You Go, I Go

 

Part 3

 

Brian and Kyung exchanged glances as Lizz moaned quietly. Kyung quickly tucked the paper under her arm. Lizz’s eyes fluttered opened and she looked around the room, finally focusing on her two visitors.

 

“How’s Nick?” Lizz croaked, her throat was dry and scratchy.

 

Kyung grabbed the glass of icewater from the bedstand and placed the straw near Lizz’s mouth.

 

“Sh-h-h-h, just keep still, sweetie,” Kyung soothed.

 

Lizz shook her head slowly. “No, I need to know!”

 

The heart monitor started to ring quickly, indicating that Lizz’s pulse was racing again. It stopped as fast as it started.

 

Brian eyed the machine warily. “Lizz, Nick is just fine, please, you have to concentrate on your own health.” Brian felt awful about lying to her, but he knew deep down that Lizz would accept anything he told her and she would quiet down.

 

Satisfied with Brian’s reply, Lizz smiled slightly. Her eyes burned, she was so drained of energy, she almost wanted to give up this whole fight, her body felt weak and tired but Lizz knew she had to continue on focusing in getting better for Nick, Kyung and even Brian at this point.

 

Lizz frowned.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kyung asked, the concerned look on her face mirrored Lizz’s frown.

 

Lizz looked directly into Brian’s blue eyes. “How come Nick is alone in his room?”

 

Brian met Lizz’s stare. “Because he’s sleeping.” Brian wasn’t going to add any more information but the decided to add an additional piece, “His folks are in his room with him.”

 

Lizz noticed the paper tucked under Kyung’s arm. “Can I see your paper?”

 

Kyung glanced nervously over at Brian. “Um, this is an old paper, you’ve probably already read it.”

 

“Oh, come on, lemme see it,” Lizz insisted, grabbing the paper out from under Kyung’s arm.

 

Stunned, Brian and Kyung waited for Lizz’s reaction to the headlines.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

I have never thought my mother looked old, but at this moment she looked as if she had aged sixty years. Her eyes were bloodshot, like Brian’s and I could tell she had been crying. My dad didn’t look much better. I wanted to say something to reassure them, but I couldn’t do a damn thing no matter how much I wanted to.

 

I looked around the room for that girl from housekeeping.

 

“Nicky? Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Jane asked as she smoothed the blankets up upon Nick’s chest.

 

God, I wanted to tell her what had happened with that girl, the photos she took and the things she was saying. I was growing frustraited and I started feeling the characteristic feelings of those stupid panic attacks I had been prone to having. I knew damn well that I wasn’t on the meds I needed to prevent them. The monitor next to my bed starting it’s steady pinging noise as I started to feel my heart beating hard against my chest.

 

“Nick, calm down,” Bob Carter directed towards his son.

 

I tried to take my thoughts away from that housekeeping girl named Terri. I had her face ingrained in my mind. I would never forget her and I planned on telling someone about her as soon as I could..... or could I tell someone now? I swallowed hard and concentraited on the girl’s name..... Terri.

 

“Ma.”

 

What the hell, that wasn’t the word I wanted. Was my brain short-circuiting or something? My mom was appreciative of the word, she was smiling, I, however, was dying inside.

 

Okay Nick, let’s try this again, I desperately coached myself. I coughed slightly, trying to clear my throat.

 

“Ma.”

 

“Yes honey, I’m here for you,” Jane replied with tears in her eyes.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

I stared at the paper, not believing what I was seeing. On one side it was a picture of Nick in his bed, unconscious. It was split, with me on the other side. I could see the dialysis machines in the background. This just happened? I couldn’t even say anything. I could only stare at the cover. I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces. This wasn’t going to be hiden from anyone. Who had done this?! Finally I tore my eyes away and looked up at Kyung, then Brian. They both watched me expectantly. I think they were waiting for me to start freaking out or get really angry like I knew my temper would let me. Truth was, at this very moment, I couldn’t. I felt so drained. So broken by it. A single tear slipped down my cheek.

 

“Lizz...” Kyung began as she moved towards me. I shook my head and closed my eyes. I couldn’t do it right now. I felt so hopeless at that moment. I knew what Kyung was thinking. She knew that it was my nature to push people away when I was hurting. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew that if she so much as gave me the smallest of hugs, that I would totally break. I didn’t want to do that. Not in front of Kyung. Especially not in front of Brian, who looked like he was already struggling. And more than anything, not for Nick. I had no choice. I had to be strong. Unfortunately it was getting harder.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Brain glanced at Kyung. This was not the reaction that he expected out of Lizz. He had thought she would break down. Instead she remained calmer that he would have thought possible. When she had finally looked up at them, he could see it in her eyes. He could see the pain. His heart literally ached. When Kyung had tried to go over to Lizz, Lizz shook her head and shut her eyes.

 

Kyung threw Brian a pained look. Lizz still was sitting there quietly, eyes closed. Occasionally a tear would slip out. A few awkward minutes passed and then suddenly her eyes flew open.

 

“Oh god! It’s happening again!” Lizz cried.

 

“What?!” Kyung jumped up. Brian’s eyes widened.

 

The heart monitor started to beep faster. Kyung stared up at it and watched in amazement and horror as the rate kept climbing. “Lizz, what’s wrong?” Kyung demanded.

 

“It’s Nick. Something’s wrong. Oh god.” Lizz choked out as she clutched her midsection.

 

Brian shook his head. “He was sleeping. Lizz, he’s fine.”

 

Lizz shook her head and started to throw back the covers. She was trembling. “I don’t know what it is, but something is wrong! I have to get to his room.”

“I’ll get her nurse.” Kyung said quickly as she rushed out the door.

 

Brian nodded as he gently pushed Lizz back into her pillow. “You aren’t in any position to be getting up. Lizz, you need to relax. You’re just upset about the paper, okay? Nick is fine.” Brian tried to convince her.

 

But Lizz only grew more upset. “Listen, Brian, it isn’t the paper. It’s different. I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel it. He’s upset. I can feel it inside him. Oh god, make it stop!” She whimpered. “I can’t control it! Why is this happening?! What’s wrong with me?” She moaned. She was starting to gasp for air. She was shaking like a leaf.

 

Kyung and two other nurses burst into the room. One of them exclaimed softly, “she’s doing it again!” The other pushed a syringe full of sedative into Lizz’s IV.

Lizz could feel it taking effect and got even more agitated. “No! You can’t knock me out! I have to stay awake!” She cried out. Her eyes locked onto Brian. “Go help Nick.” She whispered urgently.

 

Brian nodded as Lizz’s eyes fell shut. He risked a glance at Kyung, who appeared to be fighting tears. The first nurse started to adjust the IV pump while the second nurse proceeded to ask Kyung what had happened.

 

At that moment another nurse poked her head through the door. “Trish, I need your help. Patient in 13 just had another one.”

 

Without a word, Brian pushed past the nurse in the doorway and into Nick’s room with Kyung right behind him. Nick’s heart monitor was beeping wildly. Jane was crying in her husband’s arms. Brian grabbed Nick’s hand and stared into the all too familiar look of fear and desperation in Nick’s eyes. It all became too much for Brian and once again, his world started to spin.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

I laid there helplessly as I felt Brian’s grip on my hand quickly lessen and then he slipped to the floor. I desperately wanted to cry out in dispair knowing that I somehow caused this to happen to Brian, but could only watch the room start to turn grey.

 

Nick’s nurse, Bethany waived smelling salts under Brian’s nose causing him to quickly start to cough. His eyes fluttered open and he looked at the faces of the people that were bent over staring at him. He soon realized that he was laying on the floor next to Nick’s bed.

 

“Wha... what happened?” Brian asked quietly.

 

“You must have fainted,” Bethany said as she reached an arm out for Brian to take along with Bob Carter offering an arm as well.

 

“Brian, I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so,” Kyung reprimanded.

 

Brian frowned as he looked at Kyung. “What do you mean?”

 

“You know exactly what I mean. You have probably slept what, maybe a total of four hours and you haven’t eaten anything that I’ve seen yet. Brian you are making yourself sick, you have to slow down. I know I’m not the best person in a position to be a critic, but hell, at least I’m trying to eat something.

 

As he stood up, Brian noticed immediately how shaky his legs were. He tried to will them into stopping, but it didn’t work too well. Fortunately for him, the chair was right there and he collapsed into it.

 

A nurse named Monica brought in some icewater for Brian to sip on. As he took it into his hands, it accidentally slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor spilling the contents onto the floor.

 

Brian stared at the floor, looking at the ice and water laying in front of him.

 

“Sit tight, I’ll call housekeeping,” Kyung stated as she turned to leave the room.

 

“Son, you are not doing yourself on bit of good forcing yourself. Nick is going to get better, I’m sure of it, but nothing good will come out of this if you wind up in a hospital bed as well,” Bob Carter softly reprimanded Brian.

 

A girl dressed in flowered scrubs entered the room with a mop and a bucket. Brian glanced at her hospital ID badge. The girl’s name was Terri.

 

“I’m sorry about the mess,” Brian sheepishly apologized.

 

Terri smiled at Brian. “That’s okay, it’s my job to clean this up, don’t worry about it.”

 

Terri looked at Brian closely. She noticed that he was extremely pale and his hands were shaking. As she continued to mop up the water, she decided to ask questions.

 

“I see you’re shaking, something happen in here?”

 

Brian looked down at his hands and then immediately folded them under his arms. “No, nothing.”

 

“Oh, you cold or something?”

 

“Terri! Are you about done here? I don’t think you need to interrogate people about how they spilled something,” Kyung reprimanded.

 

Terri shrugged her shoulders. “Just trying to make conversation, that’s all.” She glanced around the room looking briefly at Nick, laying still in his bed. Terri noticed the Carter’s standing near the bed, his mother smoothing his hair back and his father holding one of Nick’s hands.

 

“Would it be okay if I got a picture taken with you Brian? I mean, I’m really a big fan of Backstreet and no one is gonna believe that I cleaned up your water. I got a camera right here in my pocket,” Terri said as she produced a disposable pocket sized camera.

 

Both Kyung and Brian stared at the camera and then looked at each other.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

The disturbed look on Kyung’s face mirrored the feelings that Brian felt. The name on the girl from housekeeping’s badge looked familiar to Brian. So had her face for that matter. Due to his exhausted state of mind, however, he couldn’t place her. Kyung turned her attention back to the girl, Terri.

 

“I don’t think that is very appropriate to ask right now.” She said with a twinge of annoyance.

 

Monica looked up from Nick’s IV pump, which she was adjusting. She couldn’t believe that Terri had the gaul to ask Brian for a picture when it was obvious he was upset. She risked a glance at Nick’s parents and they looked mildly disgusted. Monica had seen the Enquiror that morning and she couldn’t believe that Terri had actually gone through with it.

 

“I’m sorry, I just thought I would ask.” Terri shrugged, not sounding very sorry. She dropped the mop back into the bucket and pushed it out of the room.

 

Brian let out a shaky breath. “Why did she have a camera in her pocket?” He asked uneasily.

 

Kyung shook her head. “Something doesn’t seem right about that. There was something about her attitude...” She started.

 

Monica jumped in. “Oh, she mentioned earlier that she had to get some pictured developed for her mom.” She was shocked with herself. Why the hell was she trying to cover up Terri’s actions? They were wrong.

 

Kyung looked at her skeptically. “You know her?” She looked at Brian and his eyebrows were raised.

 

“Oh, um, we’re friends.” She mumbled. “I’m sorry about the whole asking for a picture thing. That was uncalled for. I will talk to her.” She added hastily as she hurried out of the room.

 

Out in the hall, Monica spotted Terri going around the corner to get on an elevator. She ran to catch up with her. “Terri, I just saved your ass. Now give me that damned camera!” She ordered.

 

Terri stared at her. “Forget it, I just bought it.”

 

Monica frowned. “You told me you just took a whole bunch of pictures last night.”

 

“I did and I sent them off this morning. Along with some other stuff.” She stated smugly.

 

Monica tried to put this all together. “Okay, let me get this straight. What about the ones that I saw in that paper this morning?”

 

“That roll is done and gone. I bought a new roll after that and I just sent that one off this morning. I forgot my camera so I bought thisone.” She pointed to her disposable camera.

 

Monica shook her head in disbelief. “What other stuff were you talking about?” She was almost afraid to ask.

 

Terri grinned. “You know that he had a panic attack right?”

 

Monica nodded, feeling sick.

 

“Well, the weirdest thing happened. That other girl had one too. I copied the notes in their charts that were about that. They didn’t make it in by the deadline, but it will go out in their next paper. And get this, it just happened again. They were just talking about it in the nurses station! Isn’t that unreal?!” Terri was bubbling with excitement.

 

Monica was speechless. How could she have just tried to stand up for her? How did she become such good friends with her? And now, why couldn’t she tell anyone what Terri was doing?

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

“Brian, pushing the food around on the plate doesn’t count as eating.” Kyung scolded. He looked up at her and smiled tiredly. “Busted.”

 

They were sitting in the cafeteria, much to Brian’s protests. Kyung had finally convinced him, telling him that both Nick and Lizz would be out for awhile. Not to mention that Nick’s parents were there and they would also let them know if anything happened with Lizz. Kyung studied him carefully. He was still paler than a ghost and shaky. His eyes looked hollow and tired.

 

“Have Nick’s parents seen the Enquiror?” Kyung asked quietly.

 

Brian shook his head. “I can’t imagine what that is going to do to them.”

 

“I know. That thing only came out this morning and I can already see the damage. I called home to check our messages and there was one on there from Julia, one of our close friends back home. She had planned on coming down to see Lizz. Now she isn’t. I called her back to see what was up. She said that the more she has thought about this, the more that it upsets her and she really doesn’t want to see Lizz right now.”

 

Brian’s eyes widened. “Does she know how...how bad Lizz is?” He asked carefully.

 

Kyung looked down. “She knows. I don’t know how to tell Lizz. It’s really going to hurt her.”

 

“This just keeps getting worse and worse.” Brian muttered as he pushed his food around a little more.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Kyung was on her way back up to check on Lizz. Brian was, of course, back with Nick. Any time during that day that she had a moment’s peace, she went to check on Lizz. Her nurse just paged Kyung to tell her that Lizz was waking up finally.

 

Just as she was about to go into Lizz’s room a man in scrubs stopped her. Kyung recognized him as Lizz’s doctor.

 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Saxton. You’re Kyung right?” He stuck out his hand.

 

Kyung nodded and shook his hand.

 

“Have you had any luck contacting her parents?” He asked solemnly.

 

“No, they went on a trip and Lizz doesn’t know the number of where they will be staying. Is something wrong?”

 

The doctor frowned. “Well, I am a little discouraged by her lack of recovery. The Albuterol she consumed seems to have done more extensive damage then we had previously surmised.”

 

Kyung wasn’t sure she was following him right. Lizz wasn’t getting better?

 

“She didn’t take the dialysis very well. Of course she is on the transplant list, but that could take months to years. She doesn’t have that time, I’m afraid. Her health was already in a precarious state and now this may take her over the edge. It is imperative that she get a transplant very soon.” He stated gravely.

 

Kyung could only nod and mumble a “thanks.” As soon as the doctor left she sank against the wall, tears falling down her face. She didn’t know how she could handle losing Lizz. She had noticed that Lizz didn’t seem to be doing a whole lot better, but she figured that it would just take time. She hadn’t allowed herself to even consider that Lizz could die. She knew she should go in and talk to Lizz, but couldn’t. Not yet.

 

Instead she walked two doors down and knocked on Nick’s door. The security guard had come accustomed to Kyung and gave her a nod.

 

“Come in.”

 

She pushed open the door. Bob and Jane looked up at her with concern, seeing her tear-stained face. Brian was sitting on the edge of Nick’s bed. Nick’s eyes were open, but of course he wasn’t moving or talking. Brian glanced at Kyung and then did a double take.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked in alarm.

 

Kyung started to tell him, but before she could get a word out, she dissolved into tears.

 

Brian stood up and held Kyung in his arms. She broke down into sobs and he was at a loss as how to comfort her.

 

“It’s.... it’s Lizz,” Kyung whimpered. “She’s...... she’s not getting ba.... better,” Kyung sighed, her breath sounded shaky.

 

Brian held her by her shoulders. “Calm down, take a deep breath,” he coached.

 

Kyung nodded and slowly exhaled. When she felt she was ready, she began to speak again. “Lizz needs a kidney transplant. The albuterol caused extensive damage to her kidneys.”

 

Brian’s mouth dropped open. He couldn’t believe this was happening. One stupid stunt that Nick had pulled was dragging someone along with him. He took a glance towards Nick, remembering he was awake and wondered if he understood and heard what was being said.

 

Brian’s heart sank when he looked at Nick. Tears were slipping down his cheeks, indicating that he not only heard about Lizz, but that he understood it as well. Jane kept rubbing Nick’s shoulder, talking to him in a soothing voice, everyone in the room was afraid that this news would produce another panic attack.

 

Deciding that this was the best time, if ever, to request the group that was present in the room to join hands in a prayer for Lizz, Brian bowed his head.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

It was a few hours after I had heard the news about Lizz. I still couldn’t get over it. I had caused this because of my selfishness. There was only one way to fix it, but I couldn’t tell anybody of my intentions because I couldn’t speak. I was beginning to hate this body I was trapped in more and more.

 

My parents were in the room, sitting by the foot of my bed. They were softly talking so it was hard for me to understand what was being said by them.

 

A woman entered my room wearing really loud greenish colored scrubs. “Hi, my name is Carol and I’m from speech therapy,” the woman stated in an overly cheerful voice.

 

My parents attempted to leave the room, but Carol insisted that they stay. She turned her attention back towards me and pulled out big white cards with black drawings on one side of them.

 

“Okay Nick, we’re gonna try a simple exercise right now, just to test your range capabilites,” Carol stated as she stacked the cards on my bed stand. “I am going to show you a picture on a card and you have to tell me what it is. Are you ready?”

 

I managed to nod my head ever-so-slightly. The first picture she showed me was a ball. Easy word, I thought to myself. I sucked my lower lip in as I concentrated on the word. “Baaaaaaaawl.”

 

Okay that sounded close but it didn’t sound like my voice at all. I looked over at my parent’s to see their reaction to my speech. My mother looked upset, she put her hand to her mouth and then she stood up and rushed out of the room, my father was close behind her.

 

Carol had watched the Carter’s rush out of the room, obviously upset with how their son was doing, but she decided it was best to continue Nick’s therapy. Taking another card from the deck, she held it in front of his face.

 

Nurse Barbara McKean was walking past the ICU rooms on her way to Dr. Minnick’s office. She paused outside the door of Nick’s room. She could hear the speech therapist working with him. When Nick tried for the third time to pronouce a simple word properly, Nurse McKean knew that something had to be said to someone about what Dr. Minnick had done.

 

The more she thought about it, the more she was losing courage in doing something. The words about the screw up with Baby Boy Johnson rang in her ears. She clenched her fists and shook her head as if to clear the toughts from her mind.

 

Baaaaaawl.”

 

“Good Nick, let’s try this one now.”

 

Nurse McKean closed her eyes tightly, she wanted to shut out the sounds coming from that patient. She knew that this was an unnecessary tragedy.

 

“Hi, is there something I can help you with?”

 

A young man’s voice with a hint of a southern accent spun Barbara McKean from her thoughts. She turned around quickly to acknowledge the voice and found herself face to face with Brian Littrell.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

The last thing that was on my mind when I went unconscious was Nick. It was the same when I woke back up. I knew after that panic attack that something was wrong. Much to my dismay, I was knocked out before anyone could tell me what was wrong.

 

Judging by the light that was trying to shine through my blinds, considerable time had passed. It was dark when I was knocked out. I had been awake for about forty fiveinutes and still, no Kyung. My nurse paged her for me, but I guess she was caught up in something. I tried to wait patiently. It wasn’t like I could go anywhere anyway.

 

“Lizz?” Kyung opened the door softly. She walked in and gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed. She didn’t say anything, but the tears were words enough. I don’t know how I knew, but I knew that it wasn’t Nick that was making her cry. It was me.

 

“Kyung, please don’t cry for me.” I whispered. I hated how weak my voice sounded.

 

“But...” She started, but I could see that she was having a hard time with what she was trying to say. She bowed her head.

 

“Sweetie, I know.” I said softly.

 

She looked up in surprise. “H...how?” She stuttered.

 

I smiled sadly. “I just know. I can feel it.”

 

She raised her eyebrows and new tears welled up in her brown eyes.

 

“Hey, hey now. Don’t worry hun, I’m not giving up. I am going to fight this until the end. Whatever that end is. But I am not going to give up okay? You know me and you know that I am too damned stubborn to just let this win, right?” I squeezed her hand.

 

She nodded. “Still, Lizzie, I can’t lose you...” She stopped and buried her head in her hands. I could hear her trying to muffle her cries.

 

I don’t know how I managed, but I pushed myself up and wrapped my arms around her. I was trying so hard to be brave and being the strong one at this moment was not making it any easier. So, I began to cry too.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Brian immediately saw that the nurse was upset. Shaken might have been the more accurate term. She was standing outside Nick’s door and she seemed to be fighting a battle within herself. She looked like she wanted to be as far awy from here as possible, but on the other hand, she looked almost as if she couldn’t tear herself away from whatever held her there. Something told Brian that this wasn’t just a nosy hospital employee and upon closer inspection, he recognized her as the nurse that accompanied the doctor that had relayed the horrible news about Nick. She wore a simialar expression then too. It was a mix of guilt, horror, regret, compassion, and profound sadness. Brian reached out and gently touhed her arm. “Is everything okay?”

 

She recoiled as if struck. The expression on her face changed and now all that was shown was fear.

 

Barbara could only stand there. This is your chance! Her mind screamed at her. You can’t just pretend that nothing ever happened. You have a responsibility to do what is right!

 

“I, uh...” Barbara stammered. What about Baby Boy Johnson? Do you want to lose your job? She argued with herself.

 

The look in this poor boy’s eyes that was standing in front of her! She could see what this was doing to him. He was watching someone he loved very much slip away from him and there was nothing he could do about it. But you can! But then Dr. Minnick’s cruel, hard voice echoed in her mind. "Remember the Baby Boy Johnson case? You were at fault in that one by your own mistakes, so you see, Nurse McKean, I am not going down alone, I will take anyone I can with me."

"I...I'm sorry." She whispered before turning around sharply and practically running down the hall. Before Brian could even say anything, she had disappeared out the ICU doors. He started to go into Nick's room, but something told him not to let this go.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Fianlly Kyung's tears had subsided and we broke apart. I really felt horrible now, making her cry like that. She never cries. We sat there quietly for a few minutes.

Finally I spoke up. "Kyung, I want to know what is happening with Nick. I know that there is more going on with him than you and Brian will tell me. I need to know."

 

She looked pained. "We just didn't want you to get upset."

 

I gave her a look. "Come on, I had two panic attacks that I know had something to do with him. Not knowing what is going on is killing me here."

 

She sighed. "Lizz, Nick had a stroke. The neurologist said it was caused by the last seizure he had. His movement is very limited and he can't really talk."

I could have sworn a piece of my heart broke just then. "Is he aware of his surroundings and stuff?" I whispered.

 

Kyung thought back to his reaction when she had broken the news about the lack of Lizz's recovery. "Yeah, he is."

 

I nodded slowly. It was taking all of my self control to not completely fall apart. The thought of that happening to Nick was killing me. I should have been able to stop it! "I want to see him." I knew it was a long shot, but hell.

 

Not surprisingly, Kyung shook her head. "Sweetie, you don't have near the strength for that."

 

"Then you might as well just move me into his room because that is where I plan on being until he gets better." I said.

 

"Lizz, be real." She frowned at me.

 

"I am being real. I need to be there. You know full well that I will get myself in there with or without anyone's help. I've done it twice before." My stubborness was definitely showing.

 

"It is against hospital policy and you know that. You just plain don't have the strength right now. You need to focus on getting better and resting." She was getting stressed now.

 

"Well they need to bend their policy then! I won't be able to rest if I am going to be constantly worried about him. And you know that." I wasn't going to let this go.

 

Finally she relented. "Okay, I will take you in there for awhile, but as soon as you even start to feel like you are going to pass out or like you need to lay down, you tell me! Cause if something happens to you in there, I guarantee you that I will not let you out of this bed again!" She looked so forceful that I had to smile. I don't think I ever had a friend so protective as Kyung.

 

"I don't know what you are smiling about. I am not happy with you doing this." She frowned at me.

 

I made a "pissed off" face to mock hers and she finally smiled back.

 

"You are a punk." She informed me as she got the portable oxygen tank ready. She gave me a look as if to warn me not to argue about the oxygen, but she didn't have to worry about that. After that she went and told my nurse the plan and then came back in to help me into the wheelchair.

 

Just as she was unplugging the IV pump from the outlet, there was a knock on the door. Without waiting for an answer, Brian let himself in.

 

"Kyung, I need..." He started breathlessly. He stopped midsentence when he saw me in the wheelchair. "What's going on?" He asked, frowning.

 

"She won't give up. Brian, I honestly tried, but she is so damned stubborn." Kyung rolled her eyes at me.

 

I gave him an innocent smile and he just shook his head.

 

"Lizz, you aren't doing yourself any good." He scolded gently.

 

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

 

Kyung shot him a look as if to say "see?!"

 

"Since you are here, you can help me get her, the oxygen tank, and her IV pole to his room." Kyung informed Brian.

 

Brian laughed. "Glad to see I am useful for something." Then he sobered. "Actually, I need you to help me. I need you to help me find a nurse. Her name is Barbara."

 

Kyung and I glanced at each other. A sense of urgency was written all over Brian's face.

 

"Why? What's going on?" I asked him.

 

"I don't know, but for some reason, I think she might be able to tell us."

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Barbara McKean closed her eyes as she leaned against the wall inside Dr. Minnick’s office. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted face to face with her reflection in the curio cabinet that was in the corner of the room. She was fighting the demons inside of her mind. One was telling her to walk away and forget this ever happened, the other telling her to talk to that friend of the patient’s and explain the error of the medication that Dr. Minnick had given.

 

Barbara shook her head as if to clear her mind. She slipped her purse off of her shoulder and opened her bottom desk drawer. As she went to close the drawer, she noticed the shakiness of her hands and clasped them together to try and still them.

 

Picking up the phone, she dialed the extension to the ICU nurse’s station.

 

“Three west, this is Monica.”

 

“This is Nurse McKean, Dr. Minnick would like the chart to the patient in ICU-13, can it be delivered to his office stat or do I need to come down?” Barbara swallowed hard, she knew her voice was shaky but she was praying that it wouldn’t give her away.

 

“I can have someone bring it down right away,” Monica replied as she walked over and pulled the chart and handed it to the LPN that was standing near her. “Take this to Dr. Minnick’s nurse, stat,” she told the nurse. “She’s on her way.”

 

“Thank you,” Barbara replied and hung the phone up.

 

Only a few moments passed when there was a soft knock on the office door.

 

“Come in,” Nurse McKean ordered. A young nurse wearing blue scrubs peeked her face around the door, holding a silver clipboard

 

“I have the chart you requested,” she said with a smile.

 

Barbara held her hand out and the young nurse gave it to her. “Just call the station when you are done with it and someone will come down and get it.”

 

Barbara managed a thin smile and nodded. Once the girl left the office, she quickly flipped open the chart and thumbed through it to the doctor’s notes and progress reports.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Brian pushed Lizz down the hall towards Nick’s room. Kyung walk along side the wheel chair guiding the IV pump. Lizz was thinking to herself about how much she hated having the oxygen on her face but she knew she couldn’t argue with Kyung anyway. She also knew that Nick more than likely would have oxygen on as well.

 

“Nick’s parents went back to the hotel for a bit so I am guess that he’s probably sleeping right now,” Brian said in an apologetic tone.

 

“That’s okay, I don’t care if he’s sleeping, I just need to see him,” Lizz insisted.

 

Lizz could feel her heart beating rapidly as they entered Nick’s room. All she could think of was the typical visions of stroke victims, that his face would be drooping on one side, slurred speech, the whole package. As her eyes rested on his face, she found him not to look like any of the images her mind had allowed. Nick looked just like Nick, just asleep.

 

The IV pump started beeping and Kyung quickly scrambled to silence it. Nick’s eyes fluttered open when he heard the scuffling from Kyung’s feet on the tile. He smiled slightly at Lizz and then frowned.

 

“I know, she is so damned stubborn Nick, she insisted that she come to see you,” Brian explained.

 

“Hey Nick, how are you feeling?” Lizz asked softly.

 

I licked my lips, I wanted to say something to Lizz but I knew I wasn’t capable. I didn’t want to upset her. I just smiled again hoping that she would just leave it at that. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t let it go at that.

 

“I hear your parent’s have been here.”

 

I managed a slight nod.

 

“I told Kyung that they should allow us to stay in a room together because both you and I are worried about each other,” Lizz said staring at Nick’s face. “Aren’t you gonna say anything?”

 

Shit, I knew she wouldn’t just take simple smiles and nods as talking to her. I really didn’t want to say anything because any word I wanted to say didn’t come out and lately any word I did form was not a very pleasant one. I about died a few hours ago when I said ‘fuck off’ to my mother. She about died. Lizz was still being persistant.

 

“Come on Nick, just one word, please?”

 

Brian placed a hand on Lizz’s shoulder. “I really don’t think this is a good time right now.”

 

“Why not? I know about the stroke I’m sure his speech has been affected, but I just want him to say something,” Lizz persisted.

 

Okay, one word and she would get off my back about speaking. I wanted to tell her that I was feeling better. I formed the sentance in my mind. I took a deep breath in, “Shit you bitch.”

 

The reaction on Lizz’s face told me that she definately wasn’t expecting that from my mouth. To be honest, neither was I.

 

“Lizz, the thought process in his brain is twisted right now, he didn’t mean to say that,” Kyung quickly replied.

 

Lizz tried to blink the tears away from her eyes. She didn’t want Nick to see her cry but this was upsetting to think that he couldn’t even talk a small sentance. “I know,” she managed to whisper. She looked back up at Nick’s face only to see tears slipping down his cheeks.

 

Lizz reached out and took Nick’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

"I think I upset him, maybe I should go back." I looked back at Brian and Kyung. But before they could answer, Nick squeezed my hand. I turned back to him and he was shaking his head slowly. I nodded. "Okay."

 

Brian and Kyung exchanged looks. "Lizz, Kyung and I need to go find that Barbara nurse. Will you be okay in here for a little bit?" He asked me.

 

"I'll be fine." I thought I was doing a pretty good job hiding my exhaustion.

 

"Call your nurse if you need to go lay down. And remember what I said. If you pass out or anything, I am not letting you out of that bed again." Kyung said sternly.

 

I smiled. "I know, I know." Brian and Kyung left and it was just Nick and I.

 

"I'm sorry that I kept pushing you to say something. I shouldn't have done that. I know you didn't mean what you said okay? Please don't cry." I said softly.

 

He gave me a small smile. Then his eyes got a questioning look. I knew he didn't want to try to talk again though.

 

"Are you wanting to know what they are doing?" I asked him, gesturing towards where Kyung and Brian just went off to.

 

He nodded.

 

"Well, I'm not totally sure. Brian came rushing into my room all anxious to go find some nurse named Barbara. He said that she might be able to tell us what is going on, whatever that means." I explained. That made me realize that I had no idea what Brian was talking about either. I glanced up at Nick and he got that look again. Then he squeezed my hand again. Shit, I hope he wasn't trying to ask about me.

 

"So, uh, I saw TRL the other day. You would have..." I stopped when Nick squeezed my hand again. This time harder. I looked at him and he locked his eyes onto mine. He wasn't going to let this go, just like I wouldn't let his not talking go. I sighed. How could I tell him that I didn't have much time left unless I got a transplant.

 

"I'm doing better." I said carefully.

 

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. Shit! He knew? I lowered my head, feeling the tears come again.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

"Okay, now why do you think that Barbara knows what's going on?" Kyung asked Brian as they headed towards the nurses station.

 

"When I was going back into Nick's room I saw her standing out in front of it. I can't begin to describe the expression on her face. She looked torn. When I started to talk to her she looked like she wanted to tell me something, but then suddenly she got scared and ran down the hall. It was really strange." Brian explained.

 

Kyung pondered that. "You know, she is Dr. Minnick's nurse. She has been working under him for a long time, as far as I know. Isn't Dr. Minnick one of the doctors working with Nick? Like with the induced coma?"

 

Brian nodded slowly. Things were starting to click, but there were still too many missing pieces. "Something's not right with all this."

 

"I agree." Kyung said. They reached the nurses station and Kyung went to go talk to Monica. She returned a moment later smiling.

 

"What?" Brian asked anxiously.

 

"She is in his office." Kyung grinned smugly.

 

They headed down there quickly and stopped in front of the door. Brian lifted his hand to knock.

 

"Please...what...are doing...wrong! Do...damage...this boy's..." The distressed voice froze Brian's fist mid-air.

 

"What the..." He murmured. Kyung looked just as shocked as he was.

 

"I...haven't...anything." The voice rose. "I need to go take care of my patient now!" Then the noise of a phone slamming down was heard and Brian and Kyung looked at each other.

 

"Now what?" Kyung whispered.

 

Before Brian could respond, the door was flung open and Brian and Kyung found themselves staring at a very surprised Barbara.

 

 

 

Barbara found herself in a panic when she came face to face with Brian and Kyung. Without thinking, she quickly tried to slam the door shut in their faces but was met with resistance as Brian placed his hand against the door, preventing it from closing.

 

“We need to talk,” Brian said in a calm, even voice.

 

Barbara McKean hung her head. “I know. Please, come in.”

 

She opened the door to her office and directed Brian and Kyung to a small sofa in the adjoining office which Brian and Kyung assumed to be Dr. Minnick’s office.

 

“I... I don’t know where to begin exactly.”

 

“The beginning is always a good place to start,” Brian suggested with a slight smile.

 

Nurse McKean let out a slow, even breath and closed her eyes. The ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner broke the uncomfortable silence, as if to mock them.

 

“I have been Dr. Minnick’s staff nurse for over twenty years. We first worked together in his office and then in the emergency room here at the hospital. When Dr. Minnick decided to open a neuro office in the hospital, I jumped at the chance to join his practice.” Barbara stopped and shifted nervously in her seat.

 

“Okay, you said neuro, so we’re assuming that doctor was assigned to Nick’s case for the induced coma?” Kyung asked, hoping to stimulate some answers from the nurse.

 

She nodded her head. “Dr. Minnick is tops in this field. He has done this job for years error free until now,” Barabara’s voice trailed off.

 

Brian placed a hand on the nurse’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

 

Barbara looked up and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. Brian’s eyes locked onto hers. She quickly looked away, not wishing to look into his eyes and see the pain that losing his friend was causing him.

 

“Please, just tell us, we will protect you if that’s what you’re afraid of,” Brian begged in a calm voice.

 

Barbara shook her head. “I’m afraid to. I could lose everything----”

 

“Nick has already lost pretty much his life dammit, you have something you’re hiding and we need to know,” Kyung spat out. She ignored the pleading looks that Brian was giving her. She knew that he disapproved of her going in with both feet and not looking but Kyung didn’t care. She needced to get to the bottom of this. It was affecting Lizz therefore it was affecting her as well.

 

“Okay, alright,” Nurse McKean quietly pleaded. She reached behind her and pulled a tissue out of the box on Dr. Minnick’s oak desk and dabbed her eyes with it. She took in a deep breath and slowly began her explanation.

 

“When Dr. Minnick was called for consult on your friend Nick, I pretty much logged this case as one that would be routine. They had Nick prepped for the induction and everything appeared to go smoothly. I noticed doctor seemed to be rather arrogant or flamboyant on this particular case, which is not typical for doctor to be. He is always very methodical about every case he is on but for some reason things were crashing around him and he didn’t seem to know how to go about repairing things.”

 

“Things? What kind of things?” Brian pressed for more answers.

 

“Well, um, as they were injecting the meds on the patient, his BP soared to a dangerously high rate,” Barbara stated.

 

“Exactly how high was it?” Kyung asked.

 

“I recall once his blood pressure was 245/123.”

 

Kyung gasped. Brian looked at Kyung and then back at the nurse.

 

Just as Nurse McKean was going to talk about her findings in Nick’s chart, the door to the office swung open and Dr. Minnick entered the room.

 

“Who do we have here?”

 

“This is just family of your patient in ICU, Bobby McMasters,” Barbara lied.

 

Brian looked at her face, puzzled. He couldn’t understand why this nurse was still covering for the doctor.

 

“I will keep you informed of your brother’s progress later. Thanks for stopping, we are happy to see family involved in a patient’s recovery. Nurse McKean flashed a look of desperation at Brian. She tried her best to brush them off.

 

Brian was done playing games with this nurse. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I want to know what is going on with Nick Carter. We need answers and we need them NOW!”

 

~*~*~*~

 

I looked at Lizz feeling awful knowing that I couldn’t reach out and hold her while she was hurting. I wanted to ask her questions, dammit, I needed to ask her questions, but I was unable to communicate with her.

 

“I... I am o... okay,” Lizz stammered through her tears.

 

I managed to squeeze her hand again, willing her to look into my eyes.

 

Lizz looked up at Nick and met his gaze. All sorts of thoughts were flooding through her mind. Their situation and how it could have been different if she had logged online an hour before he got so damned desperate. She knew there was nothing she could do about it now. Here she was stuck with kidneys that were failing her and Nick laying in bed trapped in a body that wouldn’t work for him.

 

“We do make a pathetic couple right now, ya know?” Lizz joked.

 

I managed a slight smile back at her. I appreciated that she still could keep a sense of humor about her. God knows we needed that.

 

As I looked in the doorway to see who was coming into my room, my heart sank. It was that girl that had been in the other day and started taking pictures. I remembered her. How could I communicate this to Lizz? I mentally cursed myself and tried to think of something to say to get her to leave.

 

The monitors next to my bed started to sound alarms, I knew my heart was racing, I couldn’t help it. I wanted to shout at this girl.

 

Terri nonchalantly entered the room. She had gone to a novelty store on her lunch hour and bought a camera that she could rig inside her scrubs. She placed her hand on the button and started clicking away at the couple, hoping that she was getting this on film.

 

“GET OWT,” I managed to yell, suprised at how thick my voice sounded and how garbled.

 

“Oh my god, your voice! You can’t talk can you?” Terri asked, a shocked tone in her voice. “This is going to be more money for sure.”

 

Lizz narrowed her eyes at the girl. “So you’re the one.”

 

Terri spun around towards Lizz. “So what if I am? Not a whole hell of a lot you can do about it is there. Just look at you! You are one foot away from taking a dirt nap,” Terri hissed.

 

I stared at this girl. What the hell was Lizz talking about her being the one? How would she know that this girl took pictures of me?

 

“And you are one foot away from prision bitch!” Lizz shouted.

 

I still couldn’t figure out what was going on. Then she said something that I knew would change my life forever.

 

“The National Enquirer paid me top dollar for this story and I am going to keep sending them stuff and there is nothing you can do to stop me!”

 

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Lizz was trying to get out of her chair and I couldn’t stop her. My heart felt like it was going to explode, I tried to calm myself down, but nothing was working....nothing at all.

 

“ELIZABETH HULFORD! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Kyung shouted as she and Brian entered the room.

 

Terri tried to quickly slip out of the room behind Brian. Lizz was about to yell out for someone to stop her, but Brian recognized her and realized something was not right.

 

“Whoa there, I think you have some explaining to do,” Brian ordered, his voice was unnaturally low.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

"What did you tell them?" Dr. Minnick glared at Barbara, his voice full of menace.

 

"N...nothing. I d...didn't tell them anything!" Barbara cried.

 

"Oh really? Then why was that boy asking about Nick Carter if he was family of Bobby McMasters?" He snarled.

 

"I...I don't know. May...maybe he was just being curious." Barbara's voice was shaking. She was terrified that this would be the end of her job. Then she realized that she wasn't sure she even wanted to work under Dr. Minnick anymore. The man before her was not the same person she had known for the past twenty years. Or was it possible that she had been wrong about him all this time? That made her angry.

 

"Right! You expect me to believe that line of bullshit?" He sneered.

 

"I don't care what you believe! How do you think it looked when you ordered them out of here like that? 'Get out of here before I call security?!' How obvious was that?!" She shot back.

 

Dr. Minnick raised his eyebrows at her tone. Then he spoke in a low, intimidating voice. "You know full well that your job is on the line here. Now I want to know, what exactly did you tell them?”

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

I was shaking. I did that when I got really really angry. Right now I was livid. The shaking might also have to do with the fact that I was standing up, but I ignored that. I was going to walk over to her and beat the shit out of her, so help me!

 

Terri just stood there and stared at Brian. Then she tried to look past him and looked as if she was going to dart from the room. Kyung was blocking the door though. I knew for a fact that there was no way that she was going to let her pass.

 

"I'm waiting." Brian said in that same unnerving voice. It even shocked me to hear him talk like that.

 

Terri crossed her arms and smirked. "Don't you remember me from the other day? I came in and cleaned up the water that you spilled. Oh, that's right! You looked so pathetic that it makes sense that you didn't recognize me. What's wrong? Pass out a few times yourself?" Brian widened his eyes.

 

My jaw dropped. "Bitch!" I hissed. I started to take a step forward. At the same time Kyung yelled out "LIZZ SIT DOWN!" I felt a hand grab my arm. It was Nick. I didn't have much of a choice anyway. My legs weren't supporting me anymore. I sank into the chair and tried to suck in the oxygen that I was wearing.

 

Satisfied that I wasn't going to fall, Kyung directed her attention to Terri. She walked up to her and got into her face.

 

"You just made a very big mistake. Not only are you going to have a huge lawsuit against your ass, but now you aren't going to have a job to pay all that money. And then to top it off, I am going to knock the shit out of you because you pissed me off.

 

Terri only grinned. "You're forgetting all the money that the Enquiror is paying me for these pictures."

 

Without warning, Brian reached over and grabbed the camera from her hands.

 

"Give that back!" Terri yelled. "Not like it matters anyway. The whole world knows now. There is enough pictures published already and the next edition will have even more. Say 'bye bye' Backstreet Boys! Ya know, even if he lives, she probably won't and then he will feel guilty and just try to kill himself again anyway." She threw her hands towards Nick and I.

 

I looked at Nick and I could see the anger and misery in his eyes as plain as day. She had just answered the question that was in his eyes. Now he knew about the pictures. "Fuck you." I snapped at her.

 

"You make me sick. How can you work in a hospital where people are sick and dying and be so cold? Do you have any idea how many people's lives you have affected?! Not just ours, but the millions of others. Did you see the look on his poor mother's face as she is watching this happen to her son? Obviously not, you hearltess bitch! Have you seen the hundreds of people that are outside crying their eyes out because someone they look up to and admire is up here fighting for his life?! How can you only think of money, of your own profit, at the expense of so many people's suffering? How can one person be so sick?" Brian asked her. The look on his face said it all. He was heartsick that anyone could be like that. It was almost beyond his comprehension. I understood that because I didn't believe it myself. I knew there were evil people out there, but this bad?

 

Kyung put a hand on Brian's shoulder. "You're wasting your time even asking her that." She said bitterly.

 

Brian only shook his head. His anger a few moments ago nearly consumed him and for a time, he couldn't even talk. Now he felt more drained than he could ever remember. "Call security." He said to Kyung.

 

Everything started to look funny now. Hazy or something. I think I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Nick was still holding my hand from when he grabbed it before. It sorta dawned on me that he had done that. He hadn't made a sudden movement like that since I had been in here. He squeezed my hand and I looked up at him. At least I think I was looking at him. Everything was sort of blurry. "Nick." I whispered. Even my own voice seemed far away. He looked at me with panicked eyes and then at Brian and Kyung who were dealing with Terri. It got harder to breathe and I started to slump over. I couldn't fight it.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Barbara stood and stared at Dr. Minnick for a few moments. She tried to quickly think of something to tell him to supress his already building anger. She then decided it was foolish to even protect this doctor. She decided now was the time to confront him.

 

“I was looking in his chart and I found some pretty interesting facts, doctor,” Barbara carefully started out.

 

Dr. Minnick glard. “Facts?”

 

“When you were sedating that patient, you used Espediene instead of Experdene. Very similar named drugs except one effects the central nervous system differently,” Nurse McKean explained.

 

“Yeah, so your point?”

 

“So? Doctor, you knew about the error several hours after the procedure yet you continued to look the other way!”

 

“I still don’t see your point in this, nurse,” Dr. Minnick spat.

 

“The point is that you are making this poor boy suffer needlessly. The longer those meds are in his system, the more permanent the damage will be. You are taking away his lifestyle and slowly killing him. This can be reversed if you allow it to, please I beg you, stop this now!”

 

“I could lose my license to practice in this hospital, I’m already on probation again,” Dr. Minnick argued.

 

“Does that really matter? We’re talking about something you can fix if you allow it. The poor kid can’t speak and can’t sit up alone. We’re talking about someone that was in the entertainment business and now he is faced with a life of 24 hour nursing care. If you don’t do something about this, by god, I plan on doing something,” Barbara stated as she attempted to turn and walk away from Dr. Minnick.

 

Dr. Minnick grabbed Nurse Johnson by the arm and turned her to face him. “What exactly are you planning on doing?”

 

“Going to the administrative board,” she stated firmly.

 

“Do it and you’re finished,” the doctor warned Barbara.

 

Barbara jerked her arm out of the doctor’s grasp. “I don’t care.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Lizz’s face had gone from a pale color to chalky white in a matter of moments. Her lips were tinged blue. I could tell right away that she wasn’t getting any air, I could see her struggling to breathe.

 

As she collapsed to the floor, all I could do was lay in the bed and watch her fall. I felt so damned helpless at that moment, I couldn’t yell or do anything to stop that from happening. I glanced up at where that girl named Terri was and I could se she was going to make a run for the door. I didn’t bother trying to form the words in my mouth, I just made noises to draw attention back towards the doorway. Thank god Brian realized what was going on.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” Brian yelled as he grabbed Terri by the arm. “You are staying here until security arrives. Hey we need help in here!” Brian called out to the security officer that was sitting outside the door to Nick’s ICU room.

 

The daytime security officer, assigned to protect Nick, entered the room and quickly serveyed the situation. Without asking, he grabbed the girl that Brian was hanging onto and slapped some handcuffs on her wrists.

 

Terri kept kicking and cussing, trying to free herself from the police officer. He hung onto her as she kicked and thrashed about like a wild animal.

 

I helplessly watched as Kyung and another nurse attended to Lizz. I realized that her kidneys were compromised and that she needed a transplant. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach knowing that I played a role in making this girl fight for her life.

 

As luck and poor planning would have it, the sounds of shrieking from the hallway diverted mine and Brian’s attention towards the door. Suddenly, Brian was caught up in a surge of about fifteen young girls.

 

“Shit,” Kyung mumbled under her breath. “You girls need to leave this room immediately!”

 

They didn’t listen to Kyung and soon their attention was drawn towards Nick laying in bed.

 

Suddenly, they stopped their chattering amoungst themselves and started to point at Nick and whisper. All Nick could do was lay in bed and stare back at the girls.

 

“Nick? Are you feeling okay?”

 

“That’s enough, out now!” Kyung barked.

 

“Nick, I want a picture of you,” a girl said as she pulled out a pocket camera.

 

That was all Brian needed. “GET OUT NOW!”

 

The girls cringed when they heard Brian yell, scared by his sudden change of character and attitude. No one would ever suspect Brian of getting that agitated.

 

The girls watched as Lizz’s day nurse, Della, push Lizz out the door on a cot to her own ICU room.

 

“Oh my god, isn’t that the girl that caused Nick to try and kill himself over?”

 

This time Kyung snapped. “GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!”

 

The pack of girls seemed almost frozen. Dale, the security guard, was still holding on to Terri so he couldn’t do much of anything.

 

“Why isn’t he talking?” One of the girls whispered. Another one was staring after Lizz as Della took her to her room. A couple more nurses came to assist her.

 

“Is she dead?” Came another horrified whisper.

 

Kyung whirled around and marched over to the girls. “OUT!” She bellowed. They started to scamper away, but stopped when they heard laughing.

 

“He can’t talk girlies cause he had a stroke. He is never going to be able to take care of himself ever again. And no, that girl isn’t dead, but she is almost there. Sorry kiddies, no more Backstreet and no more Nick Carter.” She sneered.

 

“Get her out of here!” Kyung barked to Dale. She threw a look at Brian and he looked like he had been slapped. He couldn’t believe that Terri had just said those words. Kyung took in a deep breath and tried to control her temper.

 

Dale escorted the struggling girl out of the room and her shouts could be heard all the way down the hall.

 

Kyung herded the girls outside the door and shut it behind her. She sighed. “Look, I don’t know how you all got in here, but you can’t be here. This is the intensive care unit and there needs to be a certain level of control. If there were an emergency, like there was just now, we can’t have a bunch of people in the way.” She explained sternly.

 

“Is Nick going to be okay?” One of the younger ones asked tearfully.

 

“He’s going to be fine.” Kyung told her.

 

“What about the girl he tried to kill himself over?” Asked another.

 

Kyung sighed again. Her patience was growing thin. “She is going to be fine also.” She wasn’t even going to address the inaccuracy of their information.

 

“Then what about what that girl said? Why did she say that?” The same girl persisted.

 

Kyung wanted to say “because she is a flaming bitch that needs to be shot.” Instead she said, “I don’t know. She is sick up here.” Kyung tapped her head.

 

“What’s wrong with Brian?” A young one that was crying asked. “He yelled.”

 

“He’s upset. His best friend is sick and he doesn’t like to see him that way. He didn’t mean to sound so harsh okay?” Kyung tried to keep the exasperation out of her voice.

 

“What is wrong with them? Is that girl really going to die without a transplant? Is Nick never going to be able to function again? Is it true that Brian passed out?” The girl that asked looked like she might have been the oldest of the group.

 

Kyung shook her head. “That’s all private. I’m sure there will be a press conference and you will know whatever they think you should know. You all really need to leave the ICU now.” She looked over the desk and a couple of nurses came over to usher the girls out. As soon as they returned, Kyung went off.

 

“That was inexcusable! How the hell did they get in here?! Do you have any idea how bad that was?! Why the hell didn’t someone stop them?!” She yelled. All the anger that she had been trying to hold back just surfaced.

 

“I’m sorry, I was with my patient. I heard the commotion and came to see what was going on.” One of them explained.

 

The other one didn’t say anything. She just looked embarrassed.

 

“Ugh!” Kyung shook her head in disgust before turning on her heel and storming to Lizz’s room. Della was still in there, along with another nurse, Marjorie.

 

“How is she?” Kyung asked softly. Her energy was spent.

 

“Her BP is back up, but her sats are still too low.” Della paused and looked at Kyung seriously. “She’s running out of time.” She said quietly.

 

Kyung nodded and tried to keep her composure. It was really hard. “She’ll be asleep for awhile, won’t she?”

 

Della nodded. “Are you going to be okay?”

 

Kyung shrugged. “I’ll be okay when Lizz is okay. Uh, hey, I’m gonna go check on Nick and I’ll be back in a few.”

 

I’m not going to break down here at work. I’m not! She coached herself as she knocked on Nick’s door before going in. Brian was sitting on the edge of Nick’s bed.

 

She walked over and stood next to Brian, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked like the wrath. Nick immediately looked at Kyung with questioning eyes. “She asleep. Her oxygen levels are a little low, but other than that...” She trailed off. On one hand she didn’t want to repeat what Della had just told her, but on the other hand what was the point of hiding it.

 

Brian looked up at her. “Is it bad?” His voice was barely audible.

 

Kyung nodded, not trusting her voice. She didn’t want to look at Nick either. She didn’t want to see the pain that she knew she would see in his eyes. She knew he blamed himself.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Barbara stormed out of Dr. Minnick’s office, her heart pounding. She was terrified, but at the same time she felt as if a huge weight was lifted off her chest. She was going to lose her job for sure, but at least she did the right thing.

 

Hopefully now they could reverse the effects that the Espediene on Nick Carter. The damage wouldn’t be immediately undone, but in time he would be okay. She desperately wanted to believe that. He would have a long road ahead of him, regardless.

 

Before she would call the board she wanted to go back to Nick’s room and see if his friend and that other girl that was with him were in there.

It was a long walk to his room and when she finally made it, she had to stop and pause before she went in. Finally she knocked.

 

 

Upon opening the door, Barbara found Brian and Kyung alongside the patient’s bed. She looked at Nick’s face and then quickly looked away not being able to trust herself to tell them what she knew she had to tell.

 

“I’m sorry doctor shoved you out of his office earlier,” Barbara started out.

 

’Stop apologizing for him.’ she reprimanded herself.

 

“There is something I need to tell you regarding Mr. Carter’s condition.”

 

Nurse McKean paused for a brief moment, trying to think of how was the best way to tell them what she needed to tell them.

 

She took a breath in. “I believe that the stroke that he suffered was not a true stroke.” Barbara looked into Brian’s eyes. His red-rimmed eyes appeared to question what she was saying. She looked at Nick, his eyebrows were furrowed in a knot of confusion.

 

“Doctor Minnick was consulted to place Mr. Carter---”

 

“Nick, his name is Nick,” Kyung corrected the nurse.

 

“Doctor Minnick was consulted to place Nick into a medically induced coma. He is a specialist in that field and has a high success rate with the recovery of his patients, however, Doctor Minnick made a grave error in the selection of the meds, one the suppresses the central nervous system.

 

“So you’re saying that he caused Nick’s stroke?” Brian questioned.

 

Barbara shook her head. “What I’m saying is that the medication that doctor used chemically alters the neurons in the brain, sort of short circuiting the system. What Doctor Minnick did should have never happened. Nick shouldn’t be suffering as he is now.”

 

Nurse McKean managed to look at Nick’s face again. This time instead of a look of confusion or question, his face was full of anger and hatred.

 

“Is there anything that can be done for Nick?” Kyung asked, breaking the long silence that filled the room.

 

“Yes, I believe there is. I am going to the board after I leave here and tell them the whole story. I think there is something that can be given to Nick that will counter act the effects of the Esperdiene medication. I don’t think the cure will be overnight and I think that he will have a long struggle ahead of him, but I think that he will eventually lead a near normal life again.

 

I stared at the nurse that came in the room with this news. She said near normal, what did she mean by near normal? God, how I wanted to talk and ask questions. I wanted to know how Lizz was doing. I decided I would ask once that nurse left the room.

 

“I’m glad you told us this, I know it must have taken a lot of courage on your part,” Brian said to Barbara.

 

The nurse shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll probably lose my job over this, but I couldn’t stand there any longer and see this patient suffer or his family.”

 

“If there is anything we can do for you to help you keep your job, anything at all, please don’t be afraid to ask,” Brian replied. He looked over at Nick and could see him slightly nod his head.

 

“Thank you,” Barbara said as she turned to leave the room.

 

I waited for the door to close before I tried to speak. I licked my lips and got ready to hopefully speak clearly.

 

“La-iss.”

 

Both Kyung and Brian turned their heads towards me. I prayed that they understood what I wanted.

 

“How La-iss.”

 

“She’s stable,” Kyung replied.

 

I shook my head no. I knew they were keeping something from me.

 

“See.”

 

“No Nick, you can’t right now, she’s sleeping,” Brian replied.

 

I shook my head no again.

 

“See her.”

 

“Absolutely not. Nick, I have no way to get you to her room anyway. You can’t move on your own, you couldn’t go in a wheelchair, forget it, it’s not gonna happen so you might as well rest and try to get better.”

 

God how I hated it when Brian was reasonable.

 

“Nick if it will make you happy, I will go to her room and see how she’s doing and come back and tell you, deal?”

 

I nodded my head yes. It was going to be better than nothing.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

I laid in bed half watching some dumb soap opera on the television. I couldn’t move my hands very well to change channels on the remote control and with Brian away, I was pretty much stuck with what was on.

 

‘God, just let her leave, she’s not worth it.’ I mentally shouted at the TV screen. Soaps were pretty stupid as they seemed to spend more time with the characters staring at each other more than anything else.

 

A tall man wearing a white lab coat entered my room after briefly knocking on the door. I figured he was in to take more blood from me.

 

“Hi Nick, I’m Doctor Scott.”

 

As the doctor was talking, one of my daytime nurses named Denise, came in with an IV bag and hung it up on the pole. She was also carrying a syringe.

 

“Because of the information that Nurse McKean provided, we are going to be giving you Irisophia through and IV line. This medication will hopefully counter act the Esperdiene that was given to you previously. We will be staring that up along with a steriod injection every four hours into the IV line. I think if all goes well, you should start to be seeing improvements in your condition within 36 to 48 hours.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Waking up seemed like a big mistake. As soon as I opened my eyes, I was flooded with pain. Go figure, what did I do this time? I could barely even move.

 

“Hey girl, how ya feeling?” Kyung smiled with relief when she saw my eyes flicker towards her. She was sitting on the end of my bed.

 

“Wha ‘appen?” I whispered. Even talking took energy that I didn’t have.

 

“Do you remember being in Nick’s room a little while ago?” Brian asked. I looked to my right and he was sitting in a chair by the side of my bed. I tried to think about what he was talking about, but nothing registered. The blank look on my face must have told him that I didn’t remember. He glanced at Kyung and frowned.

 

“You know who I am right?” He asked carefully.

 

I grinned and nodded slightly. That was a silly question.

 

Brian smiled back, then grew serious again. “You got really ansty to go see Nick so Kyung and I took you to his room in a wheelchair.”

 

Oh my gosh! Terri! It all came back and I widened my eyes in recognition at them.

 

“You remember now?” Kyung asked.

 

“Terri?” I whispered. That little bitch. I remembered her saying something about Nick trying to kill himself again and I was about to go off on her. How dare she say something like that?! I was ready to tear into her but by that time I could scarecely breathe and I felt like I was going to pass out. The last thing I remembered was trying to get Nick’s attention.

 

“She’s been taken care of.” Kyung said simply. I could hear the anger in her voice though.

 

I nodded. “Nick?” I whispered. “He’s alone?”

 

“He’s really worried about you. He wanted to come see you, but there isn’t anyway for him to get into a wheelchair or anything. He wanted us to come see how you are and then report back to him.” Brian explained.

 

I smiled. “Tell him... I am...bouncing... off the walls.”

 

Kyung and Brian laughed. “Sure you are, ya little punk.” Kyung snorted.

 

I had to smile. At least I made them laugh.

 

“Actually, guess what?” Kyung asked. I raised my eyebrows at her.

 

“Nick’s doctor, Dr. Minnick, screwed up. Bad. He was supposed to give Nick Experdene when they put him in the induced coma. By accident the doctor gave him Espediene which suppresses the central nervous system. Dr. Minnick, apparantly didn’t want to acknowledge his mistake and pretended that he never did anything wrong.” Kyung explained.

 

My eyes filled with hot tears. “He’s been...suffering...all this time...”

 

“Lizz, Dr. Minnick’s nurse came forward. She had a very hard time doing so, but she did and she is taking it to the administrative board. Hopefully, they will be able to give Nick something to counter the effects and he will be okay. He will have a long recovery ahead of him, but he should be fine.” Brian continued.

 

“He’s gonna...be okay?” I whispered. I had been praying for a miracle since Nick had had the stroke. Now, here it was. I basked in the feelings of tremendous relief for only a few moments. There was something else I had been concerned about. I knew that Nick blamed himself for all this, just like I did. I knew that was something that we would never be able to convince each other of. He thought it was his fault for dragging me into this, but I knew that it was mine. If I had been able to get on instant messenger sooner, if I could have said something different. If...if... How was he going to take me getting worse and worse? I knew that my chances of getting a transplant were slim and I also knew that if I didn’t get one very soon, I wouldn’t make it. Would that put Nick over the edge? I shook my head miserably.

 

Kyung saw this. “What’s wrong sweetie?”

 

“How’s...he gonna take...me not...getting better?” I whispered, trying to stay in control of my emotions.

 

“Lizz don’t...” Kyung started with a warning tone in her voice.

 

“K, please...I know the...circumstances...I don’t want...him to blame...himself.” I begged.

 

“Hey now, we don’t want to hear that kind of talk. You better not be giving up on us now!” Brian admonished gently.

 

“I’m not! But I...have to...be realistic. I’m gonna...fight it. But Nick...” A few tears escaped.

 

Brian chewed his lip. He didn’t want to admit it, but Lizz’s concern had crossed his mind. He was determined that Lizz would be okay, but if, just if, she wasn’t, what effect would that have on Nick? “Lizz, we are going to find you a transplant, but you have to keep faith. Do it for us, for Nick, and for yourself. I know you can do it.” He encouraged.

 

I nodded. I sure as hell wasn’t going to give into this. I’m just too damned stubborn for that. I vaguely remembered someone calling me stubborn recently. I smiled.

 

“That’s my girl!” Kyung smiled too.

 

“Go...tell him... I’m okay.” I ordered. Both of them opened their eyes wide. Kyung made like she was going to smack me one and Brian mock saluted. I grinned at them. “Then...come tell me...that he’s...okay.”

 

“Will do.” Brian saluted again and Kyung gave me a half hug before they both left. The looks on their faces as I tried to be demanding, was priceless and I smiled in spite of myself.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Once out in the hall, Brian turned to Kyung.

 

“She’s really...” He started, only to be cut off by Kyung.

 

“Don’t say it! I am having a hard enough time keeping from crying as it is.”

 

Brian nodded in understanding.

 

They let themselves into Nick’s room and were greeted by tall doctor with kind, brown eyes. He smiled and introduced himself as Dr. Scott.

 

“I’m going to be taking over Nick’s case for Dr. Minnick. As you might already know, his nurse, Barbara McKean, came forward with some information regarding Nick’s case.” He started.

 

Brian nodded.

 

“We will be administering Irisophia intraveniously every four hours in hopes of countering the effects of the Esperdiene. We will also be giving him a steroid to aide the process. We are optimistic that we will see results in 36-48 hours.” He repeated all the information that he had given Nick.

 

Brian glanced at Kyung and saw the happiness written all over her face that he also felt.

 

Dr. Scott smiled at the look of obvious relief written all over the two young people’s faces that stood before him. “I just gave him his first dose and Denise will be in charge of giving him the rest throughout the night. And significant changes and I want to be called.” He shook Brian and Kyung’s hands before leaving the room.

 

Brian immediately went to Nick’s bedside and wrapped his arms around him. “I’m so happy for you buddy.”

 

Kyung just stood there and smiled at the touching scene before her. Finally they broke apart and Brian sat on the edge of the bed, just as Kyung did in Lizz’s room. Kyung stood next to the bed and smiled at Nick.

 

Nick looked at Kyung and then Brian. He concentrated for a moment then asked softly, “how’s Li-iss?”

 

***

 

 

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