Chapter 21
The three of us sat there in her
office in complete silence for what seemed like forever. Nick was staring down
at his hands in his lap and I pretended to be looking at something out the
window as I frantically attempted to blink away the tears that were blurring my
vision. She sat there for several moments waiting for one of us to speak.
When neither of us said a word she
removed her glasses and folded her hands on her desk.
"Grace," she said as I
turned back towards her still not daring to look her in the eye. "This
doesn't have to be the end. We can try other treatments, you could do more
chemothera..."
"No!" I cut her off harshly
and saw Nick from the corner of my eye. He lifted his head to look over at me.
"No."
I'd said it softer this time and he
reached over and placed his hand on my knee giving it a gentle squeeze.
"You don't want to try anymore
treatments? Grace I know that this doesn't look good, but they may at least
give you more time."
I looked at her and frowned. I knew
she was just trying to do what was best for me but I hated her in that moment.
I'd just been given what I considered to be the worst news I could ever hear
and all she was offering me was 'more time.' I didn't just want 'more time'...
I wanted a cure. I wanted the time I was supposed to get... the time to finish
my masters degree and enjoy being married. I wanted the time to have a
family... I wanted to grow OLD with the man sitting beside me!
"No." I repeated... it was
the only word I could manage to choke out.
The tears were streaming steadily down
my face now and I felt Nick scoot his chair closer to mine. He took my hand in
his and rubbed my wrist with his thumb. I tried to breathe and calm down but I
couldn't. I needed to get out of that office right then. I needed to get as far
away from that hospital as I could... I needed to get away from this damned
disease... but I had no idea how.
I stood from the chair slowly and Nick
got to his feet beside me. I looked at my doctor and tried to remember how
amazing she'd been through all of this. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's
fault.
"I'm so sorry," I sobbed as
I looked from her eyes to Nick's, "I... I... I just can't do this
anymore."
And with that I turned and ran quickly
out of the room.
***
