Chapter 56

"Ciara Watkins?"

"Mmm?" Ciara looked up from the parenting magazine to the overly perky receptionist who'd called her name. Happy to stop reading about how to make your kid eat broccoli, she tossed the journal on the table and approached the window.

"Here is some information on your procedure you'll want to read over and sign. Also, just a small questionnaire concerning your," she leaned in to whisper, "sexual history and things. For the doctor, you know."

"Of course." For the doctor. Why the hell did he need to know how many partners she'd had and how long ago she'd had one to just remove her cervix?

"What kinds of questions are they asking?" Deanna had also tossed her reading aside and watched Ciara's reaction to the paper before her. Didn't look like it was going well.

"I'm in deep shit, Dee."

"Why's that?"

"Check this out…" She pulled out the informational sheet from the board and handed it to her friend. "Number four."

"No sexual relations for a period of two weeks following procedure." Uh-oh. Looking up from the paper, she asked, "When does he come home?"

"Friday. How in the HELL am I gonna…" She rubbed her forehead wishing this whole nightmare would just end. "Jesus…for like 10 days."

"Which uh…kinda spells out yet another reason you should have talked to him, Ci."

"Shit."

"Yep. You've done a number on this one, girl." Deanna picked up her magazine and buried her face in it. She was waffling between complete anger and total amusement. Idiot. Ciara was being an idiot. And if she didn't watch it, she was going to be a lonely idiot. Nick Carter. She was playing Russian Roulette with Nick Carter. Maybe "idiot" wasn't even close.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

"How you feeling, girl?" Grammy night. It had become a tradition of the girls since the 2000 show to watch together. This year, Ciara could be a bit more relaxed since Deanna was in-the-know now. Which was good. She wasn't relaxed about anything else and it was great to have Dee there for support.

"Eh, not as crampy. Wasn't so bad, really. You want a pop?"

"Yep…have you talked to Nick since Monday?"

"Yeah, this afternoon. He's…I dunno." Ciara handed Dee her favorite drink and got the VCR set up to tape this evening's events.

"What's up with him? With them? They seem to be unraveling or something."

"No kidding, huh?" Tossing the remote on the coffee table, Ciara plopped down on the couch, folding her legs up on the cushion. "He won't talk, Cee. I have no idea. They've had some meetings this week, so we'll see what happens, I guess."

"Think they'll win?"

"Nope. Neither do they. It's U2's night."

"Probably…ooh…Joanie's got 'em."

"Wonderful."

The two friends watched all of the pre-show events, laughing at their insanity while trying to catch every station's coverage. Insanity. Fortunately, the award the boys were up for was first and they presented second. No win. No thrill with the presentation except for Nick's nice wandering eye on Pink's ass as it hung out of her costume.

"Did you see that? What a dork."

"What a man. God." Ciara clicked the television off and looked down at her belly as it growled. "Okay, I'm not in the mood to sit and suffer through all of this, are you?"

"No…who'd he go with anyway?" Deanna got up from the couch offering Ciara a hand. Time to eat.

"Thanks. He went with Aaron. I don't know, Dee…things seem so ominous or something."

"With you two or with work? And I want pizza. Now."

"Oh, work. We're fine…for now. Pizza it is."

"Yeah, well your clock's running out. What are you going to do Friday when he comes home?"

"Tell him I'm having a raging period. That'll get us through the weekend and I work Monday. I should be fine."

"When are you planning on talking to him? He's not stupid."

"I don't know. You know, you're so hell bent on me telling him about this and it's no big deal. It's not like I actually had cancer."

"I know that. I understand you got it removed to just avoid any future concern, but the point is, most women can't just get their cervix yanked out. You can…"

"…because I don't need it. I know, I know."

"And THAT'S what you owe him the truth about. Your procedure would have been the perfect door to get into the conversation. And you're blowing it."

"You don't know that."

"That you're blowing it? Hell yes, I do. You're lying to him. Nothing positive comes from that, Ci. You know this from Bill if nothing else."

"Oh don't EVEN compare me with that prick. I'm lying to…to…"

"To what!? To keep him around so you're not alone? And why did Bill lie to you?"

Shit. God damn her. "You got any money for this pizza, Dear Abby?"

"Yes, and don't start dodging me." Deanna got her purse and stuffed a twenty into her friend's hand. "Why did Bill lie to you, Cici?"

"To keep me around…for my money…for the status of being married…so he wouldn't be alone."

No more words were needed. She was stooping to Bill's level. Okay, so not to the full degree Bill had, but yep. She was lying to keep him. Period. Otherwise, this was serving no purpose whatsoever. And now, she felt so far into it, she didn't know how to get out. He had been slipping away with concerns about his career. His time away was putting a wedge between them that had never been there before. Even in the year they were apart, there was still some sort of connection. She felt it fading and she was petrified, so she was clinging onto every last ounce of what she could. For now, it was what she knew and what he didn't. And it was wrong.

"Okay, you win. I'm an ass. Can we just drop it now? I can't deal with it right now."

"You don't ever wanna deal with it."

"It'll work, Dee. It just has to." Ciara cut off the conversation by dialing up the pizza joint and placing her order. She was tired of thinking about it all. Truth was the ominous feeling she'd been having wasn't just about his work. It was everything. Seemed like they were reaching an impasse that neither knew anything about. It scared her. Could they pull through it or was this the beginning of facing life without him in it?

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

"God, you're a sight for sore eyes. I missed you so much." Nick slid into bed with Ciara swallowing her up in his arms. A cancelled flight left him in LA one extra night and they'd agreed that he would just meet her at her house, no matter how late. Well, she gave up and went to bed. Boredom. Depression. Worry about what was to come had sent her straight to bed.

"Mmmm…you finally made it, huh?" She rolled over and cupped his face in her hands, softly kissing him. So beautiful. Every time she looked at him, she couldn't believe he was real.

"Yeah. Finally. I'm dead."

"Me too. I was just dozing off here."

"Go back to sleep. I'm gonna change and I'll be in, okay?"

"Mmmm…" She rolled back to her side, curling into the blankets hoping he was as tired as he said. She wanted him and bad, but there was no way she was going to risk pulling sutures and having a bigger mess to explain. Nope. In her time he'd find it all out. Now was not her time.

The night was fine. He was dead tired, but come morning, she was awakened to soft, wet lips on her neck and working their way down her shoulders. Damn. He felt so good. She could feel his erection pressing against her backside and inadvertently pressed back. How was she going to do this? She wanted him. In every way. Now though, it was time to test this relationship. Could he be satisfied being her support system and not just her sexual partner?

"'Morning, baby."

"'Morning. That feels great."

"You taste great…come 'ere." He rolled her on her back and brushed her curls from her face, drinking her in. That early morning "grog" was so damned sexy. Her eyes were half-mast, faint sheet wrinkles dotted her cheeks and her lips seemed to wake up just waiting to be kissed. So he did.

She gave into his kiss. How could she not? She gave into his touch. How could she not? She gave into his…no. She could not. She had to get out of this somehow.

Squirming away and offering a quick kiss she rolled out of bed. "Damn…Nick…I'm sorry. Hang on."

"What the…" Nick plopped onto his back sinking into the pillows. She must not feel well or something. Nice timing. "You okay, Ci?"

"Yeah…I just…I'm sorry. Hang on." God, she sucked at lying. Fortunately there was some blood involved after this procedure, but…hardly anything awful. Dee was right. She'd been stupid. Flushing the toilet she made her way back into the room. "Hey…I'm sorry."

"It's okay…what's up?"

"My period…"

"Oh. Well that's not good."

"No, it's not. I was afraid the timing would be off. Not like I'm ever regular or anything anyway, but…" Sliding in bed next to him, she kissed his forehead, brushing the long bangs out of the way. "I'm really sorry."

"What are you gonna do? It happens. We can just snuggle today." He sat up and held out an arm so she could curl up against him. "I'm all for that too. Just so you're here."

"Yeah, I'm here Nick. Always here."

******~~~~~~~******~~~~~~

Well, either she was having one helluva period, she was upset about something or she was up to something. Either way, Nick was not a happy camper at all. She'd claimed feeling sick the next day and exhaustion took over the following days as she began a long stretch at work. And he could hear/see/feel her completely closing off from him in every way. What the hell was going on?

Finally, he'd had enough. Making some excuse about getting called for extra recording sessions, he left early for New York. Just a few days but maybe without a work schedule to bog him down, he could actually get out and enjoy the town a bit. Sure, he'd prefer to be home enjoying Ciara, but that wasn't happening. He was confused about so many things. So, it was time for fun to come into play so he'd not have to think. Not have to feel. Not have to worry.

Ciara knew what was up. And she was not real happy about it but figured she'd done it to herself. Lying to Nick. What had happened that she felt the need to lie to him? Okay, keeping some things from him was fine, but lying? No. She had to talk. But he'd seemed so burdened with so many things. And now…he was gone. Back to New York with a flimsy excuse. He was running and she knew it. How far would he run? How long would he run?

Her two week mark came and went and Nick was still gone. Had been for a number of days. She missed him. They talked daily but yet…he was so far away. She said she'd never leave and he said the same. Had they lied about that too? No. She couldn't even think such things. Neither could he. Just a temporary bump in the road. Had to be. It just had to be.

Although, he wasn't behaving like it was a temporary bump. After another night that led well into the morning, Nick stumbled into his hotel room, groaning at the blaring lights he'd left on before he went out earlier. Smacking the switch off, he went into the bathroom turning the cold water on full force and filling a glass. Finishing it in a few huge gulps, he smacked the glass on the counter, grimacing when it occurred to him he could have broken it. He stripped down to his boxers and curled into bed grateful for the softness of the pillows, the warmth of the blankets.

Alone. Again. In a hotel room. Hadn't he spent enough nights alone in hotel rooms? Even when he and Ciara had been apart he'd never really felt alone. Now? Now he did and he didn't like it at all.

***

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