Chapter 22
I didn't stop running until I'd
reached my car in the parking garage. I held out my hand expectantly and Nick
pulled the keys from his pocket and laid them in my palm. I climbed in the
driver's seat and unlocked the door as he walked quickly to the passenger side
and slid in to the seat next to me.
"Gracie," He said turning
towards me as I turned the key in the ignition. He placed a hand on my arm and
I jerked it away. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't breathe. I needed to drive
as far away from this place as I could and I needed to do it now. I backed out
of my parking space and pulled out of the parking garage onto campus.
Everything I saw for the next few
miles reminded me of my shattered dreams. The college students... students
walking back and forth to what should be their final classes of the semester,
the buildings around me where I should have been sitting earning my master's
degree so that I could have a career down the road. Instead I was looking
straight down a road that lead to a dead end. Everywhere I looked I saw happy
couples walking down the sidewalks, students oblivious to the people dying in
the building right down the road. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I
wanted that carefree life back. I wanted to be one of those students again. I
didn't want to go through this anymore.
We continued to drive in silence for
miles. I headed the car in the direction of home but passed it up as Nick
watched the street whiz by in confusion. I shook my head when he went to ask
where we were going and he stopped himself quickly resigned to the fact that
this time I was in control. I drove on for nearly an hour until we were way out
in the country and then I pulled off the side of the road by a big open field.
I opened my car door and climbed out, Nick following quickly on the other side.
I ran out to the middle of the open
field and I screamed as loud and as long as I possibly could. Nick stood there
a few feet back and watched me. I know it must have scared him, but I had to
get it out. And then, after a few moments of screaming my head off, I sat down
on the grass in the middle of that wide open area and I bawled my eyes out.
Nick came up to where I was sitting
and knelt down beside me. He took me in his arms and this time I let him. I
continued to cry for what felt like forever. He cried there beside me. I was
crying out of anger, grief and sadness. I was crying over lost dreams, and
memories I wouldn't get to make. I cried for my family who I'd have to leave
behind... I cried for the love of my life who was sitting beside me through all
of this.
After laying there in Nicks arms for a
while longer I stood up and walked back to the car. He followed me again in
silence. I was thankful that he was letting me lead the way. I needed to do
this all in my own time... I knew it would be a gradual process.
I handed Nick the keys and I climbed
into the passenger side of the car. I told him to drive us home and he did.
When we arrived home an hour later we sat in the car, there in the driveway for
45 minutes. I didn't want to move. I didn't think I had the energy to get out
of the car and walk to the door. Nick hadn't said a word the whole way home...
he just held my hand in his and drove.
"Nick." I said finally
breaking the eerie silence that had settled in the car since we left the field.
"Yeah baby?" He turned
towards me and tightened his grip on my hands. I could tell he was scared... so
was I.
"I don't want to die."
"Oh God baby..." He took me
in his arms and hugged me tightly. "I know."
I pushed him gently away and looked
into his eyes. I could feel my heart breaking for him, for me, for us. I sat
back in my seat and leaned my head against the cool leather of the headrest. I
closed my eyes as the tears slipped down my cheeks.
"I just can't do this anymore
Nick... I just can't."
He reached over and grabbed my hand
again and I could feel him kiss my lips.
"It's okay baby. You can do this
however you want to do it."
I nodded my head and sighed trying to
fight back the tears that were threatening to turn into sobs once again. I
heard him open the car door and come around to my side of the car. He opened my
door gently and I felt his arms around me. He lifted me carefully and carried
me inside and upstairs to our bed.
He laid me down and took off my shoes
and my coat before climbing in bed beside me.
"Let's just lay here." He
said as he rubbed my arm with his hand, Kahlua jumped up beside us and found
her spot as close to my head as she could curl up...
"You don't have to think about
anthing right now... it's just you and me, here together."
I smiled and snuggled myself into his
arms.
I repeated his words back to him...
"I don't have to think about anything right now... it's just you and me,
here together."
***
