Chapter
2:
When Things Change
I swallowed
hard, “What?”
“Your friend
is paralyzed from the waist down,” she said somberly.
I was
speechless. My eyes scanned over her face, searching for the punch line - the
end of this horrible joke. “No. Nick’s not paralyzed!”
“Would you
like to see him?”
“He’s not
paralyzed!” I spat furiously.
“Sir, calm
down.” She said, placing her hands on my shoulders.
“You’re
kidding! This is a joke, right?” I paused. “Right...?”
She shook her
head, her eyes showing genuine concern. “He’s going to need you to be there for
him. Rehabilitation is not going to be easy. He’ll need some support from his
friends and family. This is going to be really hard on him...”
“Where is he?
Can I see him now?” I silently said.
“Yes. Follow
me,” she spoke softly, leading me out into the hallway. I followed her through
the many corridors until we made it to the room. The door was closed. I was
scared to enter. When she put her hand on the doorknob, she turned and looked
at me. “How about I just leave you here, and you can go in whenever you feel
like it, okay?”
I nodded. She
walked away, and there I stood - face-to-face with the door. Guilt swept over
my entire existence. If I hadn’t been driving...if I’d only pulled over, then
none of this would have happened. Or maybe it was fate? I put my hand on the
doorknob, but I couldn’t open the door. I wouldn’t let myself. Would Nick blame
me for this?
My eyes
closed, and I held my breath as I entered the room. Then I saw him. He was
lying there in bed, crying. My heart sank and a sick feeling rushed over me. He
knew. I didn’t move for a few minutes, I was incapable of saying anything to
express how deeply sorry I was. What was there to say? No words could express
what I felt that moment in time.
I breathed in
deeply and approached his bedside. “Hi, Nick.”
He took his
hands from his eyes and looked at me. He didn’t say anything. I watched him as
tears trickled down his cheeks, his hands now clenched onto the white sheets,
he was grimacing in confusion and mental pain. Nick’s face was blood red, his
eyes were wet with tears. I felt so awful. I was actually looking at what I had
done to him.
“How’re you
doing?” I asked.
Nick’s face showed
a look of disgust. “What do you think?” I heard him sniffle. “Do I look
like I’m doing all right? I’m only paralyzed!” He spat, as he continued
crying.
What was I
supposed to say? There was still no way for me to express how sorry I was.
“Nick - it’s not the end of the world,” I consoled.
His troubled
blue eyes looked at mine, seemingly glazing over with hurt. “How can you
fucking say that to me? You’re not the one that won’t be able to walk ever
again; you’re not the one that can’t dance anymore; you’re not that one that
can’t fucking have kids!” He was yelling loudly at me, trying to get his
point across through deafening screams of pain and angst.
I swallowed
hard. He was right. It might as well have been the end of his world... “I’m
sorry, Nicky.”
He made a
fist, “I can’t believe this," he said, punching the bed. "How
the hell could this happen to me? I need my legs! I need
to be able to function like a normal human being!”
“Nick, I
really am sorry.”
“Good God, so
am I...” He cried ominously. He had my guilt level so high it was unbearable. I
felt my eyes stinging as pessimistic tears formed. I slowly walked over to the
chair beside the bed and sat down. “Why couldn’t I have just..." his voice
trailed off as he searched for the word, "died?”
“Don’t say
that!” I exclaimed, my eyes jutting back and forth.
“I’d rather be
dead than to live this way.”
“No!”
“Yes, Brian! YES!
God, my life is over...” He said, placing a hand on his head.
I grabbed his
other hand and held it, attempting to comfort him. He was trembling. “Nick,
everything’s gonna be perfectly fine.” I knew if I were in his position, I’d
have the same feelings though... Everything wasn't fine. Everything wouldn't
be fine. It was a false sense of security.
“Why did this
have to happen to me?” He cried somberly as more tears filled his eyes,
threatening to fall. After a short battle, they trickled out the sides of his
eyes.
“I don’t know
Nick,” I coaxed, softly stroking his hand.
“What
am I being punished for, Brian?” He sniffled.
***
