Chapter 54
Amazed
that she still had no idea he was there, he did what he’d been dreaming of
since he heard the loud music and shower water coming from the bathroom. He
bent down and cupped one of her soft breasts in his hand and licked and sucked
on her nipple.
“Oh!
Dear God…Nick…” She was so wrapped up in the luxury of his shower and the
anticipation of him coming home later that afternoon, that she never heard or
saw him coming in. Thank God. What a pleasant surprise. Running her hands
through his hair, she pushed him back to sit on the bench and lifted his face
to look at hers.
“You’re
home early.” She now lowered her head to him, capturing his lips and moaning as
his tongue slid between her lips to play with her own. God how she’s missed
him.
Pulling
back and looking up at her, he kissed each breast before speaking. “I couldn’t
wait any longer to be with you.”
No
more words were needed as they fell into their familiar dance of touches,
licks, kisses and finally, of a delicious reunion of body and soul. It had only
been a week, but it had been a difficult one, especially for Ciara. But now, it all washed away with the pleasure that
coursed through her body, clutching him tighter and bringing him to his own
intense climax. Here, nothing existed outside of one another.
“Welcome
home.”
“Mmmm…I’m
gonna have to leave more often if you keep greeting me this way.”
“No.
I dun think so. I prefer you here.”
“Yeah…me
too.” He kissed her nose and groaned as she stood, separating their bodies.
“Need
a wash?”
“Oh
yeah…I’m feeling VERY dirty.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Curls.
Lots of them. Wet, spirally curls. He loved to twirl his fingers through them
and she loved it when he did. The shower had been long…until the hot water ran
out and both were feeling quite squeaky clean and quite exhausted. A fulfilling
exhaustion. God, how she’d missed him.
“So,
you were bored in
“When
one is confined to the gym, the recording studio and his room for a week,
that’s how.”
“You
never went out at all?”
“Well,
okay…it wasn’t that bad. Just felt that way. And I’m not…” He ran a hand
through his hair, frustrated with it all. Confusion was the only word to sum up
whatever was going on with his career right now. Pure and simple confusion.
“Not
what?” Ciara sat up from their lounging position on
his bed and straddled his legs, leaning in to lay on his chest. If she could
keep him talking about himself, she could avoid even thinking about herself and
what a mess she’d made of things by not being up front with him. So, snuggling
and gentle talk should keep her safe for now.
Was
it possible to just stay in his bedroom with her forever? It surely would make
life simpler. Hire a cook, keep the maid and grounds keeper and they could just
live life camped out in his room. Yep. That’d be fine. Unrealistic, but…”I’m
not sure what the hell I’m supposed to be doing and I definitely know I’m not
happy with what’s come out so far.”
“Do
you just miss the other guys? You think that’s it?”
“Could
be. I feel like they should be there with me. I mean, I’ve wanted to try it
alone at some point, but…”
“Now
may not be the time?”
“I
just don’t know, Cici…I don’t feel ready to make that
decision right now. It’s being made for me.”
“Again.”
Yes,
again. Did he ever make choices on his own? Oh yeah, plenty. All the shitty
ones he was responsible for. But the good choices? Things that brought him
prosperity and happiness? Nope, not smart enough to think on his own. Except
for Ciara. He’d done that one right…or so he hoped.
Sick of thinking about it all, he kissed her forehead and ran his hand over her
curls causing her to moan softly and close her eyes getting lost in the
sensation.
“I
don’t wanna think about this right now, Ci…”
“Mmm-kay.
New topic. Oh…Grammy’s.”
“You
gonna come?”
“I
don’t think so, baby. I’m traveled out for now. Just…yeah. You go, do your
business stuff you have to do. Sounds to me like you need some time alone with
the guys anyway.”
“Probably.
Aaron will be out there too, so…”
“Yeah,
so you go alone. I’ll be good.”
“I
hope so…you’re only allowed to be bad when I’m around.” He took hold of her
shoulders and rolled her over, nuzzling his nose in her neck.
“You’re
cueing up a bad song and a bad joke, Mr. Carter.”
Popping
up from that sweet place, “Huh?”
So
she sang…techno style. “I wanna be bad with ya’ babay.
Oh…oh…oh.”
“Ewwwwwww….stop!” Back to her neck he dove, tickling her
until her fight gave in and they were swimming in overwhelming passion once
again.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“So,
when’s the appointment?” Deanna pulled two cans of pop out of Ciara’s refrigerator and tossed one to her friend.
“You’re
a pain in my ass,
“That’s
my job. When is it? Lunch meat good?”
“Yeah,
sounds good. Can you come with me?”
“I
don’t know since you won’t tell me when it is. Have you not made it yet?”
“Um,
well…” Ciara pulled out a bottle of insulin from the
frig and rolled it between her hands warming it up. How well was this
revelation going to go over? “I’ve cancelled it once.” Cheesy grin.
“Ciara! Jesus, woman! What are you thinking?”
“That
this is not mandatory. It’s just a suggested solution to avoid further concern
and I do NOT want to be bothered!” Pulling a syringe out of her drawer, she
plopped down on the kitchen chair and prepared her shot.
“How
long will you be out of commission?” And how much mustard was she going to put
on this sandwich before she aimed the squirt bottle to the stubborn woman at
the table? Deanna was so frustrated with Ciara’s obstinance it wasn’t even funny.
“From
work? I’ll do it during a break. A day maybe. No biggie.” Sticking her arm and
injecting the medicine, Ciara had to sigh. She was
being a total pain in the ass. Tough. Her life was a total pain in the ass and
as much as she wanted these repeated ob/gyn appointments to go away, she did
not want to have to go through this procedure to make it happen.
“Exactly,
then it’s no biggie for you to just go and get this thing over with. Save you
from some extra doctor appointments in the future.”
Ouch.
Hit right where it hurt. “This is true.”
“So,
when is it?”
“Monday.
You off?”
“Yep.
Always and you knew that when you made it, didn’t you?” Deanna brought their
sandwiches to the table and took a seat next to her friend.
“Actually
I didn’t think about it. He said I might be okay to drive home myself.”
“Do
you want to do that?”
“No…”
Ciara popped a pretzel in her mouth and smiled
weakly. Thank God for Deanna. She’d put up with just about anything. And put up
with nothing. A perfect balance.
“You’re
a pain in my ass AND you make me tired. Is that your purpose in life?”
“In
yours, yeah…”
“Mmm…so,
I’m sure Nick knows about this appointment.” Of course he didn’t. If Ciara could be a pain in the ass, so could
No
words. Just a glare biting through her chewing mouth.
“You’ve
not told him still…Cici, I swear. You are on a course
of destruction with him.”
“It’s
headed that way anyway. Why blow it now? Might as well milk this as long as I
can.”
“And
why is it headed toward destruction, huh? Or are we going to have this tired
conversation again?”
“No,
we’re not. You’ve heard it all before. And unless I have no choice, I’m not
telling him dick right now.”
“Sure,
just so you keep getting his dick. Real nice, Cici.”
“Wait…hang
the hell on….you mean…you think I’m not telling him just so I can keep him in
my bed!?”
“Well,
Ciara…you tell me something different then. Isn’t a
relationship based on trust and honesty? He thinks he can trust you…he believes
in you, leans on you, admires you…I’m sure he loves you. And you’re holding out
on him. We’re not talking about smarmy details about an old boyfriend here, Ciara. We’re talking about something that could permanently
effect his life.”
“It
won’t because as soon as he knows all of this, he’ll walk. Eventually. I just…”
“You’re
gonna keep him around ‘til you think you can live your life without him!? I
never though you’d be that damned selfish.”
Ciara looked up from her food to find the
most angry eyes she’d ever seen in her friend. And it hurt. They were directed
at no one but her. No one. She had nothing to say. There was no justification
for it other than Ciara didn’t know what else to do.
“You’re
using him, Ciara…I don’t know what the hell for, but
he has enough people using him in his life. He needs you to be an escape from
that.”
“And
how do you think you know him so well, huh?” Deanna was right, but dammit…she didn’t know Nick. She didn’t know their relationship.
She had no right…right?
“I
don’t. I’m a fan, okay? Just a slimy useless fan. I’m sorry, but it’s so
obvious this kid has lived his life to please everyone but himself. But with
you…he’s risked it all and never thought twice about it. I can’t believe you’d
string him along like this…use him like this.”
“I
never thought of it that way.” No, because if she had, she’d have never climbed
into his truck that night in October. She didn’t want to hurt him. That’s what
this whole thing was about. Having him in her life with no hurt.
“Well,
maybe you should.” Deanna set her sandwich back on her plate and looked her
friend dead in the eyes. “Do you love him, Cici?”
Ciara didn’t blink or move. “Yes.” There.
She said it. Loved him the first moment he smiled at her over eleven years ago.
That love had changed and grown and morphed into something she’d never
experienced before. It scared the hell out of her.
“Then
act like it and trust him with the truth, Ciara. Or
he will be gone. And I, for one, will be cheering him on to newer and better
horizons.”
“As
you should be. I’m sorry, Deanna….I’m really, really sorry.”
“Don’t
apologize to me. Just talk to him. Let him decide what to do with the
information.”
“Yeah…I
will.” Eventually. But, he was in
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Alone.
Very alone. Her bed felt like that of a king when Nick was gone. Not for the
luxury, not for the exquisiteness, but because of how vast and huge and empty
it felt. He’d filled not only her bed these last few months, but her heart as
well. And it ached without him near. But, like they’d grown accustomed in years
past, she knew he was there. Just…right now, it was a painful presence because
of his absence.
Quite
disgusted with her forlorn self, she rolled over on her back and flung her arm
over her head. Obviously she was still groggy because she whomped
herself in the forehead with her bracelet. Giggling at her clumsiness, she
brought her wrist back to eye level and looked at the gold jewelry, moving it
back and forth as it danced in the sunlight seeping through her blinds.
She
loved it because it was so beautiful and the heart with which it was given. She
hated it because it was a constant reminder. Diabetic. Unwell. Imperfect.
Damaged. Ciara.
***
