Chapter 8:
Friendly
Visit
I ignored
Harmony, but it didn’t last as long as I’d hoped. I had to have her help me do
certain things, so her assistance was necessary. I had to apologize. I wheeled
myself over to her in the kitchen, watching her put some dishes away in the
high places I’d never be able to reach. “I’m sorry I yelled,” I spoke softly.
“No big deal,”
she shrugged indifferently.
Yeah, right.
It was a big deal. If she hated my guts, she could easily suffocate me
in the middle of the night as I slept. “You were right.” I hate admitting I’m
wrong!
She turned to
look at me curiously, “About what?”
I laughed,
“Everything.”
Harmony looked
at me and smiled, rolling her eyes. “Specifically....”
“I have been
shutting people out,” I said, nervously pulling at my T-shirt. “I do need to
date, and I need to spend some time with Brian.”
She looked at
me reassuringly, nodding, “Like I said - you’re still the same Nick Carter that
you were before.”
Eh...maybe. “I
wouldn’t go that far. After all, I can’t do a lot of the things that I could do
before. The old Nick is long gone.”
“I’m talking
more or less mentally. You’re mentally the same person you were before.”
“Okay.” It was
easier to agree than to make an argument.
“So, I called
Larissa, and she said that she would love to go on a date with you.”
I sighed
heavily, “I don’t even know her and -”
“Well, that’s
why you’re going to date her...”
“I know that I
took all those classes to cope with public interaction, but...I’m not going to
be comfortable with her.”
“Yes, you
will.”
“No. No, I
won’t.” I paused, “Am I gonna have to give her a run through on what I can and
can’t do?”
“Larissa knows
that I work with people in your situation, so, if you want to talk about it
with her, that’s your choice; she probably won’t ask though.”
“Okay,” I
sighed heavily.
“So, you’re
all right with this? You’ll go out with her?”
“I guess so.”
“Oh, thank
you, Nick," she said bending over and giving me a reassuring hug.
"You won’t regret this, I promise.” Yeah, right. Why do girls lavish in
playing matchmaker? When she finally pulled away, she was staring at me oddly.
“What?”
“What about
Brian?”
“...What about
him?”
“Don’t you
wanna talk to him? To forgive him.”
What the crap?
“How about we do one thing at a time?”
“Nick,” she
reprimanded me like a child. “Why don’t you just call him or something?”
“I’d rather
talk to him in person.”
“Do you want
me to call him and ask if he’ll come over here?”
“Not
particularly.”
“Nick!” There
she goes again...
“I don’t know what
I’m supposed to say to him! Tell me what you want me to say to him!”
“Tell him
everything. Talk to him about your life...how it’s changed, how you’re coping;
tell him about your fears. Most importantly though, I think you should tell him
that you don’t blame him.”
“Even though I
kinda still blame him?”
“Why do you?”
“I don’t
know.”
“You’re bitter
that it didn’t happen to him?”
“No!” I spat
angrily. How could she ask me that?!?
“Nick...”
“I wouldn’t
want this to happen to him!”
“Why not?”
“Because he's
my best friend; he's as close to an older brother as it gets. I’d feel bad for
him if it were him...”
“You don’t
think he feels badly for you?”
“I don’t
know.”
“Please say
you’ll talk to him about this?”
I sighed
heavily and rested my head in my hands. “I do miss him.”
“So, you’ll
talk with him?”
“Yeah, I guess
so,” I sighed, giving in far too soon.
Harmony called
Brian, and he came for a little visit. She had him sit on my couch, and she set
my wheelchair right over beside him. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone so you
can...talk.” She turned around to walk away, but turned back around. “If you
guys need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”
“All right.”
“Thanks.”
There was an
awkward silence for a few moments. I broke the tension. “I’m sorry we haven’t
been talking much.”
“Oh, it’s all
right. I figured you just needed some space anyway.”
“Well, that
was partly it, but not all of it.”
“What do you
mean?” He curiously asked.
“I just
don’t..." my voice trailed off as I sighed heavily. "I don't feel
like the same person anymore.”
“What are you
talking about? You’re still the same ol’ Nick you were before,” he said,
forcing a timid smile.
I shook my
head, “My missing half is holding me back from being me again.”
“Just because
you’re in a wheelchair doesn’t mean anything.”
“But it does!”
“No, it
doesn’t,” he coaxed.
"Brian, I
need to tell you something, okay?"
He nodded.
I had to tell
him that I didn‘t blame him...Harmony would shoot me in the back of my leg (not
that I’d feel it) if I didn‘t. “I did blame you for this at first, but I can’t
anymore. I know you’re not the one at fault.”
“I blamed
myself," he began, his eyes seemingly glazing over upon saying the words.
"When I first looked at you, lying there in the hospital bed, immobile...a
part of me went cold. It took a lot for me to even come to the rehab center to
see you. I would leave with a sick feeling rushing all over me...it really,
really hurts me to see you this way. I love you, ya know? You're my younger
brother, and...it just hurts me.”
His bottom lip
began to tremble, as tears lightly cascaded down his cheeks. “Don’t cry, Brian.
It’s all right.”
“I’m so sorry,
Nick. Please, can you ever forgive me?” He pleaded, his bright blue eyes
scanning my face for forgiveness. "I'm so terribly sorry. God, I'm so, so
sorry..."
“I don’t blame
you anymore, Frick. I know it’s not your fault.”
He bent his
head down and cried silently, “You haven’t called me Frick in so long.”
I scooted over
to him, and wrapped my arms around him for a hug. “Don’t cry, okay?”
“I really am
so sorry Nick. I wish it were me instead of you... You don’t deserve this.”
***
