Chapter
8:
So Many Words for the Broken Heart
"What the
hell is taking so long?" Nick demanded.
He looked tired and had been pacing in the exact same spot since we got
to the hospital.
It was so sad just
seeing three of us. We were only three
now, because as soon as a nurse got a look at Brian talking about the blood on
his hands when there was none there, she said they'd have to check him in for a
bit, just to observe him, and make sure he calmed down all right. Brian’s parents were with him. Kev, Nick and I had called ours on the way to
the hospital. They were understandably
upset, but relieved that we were okay.
I didn't even know
if I could keep my cool. I'd kept it
together in class for Alex and in the bathroom for Brian, but Nick and Kevin
might just do me in. Nick was cussing
like a sailor, without Brian's presence.
Nick knew Alex had been shot. So
did Kevin and I but none of us knew how bad it was. We'd been in the waiting room for over an
hour.
I was still
shaking, even though the nurse gave me a blanket. Glancing across the room at Kevin, I was
still shocked. Ever since we had arrived
at the hospital, Kevin had been a complete mess. Just sitting there all by himself
crying. He was not trying to hide it
either.
Finally, I went
over and sat next to him, putting an arm around his back.
"It'll be all
right." I said. "Alex is strong;
he'll pull through."
"God, I hate
hospitals! I hate this! Howie, I can't do this now, it's too
soon!"
Kevin's words
confused me. Too soon for what?
"I can't take
this Howie! Brian can't take this! Neither can Alex, he was shot for God's sake!" The emotion continued to rise in Kevin's
voice until he actually sounded angry.
"Kevin. What are you saying, bud, huh? What's wrong?" Somehow, I knew his behavior was coming from
something else.
"My dad- I hate hospitals! Howie, I can't keep doin' this!" Kevin was all hunched over, his hair falling
in his eyes. I glanced briefly at Nick
who spun and punched the wall, a mighty stream of cursing followed.
Slowly, too slowly
for my liking, I put two and two together.
Kevin's dad had died last year.
He'd had cancer and was real sick.
That was the reason his family had moved here, to give him a fresh
start, since he was the only one still at home.
I could see now how much Kevin truly disliked the fact that his cousin
and friend were patients here.
"Kevin, not
everybody who comes in the hospital dies.
Brian is going to be fine and we're praying to God that Alex will be
too! I know your dad had it hard, and
I'm real sorry about that. But we gotta believe
that it's gonna turn out different for Jay and Brian." I sighed as Kevin continued as he had
before. What I said didn't make any
difference at all to him.
Somewhere during
the wait, I remembered Denise. And I
went cold. I didn’t know if the hospital
had contacted her or not, but she wasn’t here yet. I knew that I would have to be the one to
call her and explain that some psycho kid at school had shot her son. How could I tell her that? She was like my own mother. Alex was like my little brother . . .
Nevertheless, I found myself by the phone in the waiting room, dialing the
familiar number with a shaking hand.
In a rush, I
explained what happened. Somewhere in me
I thought that if I talked faster, it would make everything less real, and it
would hurt less. It didn't work. I found myself weeping like a child just as I
had when Alex's head rested in my lap hours before.
***
