Doubt
Part 2
I sighed as I looked into
the mirror. Of all the things that were required of my job, this was the part
that sucked the most.... PR or “Mini Interviews.” I hated them with ever fiber
of my being and now Lizz was going to have to be exposed to another one again.
The only good thing about this one was that the threat of Terri or Agnes was
pretty much gone - or at least I hoped it was gone.
As I adjusted my Florida Seminoles sweatshirt, I couldn’t help but laugh inwardly
at Lizz’s obsession with the Oklahoma Sooners. We always had little pretend
fights as to who was the best of the best in the football league, she was
scrappy about it, but I always prevailed in our playful arguements, you gotta
love that. At any rate, I was grateful that my mother had Fed Ex’d some clothes
to the hospital so I had something decent to wear in front of the media.
A feeble knock on the hospital door indicated that it was time to “face the
music” as Brian always put things when you wanted to just climb into a dark
hole and hide.
An older woman pushing a wheel chair into the room started to cheerily sing
out, “Transport---”
“Oh no, no way in hell am I going in that thing,” I interrupted her as I
pointed down at the chair.
“But this is doctor’s orders,” she stated in a syrupy ‘talking to a puppy’ tone
of voice, you know, like Blanche on The Golden Girls.
I shook my head. “Nope, not gonna do it. I’m walking down by myself, thanks but
no thanks.”
I will admit I felt sort of bad blowing that woman off, she was trying to do
her job, but I was so sick of wheel chairs and I really wasn’t a patient, at
least offically I was a patient, but I was planning on leaving the hospital as
soon as the conference was overwith. I had my mind made up that I was going to
leave without signing myself out. No one would know the difference anyway. I
would just have to hope that my nurses or my doctors weren’t watching the
conference. Then again, what would it matter to them anyway? I was an adult so
I was basically the captian of my own fate.
As I started to walk past the woman, I hung my head because I had felt so bad
about cutting her off. “I-I I hate to ask, but what room am I suppose to go
to?”
“Ground level, auditorium B, you take the staff elevator and then turn left and
follow the signs.”
“Thanks, and I’m sorry about being sort of mean, but I’m just sick of wheel
chairs, I want to be independent and don’t worry, if you get into trouble for
this, tell them to talk to me, I’ll back you up, okay?” I tried to seal it with
a toothy smile. She only smiled back slightly and shook her head.
I got on the staff elevator, nearly gagging at the smell of food that was
trapped in it. God, it smelled awful, and they serve it to patients? No
wonder there were so many sick people in the hospital! The car stopped without
incident to the ground floor.
“Okay, was it a left or a right? Shit, I can’t believe I don’t remember
already. Okay, think here Carter, it was right, turn right,” I coached myself
outload as I exited.
“Whoa, Nick! Dude, this way!”
I stopped about two feet into my wrong path when I heard AJ’s voice bellowing
in the hall.
Turning around I found AJ and Lizz standing in the hall, arms folded across
their chests, Lizz had an eyebrow arched in question and I immediately assumed
it was my sweatshirt.
“Like it?” I asked as I pulled the chest portion of the sweatshirt out.
“Classic,” AJ smirked.
“Lizzard, are you ready for this?”
“I guess I have to be, and why are you walking around, I thought you would have
to be escorted by transportation from your room?”
“That’s only for patients,” I replied.
“Yeah and---”
“And I was just released this morning,” I lied.
We walked into the room that had been set up for the conference. It was a typical
set up, long table, six seats with name cards facing out with our names on
them, lights, mikes and tons of chairs for the media. I felt my anxiety start
to kick in. I decided to try and think happy, peaceful thoughts.
“Nick, good to see you up and in street clothes,” Brian chided as he gave me a
hug.
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks.”
“Okay, Nick and Lizz, you guys sit here,” Kevin pointed to the two seats that
were situated in the center of the long table.
“Oh just wonderful,” I moaned. I did not like sitting in the center, actually
no one liked sitting in the direct center except for Kevin, but Kevin always
did the talking for us. He was going to be sitting opposite of Lizz, so she
would be sandwiched between myself and Kevin. I reached down and took her hand
and gave it a quick squeeze. “You gonna be okay with this?” I whispered in her
ear. She only replied with a slight nod.
“What the hell are you guys being so damned secretive about now?” AJ demanded.
“AJ!” Kevin growled. “Let it go!”
Everyone took their seats and waited for the signal to begin the conference. As
always, Kevin was designated as the spokesperson and began to read from a typed
statement release that had been written for him by Liza, our publicist.
“We would like to take this time to thank the press for coming to this
conference. With all that had been happening over the past few weeks, we
decided that information needed to be provided to clear up any and all rumors
that had been circulating.”
Kevin paused, taking a breath before he continued.
“As you probably remember, Nick was victimized when his drinking water had been
tampered with during our last press conference, causing him to lose his voice
temporarily. In order for his safety along with our friend’s, Lizz, sitting to
my left, the two of them went into hiding while the police tried to arrest the
people involved. To briefly summarize what had happened, Lizz and Brian were
injured in a fight to subdue the extortionists, and Nick was gravely injured,
and we almost lost him. But, as you can see, he is alive and well, and all of
them are on the road to a complete and healthy recovery.”
I barely listened to Kevin’s comments as he droned on and on about Agnes,
Terri, Vinnie and Marcus. I shifted nervously in my chair as I felt eyes boring
into me.
“So it’s been decided that we will resume our tour, two weeks from today at our
usual starting point,
I groaned inwardly as Kevin spoke the next four words: “Are there any
questions?”
If I thought I could have gotten away with it, I would have kicked Kevin.
Asking if people had any questions was just inviting trouble. As if my stomach
wasn’t clenched enough as it was. As soon as the words left his mouth, the room
exploded into noise and flashes. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I
knew Nick was feeling the same thing. I knew full well that Nick hated this
even though he always played it off really well. He needed to add acting skills
to his list of talents.
“Whoa whoa! So what Kevin
is saying is that Nick never died?”
“Nick, how were you
gravely injured??”
“How has this affected
the group?”
I almost laughed at the
last question. If I weren’t so tense, I probably would have. Honestly, people,
you don’t want to know. We’re edgy, nervous, fearful, beaten, battered, angry,
and sleep-deprived. Shall I continue? I felt a gentle squeeze on my hand and I
glanced at Nick. He stared straight ahead, appearing to be nice and calm. I bit
back a smile and squeezed his hand back.
“Lizz?”
My attention snapped
forward. “Uh, yeah-yes?” I stammered, my voice small.
“I was just asking how
you felt about going on tour with the rest of the guys.” A lady asked, smiling.
Okay, that was easy.
I smiled, the nervousness
easing a little. “I’m really excited. I mean, I’ve always wanted to travel and
now, not only am I getting to do that, but I get to do it with the Backstreet
Boys!” I said the last part with added emphasis, stretching my grin wider.
A bunch of people chuckled and I felt myself relax. Maybe this wouldn’t be so
bad.
“Nick, according to
Kevin, you and Lizz went into hiding together. Could you tell us a little bit
about that please?”
“Well, we hated to
deceive everyone by making them think I was dead, but with our lives at stake,
we felt it was the best choice. At one point, they had even threatened our fans
if we didn’t do what they wanted. So for everyone’s safety, Lizzard and I went
into hiding.”
Lizzard?! During a press conference?!
Smooth one, Nicky.
“We both altered our
appearances, as you can tell by my brown hair and I don’t know if you
remembered from last time, but Lizz had reddish hair. Anyway, we stayed in an
apartment, cutting off all contact with anyone we knew.” Nick continued.
“Wait, you and Lizz
stayed in an apartment together?” The same reporter asked. Immediately, the
cameras started flashing faster and I felt the color rise in my cheeks. Here we
go...
“It was safer that
way...” Kevin started, trying to take the pressure off of us.
“Nick, can you tell us if
you and Lizz are involved romantically?” The woman persisted.
Okay, now my face was on
fire. I resisted the urge to bang my head against the table in frustration.
Instead, I sat there frozen, waiting for Nick’s answer along with everyone
else.
“We’re friends, good
friends. Next question?” Nick said, closing up. I almost laughed out loud. That
answer was soooo Nick-like.
“This question is
directed to all of you, but namely Brian, Nick and Lizz. How do you feel
knowing that Agnes has escaped prison and do you feel that she is a threat to
you? How will this affect your touring?”
Thanks dude, you just had
to go and bring her up again, didn‘t you. I had no plans on answering
that question and thankfully Brian took it.
“Of course it doesn’t sit
very well with us that Agnes has escaped, but I am confident that the feds will
capture her and bring her to justice. We are going to put everything we have
towards the tour and don’t plan on letting that woman get in our way. Our fans
deserve the best and that is what we are going to give them.” Brian said with
determination.
I looked at him, my eyes
a little wide. He almost sounded pissed! I felt myself nodding slowly.
“Lizz, you agree with
Brian?”
I stared straight ahead.
“Yes, I do. I guess what Brian said pretty much sums it up. We’ve been
victimized by those people for long enough. Granted, the threat is still out
there, but we’re not going to live in fear any longer. Like Brian said, their
fans deserve the best. We’ll be dam-darned if they aren’t going to get the
best!” I said defiantly.
More camera flashed and
after a few more quick questions, the press conference was over. As soon as
people started to leave the room, namely the cameras, I let out a sigh of
relief.
“Geez, Lizz. You just
dominated that last one didn’t ya?” AJ teased as the room cleared out.
I flushed. “I guess what
Brian said really hit me. Those freaks have put us through hell, but I want to
get on with it though. I mean, I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but I’m
gonna fight it. I doubt I will be able to stop the nightmares and stuff like
that, but I can try to change my thinking. Like I can try not to dwell on
everything so much. I mean, you guys are getting ready to start the tour and
are nice enough to let me tag along. I want to do what I can to help you guys
out with things. Be helpful and not be a bur-”
“Lizz, you aren’t a
burden.” Brian corrected, quickly.
I rolled my eyes, but
still smiled appreciatively at him.
“I agree, as hard as it
is, we need to try to get back to normal.” Kevin said, nodding.
I noticed that Nick had
been pretty quiet throughout the discussion. We were hovering in the room. Nick
was sitting in his chair still, face a little pale. I walked over and plopped
down in the chair next to him.
“What’s wrong hun?”
“I’m fine.” He stated.
I sighed. Did he really
think I didn’t know him just a little better than this? “Talk to me.”
“I’m just a little
tired.” He said, smiling slightly.
I shook my head. “I would
have thought you would be feeling a little better since they had released you
this morning.”
“Do you?”
“Not really.” I admitted.
As of
“Okay then.” He smirked.
“Oh shuddup. It’s
probably that ugly ass sweatshirt. It’s just bringing you down.” I retorted. I
knew full well he wore that Seminole sweatshirt just to get a rise out of me.
That’s okay, we all know who the 2000 National Champs are.
“Sure, blood and sp-”
“Nick! Knock that off
already!” Brian exclaimed, cutting Nick off from making fun of the colors.
I snickered as Nick
muttered “dork” under his breath. Just like Nick to be a pervert.
“So, I guess its back to
your room then?” Brian said to Nick.
“Nope, they ended up
releasing him this morning too!” I grinned.
Kevin narrowed his eyes.
“I don’t think you are ready.”
“Well my doctor did,
evidently.” Nick replied, somewhat uncomfortably.
“Have you already signed
your discharge papers?” Brian asked.
“No, uh, yeah.” He
stammered.
I looked from Brian to
Kevin. “Even that one about the cafeteria food warning?” I asked, raising an
eyebrow.
“Huh?” Nick looked at me,
perplexed.
“They gave it to me. It
had something to do with something that happened in the kitchen and that if you
get sick from their food in the next 24-36 hours, to come right back. Something
about something getting into the food that shouldn’t have been in there...” I
trailed off, as if I were thinking.
“Oh yeah, I got that one.
Can we go now?” Nick said hastily, standing up.
I shot a pointed look to
Brian and he nodded. AJ noticed and merely shook his head.
“Busted, man.” He
snorted.
“There wasn’t any such
form, Nick! You’re trying to do it again! I wasn’t here before to stop here,
but I’m here now and you aren’t getting out AMA!” I exclaimed, poking my finger
into his chest.
“AMA?” AJ asked.
“Against Medical Advice.
Right Nick?” I said, folding my arms.
“Yeah, so? I’m ready to
get out of here. Lizz, you know how it is when you are ready to get out, but
they keep you longer anyway! You guys were all just talking about moving on.
Well how can I move on when I am stuck in there?” He said, going from defensive
to almost pleading.
“Yeah, I know how it is,
but as much as I hated it, they kept me for good reason. Cause I still had some
getting better to do!” I argued. And I hated to argue with him about this.
Because I did know. I knew all too well the desperate feeling of needing to get
out, but not being able to. Knowing that life was passing you right by, people
were getting on with new things in their lives, but you were still stuck in
that void of time.
Nick didn’t reply, but
only held my gaze.
“What if we can get you
out today, but on a couple conditions?” I asked softly.
“What conditions?” Kevin
broke in, not looking pleased.
“Like number one, you
have to rest exactly as much as your doctor tells you to and for exactly how
long he tells you too. No cheating at all! Number two, if he puts you on any
meds, you take them. All of them! Number three, quit trying to hide
stuff and sneak your way out of things. The next time you try to pull a fast
one on me, I’ll put you back in the hospital myself.” I said, ticking the
conditions off on my fingers.
“And this is all only
if your doctor agrees.” Kevin added, frowning. “I don’t like this, but I can’t
force you to stay in there, short of tying your stubborn ass up.”
I snickered at the mental
picture, but evidently AJ took my snickering for something else because his
eyes grew wide. He opened his mouth to say something, but Brian shook his head,
making a face.
I stared Nick in the
eyes. “Do we have a deal?”
Nick saluted. “Yes
ma’am.”
I playfully smacked the
shoulder on his good side. “Smartass.”
We all filed out of the
room, security and bodyguards walking loosely on all sides. Most of the people
had been cleared out, but there were a few eager stragglers. Brian pulled up
next to me.
“You’re getting good at
that.” He grinned, motioning to Nick who was walking ahead of us with AJ.
“I learn from the best.”
I returned the smile, nodding to Brian.
~*~*~*~*~
The rest of us, sans
Brian, sat in Nick’s room waiting for them to finish talking to Nick’s doctor.
We were all pretty quiet, but it wasn’t really a depressing quiet. More like we
were all thinking about what the next months would bring for us.
Every time I tried to
picture myself on tour with them, I had to resist the urge to pinch myself.
Other than the traveling and getting to stay with them, I was all about
exciting things and spontaneity. I thrived on it. I knew it would be pretty
difficult at times and I knew that was going to be a shock to my system.
People really didn’t
understand how hard it could be for them. They went from hotel to hotel,
sleeping in different beds every other night, never having a shred of privacy.
Even knowing Nick as well as I did, didn’t allow me to understand it to their
degree. It was definitely going to be a major adjustment. Still, I was just an
inch beyond excited. Suddenly the door burst open and Nick emerged, grinning.
Brian was standing to his left, also smiling. I felt my face light up with
theirs. We were on our way.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Memories
flooded my mind as Lizz and I neared the bus. Hearing the engine running, the
smell of the exhaust cued only the feelings of dread, fatigue and homesickness.
I craved normalicy and I knew I would never get it while we were on tour. I
quickly pasted a smile on my face when Lizz grabbed me by the arm.
“God, this bus looks so huge,” she whispered in a hushed voice.
I smirked. She was definately in awe of the silver bullet. “Nah, you’re just so
tiny.”
“Ha ha, am not!”
“Whateva,” I replied as I gestured with my free arm to the open door. “Ladies
first.”
“Nick you’re all set, right?”
“Yeah Dave, we’re good to go,” I replied to my driver.
I took a deep breath before I climbed onboard. The only part of the trip that
wouldn’t make it suck so bad was having someone around me that was totally new
to all the mayhem that was coming up.
“Omigod!” Lizz gasped.
I shook my head and smiled at Dave before getting on. I bounded up the steps to
find Lizz standing in the middle of the living quarters, her mouth agape.
“You never told me how great this is!”
I sank my body onto the couch. “That’s cause you never asked.”
Lizz did a 360 before she stopped and then turned back to face me again, her
hands on her hips. I looked up at her with an eyebrow raised, waiting for a
comment.
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“Nick! Hey aren’t you gonna give me a tour of this home on wheels or am I going
to have to figure this out on my own?”
I groaned.
“Please, pretty please?”
I envisioned my mom glaring at me at this very moment. This was kinda rude for
me not to take her and show her where things were, after all, she was going to
be stuck with me on this bus for three months.
“Okay, let’s go on the mini tour, here, follow me,” I stated as I gestured over
my shoulder. When I walked past her, I stopped briefly at the fridge. I held up
a bottle of water. “Want some?” Lizz shook her head. “Well, that’s the fridge,
so you know where to go to help yourself.”
“Okay, there’s the microwave, the cupboards with plates and glasses and stuff.
Over here is the munchie cupboard.... what?”
Lizz was shaking her head, smiling. “You and your preoccupation with food, I
swear.”
“Hey, just wait, you’ll see why I worry about my snacks! Okay, you’ve seen the
living quarters, the tv’s behind those doors, the ones below is the playstation
and on the left is the CD case and on the right are the DVD’s and some VHS. DVD
and the VCR are on the bottom shelf.”
“Way back is the bedroom the bathroom is off to the far right. So there’s the
mini tour,” I sighed as I laid back down on the couch.
“Nick are you tired?”
“Oh don’t start analyzing me please, I’m fine,” I rolled my eyes at her.
“Hey, don’t pull anything dumb Nick, Brian told me what the doctor said about
the conditions of your release and if I remember, number one was plenty of rest
and fluids during your offtime,” Lizz stated as she stared at me.
I grabbed a pillow and laid it ontop of my face. “I’m fine.”
“Yeah, and I’m the pope!”
“Well, what about you? Are you feeling okay?” I asked, trying to switch the
focus off of me.
“Nice try Nick.”
Taking the blanket that was laying across a chair, Lizz laid it ontop of me.
“Why don’t you lay back and rest? I’ll find a movie and we can watch some tv,
how does that sound?”
Again, I groaned.
“Okay, that’s what I thought,” Lizz replied.
I smirked as I watched her try to figure out how to open the doors to the TV. I
didn’t say a word as she pried opened the doors to the CD’s. She finally found
the cupboard with the DVD’s and I was semi-amused as I watched her paw through
the selections.
“My god, this is like a mini video rental store,” Lizz muttered as she picked
through the movies. “Any requests?”
“I don’t care, but the ride shouldn’t be that long, so try to pick something
you won’t get too involved in,” I sleepily suggested.
“Titanic? Nick I though you hated that----”
“Gift, or a weak moment, not sure,” I mumbled in defense.
I closed my eyes, giving up to the sleep that I was craving. Off in the
distance, I could hear her still sorting through movies.....
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Nick, what’s Brian gonna think about this? I’m sure he wouldn’t approve,” Lizz
protested as I placed the card to the hotel room in the door slot.
Holding the door open, I motioned for her to go inside. “Brian’s not our dad,
is he?”
“No, but still, single people shouldn’t share a room together, especially a
hotel room!”
“Brian and Leighanne weren’t saints before they got married,” I smirked.
“Okay, I didn’t want to know that,” Lizz replied, covering her ears.
“Well, you’re stuck with me, you heard them at the desk, the hotel is booked
solid, all the hotels in the area are booked up, so like it or not, you’re
gonna have to enjoy my company for the next two days here.”
“We need ice,” Lizz stated as she grabbed the bucket.
“Whoa, where did that come from?”
“No place, we need ice, that’s all.”
I took Lizz by the shoulders. “Hey.... if you’re uncomfortable with this I can
stay with Howie or someone from detail.”
Lizz shook her head. “No, it’s okay, I’m fine. I just don’t want rumors to
start up for you.”
I snickered at the comment. “Like there isn’t any rumors out there now?
Besides, look at how preoccupied AJ has been about us lately.”
I was rewarded with a grin from Lizz.
“Do you want me to get the ice?”
“Nick! Are you nuts? You’d be attacked,” she replied as she grabbed the room
card off the desk. “What’s so funny now?”
“It’s pretty safe right now, we just got here,” I pointed out. “Give it a few
hours and the real beauty of being on the road will be hitting you full force.”
I took the ice bucket from her hands. “Come on, I’ll go with you.”
“Okay, what’s going to happen in a few hours?”
“Well my friend, in a few hours I’ll have to call detail when I want to leave
this room to do anything. My life will be this way for the next couple of
months, no end in sight. You will be getting so sick of it once the fans figure
you out and put two and two together. Oh and just in case we ever get separated
or you aren’t allowed near me, we need to think of a password to tell detail so
you can be allowed back in.”
I noticed a smile spread across her face.
“What are you thinking Lizz? Ugh, god no...no--”
“Sooners Rule!”
“I WILL NOT allow you near me with that freakin password, lemme think about it.
Now, let’s go get some ice.”
~*~*~*~*~
I laid across the bed, tossing a small ball into the air and hopefully catching
it. Lizz had retreated to the shower roughly ten minutes ago so I was left
alone to try and fend off the boredom that was creeping up on me.
My mind started wandering about different things. Some really dumb, like did I
remember to turn off the hall light before I left the house to some that were
really important, like what am I really feeling about Lizz? I knew I was in
denial about coming to terms with my feelings, but it kept gnawing at me. What
if she didn't feel the same way about me that I kinda felt about her? What if I
push her away by even attempting to admit my feelings?
"Shit Nick, just bite the bullet. If she feels the same way I do, then that's
cool and if she doesn't then I guess I need to move on with my life," I
coached myself.
"Hey is someone out here?" Lizz asked as she walked out into the room
towel drying her hair.
"Nope, you must be hearing things," I grinned. "Hey how would
you like to do something tonight?"
Lizz looked at me questioningly. "Such as?"
"Such as we go clubbing," I announced cheerfully.
"Nick, I don't have anything to wear to go out and do things," Lizz
pointed out.
I pulled open the drawer on the nightstand and pulled out my wallet.
"Well, we can take care of that." As I tried to give her a credit
card, she crossed her arms over her chest. "What? Just take it!"
"No, I wouldn't feel right, I would feel like I'm mooching off of
you," she shook her head.
"Mooching? Lizz come on, judas you're being stubborn and stupid. You're
not mooching off of me or anyone, just take the damn card."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
A knock on the door interrupted our playful arguement.
"I'll get it!" Lizz cried out as she bounded towards the door.
"Hey make sure you check to see---" I stopped my sentance when Lizz
opened the door without looking.
"Oops, sorry about that. I didn't think about someone that shouldn't be on
the other side of the door," Lizz apologized sheepishly.
"It's okay, you're new at this. Who's at the door?"
"It's me, I'm safe, at least the last time I checked I was safe,"
Leighanne joked as she entered the room.
"I invited Leighanne to take you shopping with her. Lee, take this card
and pick out some stuff for Lizz to wear tonight and whatever pleases her,okay?
She won't take the card from me," I explained as I handed a credit card
over to Leighanne.
"Ah, I remember those days myself Lizz. Come on, you ready? We have some
shopping to do!"
Lizz gave me a funny look. "Okay, I'm going, but Nick this will be under protest."
"That's fine, protest your ass away but don't come back without clothes
and stuff, okay?"
Lizz shook her head as she followed Leighanne out the hotel room door. I flipped
on the television and laid back in bed hoping to catch a little bit of sleep
before the night started.
*~*~*~*~*~
Inwardly, I was grateful that my favorite booth had been reserved at The Red
Star, I practically lived at this nightclub when I was old enough to go
clubbing. I knew the rest of the group would enjoy themselves.
"So, Nick, how does Lizz seem to be adapting to the tour so far?"
Brian asked as we watched the two women walk towards the restroom.
"Well, she really hasn't gotten a taste of it yet. I figure by at least
midday tomorrow she will loathe it as much as I do," I replied after
taking a gulp of beer from the bottle.
Leighanne and her were gone for about four hours on that shopping spree and I
was happy to see Lizz come back with bags of clothes. Lee explained that Lizz
was hesitant at first in buying anything on my credit card. I think it had
something to do with how Manda had maxed out one of my credit cards in less
than a month's time. Lizz knew how upset I had been over that experience and I
knew she was worried that I would worry about spending.
This was different. I was quite pleased with what she had bought and definately
happy with what she chose to wear at the club tonight. There are some girls
that can wear black leather pants without looking cheap or dumpy. Her pants
complimented every curve and I about died when she walked out of the bathroom
with those pants on. I still didn't know what to say to Lizz or how to tell her
I was having the feelings that I was having. I was afraid of losing her.
"Nick? Hey buddy!"
I blinked when I realized that AJ was waving a hand in front of my face. He
laughed when I snapped out of my trance.
"Boy, what are you thinking about?"
The heat on my cheeks indicated to me that I was in the process of a full blown
blush. "Nothing."
"Yeah, sure Nick," AJ scoffed.
Okay, I will admit that me slamming my beer down only added to an omission of
guilt on my behalf. "Just drop it, okay AJ?"
I was resued by Lizz and Leighanne walking back to the table. As if on cue, the
band started playing 'Open Arms.'
"Lizz, wanna dance?"
"Sure," she accepted my offer with a smile.
Taking her out on the dance floor felt ‘right’. We fit perfectly, it was a
comfortable feeling - like a favorite sweatshirt you’d wear when you felt blue
and needed inner reassurance that things would be alright.
We didn’t speak to each other as we danced. I held her close and closed my
eyes. Everything about that moment was good. I took in things about Lizz I
never noticed before - the smell of her hair, her perfume had to be my
favorite, I didn’t know the name of it but I decided then and there that smell
would be ingrained in my mind forever.
I tried to work up the courage to whisper three little words into her ear.
Three very powerful and meaniful words, but the fear of rejection hung around
me and I was afraid to tell Lizz what I felt inside. I licked my lips, and took
a deep breath in. It was do or die time, I was going to risk my pride and tell
her what I felt.
“Lizz?”
She looked up at me and smiled. “Nick?”
The music stopped. The song was over.
“Thanks, that was fun,” I replied as we turned to walk back to the table.
I mentally slapped myself all the way back. Brian was engrossed in a
conversation with Leighanne, making up for the lost time while she had been
away in Europe during our trials and tribulations over the past year and Howie,
Kevin and AJ were discussing stocks and investments. I was inwardly happy to
think that they didn’t see my failure out on the dance floor.
The waitress appeared at our booth. I quickly ordered another bottle of beer
and a shot of tequila, thinking that would be courage for me in a shot glass. I
ordered a salty dog for Lizz and then gestured at the rest of the group and
simply stated, “Another round for them.”
The club band started playing Stayin Alive. I was about to ask Lizz to dance
again when AJ jumped in before me.
“Yo Lizzard, let’s go out and show these people how to dance!”
Lizz giggled and took AJ’s hand and she left in an instant. I resigned myself
to watch them out on the dance floor. For some reason, I felt as if AJ had
stepped on something sacred. I watched them laughing and hamming it up on the
dancefloor, both seemed engrossed with each other. It looked to me as if they
were a couple that had been dating for years. To add insult to injury, they
played a fast set which was roughly three songs in a row and the two of them
stayed on the dance floor for the duration. I was seething when the drinks were
finally served. I took the shot and dumped it down my throat, part of the drink
oozed out the corners of my mouth. As I quickly wiped my mouth off, I caught
the waitress and asked her before she left to bring back a double shot of
whiskey. I guzzled my beer and slammed the bottle on the table as I watched AJ
horn in on something that I wanted.
I could feel someone staring at me.
“Whoa, Nick, something bothering you?” Brian questioned.
I closed my eyes and groaned. God, he sure had a talent for reading me. “No,
I’m fine, the bottle slipped outta my hand, sorry.”
Slouching back in my seat, I watched as AJ and Lizz left the dance floor,
happily joking back and forth with each other. I felt as if I didn’t exsist at
that moment. I messed up and now AJ took full advantage of my mistake.
As I snatched the double that was set in front of me and tipped it, I saw Lizz
and AJ staring at me through the glass. At that point I guess I didn’t care. My
feelings had been hurt and the whiskey seemed to ease the pain.
“Thanks AJ, that was awesome.” I grinned as we left the dance floor.
“Yeah it was. Although I
noticed you eyeing another guy. Lizz, I’m hurt.” AJ said.
I stopped dead in my
tracks and stared at AJ. “What did you say?”
AJ cracked up. “Lizz it’s
so obvious. Why don’t you just admit it?”
I continued to stare at
him, my eyes wide. “I don’t know what you are talking about. You’re full of
shit Aje, you really are.”
He only laughed and shook
his head. I felt the color rise in my cheeks, but pretended to ignore it. We
reached our reserved table just in time to see Nick down a double in one quick
gulp. I glanced at AJ before sliding down in the booth next to Nick.
“Whoa there, take it easy
hun. You don’t want to get totally trashed yet do you?” I said, laying a hand
on his arm.
“Maybe I do.” He said,
shrugging my hand off, staring straight ahead. His words were slightly slurred.
I backed up, stung.
“What’s wrong?”
He turned to me, eyes
hard. “What makes you think something’s wrong? Just go back and dance with
asshole some more. Don’t worry about me.”
“Hey!” AJ protested.
Brian and Lee had taken
notice of the conversation and Brian put a hand on AJ’s shoulder, silently
telling him not to get started with Nick.
“Nick, we just had a few
dances. Why are you so mad?” I asked, my voice quivering.
“You don’t understand.
Skip it.” He growled, turning away from me.
Okay, that hurt. I hated
when he said that. And on top of it he’s going to tell me I don’t understand?!
Part of me wanted to cry, but the stubborn and slightly tipsy side of me made
my temper flare.
“Okay fine! You know
what? I’ve been really looking forward to doing something normal. Our lives
have been so fucked up for so long and we finally get a night to have some fun
and you turn into an ass. Obviously I screwed up your night somehow so I’ll
just stay out of your way.” I said angrily, hot tears burning my eyes. Before
the words were even out of my mouth, I had scooted out of the booth. Trying to
keep from crying, I got up, grabbed my jacket and went out the front doors.
“Lizz, wait, you can’t
just take off like that!”
I turned around, hastily
brushing tears off my cheeks. “I don’t understand what I did to make him so
mad.”
“He feels really bad.”
Lee said softly.
I didn’t say anything.
“Really, Lizz, when he’s
had a few drinks and he gets upset, he can get pretty mean.” Leighanne
explained.
“But I used to talk to
him all the time when he was drunk. Well. not all the time, but way back before
we met in person, he would get online sometimes when he was drunk. But he was
never like this. He was always really goofy and uh, stuff.” I broke off smiling
at some of the things he used to say to me. They were bad and I loved teasing
him about it. The next morning when he was sober, I would repeat some of the
things he said and he would be mortified. He never remembered any of it.
“Probably because he was
in good spirits when he was talking to you. If he gets upset, it’s a different
matter entirely.” Lee surmised.
“Why is he so upset with
me?” I asked in a small voice.
“I’m sorry, Lizzard.”
Lee and I both turned
around to see Nick standing there. The expression on his face made my eyes fill
with tears again. Lee gave my arm a quick squeeze before slipping back inside.
“What did I do to upset
you so much?” I asked softly.
“You didn’t do anything.
I’m so sorry. I was a jerk and I ruined your night.” He said looking down.
I stepped closer to him.
“Talk to me.”
He looked up, his eyes
brimming with tears. “I guess I just felt left out when you were having so much
fun with AJ. I’m sorry.”
“Aw hun, I’m sorry. I
totally lost track of time out there, But I was coming back to see if you would
dance with me. We haven’t had a chance to dance to any fast ones yet.” I gave a
tentative smile.
“You still want to?” A
hint of a smile surfaced.
I grinned. “Of course I
do.”
“So we’re okay then?”
That smile grew. God I hated when he did that.
“Hell yeah we are. For
future reference, no more fighting when we are a little less than sober,
though.” I linked my arm through his as we started walking inside.
“Deal. So you want
another drink?”
I stared at him. “You
realize we are gonna be so drunk.”
“Yeah.” He shrugged.
“Bring it on!” I said
enthusiastically.
When we reached the
table, everyone looked relieved to see us both smiling again.
“The war is over?” Howie
joked.
I stared at him, my eyes
saucers. The man was approaching piss drunk and fast. Hell, I knew he had is
own club and everything, but somehow I didn’t see this from him. It was
hilarious.
“Oh it’s over.” Nick said
with a sly grin, pulling me closer to him.
I giggled. “We need some
Fuck Me Sillys. Nick, you gotta try a Fuck Me Silly!”
Brian stared at me,
eyebrows raised.
“It’s a drink.” I
laughed.
Brian looked at Lee and
shook his head. “Maybe you oughta slow the drinks down a little.”
“Party pooper.” Nick
rolled his eyes. He ordered the drinks while I excused myself to the ladies
room.
The bathroom was crowded
as club bathrooms always were. I waited for my turn at the sink so I could get
rid of the mascara that my tears had smeared. To say I was relieved that
everything was okay, was an understatement. I didn’t want anything to ruin this
night.
Never in my life would I
forget that dance we shared. Never would I forget how good we fit, how good he
smelled, how hot he looked. Even thinking those thoughts made the heat rise in
my cheeks. Never had I felt so safe and protected than right at that moment. It
was like magic, cheesy as that sounds. It was like, at that moment, nothing
could hurt us or tear us apart. I wanted to tell him what I was feeling, but
what if he didn’t feel that way? I would feel like the hugest dumbass.
As I walked down the
short hallway back to the table, the payphone started ringing. I stopped and
looked around, but no one else seemed to take much notice in it. Hearing pay
phones randomly ringing always cracked me up so I sauntered over to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey babe.” A low voice
drawled in my ear.
“Uh, do you know you are
calling a pay phone?” I smirked.
“Sure do babe. I was
looking for someone there at that club.” The voice replied smoothly.
“And you think you are
going to find her by calling a payphone?” I rolled my eyes.
“Maybe I did.”
“I doubt that buddy.” I
snickered.
“See, she kinda had a
thing going with my buddy, but that didn’t turn out too well. I thought I would
try a shot with her.” He said, laughing. He was talking so low, it was hard to
hear him, let alone tell how old he might have been.
“Well good luck bud. I’ve
got some own fun to go have.” I grinned as I peaked around the corner. Nick was
talked to the guys, laughing at something. Suddenly I wanted to be there, with
him, not on the phone with some freak.
“Hey, wait.” He said
sharply, his voice rougher.
I ignored him, shaking my
head, and hung up the phone. “Weirdo.”
I bounded back over to
Nick. “Come on, let’s go dance.” I grabbed his hand and attempted to pull him
out of the booth.
“Took ya. Here’s your
drink.” He handed me the glass and stood up with me.
“Sorry, some guy called
on the payphone and I picked up. He’s looking for this girl that had a thing
with his friend and for some reason he thought she would be the one to answer
the phone or something.” I shrugged.
Nick gave me a funny look.
“What?”
He shook it off.
“Nothing, lets go.”
I completely lost track
of all time as we danced, song after song. Whenever we needed a break, we went
and had another drink. Or a round of shots. Howie was drinking with us, but the
others were just relaxing at the table. I was having so much fun that I didn’t
notice that the dance floor began clearing out. Finally Kevin came up and told
us that it was time to go.
As we all filed out, I
noticed that I’d had a lot to drink. Nick might have even been worse off
than I was. Howie was pretty far gone too.
“You’re drunk.” I
observed to Nick.
Brian turned around, he
was walking arm in arm with Lee in front of me. “You are pretty trashed too,
Lizz.”
“Yeah.” Chimed in Howie.
“Well, you’re shitfaced!”
Nick pointed out.
“You’re blitz.”
“You both...are sauced!”
I snorted.
Nick had his arm around
me, but that turned to be a bad combination when I stumbled on the curb. I
almost lost my balance, but Nick managed to keep me on my feet. Unfortunately,
it made him lose his balance and his feet shot out from under him.
“You’re drunk off your
ass, Lizz!” He hollered as he hit the ground.
“Yeah and you are drunk on
your ass!” I whooped.
Howie cracked up too.
“It’s your fault, you drunkard!” He nodded at me.
As Brian and AJ pulled a
staggering Nick up, Kevin turned around. “You guys are obnoxious when you are
drunk.”
“You’re obnoxious all the
time.” Nick shot back. Howie and I busted up again.
“Seriously, it isn’t that
funny.” AJ shook head at us.
By now we were roaring.
The drive home was fun.
Nick and I laughed at absolutely everything, Astonishingly neither of us or
Howie had gotten sick yet, but I guessed we would before the night was over. As
we headed up to our hotel floor I suddenly realized something. I think Brian
and Kevin noticed too because they were huddled togehter talking. I ignored
them and went back to watching Nick struggle with the room key. It was very
amusing.
“Brian, we can’t let them
go in there together.” Kevin warned.
“I know. It wouldn’t be
appropriate. But surely they wouldn’t...well, I mean...” Brian trailed off.
“Bri,
they are both piss drunk and it’s obvious how they feel about each other. Nick
won’t remember any of it tomorrow and Lizz probably won’t either. We can’t let
them do something they might regret.” Kevin observed.
***
