Chapter 1
January 20, 2023
“You what?”
asked Alex as he sat on the staircase in his home.
“I lost the
baby Alex, I was doing my normal routine you know, when I felt this sharp pain
in my lower back and stomach and, well I lost it” said Christine as she sat
next to Alex.
“You
could’ve called me to let me know I would of flown back from New York Christine
for god sakes that was our kid a human being” cried out Alex as he stood up and
stepped away from her he loved her but lately he hated her in some way it
wasn’t the same since he told her he wanted to have a baby. She kept saying
later and finally when they get pregnant she looses it. “I need some time
alone”, said Alex he grabbed his keys and walked out the door with out another
word.
Ten years
of marriage and he wasn’t happy. Ten years ago he married Christine thinking he
loved her. But, now that this happened he was sure he really never LOVED her.
She was always jealous and being a model made her obsessed with being skinny.
Some how that came in his mind as the reason why she never wanted to give him a
kid she didn’t want to look fat. He remembered how happy Brian was when Baylee
was born and a few years later they had another beautiful girl, they looked
happy he wanted that. He was 46 years old and soon he didn’t know if he could
have kids naturally of course. Even Kevin had a kid now, Howie and his fiancée
well they didn’t have one but they adopted two twin girls, and then Nick well
he had a boy out of wedlock to some chick he had an adventure with on his solo
tour. And after a DNA test he was supporting his kid and was fighting for his
custody. It was him who didn’t have a kid but, he kept in touch with them and he
felt left out, do to the fact that he didn’t have a son or daughter to brag
about in his conversations with them. He parked his car in a McDonalds and got
out. He really needed a lift and where else than McDonalds. He wiped his eyes
put on his sunglasses and walked in to order his usual…
****
It was 2:30 AM and Alex finally decided to park his car in the driveway to his
house, he saw the light to his bedroom on. So, he knew Christine was waiting
for him. He sighed and as he walked to his door. Once inside he stood in the
darkness, when he heard Christine run down the stairs and hugged him he didn’t
respond to her hug he just stood their.
“Alex, I’ve
been so worried why didn’t you answer your phone baby I thought something
happened to you”, cried Christine as she clung to him.
“I’m fine,
I just need to be alone for now that’s all; I’m going to sleep in the guest
room tonight, I need to not be near you ok” said Alex as he walked passed her
without even looking at her.
Christine
was mad she couldn’t believe it; he was so mad about something she couldn’t
prevent, yeah, she could have called him but he needed the publicity lately he
wasn’t having enough, ever since well they got married. She had to admit that
in the beginning of her pregnancy she really wasn’t feeling it. But, she grew
to care for the little baby growing inside her and now it was gone and she felt
empty. But, Alex didn’t care about her feelings he was just thinking about him
and how he felt about this whole situation, what about her, she wanted him to
understand. Maybe it was her fault she was a murder she felt really mad,
depressed and unloved from the one person she cared so much for. She bended her
rules for him; she married him though she had vowed that she would never marry,
but, when she met him everything changed. Now after debating with herself she
finally got pregnant only to loose it. Was she that lame? Was Alex worth all
this unhappiness she was feeling? Was he? Was she a murder? Was she that ugly and
disgusting that he couldn’t even look at her now that this had happened? Was he
willing to try again and have another baby? Did he still love her? Did he ever
really love her? She knew that she had to apologize for not calling him from
his promoting tour, to let him know about the bad news. But, she was in shock
herself she didn’t know what to do or say and when she finally tried to call
and tell him, he was already coming home. His promoting tour was over. Then
yesterday when he got home and she told him crying what had happened, she did
not get the response she wanted from him. It was like he blamed her for the
loss and only her. He walked out on her and left her with her misery.
That night
Christine made her mind up, for her own feelings. She loved Alex, yes, but she
was not willing to continue this. Ten years she devoted herself to this man
supporting his career and everything he did, she put her career to a halt for
him and now that she needed him he wasn’t there for her!
******
Alex woke
up to find himself alone; he walked out the guest room, to the room he shared
with his wife. Only to find it empty, the bed was made and he smiled realizing
that he had acted stupid yesterday. He was angry though he had the right to be
angry. She didn’t bother to call up and tell him that she had lost the baby,
yet he understood her she must have been in shock. Yet why did he act the way
he had? Were the ten years of being with the same person taking a toll on him?
Did he still feel the same for her? Or were the thoughts that had gone through
his mind the night before true? Or, had he made the wrong choice seventeen
years ago when he chose not to look for Pamela? If he would of looked for her
and married her would he be happy today? Would she have given him kids? NO, he
made the right decision right? Pamela was probably happy now with a husband and
kids; not wanting to remember him and his lousy friendship. Besides after
thinking it through last night he was going to talk to Christine and tell her
he wanted to work it out, that he wanted to try and have a baby again. He
looked around the big room and bathroom but did not find a trace of her being
there that morning. That’s when he found an envelope with his name in capital
letters on her drawer he cautiously opened it and read it:
Alex,
By the time you read this letter I will be on my way to
some place away from you. Last night or this morning however you want to see it
I realized that I have been blindly in love with you for many years but, I
never really got the response I wanted from you. Yes, the sex was good and the
dinning and winning too. But I needed more than that I needed your heart, your
understanding, and most of all your love. I gave up my career and my life for
you. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret these past ten years they were great by
you but yet so empty its like I was there to be this perfect wife. I tried to
live to that aspect too, so I guess I have part of the fault also. I understand
your anger towards me for loosing the baby, I tried hard Alex to protect her (yeah it was going to be a baby
girl) but I guess I was to weak my body couldn’t handle the pregnancy. I was very happy about it too and I also
wanted to surprise our family with the news. I never wanted this to happen, I
mean I was scared to get pregnant that’s why it took me a while to say yes when
you brought up the subject. But when I did I was more than happy to give birth
to our child. I’ve decided to leave and give us space, I am not asking for a
divorce Alex just time to think about us and the rest of our life. I want to
see myself in a different situation away from you. I want see if I really am
meant to be with you. I will contact you in a few days, months, maybe years to
let you know if I will be coming home and try getting pregnant again or if I
want to be away from you for good. I am sorry for the baby again and Alex I do
love you. I just think it’s not as profound as it was in the beginning and
that’s why I need the space. I hope you can accept this if not you can contact
my lawyer his card is inside this envelope so he can start on the divorce
process. I am willing to give you the divorce if you feel like you don’t want
to work things out. I just hope you understand and wait for me or my response.
I love you Alex McLean don’t you ever forget that ok.
Love,
Christine
Alex felt
bad, but he understood her, he also needed time and space.
***
