Chapter 20
The day before Amber had stayed with her mother for the
rest of the visitor period and when she had stepped out she had asked him to
take her home. On the way to her house she told him Pamela wanted to speak to
him alone and that he knew what that meant. He knew exactly what she meant; had
she been listening to him on his secret visits to her? He didn’t think she did
that’s why he spoke what he did to her, now he was nervous to what Pamela had
to speak to him about. Either way it was time for the truth to come out for his
and Amber’s sake anyway. He walked out of the elevator and into the familiar
hallway of Baylor hospital. He had a vase of white roses on his hand as he
entered the room. He stopped his pace as he saw Pamela with a smile, sitting on
her bed. “Hey, I brought you some flowers to lighten up the atmosphere,” he
placed them on the stand by her bed.
“Thank you,” she motioned for him to have a seat on her
bed.
He felt so light headed all of a sudden he wanted to run
out the room. He was nervous to see her after the last time he was here he had
kissed her. Had she felt that? He slowly sat beside her and looked at her with
a worried face. “So how are you feeling?”
She wanted to do this before she lost her courage and
changed her mind. She looked at him straight in the eyes as she said, “I feel
better.” He was about to speak again, but she shut him up with her finger.
“Alex I am sorry for being a coward and running away from my true feelings. I
loved you so much back then and I didn’t fight for it. I was afraid of what
people would say, about what my friends and family would say. I didn’t get
anything out of it; I still lost most of my friends and my parent’s well you
know how that ended. The only thing good out of this situation is Amber and I
am tired of doing everything to please everyone but me. So basically what I am
saying I am sorry for making you’re life miserable, Amber told me about
Christine and the baby. I was being selfish and didn’t share her with you. I’m
sorry Alex I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I am really sorry and I
would like to start from the beginning again...if you let me of course…” she
felt her tears coming down her face as she looked straight into his glasses,
she barely got a glimpse of his beautiful brown eyes, the ones that made her
forget everything around her.
He didn’t know to say, he loved her and he never stopped
loving her. Now hearing her say this made him realize why he and Christine
never clicked. He was, is, and will always love Pamela. He took a deep breath
and with out hesitate he spoke to her, “I love you Pamela and I always have.
When you left me, I was devastated but I also let my friends get to me and they
convinced me that it was all a mistake. When you should up at my house a few
months ago I was shocked to see you because in my mind I had buried you; to in
some way block you out of my mind. I am sorry for also not fighting for us, I
could have looked for you and made everything right but I didn’t.” He smiled at
her as he wiped the tears away from her face. “Pamela give us a chance now, we
deserve a chance. I want to be more than your friend or your baby’s daddy; I
want to start anew too but as more than a friendship.”
She took a deep breath she didn’t know what to say, she did
love Alex at one point but now she didn’t know if she did. Did she love Alex
still? He still did and she couldn’t deny that that made her happy to know he
still had feelings for her. She remembered the kiss just yesterday when she was
still in a coma stage or something like that. She remembered the warm and sweet
feeling she felt crawl done her body as she felt his lips on her. Somehow she
knew because of that kiss she woke up; she was able to bring herself to wake
up. As she looked at him sitting there staring at her waiting for an answer
from her, it hit her. She did love him, she always had. “I’d like to be more
than your friend too, Alex.” She laughed as she saw his face light up when he
heard her response.
“What’s so funny?” He asked her as he intertwined his
fingers with hers.
“Oh, nothing really I just love your face so much Oh, and
thank you Alex.”
“For what?” he asked her as he got closer to her.
“Well for many things, like for giving me Amber, for loving
me, and for singing me my favorite song.” She smiled as she said the last part
of her sentence.
“Oh, so you heard that huh? I know. I know I killed that
song.”
“Actually I would give you a Grammy for your performance.”
Said Pamela as she reached over to his face and took off his glasses.
Revealing to her his brown eyes to the fullest, he had the tired look on
them but she could also see a little light in them now. “Your eyes are just so
beautiful. Alex do you think we are doing the right thing by you know starting
a relationship right now?”
He smiled at her comment and gave her hand a firm squeeze
before he answered her concern. “Yes, I think we deserve this Pam, we need each
other, and we always have. I think it’s about time we did something for one
another. Pamela I am determined to make this work, I am not worried for what
people are going to say. I am ready for us!” He surprised Pamela with a
passionate kiss.
All she could do was respond to it. She felt safe and loved
as she kissed him back. She was happy but in the pit of her stomach she still
had a fear of something. She shook the thoughts away as she enjoyed the
closeness to the man, the only man that gave her tranquility. “I’m going to fly
back to LA tomorrow,” said Alex as he sat on the chair beside Pamela.
“I know Amber told me about your interview. Amber told me
it meant the world to her, that you are doing this and not caring what damage
it might do to your career. She’s been ready to tell the world that she does
have a daddy. You know she really admires you, she thinks you’re a great
person.”
“Yeah? That’s good to know, since…she hasn’t called me dad
yet. She has come close to saying it but she catches herself and stops
before she says it.” He looked down to the pale floor as he told Pamela, “I
guess I was expecting her to call me dad right away and when it didn’t
happen I felt uninteresting to her.”
Pamela picked his face to meet hers as she spoke, “she will
Alex, I know her she will just give her time. She loves you very much and that
is that she only met you a few weeks ago.”
“I know she needs time but it still is nerve wrecking.”
***
