Chapter 5
Pamela had
arrived to California the night before and did some exploring which included
passing through his house. She had heard about the divorce he was going through
with his wife, it was all over the T.V.
Now there she was in front of his house, it was definitely bigger than
the one he had before. She looked at the buzzer intently and then she pushed
the button. It took a few seconds, when she heard a woman’s voice ask who she
was looking for.
“Hi, my
name Pamela Fernandez a friend of Alex, I was wondering if he is available,”
asked Pamela as in her head she wished he wasn’t. She heard his voice in the
background asking who it was, and then there was silence. For what seemed an
eternity Pamela waited outside the gated house, she was about to turn around
and leave when she saw him walking towards the gate entrance. He looked older
but he still looked good. Pamela’s heart started beating faster as he
approached her she wanted run. But she controlled herself this wasn’t about her
it was about her daughter. Then when he reached the gate he stood there with a
surprised look on face. They stared at each other for ever it seemed both
didn’t know what to say.
Finally
Alex broke the silence with a simple hello and come in. “What brings you to my
house after seventeen years of being un-communicated” asked Alex as he opened
the door to his house for her. Was this his year of bad luck, first he looses
his kid, second he gets a divorce, and last all of a sudden his past has come
back to hunt him? He was confused yet he felt some happiness he had yearned for
this day to come. To be able to tell Pamela he was sorry and that he never
meant to hurt her. God, after all those years she still looked nice, yeah there
where some wrinkles starting to appear near her eyes but she looked good.
“I…need to
talk you about something that happened that night between you and me Alex,”
said Pamela in an almost whisper.
“I know it
was mistake Pamela, I read and reread your letter. Don’t worry I got it very
clearly,” some how without wanting to he had his anger come out and tell her
those mean words. He couldn’t help it his feelings from that day had come out
as he heard her talk and they wanted a say in this conversation.
“Yes it was
Alex, but that’s not what I want to talk to you about. It something more
complicated than that,” said Pamela as she felt tears fall down her face. She
was trying to sound normal but she couldn’t this was to painful.
“Well then
talk,” said Alex motioning her to a couch so she could sit. He took a seat in
front of her and looked at her straight in the eyes. He suddenly felt sad he
did not see the hope and love he had once seen her eyes. Now there was sadness
and gloominess in them without wanting to he shivered and nodded to her, so she
could continue to talk.
“First, off
Alex what I am going to tell is very important to this person, so please let me
finish everything I have to say and if then you want to talk you can. Alex that
night was definitely a mistake that made me lose the love of my life and a
great friendship with you. But it also gave me a beautiful gift a gift that I
cherish with all my heart. This gift has made me happy and understanding. It
made me realize that life truly is a miracle. I love this gift with all my
heart that if I was given the choice to go back to that night and change my
actions I wouldn’t do it. Because I wouldn’t want to give it up. I hope that
you understand me because this is very hard for me. Alex, I got pregnant and
gave birth to a beautiful girl which I have raised on my own for the past few
years. I thought my love was all she would need and in the beginning it was.
But then she started growing up and every chance she got she would ask me about
her father. I tried to keep her from asking about you but when I look back at the
last few years to when my father passed away and I didn’t get to say good by I
realized how she felt. In other words Alex, you have a daughter who is ready to
meet you,” said Pamela as she wiped her tears.
Alex stood
up and looked around the house trying to concentrate on something else. So many
things were going through his mind. He finally looked at Pamela with sadness
and anger at the same time. “How could you not tell this Pamela, dam it, all
this time I’ve had a daughter and didn’t know about it? What were you thinking,
for god sakes you were the Christian you should've of known better than to keep
such a secret. Oh, my god this is unbelievable, I was here trying to fix a
marriage with my wife that was over before it started just because I wanted a family
and all along I had one,” said Alex now anger showing through him.
“I’m sorry
Alex, I know I made a mistake by not telling you but you need to understand me!
I was scared it was my first time being with someone like that and not only
that I was engaged to someone else who I happened to love very much. Then I had
my family who believed and had faith in me, that I was a good girl with good
morals! I was raised in a house where sex was unspoken of and where you were
looked at as a pure wholesome person. I lived like that through all my life
because I believed in that too, but then you came along and broke my good
judgment. I truly felt horrible after that night impure, a liar and a fraud. I
had it all planned out for me Alex, I was going to marry Victor someone I loved
very much and have a family to which I would teach the value my parents taught
me. But, like I said I met you, you were a good friend that was different from
what I believed and I guess in someway that intrigued me. You were a good friend
that was a total opposite of me and I loved your company, your jokes and your
singing. You were what my rebel side wanted to do but, I choose to never bring
her out I lived that fantasy through you. I don’t know what made me bend my
morals that night Alex but now is to late for that all I want is for you to
give Amber a chance to be your daughter.” Was all Pamela said before she
started to cry she just couldn’t hold it anymore she had finally spoken about
her feelings to Alex?
He didn’t
know what to say he just wanted to calm her down. He walked to where she was
sitting and gave a hug and a shoulder to cry on. He let her cry till he noticed
she had fallen asleep from all the crying he let her back on the couch. He
walked out to his backyard and lit up a cigarette. The first one in a very long
time but he needed it after all he had just heard. He was angry but in some way
excited he had a Daughter!
***
