Chapter 4
It was at that moment the scenery changed. How, he
couldn’t say. The experience was hard for anyone to describe. The woman was
right next to him, placed her hand on his shoulder. Everything became a quick
blur. People passed by them at warp speed. He tried to pick out specific sights
of places but it was impossible way the way everything ran together around him.
Nick felt dizzy and knew if he was in his body, he’d be throwing up by now.
And then, everything stopped.
Grace was standing in front of him now as he tried
to reorient himself. He looked down at himself and tried to touch someone
walking by. He shuddered as his hand went right through her. Still no luck, so
whatever was going on, was still happening. He glanced around, taking in the
stark white walls, the bustle of activity. There were plenty of people walking
around, walking through him,
which was unnerving, being part of them even if only for a moment.
“Don’t stand around staring at everything.” She
smirked.
“Where are we?”
“At a hospital, where did you think we were at? A
morgue? You ain’t dead…yet.”
“Yet…” He repeated lowly, following her down the
hall. “And besides I knew we’re at a hospital, what I meant was which one.”
“Does that really matter?”
“Whatever. So what are we doing here?”
Grace turned back towards him, a hand on her hip
as she stared at him with a raised brow. His first thought was that for an
angel, which is what he assumed she was after she called herself a “guardian”,
she had a lot of attitude. That’s even if he really believed all this. He still
wasn’t sure on that part. It all felt like something out of a nightmare. He
could still awake up. He then wondered if she heard that thought.
“I did, and I do, and we’re here to see you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because. Just trust me on this. You need to see
this; He wants
you to see this. Maybe it’ll start driving the point home.”
He walked behind her, albeit quite unwillingly.
“You keep mentioning Him, what if I don’t even fucking believe in God?
What then?! Will I wake up from this nightmare? Will all this shit stop?”
She sighed, stopping again. “No, I just would find
it sad, because you know what? He believes in you.”
“Whatever.”
“I swear, you’re practically hopeless.”
She started walking down the hallway, without even
a glance back at him. It was like she knew he was compelled to follow despite
himself. He sighed as he glanced around. While there were many people up and
about, most of them were either in white coats or scrubs, all hurriedly working
to help people. He wondered then who was there to help him. All Nick wanted
right then was to wake up from this nightmare, and have a drink. He craved one,
something to escape the madness.
I may be fucked up, but I like
it that way.
“Nick, in here.” Grace called, bringing him out of
his thoughts. She stood in the doorway, motioning for him to enter. He walked in
ahead of her, and despite his attempt to ready himself, chills still ran
through him at the sight before him.
It felt eerie, staring down at himself. His eyes
were shut tight, his face black and blue, and a variety of cuts littered his
cheeks. His arm was in a cast, and he was hooked up to various machines, each
beeping steadily. He waved his hand in front of the face of his body. No
movement, no sign of life at all. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact he was
breathing and the machines were still functioning; Nick would’ve thought he was
dead. He glanced back at Grace who was leaning against the wall with her arms
crossed. He wished he knew how she did that, going through things had gotten
old rather quickly.
“Not a pretty picture is it?”
He stared back down at himself. “How long have I
been in here?”
She shrugged. “About two days, I had us pass time
a bit.”
“Two days?!”
“You’re in a coma; remember your dumbass is lucky
to be alive. So no bitching okay?” Grace suddenly jerked as if with pain,
before glancing up at the ceiling with annoyance. “Okay, okay, no cursing.” Her
gaze went back to Nick. “Big guy isn’t a fan of the foul language.”
“Okay…” It was all a bit too weird for him still.
He sighed, watching himself.
“Visiting hours are over in case you’re wondering
why no one’s here to visit you. I didn’t want you trying to walk through your
band mates or something.”
“Like they’d visit.”
She stepped in front of Nick, eyes flashing
unnaturally. “Are you kidding me? They’ve all been by, Kevin’s practically
lived here. Just because you’ve got major issues, it doesn’t mean people don’t
care about you.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
Nick turned away from her then, refocusing back on
himself. He knew she was wrong; he didn’t care what she was. And how did he
know she was what she said she was? She could be anything, an alien, a demon,
anything! His life wasn’t screwed up, he liked it. Nick didn’t care if Brian
never called unless he thought he was fucking up. Nick didn’t care if his
family ignored him unless there was a camera or radio DJ within hearing or
viewing distance. Or that his mother continued to try and use him as her
personal ATM. He was Nick Carter, and he had it all.
I don’t need help, I’m fine.
I’m happy.
“Keep telling yourself that, maybe one day you’ll
actually believe it.”
“I do believe it!”
At this point, Grace looked like she was ready to
scream. He was sure if she was alive, or human, that she’d be red with fury by
that point. As it was, she seemed to possess a lack of control when it came to
her emotions. It was something he could definitely relate to.
“Do you know why you’re here Nick?”
“Why I’m in…”
“The hospital, yes. Do you know why? Answer me.”
“Because I screwed up, and because you scared the
shit outta me!”
“No, you would’ve ended up here either way, I just
made it worse. By mistake. Anyways, look…you’re here because you need help. If
you don’t at least try to hear what I’m saying, you’re going to die.”
Nick sighed. “Well, if I die, I know I don’t just
go poof. So it’s all good. Ain’t you proof of that?”
“Okay, that’s it.” She appeared on the other side
of the bed, grabbing his arm. How he was able to feel the grip she had, he had
no idea. But felt it he did, and she had a really tight grip.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going on a little field trip.”
“Where are we-“he started, but was cut off by the
fact everything seemed to be rushing by yet again. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t focus
on much of anything. It all seemed to be going by too fast. He felt compressed,
shoved together even though he wasn’t much to begin with. Finally, everything
slowed to a stop once again. He lurched forward, grimacing.
“This shit is worse than roller coaster.”
“I thought you liked roller coasters.”
“I do, but this? No.” Nick looked around again,
taking in his surroundings. He could see Grace and the light surrounded her
just out of the corner of his eye. The little knick knacks, the homey feeling in
the place, and platinum record plaques along the wall, it didn’t take him long
to recognize the place. They had gone to Brian’s condo that he kept for when
they did their LA recording sessions.
“Why we even here? Brian’s supposed to fly back
home tonight for the weekend.”
She rolled her eyes, holding out her hand towards
the hallway. “Just trust me.”
“Easier said than done,” he muttered before doing
as he was told. A voice caught his attention.
“Yes, hi, my name is Brian Littrell…they said I
had to talk to you… Well frankly, I don’t care if you’re sick of me calling;
I’m calling to find out if the status of Nickolas Carter has changed.” A pause.
“Nothing. But what about…So those abnormal readings…” A sigh. “Thank you very
much.”
Nick crept forward towards Brian’s voice as he
heard him hang up. “Thanks for nothing.”
He watched Brian run his hands tiredly through his
hair. He looked like he hadn’t slept once since the accident, and a wave of
guilt washed through Nick. Had he caused Brian to panic like this? Why? It
broke his heart as he watched Brian dial a new number, one that shouldn’t have
surprised him, yet did.
“Hey Kev, yeah, no change. I’m going in to see him
tomorrow.” Brian rolled his eyes at whatever Kevin said on the other end of the
line. “I’m getting sleep. I’ll see you there. Bye.”
“Liar…” Nick whispered, forgetting Brian couldn’t
hear him. Their friendship had been broken for years now, he knew that, even
tried to accept it. Why would Brian be so worried like this? His mind flashed
back to happier times with him, when they really were “Frick and Frack”. He
missed that more than he ever wanted to admit. Nick even tried to replace him,
though every attempt failed.
“Your friendship is damaged, not gone.” Grace said
from behind him. “You just have to reach out and fix it.”
“I can’t believe he’s that worried about me.”
“Leighanne’s flying out tomorrow with Baylee;
they’re worried about you too. Brian kept telling her not to come, that it’ll
be okay, but she stopped believing him.”
Nick stared at her with an expression of pure
disbelief. “Yoko?”
“Oh my God Nick let it go. You two had issues, but
she still cares and so do you.”
“She hates me, and got Brian to feel the same
way.” He muttered.
“You really are blind.” She walked forward, picking
up a picture from off a shelf. She handed it to him, and surprisingly he was
able to hold it. “Stop marveling at the fact I’m letting you touch something
and look at it.”
A smile appeared. It was an old photo, back from
their beginning days when Nick still was the shortest member of the group. He
was on Brian’s back and laughing while Kevin was giving them what Nick liked to
call the “dirty brow” – that disapproving look he’d become famous for.
Everything was simpler then, easier. He couldn’t believe Brian still had this;
he’d lost his own copy of the photo years before. Nick looked back over at the
man he used to call his best friend. He was sitting over in the armchair now,
staring at the TV but not really watching.
“I just can’t believe Brian…cares so much.”
“Just remember that when you say you don’t care if
you die.”
Nick raised a brow though his eyes remained
focused on his friend. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, that even if your spirit does live on,
you’re leaving them behind. AJ, Howie, Kevin, they’re all just as upset as
Brian about this. Even your siblings, your parents, not to mention all your
fans. Just think of how bad it’ll screw everyone up if you manage to get
yourself killed. Even if you don’t care, even if you’d rather have it end –
which I already know you don’t, think of how it’ll hurt them. Stop being so
selfish!”
“I’m not being selfish, it’s my life.”
“And aren’t you sick of it? Let me tell you
something, I’d give anything…” Finally he glanced back towards her, and was
surprised to see her looking downwards, her eyes melancholy, yet beautiful.
“I’d give anything to be alive again. To feel, to touch…Heaven’s great and all,
but living, living is the best.”
He stared at her, licking his lips as he thought
her words over.
“You don’t have to say anything now. It’s time for
you to wake up, and come back to reality. Which FYI, I’m granting you one freebie. They didn’t find that shit you took in your
system, just the alcohol. I need you out of jail Nickolas. But if you fu-screw up
again like that, I’m letting you deal with all of it.”
Nick smiled at the thought of actually waking up,
of the guys caring, at the idea that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as alone as
he always felt. Could Grace be right? Before he could say anything though,
Grace touched his shoulder. An odd feeling came over him. He could suddenly
hear a steady, unrelenting, noise.
Beep…Beep…Beep
“Oh and one more thing, you’ll probably think this
was all a dream. But don’t worry, it’s not! We’ll be seeing a lot of each other
buddy; we have a lot of work to do!”
His surroundings began to fade; suddenly pain
could be felt all throughout his body. He could hear people talking. None of it
was clear. He could still see the outline of Brian’s condo as everything
blurred. He felt dizzy again, confused. The pain intensified.
Everything went black.
Beep…Beep…Beep
Within what felt like only minutes, his eyes shot
open.
***