Chapter
14:
Don’t Give Loneliness a Chance
I fought hard against something . . .I
had no clue what it was, but it was threatening to overtake me. The darkness was so overwhelming, I felt like
I was drowning in it. I couldn't
breathe! A popping sound rang out behind
me, and searing pain entered my chest. I
struggled harder now, and saw a light in the distance. It was taking me forever to get to it, and
every breath ached. When I reached it, I
drew back suddenly.
I heard Mike's voice taunt me,
"You weren't there, Dorough!"
He stepped aside and I saw Alex in a
crumpled heap. His skin was ashen, and
he reached out for me. But I couldn't
stay up anymore. The pain in my chest
was so incredible that I fell to the ground in front of Alex. I was so close I could have touched him . .
.But I was too late.
"Howie!" I heard a voice calling my name. I swung my arm out hard, but someone grabbed
it. I fought back in a panic, screaming
profanity through gritted teeth. I kept
hearing the voice.
"Howie," Mike called. "He died today just like I said! Now you're gonna die too!"
My eyes flew
open. I saw a dark shape over me and
jumped up. I scrambled blindly to get
away. My chest felt on-fire, and I was
desperate to get somewhere safe. But
every time I turned around, Mike was there.
"Grab
him!" I heard someone say, and I
struck the solid form that tried to get a hold of me. I couldn't let this happen . . .Not again . .
.I'd let Alex down! Oh my God,
Alex! No!
"Jay," I
cried out in a strangled voice.
"Alex! I'm sorry! Alex, please!" I think I almost passed out from fear when I
felt someone's arms around me. My hand hit something hard and I heard a crash.
"Howie, it's
all right, man! Relax! Do you hear me, D? It's me! It's Alex! I'm right here! Open your eyes, man! You gotta wake up!"
I struggled to
open my eyes. Alex was standing in front
of me. I could see a bruise forming on
his face. Pieces of the bedside lamp
were everywhere on the floor, and there was blood . . . My chest felt heavy and
continued to fight for breath. I barely
noticed Kevin standing beside his bed looking concerned and Brian and Nick, who
were sitting up, appearing confused and shocked.
"Christ,
Howie!" Alex pushed my head between
my knees. "Breathe slow. Just take it easy." Somehow, hearing his voice made everything
better, and I was finally a little calmer.
But then I saw Jay's face again . . . the mark that I must've put there
. . . the lamp all broken on the floor and Alex's feet all bloody from trying
to control me . . . and I lost it.
"Alex! Don't you ever know when the hell to back
off? I mean, were you just gonna stand
there while I beat the crap out of you? God! Use your head sometime, damn it!"
"D, come
on." Alex urged, trying to make me shut up I guess, "I was fine-I AM
fine. It's no big deal. Now shut your pie-hole. You wanna go back to bed or not?"
"Do NOT
change the subject! Do you or do you not
know when to back off?" I demanded.
Alex just stared at me, like he was waiting for me to come to my
senses. "Just stay the hell away
from me!"
"All
right. That's it. You're comin' with me." Alex proceeded to drag me out of the room and
into the lobby where he pushed me down on the couch. He sat down beside me, and I halfway expected
to have a date with his fist. But it
didn't happen.
"What's goin'
on with you, D? I've known you since I
was five and I KNOW when you've got it rough.
You always tell me how cool you think I am, so I know you love
me." Alex grinned, and I tried to
avoid looking at him. "I could
never keep away from you, dude-" he trailed off.
"Just go,
Jay."
"Howie, you
weren't screamin' my name just 'cause you think it sounds cool. Listen, okay?
I don't say it all the time but I wanna be here for you. Whatever you
need to say is cool with me. Can't I
know what's goin' on? You scared the
shit out of me tonight."
"Just a
nightmare," I said tonelessly. I
stood up slowly, making my way back to the room. I could not believe that Alex could stand
there and let me pound on him, and then still be there for me afterward. I couldn't be there for him when he needed
me. I didn't deserve the same courtesy
and I knew it.
***
