Chapter 59
“Nicky?
You awake?” Ciara inched inside the dark hotel room,
chuckling at the mess his room was already in. Hadn’t he just arrived
yesterday? She got to the bedroom of the suite and knocked lightly on the door.
“Nick?”
“Ci…you’re here!” He thought he’d heard someone in his room
as he woke and had just sat up from his sleep. Running a hand through his long,
blonde mop, he had to smile at waking to such a wonderful sight. “AJ said you’d
be here today.”
“AJ’s
not known for his lies. Come here.” She stood next to him by the bed, folding
him into her arms, rubbing his head as he rested it on her chest. “You’re going
to make me old before my time if you keep worrying me like this.”
“I’m
sorry, Cici…I didn’t mean to worry you. He really
didn’t need to call.”
“He
loves you. What’s he got his panties in a wad about anyway?” She leaned back
and brought his eyes up to hers. They looked horrible. Tired. Blood-shot.
Swollen. His face was a mess of acne and his weight gain was not improving.
Hadn’t gained, but she figured with being on tour he’d lose. Something
definitely was not right.
Moving
his gaze from hers, he simply shrugged, pulling her in for another hug. He
didn’t want to talk about it. She was here and to hell with the rest.
“Oh
no, big guy.” Stepping back completely now so he couldn’t hide again, she gave
him a downright maternal lecture. “I’m not hoppin’ on
a plane with less than a week’s notice for you to shrug me off. No way.”
So,
she couldn’t keep the mommy routine up for more than a sentence. She tried.
Sitting next to him on the bed, she had to sigh as he leaned over and laid his
head on her shoulder. She really had missed the little boy she once knew.
Didn’t expect to see him come back like this though.
“Can
I just be here with you for a bit first? We’ll talk later?”
“Yeah…when
do you have to leave for the show?”
“Not
‘til like 5 or so…we just go through a tunnel here.”
“And
Mandy?”
He
looked up to her, sadness filling his eyes. “Amanda took her out today so we
could talk. I won’t see her ‘til after the show.”
“Okay.
Just you and me then. Why don’t you lay back down and I’ll join you after I
change, huh?”
Without
another word he flopped back down onto the pillows, sighing contentedly as she
tucked him in and kissed his cheek. She wasn’t sure what to expect when she’d
come, but this wasn’t it. She wanted the light to come back into his eyes.
Where had it gone? Who took it? And how could she help him get it back?
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Tipping
the waiter, she pulled the cart of food into the room and set everything up on
the coffee table. “Nick! Dinner’s here!”
“Oohh…whadya get me?” Nick hopped
in the room, pulling on a pair of sweats as he approached the couch.
“Some
chicken pasta stuff…no idea but it sounded good. Carb
you up for tonight.”
“You
take good care of me.”
“Mmm…so,
you gonna fill me in as to why you need so much TLC lately or am I gonna just
have to make up my own version?”
“No,
no…I’ll talk.” He sat on the couch next to her and leaned in for a kiss.
“Thanks for just holding me though. I just feel so…so…”
“Overwhelmed?”
“Yes…that’s
it. Overwhelmed. You helped me be quiet. I need that right now.”
“Anytime.
Come on. Eat up.”
She
sat and watched him eat for a bit, which normally annoyed the hell out of him,
but right now, he didn’t care. He was starving and the fact that she would be
content just to lay down with him, just to sit and watch him eat…give up her
life to do this was amazing. She wanted nothing in return. Everyone wanted
something, didn’t they? Nope. Not Cici.
She
reached up and touched his face, rubbing his cheekbone just below his eye,
inspecting it with her professional eye. “Nick…”
“Yeah…”
Damn. Here we go. He tried to keep shoveling food in his mouth, hoping she’d
not see. Hoping she’d not notice. Why he ever felt like he’d pull one over on
her, he’d never know.
“Honey…you
have a bruise on your face here. It’s old, healing up good. What happened?”
He
closed his eyes and sighed not wanting to have to admit this to her. Not
wanting her to know how weak he really was. How stupid he was being. How lost
and confused his life had become.
“Honey…it’s
just a bruise…what happened?”
He
finally swallowed his mouthful and looked to her, tossing his fork on his
plate. “You’ll be disappointed in me, Ci.”
“Maybe.
We can work through it. What’s up?”
“It’s
Mandy…”
“Mandy?
What does she…” Then, remembering the temper she’d seen on the little imp,
realization dawned on her. “Did she…Nick!? Baby…”
“We
had a fight. An awful fight. Nothing new. But, she wasn’t…well, she wasn’t all
together. Neither was I, and, well…”
“She
hit you!?”
He
silently nodded, trying to focus back on his meal, which suddenly didn’t look
quite so appetizing.
“Nick…”
She brushed the spot with her thumb again and then she pulled his head down to
her and kissed him. Right where Mandy had so mercilessly hit him. “She had no
right.”
“Well,
I’m not the best boyfriend to her, Ciara…”
“No
one deserves to be hit, Nick.” Running her hand through his hair and rubbing
his arm, she just wanted to just fold him up, stuff him in her suitcase and
take him home to care for him like a sick child. “…did you hit her back?”
“No.
I didn’t. I kicked her out. At least for the night.”
“Has
she done this before?”
Nod.
“Does
she BEAT you, or just have a helluva wallop?”
“Um…it’s
not pretty, okay? Can we leave it at that?”
“Yeah,
okay. And you’re all okay now? She’s still…why are you putting up with that
behavior, Nick?”
“I
have no damned idea, Ci. She just…I mean…I know this
makes no sense at all. But, when we’re not fighting, she’s comfortable, you
know? I don’t like to be alone. I hate it. I suck at it. She’s fun and she’s…”
He buried his head in his hands humiliated at having Ciara
know how weak he really was.
“I
didn’t know that being hit was a comfortable thing. I must have missed
something in life.”
“Cici…please.”
“I’m
sorry, Nick. I really am. But, you should not be tolerating this shit. You have
enough other crap going on without a lunatic traveling companion!”
“I
know. I just don’t know what else to do at this point. We only have a few more
weeks this leg. They’ve started on my house in Apollo, so I should be out of
there after the holidays. It’s just for a little longer.”
“You’re
staying with her so you have a home in
“No…no…that’s
not it.”
“So
you’ll have a family?”
Silence.
Nail on the head. Damn, she was good.
“Nick,
they cannot be your surrogate family. That’s not fair to YOUR family, to you or
to the Williford’s.”
“I
don’t want to have anything to do with my family right now, Ci.
I’m just a commodity to them. I’m not their son.”
“You
are, Nick…you are. They love you so much. They’re just…they’ve been taken in by
all the money, that’s all. I mean, your dad’s given up stuff to come drive your
bus for you.” Maybe if she said it strongly enough she’d believe it too.
“To
babysit me, Ci…that’s not love. And yeah, they’ve
been taken in by the money. The money made by me and my brother…and soon enough
my sisters. I’m sick of it.”
She
had nothing to say to that. They’d asked for it, they really had.
“So
what are you going to do?”
“Gonna
shack up with Mandy’s family once this leg is over, struggle through the
holidays, get things settled with my house and move in.”
“Alone?”
There’s
that damned silence again. She was too insightful for his own good sometimes.
“Probably
not.” He threw his fork down again and leaned back, pulling her with him to
snuggle into his chest. “I’m sorry, Ci. But, I’m
asking her to move in with me.”
“She’s
beating you and you’re gonna live with her? Nick, I should start beating on
you.”
“Probably.”
“Why,
Nick? Are you that afraid of being alone!?”
“Yes.
I am.”
She
sat up to look at him…wanting to drive her point home. “Why!? Nick, take it
from one who knows…being alone is probably one of the best gifts you can give
yourself.”
“Maybe
I’m not so sure I deserve any gifts.”
“Nick…”
“I’m
done talkin’ now, Ci. I don’t know what else to say.
This is where I’m at right now. I’m sick of my mom. She’s taken my dad, brother
and sisters away all for fame and glory. I mean nothing to her. I mean, if your
own mother doesn’t see your worth, why should anyone else?”
“I’ve
always seen your worth, Nick. And I always will.” She laid back down against
his chest, rubbing his stomach, wishing her simple touch could make all his
pain go away.
“That’s
why I needed you here.” He took her hand and brought it up to his lips and
kissed each finger. She did value him and he did need that reassurance. “I
guess AJ’s not so irritating after all.”
“Oh,
yeah…he’s irritating. But he also loves you. All four of those guys know your
worth, Nick. And it has nothing to do with being a Backstreet Boy.”
“I
know…I do know. I just…” He ran his hand through his hair for the millionth
time since dinner had arrived.
“You
just want to feel it from Mom.”
“Yep.
I need to, Ci…but knowing it’ll always be there from
you…”
“It
will, Nick. Always.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“How
the hell did you find such incredible seats, Cici?
Damn! We’re gonna get hit by sweat!”
“Well
wouldn’t that be lovely? I just…lucked out with auctions and stuff, I guess.”
This
was Ciara’s first show “as a fan.” She and Deanna
would be hitting the next three and somehow Ciara had
to keep any knowledge to herself. It wasn’t going to be easy. Any other time,
she’d been able to play in the gutter, walking around the pentagon stage,
annoying Nick, flirting with him, goading the other four. But now, she was
about 5 rows back on the floor and had to stay put. No personal interaction
unless it just “happened.” It would be interesting to be sure.
It
had only been a few days since she’d left Nick and gang in
“HOLY
SHIT, CI! They’re flying in on surf boards!?”
“Yep!
Cool, huh?” Yes, that was it. She much preferred flying boy bands at the
moment. And could Nick put on the show face? No one would ever have a clue at
the inner turmoil in this kid. But she saw it. And he saw her. And it was good.
As
the show went on, Ciara was actually getting more
enjoyment out of watching Deanna’s reaction to things over watching the boys.
She’d seen the show. She knew what to expect…well, most of the time. But it was
a neat experience to see it from this side. They were good. They were amazing.
They had every person in that crowd right in the palm of their hands. She was
blown away.
“Oh
my God, Ci…he’s lookin’ at you!!” Deanna was beating
holy hell out of Ciara’s arm.
“Uh
huh…he sure is.” She shook her head at Nick, smiling ‘larger than life.’ He
just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could he?
“Am
I original?” Smirk. Wink. God damn him.
“Yeah!
Yeah!” Might as well be a full fan here and sing along.
“Am
I the only one?” Oh yeah, Brian. The world could only deal with one of you,
goofball.
“AM
I SEXUAL!?” Dead in her eyes. There was no doubt to anyone within 15 rows of
them who he was singing to.
“Yeah!
Yeah!” Brat.
“CIARA!
Oh my GOD! Look at that!”
“He’s
just a big ole flirt…probably couldn’t really see me anyway.”
“You
think? Girl, he’s got it for you.”
“Uh…no.
He’s got it for Mandy. I think she’d kill anyone else.”
“This
is true…hell…still was cool.”
“No
doubt…” Now hush up and leave this topic alone, dear
By
night three, Nick had picked her out at least once and
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Merry
Christmas!”
“Oh
for God’s sake, get in here before a neighbor sees you!” Ciara
yanked on Nick’s sleeve laughing hysterically. The big blonde oaf was standing
on her porch clad in green from head to toe with a bright red bow around his
neck, one stuck on his head and a one more around his waist dangling the bow at
his crotch. Oh yes, and a shit eating grin to add sparkle. “I can only imagine you
tying these damned things on out in the car.”
“Oh,
I didn’t. Had it on since I left the house.”
“You
left Mandy’s looking like this!? AND you drove through town? Oh dear God.”
“Ayup! No one was home…take a pill.” He pulled her into his
arms, crushing the crotch bow. “So, uh…you gonna unwrap me and see what your
present is?”
“You’re
the last of the big time spenders, you know that?”
“Now,
hang on…I got you something.” He stuck his head back outside and picked up a
package he’d set on the porch. “And uh…don’t get excited.”
“Oohh…thank you. Do I open it now?”
“Sure.”
She
quickly ripped the paper off, sticking the bow on her head, “so we’ll match,”
and started cackling. “New mouse slippers! Thank you!”
“They’re
not quite like yours, but close enough.”
Pulling
them out of the box, she kicked off her ripped, torn ones and slid on the new
ones. “Perfect. Thank you.” Hiking up on her tip toes, she kissed him and
pulled the bow off the top of his head. “Now, about this other present…You are
kinda like the biggest package under the tree. Always my favorite.”
“Mmm…big
package. Yeah…”
“Humility,
Nick. A little dab’ll do ya’.”
She
pulled on the crotch bow, untying it and ran upstairs to her room, red ribbon
trailing behind her, squealing as she felt him pull back on it just before she
fell onto her bed.
“I’ve
got another one to untie…then I have an idea.”
“Oh
yeah?” She slowly undid the bow around his neck, giggling at the pathetic way
he’d tied it and kissed his neck as his flesh unearthed from the satin ribbon.
“Whatcha got in mind, Santa Clause?”
“Well,
I hear…” he lifted her shirt over her head and swiftly unhooked her bra moaning
as her breasts peeked out from the lace. “That you have been…” He gently pushed
her back on the bed, taking his shirt off as she got adjusted on the pillows.
“…a very, bad, bad girl.”
“I
have, huh?” She had to smile, not only at his ornery, light-hearted attitude,
but that he was obviously losing some weight. The extra had never bothered her
as far as her attraction to him went. But, it did for his emotional health.
Being off tour was doing him some good this time. In light of what she had
found in
“Oh
yeah…very bad.” One by one, he pulled the pillows out from under her head and
back, offering soft kisses with the disappearance of each one. A kiss to her
right breast. One to her left. Another at her collar bone. One under her left
ear. Right ear. And after the final pillow hit the floor, he straddled her and
slid his hands under her back, bringing her up to his mouth, tasting her lips,
teasing her with his tongue and teeth. Soft nips, kisses and licks as far as he
could reach in this position, finally lowering her, leaving her breathless.
“So, what I understand is done to bad little girls…especially this time of
year…”
“Uh-huh?”
Her eyes bugged out of her head as he leaned over the edge of the bed to
retrieve the two long ribbons that had been wrapped around his neck and waist.
Oh, he wouldn’t.
“…is
that they’re tied up for awhile.” He took hold of one of her wrists and pulled
it up to the bedpost, tying it securely, but gently. “You know…to teach them
who’s boss and all.”
“Jesus,
Nick…” She had been having enough trouble breathing just from the treatment his
mouth had given her upper half. Now? Why’d she even bother trying?
“Is
this okay…seriously.”
“Yeah…this…yeah…”
Stop talking and get busy, Santa!
“Good…”
he brought her other wrist up to the opposite side and made do with finding a
spindle along the headboard, not wanting to stretch her arms so far that she’d
be uncomfortable. Once tied, he sat back on his feet, still straddling her legs
and just smiled. “Hmm…now, what was the second part of the punishment? I’m
afraid I forgot.”
“I
have no idea, but it better involve your mouth. Now.”
“Oh…are
we getting demanding?”
“Nickolas
Gene Carter…”
Okay,
teasing done. She was a riot, squirming, trying to be pissed off and failing
miserably. He leaned down to her outstretched arms and kissed and licked the
soft underside of her upper arms, amazed at how sensitive she was to his touch
there. A new zone. Very nice. Working his way to her shoulders and down her
chest, he spent time on each breast, kneading, kissing, sucking and enjoying.
Moving to her stomach, he dipped his tongue in her naval and chuckled as she
squirmed so much that she pulled too hard on one of her restraints causing her
to swear in frustration.
Finally,
he looked up to her one more time before sliding her pants off, kissing his way
back up her legs, and laying them over his shoulders. Licking his lips in
anticipation, he lowered his mouth to her inner thigh and finally….
“Oh
fuck! Nick!”
“Mmmm?”
He slowly lapped up the full of her lips, spreading them apart just enough as
he worked toward his specific target. Once found, he smiled against her,
listening to the intoxicating, almost guttural sounds of her delight at what he
was doing to her. He worked slowly, methodically trying to cue in to her
responses as to what she liked, what she loved and what would ultimately send
her over the edge screaming his name, exhausting her, pleasuring her like she’d
never been pleasured before.
And
when that moment came, he slowly lapped at her again, tasting her, letting her
come down from the climax, waiting for her breathing to return to a somewhat
normal state.
“Please,
Nick…untie me. I want to feel you.” She was squirming even more against her
restraints frustrated at her inability to run her hands through his hair and
hopefully…over a few more things.
He
climbed back up, straddling her again gasping as his erection brushed her
stomach when he untied one of her wrists. As soon as her hand broke free, her
hand was all over him, touching, kneading, caressing
every bit of bare skin she could find. He quickly untied the other wrist and
moved back down to her, kissing her passionately, enjoying every touch of her
hands to his skin. Feeling her fiddling with the waist band of his pants he sat
up and played coy.
“What
do you want?”
“Take
‘em off.”
He
couldn’t lose them fast enough. Pulling out a condom from his back pocket, he
kicked them off, and crawled over her from the foot of the bed, blowing his
bangs out of his face as they seductively covered his blue eyes.
“I
want you inside me, Nick.”
Request
granted. He quickly sheathed himself, smiling as she squirmed watching him
touch himself, making her want him even more. Making him want her even more. As
he slid his body into hers, they could only say what made sense at the moment.
Because when you stripped away all of the baggage that surrounded their lives
and their relationship, it all came down to one thing. One thing they couldn’t
seem to accomplish with another human being no matter how hard they tried. They
gave themselves fully. All of him. All of her. For each other. Even though they
denied it, it was true. The ultimate gift.
“Merry
Christmas.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“So,
what are you doing for Christmas?” Nick propped himself up on an elbow playing
with her ringlet curls. Normally they didn’t do this until she got very over
heated. She’d definitely been over heated.
“Believe
it or not, I’m singing at Mass tonight, go to work and I’ll head over to Mom’s
after work.” She leaned in and kissed his chest, scrunching her nose at the
soft curly hairs that were finally sprouting there.
“That’s
cool you work the holiday for everybody.”
“Eh,
most of the people have family. They should be with them.”
Oops.
Ouch. Dammit. His face failed to hide the pain of
that statement.
“I’m
sorry, Nick…I didn’t mean…”
“I
know. And you’re right. I just can’t…”
“It’s
okay. So what are your plans?” Nice move, Ciara.
“I
guess whatever they do, I’m in. I was hopin’ maybe
you’d be free tomorrow or something and I could get out of some of it.”
“Sorry.
Nope. She’s your family now, Nick.”
“No,
she’s not.”
“For
the holiday, yes she is. This is what you’ve chosen. You need to be with her.”
Rolling over to check the clock, she groaned at it’s numbers. “In fact, you
need to be heading back now. I have to get ready for church.”
She
felt the breath escape him knowing how frustrated he was at his decision to
stay home from LA. Not the smartest of choices. And outside of paying a small
fortune for a last minute flight out there, he had no way to change it either.
He’d blown it. Big time.
He
waited until she was ready for work to leave, watching her go through her
routine, making small talk and just being completely at peace in her company.
Hers in his. As she held the door for him, he leaned down and took her face in
his hands and kissed her softly.
“Merry
Christmas, Ciara.”
“Merry
Christmas, Nick.”
Closing
the door behind him, she slid to the floor, stunned at the tears that spilled
from her eyes. She wanted him. Wanted all of him in her life and there was
absolutely no way that could happen. He was in her heart, but the rest? No, it
just was not right. He was a mess. She was a mess. She had even been seeing
Dennis from work now and again and it was decent enough. But Nick…this is where
she was happiest and it was just out of reach. On this day especially, it ached
from the inside out.
***