was found unconscious.
Scary. He knew the routine. She’d gone over it with him and as much as he was
afraid of such moments he knew he’d be able to deal with it. He’d have to. He
wanted to be able to be that for her if she should need it.
Finally
putting it and all the mixed thoughts down on the counter, he turned to the
shower and smiled at her silhouette standing under the warm spray of water.
Sliding his sweats down his legs and kicking them off, he walked over to the
shower and opened the door letting the steam and the anticipation swallow him
into her world.
***
