Rebuilding Paradise

 

Chapter 7:  Maybe If

 

Michaela and I entered Anita’s room.  You could barely see her under the mass of tubes and machines.  But without them she would already be gone.  If only modern medicine could save her not just sustain her for a couple hours.  I sat down beside her and took her frail hand in mine.
    

“My God, Anita why did you have to do this?” I asked quietly.
   

Her blonde hair lay spread out around her face only making her look paler than she was.  It gave you this haunting ghost like impression.  I was almost angry with her for the extra pain that she was causing everyone.  I didn’t know if she was able to hear me but I went on anyway.
    

“Don’t you know how many people love you?  Don’t you know how much it’ll hurt when you’re gone, how much you’ll be missed?  Damn it Anita I know how much it hurt.  Lord knows I did.  But it would have gotten better!  If you had just let me help you! If you had jut let me in!  I could have helped you.  I wanted to help you!!”  I was sobbing uncontrollably now.  My tears spilled down my face and onto the starched white bed sheets.
    

“I should have tried harder.  Anita, I’m sorry I didn’t.  If I’d just tried harder…”
    

“NO!” Michaela said sharply from behind me.
   

I had almost forgotten that she was there.  She grabbed my shoulders and made me face her.
    

“It is not your fault,” she stated looking me directly in the eye.
    

“But I didn’t try hard enough!  Maybe if I had…”
    

“NO!!” she said again this time more fiercely.  “You listen to me.  It was Anita’s choice to commit suicide no one else’s.   She was the one who shut you out.  You tried Elyssa but she didn’t want your help.  Hell, she didn’t want any help.  For her it was easier to drown in self sorrow than to try and cope with it.”

 

“I just wish..” I trailed off.
    

“I know, I know,” Michaela said soothingly as she held me.
   

We sat there for several moments while I calmed down.  Once I had composed myself again I turned back to Anita.
    

“Anita I’m sorry.  It’s just so hard.  You, Brian and A.J. I feel like I’m losing everyone that I love.  We have had so many wicked times together.  Jeez I’ll be bored without you around.  You always had a way of making everything fun.”
   

As memories floated through my mind I became teary eyed for what seemed like the millionth time.
   

“Now there will be no one to help me whip Brian’s butt in basketball.  Who’s going to talk to me on the phone until midnight?  Who’s going to keep me company while on tour with the guys?  We could have made it through this together Anita.  I’ll miss you so much!  You were by far the greatest friend that I ever had.  Don’t go Anita, hold on.  You have so much to live for.  I’m not going to say goodbye, I just can’t.  So I’ll just say see you later.”
   

I gently squeezed Anita’s hand and stood up.  I stepped back so Michaela could say a few words to her.  When we were finished we went back into the waiting room and waited for the inevitable.
   

After the guys had, had their time with Anita, Dr. Carson told us we may as well go home.  He of course promised he’d call if anything happened.  It was about one o’clock in the morning when we finally arrived at home.  I thought about trying to get some sleep but I was so frazzled there was no way I’d be able to get any.  So instead I went into the kitchen to get myself a cup of tea.  At least I’d try to calm my nerves a bit.
   

As my eyes settled on the kitchen table I felt nauseatingly sick.  I let out an ear-piercing shriek.
   

“What??!  What happened?” Michaela said as she came sprinting into the room.
   

“Holy shit!!” she exclaimed when her eyes finally rested on the table.
   

“He got in Mickey,” I said beginning to feel weak.
   

On the table lay my picture with our largest steak knife stabbed straight through it.  A red liquid was spread across the entire wood table.  In it the words "no escape" had been scrawled.
   

“Oh my God Mickey what if he’s still in here?”
   

The thought of Rick still lurking in the shadows scared the hell out of me.
   

“I’m calling the police!” she said and picked up the phone even as her eyes darted nervously around the room.
   

She was terrified too, who wouldn’t be?  She tried the buttons several times.
   

“What’s wrong?” I insisted on her fourth try.
   

“It’s dead,” she stated frightened.
   

He was re-creating a horror movie with utter perfection.  I shook my head as thunder cracked outside and rain began pounding the window.
   

“What are we going to do?” I asked as my voice trembled.
   

“I don’t know,” Michaela replied.
   

Just then I remembered something.
   

“I have a cell phone,” I cried triumphantly I whipped it out and was about to dial 911 when I heard something.
   

“Did you hear that?” I barely managed to sputter out.
   

The fear was consuming me.  The suspense of not knowing was killing me.  Just then there was a crash from right outside the kitchen door.  Michaela screamed and grabbed hold of me.
   

“Yes,” she squeaked.  Both of us unable to move we clutched each other our eyes glued to the door.

 

***

 

 

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