Chapter 35
2001
"Gotta
admit," Kevin looked out at the marvelous view, "this place is
beautiful."
"Definitely,"
Howie agreed, "and so peaceful."
The five
brothers sighed, letting the tranquility of the day relax their tired muscles
and weary spirits. They'd been touring for almost two months now, making
up the dates they'd missed when A.J had to deal with his own problems.
Thankfully, he was okay now and life could go back to normal.
Well, as normal
as you can get for a Backstreet Boy!
Nick's fingers
itched to grab a pencil and paper to sketch the breath taking sight of
picturesque mountains, luscious trees, and the glimmering water of the lake
below. All of it was shrouded by an infinitely blue sky, which was
beginning to darken because it was nearing nightfall. It was times like
these where he really thanked God for blessing him with the chance to see such
eye opening scenery.
"I wanna
bring Sarah to a place like this when I pop the question," A.J decided
with a smile.
"So
you're really gonna do it man?" Brian asked while ruffling Nick's spiky
hair.
"Hey!"
Nick swatted his arm away and shot him a pointed glance.
Brian simply
laughed.
A.J shared in
his laughter and then responded. "Yeah...she's it for me. I
know that now."
"That's
great," Howie muttered in feigned annoyance, "A.J's
gonna tie the knot before I do."
"That is
pretty humiliating for ya D," Nick teased and flashed him a toothy grin.
Howie crossed
his arms but couldn't hide his smile. "Ha, ha Nick. I don't
see you shopping for a ring either!"
"Nah, Rach and I aren't at that stage yet..." his thoughts
drifted to his girl, making him oblivious to the wary glances between the rest
of his band mates. He really liked Rachel. She was very sexy,
smart...
Did he forget
to mention sexy?
And who
knows? Maybe once he gets all the partying out of his system, he'll pick
out a ring and ask her to settle down with him. For now, though, he just
wanted to have some good, old fashioned fun.
"Uh Nick,"
Kevin interrupted his thoughts, "if you ever decide to marry...make sure
it's with someone who really loves and deserves you okay?"
Well
duh!" Nick smirked at him, missing his hidden meaning, "it's not like
I'm gonna marry some gold digger or somethin'."
Howie, A.J,
and Kevin shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other while Brian cleared
his throat. "I think we'd better start headin' back to our buses
guys. It's gettin' late and we have to be in
They all
agreed and began the hour and half trek down the path they'd taken
earlier. Brian immediately fell into step with Nick. "So
Frack, what are you up for tonight? X-Box or PS 2?"
Nick grinned
and Brian laughed knowingly. "X-Box!" They exclaimed at the
same time.
Kevin shook his
head while A.J and Howie burst out laughing. "You two are
hopeless!"
***
"I told
you I'd beat your ass!" Brian grinned triumphantly later that evening.
"Nick
shot him a stony glare. "I let you win," he grumbled.
"Whatever
helps you sleep at night Frack."
Nick attempted
to maintain his irritation, but it was no use. Both he and Brian burst
into laughter again. After the goofiness had subsided, they leaned back
against the walls of the rumbling bus, facing each other.
"You know
Frick, it's nice that we got to chill like this today."
"Yeah,"
he agreed, "it was. I know I haven't been exactly available
since I married Leigh..."
Nick shrugged.
"I understand man. Besides," he smiled, "Rach keeps me busy."
Brian raised
an eyebrow. "I'm sure she does."
Nick noticed
the disapproving tone of his voice and frowned. "What's that
supposed to mean?"
He
sighed. "Listen man, don't get me wrong, Rach
is a great...looking girl and all, but--"
The bus
suddenly lurched cutting off the conversation. Nick and Brian tumbled
forward slightly, nearly knocking heads.
"Shit!"
Nick reached for something to hold onto, "what the hell was that?"
Brian gripped
one of the bed posts. "I don't know. It is raining out...maybe
the driver didn't see where he was goin' for a second."
"I'm
gonna go check it out," Nick stood, "you call the guys and see if
they're all right."
"Sounds
like a plan," Brian replied as cautiously got up and reached for his cell
phone.
***
"Kev?
It's Brian."
"Hey, you
okay? Did you bus nearly slip off the road?"
"Well, I
don't know about my bus but Nick's sure did," Brian reported as he looked
in the cupboards for some food.
"Right!
I forgot you're on his bus. He's okay too?"
"Yeah, he
just went up front to ask the driver what happened."
"Okay, I
just finished talking to Howie and A.J when you called and they said that
things are fine on their buses too."
"All
right," he replied, relieved, " I'll go let Nick know. I'll see
you later."
"Yea--"
The phone suddenly went dead.
Brian
frowned. "Kevin?"
"NO!"
Nick! He turned and
was about to rush to see what happened when the bus lurched again. Brian
yelped as he catapulted forward, hitting his head on the wall before collapsing
into unconsciousness...
***
"The
rain's just got the roads a little slippery that's all and that's not good with
all these curving roads up here. But we'll be all right. I've got
expert driving skills!"
Nick
laughed. "I'm sure you do man. Well, I'll head back and tell
Bri what's--" His eyes widened. "Oh my God!"
He watched in horror as A.J, Howie, Brian and Kevin's buses suddenly spun out
of control and careened off the road. "NO!" Nick cried out.
"Shit!"
The driver tried to stop the bus but it was no use. It reached the same
area where the others had been and instantly slid forward. Nick and the
driver screamed as it made a half turn, knocking them to the ground and tossing
them around like rag dolls.
Oh God Oh
God Oh God Oh GOD! Nick panicked, wondering if he was going to survive the night.
The bus
suddenly stopped, but at such an alarming angle that Nick knew that one wrong
move would spell the end. His breathing came quickly, frightened about
his fate, the fate of his friends...
Brian!
"B...Br..."
he couldn't speak. He had to help him...but how? Cautiously, he
attempted to move. So far so good... He lifted his arm to
his head and felt the gash on his forehead. He closed his eyes in
pain. Must...get to Brian... He carefully lifted himself to
his feet.
Nothing
happened.
Okay.
One step at a time Nick. Just one step at a time.
One step was
all it took.
The bus made a
horrid noise that shook Nick to the very core of his being before it careened
down into the unknown...
***
Ohhh...
Brian could
barely open his eyes, but he managed to see enough to instantly regret it.
The once luxurious bus was now a disaster with so many things overturned and
broken...
I'm still
in here...how am I going to get out?
He tried to
lift himself up but the pain was overwhelming. He ached all over. Try
Brian...try! It was then that he noticed the smell of smoke wafting
into the space where he lay amid the mess. He peered forward and saw the
flickering of orange underneath the crack of the door.
Oh
Lord...I'm going to die...
He felt his
eyes drooping and tried to will them to stay open...
Please...
His head fell
to the floor.
Help....
That was his
last thought before the blanket of unconsciousness wrapped around him once
more.
***
How he managed
to get out of the bus, he didn't know. Maybe it was a miracle...
Whatever the
case, Nick was glad to be out of that hell hole of a bus. He never wanted
to look at another one for as long as he lived. He could still distinctly
recall the sound of the trees and metal shattering against each other, the
smell of gasoline spilling, his body thudding against God knows how many
objects...
Carefully, he
lifted his head. All he could see was destruction and trees.
Lots and lots
of trees.
Not too far in
the distance he could see Kevin, A.J and Howie's buses. Please let
them be okay... He moved his gaze to his left and saw the bus driver,
who's forehead was gushing with blood. Nick reached for his own forehead
and realized that he was still bleeding profusely.
But where was
Brian?
Just then, the
front of the bus erupted in flames. "Brian!!" Nick yelled,
knowing that if he wasn't out here...
He forced his
mangled body up off the ground and stumbled toward the melting metal.
"Brian!! I'm coming!!" As he drew closer, smoke drifted
into his nostrils and open mouth and he gasped and let out a fit of coughs.
Keep going... He got to the open door of the bus, said a tiny
prayer and lunged into the flames. He smacked his head against some kind
of hard object and landed on the burning ground with a horrid thud. Dazed
and unaware, he lay there, trying to summon the strength to go on.
And then he
smelled it.
A smell so
rotten, it made him want to retch.
It was him...
"OWWW!!!"
He howled as he ripped his face off the ground. He clenched his fists and
screamed as a pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before claimed his
body. "My FACE!!" He cried out. "MY FACE!!"
"N...n..ick..."
His voice was
so weak that Nick knew his best friend didn't have much time left. But
the pain...
"H..he..lp..."
Brian choked
out and coughed like no tomorrow.
Nick,
desperate from the intense pain and hearing Brian's distant voice, coughed over
and over again before pushing himself up. He could barely see a thing,
but he knew that behind the door where his belongings were, he would find his
best friend. He limped toward the door, trying to stay away from the
flames that licked at him from all directions...
***
2003
Nick put his
head in his hands, not wanting Katarina or Brian to
see him crying. "I...managed to get you out of there alive...and
then I heard voices...Kevin...yelling for us." His shoulders
shook. "I couldn't let them see me. I knew my face was so
bad. It hurt like hell...and there was blood all over your shirt...
I had to get out of there. So I ran." After that, no one
breathed a word, letting the story sink in. Even though he knew that
Brian was going to feel guilty, he couldn't help but feel relieved that he now
knew the truth.
He had saved
his life...
And Nick had
lost his.
"This is
all my fault," Brian choked out, suddenly breaking the silence, "if
it hadn't been for me being stuck in there..."
"It
doesn't matter anymore Bri," Nick mumbled, "it's over. You're
alive. That's all that matters."
"No, dammit! That's not all that matters!" Brian
stood, his tone very angry, "You saved my life and you..."
Feeling his
temper rising Nick's eyes narrowed, "I said it doesn't matter
anymore! I'd like to pretend it never happened!"
"How can
you pretend when every time you look in the mirror you see what--"
"DON'T!"
Nick bellowed, standing up and towering over Brian, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT'S LIKE SO DON'T YOU PRETEND THAT YOU DO!"
Brian stepped
back, his eyes showing the depth of his hurt. "You...you blame me,
don't you?
Nick didn't
know what to say...how to explain what he felt. He just didn't know how
to communicate with him anymore.
Brian turned
away. "I gotta go." He marched out of the room, his head
low.
It was then
that Nick felt Katarina's eyes on him.
Go after
him.
He blinked at
her. "What?" She hadn't spoken a word and yet he
knew. He knew just by looking in her eyes...
Go after
him. You don't blame him. I know it.
Nick gazed at
her and wanted to say something...anything. But the words stayed locked
in his heart.
"We'll
talk later," she murmured.
He nodded...
And then he
was gone.
***
Brian rushed
out of the house toward the lapping water of the ocean. Nick's house was
near the open sea and Brian was grateful. He needed a peaceful place to
think. He took off his shoes and stepped onto the warm sand. No one
was around so he walked around freely, trying desperately to rid himself of the
bothersome feelings of sadness and guilt. He blames me... I
ruined his life...
How was he
ever going to live with that?
"I don't
blame you Bri."
Brian didn't
bother to turn around. "You shouldn't be out here. Someone
could see you."
"This is
my private beach. No one would be here."
He'd
forgotten. Sighing, he sat down. "You don't have to lie to me
Nick. It was written all over your face that you hate me...I'm
sorry."
"No...I'm
sorry...for making you think that I hate you when I don't."
Brian heard
him walk up next to him and sit down. They sat together, staring out at
the beautiful ocean, the waves lightly lapping against the shore. Such a
peaceful sight.
"I admit
that for a few days after...that night, I was feeling a lot of
resentment...towards you...towards everybody who had what I used to
have." Nick took a deep breath. "But I moved passed it
and you know why?"
Brian shook
his head.
"Because
I knew that you had a beautiful wife waiting for you at home and you would do
your best to live your life to the fullest. I could relax knowing that
you would be all right. You...and the fellas."
Brian felt his
tears falling down his cheeks. "...Thank you Nick...you don't know
how much that means to me."
"I
do...that's why I said it."
Hearing the
light tone in his voice, Brian turned his head to look at him. Nick was
smiling.
Laughing,
Brian extended his hand to him, "Friends Frack?"
Nick stared at
his hand for a moment and then took it. "Best friends...Frick."
***
Katarina gulped down a huge glass of water and set the glass down in Nick's
sink. Nick and Brian had been gone for an hour now. She was so
nervous and there was no real reason to be...except that he would be back soon.
And they would
have to talk.
God, what
am I supposed to say? Sorry? It didn't feel right to apologize.
She had a damn good reason to leave. But Nick didn't know that and
without that tidbit... Tears flooded her eyes.
Their
relationship would be over.
No more
crying Rina! Haven't you cried enough?
She'd spent
the first few minutes after Nick's departure, sobbing for him. He was the
bravest man he'd ever encountered in her life. Brave and loyal...
And so
vulnerable.
She had
yearned to comfort him when he'd started crying. He'd tried so hard to
hide it, but she knew him too well. It hurt him so much to talk about
that night. Oh Nick...
"I
thought you'd left."
Katarina whirled around at the sound of his voice and her breath caught.
Lord she loved him so much... "No...I...I just was thirsty."
He walked up
to her slowly and a strong part of her wanted to run and hide. But her
heart...
It would not
let her move.
"You...you
wanted to talk?" she whispered.
He stopped,
his head just inches from hers.
She could do
nothing but gaze into his murky eyes...
"I don't
know about you," he growled softly, "but I didn't come here to
talk."
Before she
could utter a response, he closed the distance with his lips claiming
hers.
Katarina moaned as his lips worked desperately over hers, as though he were
trying to drink the very essence of her soul. She pulled him closer and
entangled her fingers into his blond locks. How long had it been since
she'd last felt this heady sensation? Since she'd last felt his hands
caress her back and his tongue tease hers?
And yet, she
felt like sobbing.
This was no
ordinary kiss. This was the kind of kiss to be remembered. The kind
that you look back on and think "Oh yes!"
This kiss was
their good bye.
Nick suddenly
moaned and drew back, nestling his smooth cheek on her shoulder. Trying
her hardest not to let the tears fall, she gently ran her fingers over the
exposed, wretched side of his face.
He let out a
long sigh. "Rina..."
She closed her
eyes. Nick...
After a few
moments, he lifted his head and met her gaze. His eyes bore into
hers. "Things could've been so different...but--"
"But I
left," she interrupted, her voice trembling, "and you'll never
forgive me for that...will you?" She lifted her hand to his face and
smoothed back the bangs from his forehead.
His eyes
softened for a moment and then hardened just as quickly. "I
can't."
Those two
words shattered her heart into so many broken pieces...it would take a lifetime
to put them together again. A single tear escaped and ran down her
cheek. He reached out to brush it away, but she stepped back.
"Good bye Nick."
He clenched
his fists. "...Good bye."
***
