Chapter 18

The group ate dinner in near silence, all with thoughts of Nick weighing heavily on their minds. Afterwards, Kevin turned on the television, while AJ and Tara huddled over her laptop, watching the girls in the Backstreet Boys chatroom panic over the sight of their idol being tortured so badly.

Finally, a much anticipated knock was heard on the door, and Kevin ran to open it, his face falling when he only saw Agent Palmer and Brian on the other side. "How's Nick?" He asked Brian, refusing to look at the FBI Agent.

Brian looked exhausted, and he walked slowly into the room, sitting down on a couch before answering. "He's been better."

"What did the doctors say?" Howie asked.

Brian sighed. "The regular doc said Nick will heal in time, that yeah, he was beaten, and," he stopped to take a shaky breath, and ran a hand over his face. "Sorry, I just, can't…"

Kevin sat down next to his cousin, putting an arm around him and hugging him tight. "Tell us, we need to hear it."

"The doctor said he'd been, god, I can't say it," Brian's voice cracked, as he blinked rapidly, fighting tears. "I can't believe those bastards, they, god, they hurt him so bad."

"I think we can guess what the doctor said happened to Nick, B," AJ said softly, a sad expression on his face.

"He was torn open, and needed stitches," Palmer said bluntly, not noticing Brian's wince at her words. "Which was why he should have been brought to the hospital last night."

"Jesus christ," Howie glared at her angrily. "Have you no shame?"

Tara gasped, and covered her mouth with her hand, staring at Brian.

"What else did the doctor say?" AJ asked, grabbing Tara's other hand and squeezing it for support.

"God," Brian wiped off a tear rolling down his face, and nodded. "So yeah, the doctor said…that. Then Nick saw a psychiatrist, he wasn't quite as optimistic."

"What do you mean, not quite as optimistic?" Kevin asked, worry dripping from his voice.

"He said that Nick's been traumatized by what happened, and that it's just being made all that much worse by the fact that we've all seen it. It'll be even worse when he finds out that fans are spreading captures around. The doctor also specifically mentioned you," Brian looked at Tara sadly. "What you had to do for Nick…the doc said Nick really cares about you, but…."

"He hates me for what I did. I know," Tara said softly.

"No," Brian shook his head. "He's in love with you, Tara, that's what he told the doctor. But he feels like you're disgusted by him now, and he's disgusted with what you had to do."

"I'm not disgusted by him, god, how could he think that?" Tara stared at Brian as tears filled her eyes. "It's not his fault I had to do that…."

"I know, and you know that. The doctor said it will take some time for Nick to know that."

"So what do I do?"

"Just give him time. We all," Brian looked around the room, meeting everyone's gaze. "We all have to give him time to deal with this."

"We will," Kevin said firmly.

"He's in bed now," Brian said, forcing a smile on to his face. "At least that hasn't changed, we brought Nick into his room, laid him down, and he was out like a light."

"Good, he probably needs his sleep," AJ said with a smile.

"So do we all," Howie yawned.

"In a moment," Agent Palmer said, holding up her hand. "First, I do need you all to do some serious thinking tonight, minus you, of course," she looked at Tara.

Tara rolled her eyes, "of course."

"I know I've had you go through this once before, but you must think harder this time, and I will need COMPLETE lists from you in the morning."

"Of?" Kevin prompted.

"Anyone, and everyone, you have had relationships with. Especially those that ended poorly."

AJ groaned. "We did this already…"

"Yes, but, there was something missing off of all of your lists," Palmer said softly, looking at everyone closely.

"Which was?" Howie asked, frowning at her.

"Anyone male."

Howie snorted, "none of us are gay, that's why."

"Well," Palmer sat down, and sighed. "It seems these perps might be."

"Why do you say that?"

"The roadie who we found Nick's room in, he had met someone in the hotel bar and spent the night in that person's room."

"Yeah, he told us," AJ shrugged. "So?"

"So the roadie was picked up by a man." Agent Palmer smiled wryly. "Now, in our experience, men are not willing to have sex with another man just to create a diversion, unless they are gay to begin with. Men have, how do I put this, issues, with sleeping with other men."

"We're not gay!" Howie said again, glaring at Palmer.

"I am not saying that you are. I just need you to remember if you ever have been with a man, and if that affair ended amicably or not," she sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "I know this is a delicate subject, but any clue at this point would be very much appreciated."

"Kev?" Brian said softly, touching his cousin's knee gently.

Kevin's face had gone white as a sheet, and he was breathing heavily, staring at the floor in front of him.

"Kevin," AJ's eyes widened when he saw Kevin's state, and he gasped in surprise. "No fucking way, you and some guy?"

"It was YEARS ago," Kevin whispered, his brow furrowing. "I never, ever thought," he shook his head quickly. "No way, this is nuts."

"You and a man?" Brian asked in disbelief.

"Before Backstreet came along," Kevin said, staring at Palmer. "That's too long ago, right? I mean, I was working at Disney, he just spending the summer in Florida, couldn't have been him?"

"What happened?" She asked evenly, pulling a pad out of her pocket. "And what's his name?"

Kevin sighed heavily. "Gayle. His name was Gayle."

"Last name?"

Kevin shook his head slowly, "this was years ago, I have no idea."

"Kevin!" Howie was stunned. "You dated a guy?"

"For one month," Kevin said softly. "I don't know, something about him….he was so smart, funny, sexy, it was just fun. But it wasn't going to last, I'm not gay! It was just fun, for a little while."

"How did it end?" Palmer asked.

Kevin made a face. "Badly. He had all these fantasies about us spending the rest of our lives together, I was going to be a star, he was going to start some software company…take on Bill Gates, he always said," he laughed lightly. "When I broke it off, he was furious with me. Called my house every single day for weeks on end, would show up at work…"

"Why did he stop?"

"As far as I know, he didn't, well, I mean," Kevin sighed. "I left Florida, I had to go home…my father… when I got back, Gayle was gone."

"Ok," Palmer nodded, and stood up. "I'll take full details from you in the morning. This is something, at least, thank you Kevin."

Kevin sighed, and looked around the room, "guys, I'm so sorry, if he's the one doing this…"

"We don't know that, Kev, forget it," AJ shrugged. "Not your fault."

Howie snickered, "his name really was Gayle?"

"True, what mother names their son Gayle anyway?" AJ agreed. "Blame the mom."

"Thanks guys," Kevin smiled weakly.

"Anytime, Kev, anytime."

**********************************************************************

Tara tossed and turned in the bed, unable to sleep with the thoughts spinning through her head.

This guy Kevin had been with, had Kevin treated him so badly that he'd decided to destroy them now? Or had this guy just been so unstable that he'd been pushed over the edge? Who was he, how had that happened…and if it happened to Kevin, god, it could happen to anyone. How was someone supposed to know if the person they were with was that one nutcase who wouldn't be able to handle a breakup?

Tara gave a start when she saw the door to her room slowly creep open, and she sat up in bed, squinting to see in the darkness. "Hello?" She asked hesitantly, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. Nobody was after her, nobody was coming for her…

"It's just me," a hesitant voice said, followed by a sniffle.

She recognized the figure shuffling into her room, and gasped in surprise. "Nick?"

"Hi," he sat down on the side of the bed, still sniffling. "I, um, Tara…"

"Come here," Tara laid back down as she pulled the blankets up, and gestured for him to slide under.

"Thank you," he said softly, slipping under the covers and lying down next to her.

Tara lay there for a moment, unsure of what to do. She desperately wanted to touch him, to wrap her arms around him, but he had stitches and probably was in pain, not to mention, who knew if he wanted her to…

"Hold me?" The question was followed by a soft cry, and a pair of hands sliding over her waist to pull her close. "Please?"

"Of course, Nick," Tara wrapped her arms around his back, her eyes widening when she felt him shudder. "You didn't have to ask, you know," she said softly.

"You don't think I'm, I mean, I don't," Nick sniffled, and buried his head in her neck, not wanting to actually speak the awful words. "You had to, I had…"

"I love you, Nick," Tara interrupted him, gasping when his arms tightened around her in response. "I did before, and I do now."

"Oh," he whispered. "I thought, maybe, not anymore."

"You're my pretty boy, Nicky," Tara said, running a hand over his back. "My smartass pretty boy."

"You bet," Nick replied with a soft chuckle, followed by a groan. "Ow. Laughing hurts."

"Go to sleep, you must be exhausted," Tara advised, kissing his forehead gently. "Ok?"

"I couldn't sleep alone, every time I closed my eyes, I just got so scared," he shuddered, before closing his eyes, and snuggling up into her. "Thank you."

"Pleasure's all mine, Nicky," she replied, smiling when she felt him relax against her. "Sleep."

And together, Nick and Tara both slept.

******************************************************************

"Rise and shine," Brian called in an overly cheerful voice, walking into Nick's suite to wake him up. "I know you probably want to sleep all day, but we have to get some stuff done before the show…" he gasped when he walked into Nick's bedroom, his eyes widening at the sight of the empty bed. "Nicky?"

"He up?" Kevin walked in, frowning when he saw Brian's expression. "What?"

"Check the bathroom," Brian said quickly, trying not to panic until he knew something was truly wrong.

"Bathroom?" AJ poked his head in, looking at them curiously. "Nicky doing ok?"

"I don't know," Kevin pushed the door to the bathroom open, his heart sinking when he saw it was empty. "He's not here?"

"What do you mean, he's not here?" AJ stared at Kevin, before shaking his head quickly. "Oh no, man, he's somewhere, Nick wouldn't just take off…"

"Or be taken," Brian said ominously.

"Shut up, he's here," AJ snapped, walking to the other bedroom door.

"That's Tara's room," Kevin said, double checking Nick's bedroom. "He wouldn't be in there."

"Wanna bet?" AJ opened the door, grinning from ear to ear when he saw Nick and Tara sleeping soundly. "Told you," he said proudly, puffing out his chest and waving.

"Oh," Kevin looked in, unable to resist a small smile at the sight of them. "Do you think she can breathe?"

Nick was pretty much lying on top of Tara, his head still buried in her neck, her arms wrapped tight around his back. He stirred at the sound, and opened his eyes, turning around to glare at them. "She can breathe."

Brian joined them at the doorway, before apologizing. "Oh, sorry…"

"Forget it," Nick sighed, and turned back to Tara, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I wish I could stay asleep," he said wistfully, brushing her hair out of her face.

Tara's eyes slowly fluttered open, and she looked at Nick, before squirming around to stare at the group in the doorway. "Do they always wake you up like this?" She asked in amazement.

"Only when I have a girl in my bed," Nick muttered angrily, rolling off of Tara. He grunted in pain, before biting his lip hard. "Guys, give me a few to get up, ok?" He asked through clenched teeth, still looking at Tara.

"Sure, we'll be in my room," Kevin gave AJ and Brian a shove, and closed the door behind him.

"Are you ok?" Tara asked softly, looking at Nick closely.

Nick shook his head slowly, before taking a deep breath and standing up. "Fuck," he cursed, breathing heavily. "I have to be ok, that's kind of all there is to it."

"Why?" Tara jumped out of bed, grabbing his hands when it looked like he was going to fall over.

"Because I have a concert to do tonight," Nick pushed her away and slowly walked towards the door. "I have to be ok," he repeated, hanging onto the doorknob for a moment before opening it.

"Nick…"

"I have to," he said one last time, before turning around and forcing a smile on to his face. "I'm going to take a shower, I'll meet you in Kevin's room, ok?"

Tara looked at him sadly, "you think you can? I mean, I don't want you to hurt yourself…"

Nick frowned, and shrugged. "I hurt. What more can I do."

"Nick…"

"I'll see you in a few," he said softly, walking out of the room.

Tara dug through her bag and pulled out a t-shirt and jeans, quickly slipping them on. She walked into the main room of the suite, gasping when she heard a loud cry of pain from the bathroom. "Nick?"

"I said I'd meet you in Kevin's room!" He shouted back.

Tara stared at the closed door for a moment, sighing when she heard the shower start to run. She wanted to help him, didn't he get that? "I'll see you there, then." She headed into the hallway and knocked on the door to Kevin's room, smiling lightly when he opened it a moment later. "Hey."

"Come on in," Kevin waved her in, and Brian made room for her on the couch next to him. "Where's Nick?"

"In the shower," she explained, sighing heavily. "He wanted to be alone…"

"I'm actually kind of glad Nick's not with you, I wanted to talk to you about that," Kevin said softly, sitting down across from her. "Is there any way you could take some time off of work?"

Tara's eyes widened, and she shook her head slowly. "I wish, but, not at such short notice like this…maybe I can take next week off? But not now."

"What if you explained what happened, that a friend of yours was raped and needs you?" AJ asked solemnly. "He does, you know."

"I know," she said sadly. "But I can't, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I can't even call in sick, I did that already this month, it just doesn't look good."

"Damn," Kevin frowned, and ran a hand through his hair. "All right, we'll make do. You'll fly out on Friday night again though, right?"

"You bet, wherever you guys are, I'll be there," Tara said firmly. "Wild horses couldn't keep me away."

"It's only five days, Kev, Nick will be fine," Howie said, as much to convince himself as Kevin. "Not that long. Anyone can survive five days."

"Right," Kevin sighed. "Only five days."

***

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