Chapter
1
Kevin blinked once, twice. His thoughts were hazy, vague
with confusion, as he regarded his surroundings. The field to the left... the
path that wound by the trees in front of him... the grouping of pines...
It was the Camp. He had been coming to this place ever
since he’d been a boy. It was a familiar spot, and the bench he was seated on
was his favorite. Instead of bringing a smile to his face, however, he felt a
stab of panic. How-
How had he gotten here?
The Camp seemed deserted, an unusual state on such a sunny
day. There should be kids running and laughing, people strolling along the
pathways, staff within eyesight ... but there was no one. No activity, no
movement save the swaying of branches in the light breeze. He stood
uncertainly, his confusion growing. Apprehensively he scanned the area, not
understanding what had happened. He’d been...
Kevin stopped, unable to remember what he’d been doing.
Concentrating didn’t help; he couldn’t seem to clarify his memory. He recalled
bits and pieces of rehearsal with the guys, but that had been at night. Now it
was early afternoon.
He started down the trail cautiously. Surely someone would
come along any moment and break the surreal spell that was cast on the Camp; he
thought of calling out but it seemed foolish. He continued along for five
minutes, encountering no one at all. The lake was empty, no canoes cutting
across the glassy surface, no daredevil rope-swingers plunging into the cool
water from the heavy oak branch dedicated to that purpose. There was not a sign
of life anywhere, not even birdsong in the trees. His puzzlement began to grow
into fear as a chill swept through him. He called out, not worried anymore
about being foolish, but got no reply. The sky above him took on a greenish
cast, disturbing the young singer even more.
"Hello? Anyone here? What’s going on?" he
shouted, striving to keep the fear out of his voice. A creaking sound behind
him spun him back towards the central Lodge; then, the sharp and unmistakable thwak
of an axe splitting wood broke the stillness. He practically ran towards the
noise, fear and trepidation on his heels. Kevin slowed his step as he reached
the clearing, wondering who he was about to meet. He stopped when he spied a
figure ahead of him. The person… it was a man, with dark hair and a tall
stature… had his back to Kevin as he swung an axe at yet another log. He
approached with a good deal of puzzlement; a moment later, an odd feeling of
anxiety flashed through him as the figure stopped, gathered the split wood, and
tossed them on a pile nearby. There was something terribly familiar…
When the man turned fully around, Kevin froze.
The shock of seeing who it was stole his voice and blanked
his thoughts for several heartbeats. The man simply stood there, arms crossed,
waiting for a response.
"D-Dad?" he said shakily, his green eyes wide
with disbelief. He took a few steps forward automatically.
"Kevin." He said the name matter-of-factly,
regarding his son with evenness.
"But... I..." Overwhelmed, he stopped, fighting
the mix of emotions that were trying to get control. A wash of dizziness made
the scene wobble and the elder Richardson reached out calmly to steady him.
Kevin stared at the hand on his arm and began to tremble.
"Let’s sit down," came the suggestion as the man
nodded towards a nearby bench. Numbly Kevin complied, finding his voice at
last.
"Oh my God, Dad, is it... is it really you? How?
What-?"
Gerald smiled, the look bringing a thousand memories with
it. "It’s me. Honest."
"You’re... but you died!"
"Well, technically, yes. It doesn’t mean I stopped being."
"I don’t understand," he said, lost. Suddenly a
thought occurred. "Wait. This is a dream, right?"
"No dream. This is very, very real." The older
man watched him closely, seeing the confusion evident in green eyes. He saw
another thought transform his son’s face.
"Does that mean…” He paused, his voice tinged with
fear. “Am I... dead?"
At that, Gerald touched his son’s shoulder. With a gentle
shake of his head he spoke. "Not dead, yet."
His simple statement chilled Kevin to his very soul. He
shivered in the sun, unable to feel the slightest warmth. "What’s
happening? What is this place?"
His father sighed lightly. "This is your, ah, Waiting
Place. Where you must decide."
"Decide?"
"To live or die. To fight for life, or to give up your
physical self and move on."
"I still don’t understand. You’re saying I’m on the
brink of... of death? I feel fine! How could that be true?"
"You were always so impatient," he declared,
softening the words with a smile. "I’m not sure I can explain, but I’ll
try. Something has happened to you, injuring your body in the physical world.
The injuries are severe, but you have the capacity to survive. The capacity,
but not, apparently, the commitment. Which brings me to an important question:
why are you here?"
"Why? But I don’t know what’s-"
"All your life you have been a fighter, Kev. You’ve
reveled in living, devoted your life’s work to improving the world around you.
Yet, here you are. That fact speaks volumes to me, and I’ve been sent to
discover what’s going on. What’s happened that your will to survive is so
diminished?"
"But of course I want to live!" he said
defiantly.
With a disapproving frown Gerald replied, "You are here.
This is no mistake. Kevin," he said quietly, "talk to me. We shared
everything during our time together. I see the pain around you, feel your
despair. You’re tired, son, I can see it in your eyes. That kind of weariness
disturbs me. It’s not like you; tell me what’s been going on."
Kevin regarded his father for a long moment, knowing he
would be able to see the truth. A glance at the sky, darkening as he watched,
gave him time to summon a bit of courage. "Yeah," he said at last.
"I guess I am… tired. I don’t know if I can handle being… being who I’m
supposed to be any more. Lately, things haven’t been...” He paused. “They’ve
been difficult.”
"What things?" came the gentle prompt.
It took a moment before he could speak.
"Everything." His voice was shaky and the trembling began again.
"Dad, I feel like that no matter how much I do, it’s not enough.”
“This isn’t about your music, is it?” Gerald said slowly.
“The music is going well,” Kevin said, shifting a bit.
“Better than ever, actually. I’ve been doing some new stuff-“ He cut off his
words, dismissing the thought. “No, the music is fine. We just finished
touring, and are getting ready to work on some new material for the next
album.” He stared at his hands. “I’ll finally get a chance to spend some time
with Kristen, once she comes back from the West coast.” Emerald eyes snapped
up, staring at his father’s face. “Kristen, she- we got married-“
“I know, son,” Gerald said with a smile. “I was there. I
can tell you love her; she is a wonderful woman. You aren’t having problems
with her, are you?”
“Problems? Not any huge problems, but… I never see her
enough. The very idea of spending more than a few days in each other’s company
seems alien. I want to be a good husband to her, but it’s kind of hard when
we’re not together. I feel like I’m failing her.”
“She said this?”
“No, of course not. But still…”
“What about the Boys? You not getting along?”
Kevin looked uncomfortable. “It’s not that we’re not
getting along, it’s just… I’m not sure how to handle some issues that have come
up recently.”
“Issues, such as…”
“Well, take Nick,” Kevin said, exasperated. “He keeps doing
these things that he knows bother me, and it’s beginning to drive me
crazy. I’m getting sick of his… his antics. Every time I get on his case,
straighten things out, he goes right back and does something even more
ridiculous.”
“Sounds like he’s looking for some attention.”
“I’m not his father,” Kevin declared. “I’m not the one who
is supposed to be keeping him in line and doling out discipline. He’s too old
for that stuff.”
“Maybe he’s not looking for a father figure, Kevin. Maybe
he’s looking for a friend.”
“Then why act like a kid?” came the reply.
“I suspect that’s all he’s ever known, with you. He’s
young, yes, but not that young. He’s about your age when the group
started, you realize. He needs a friend, I’m thinking, but doesn’t know quite
how to go about it. Changing relationships is hard at best.”
“Well, it’s not just Nick...” Kevin cast his gaze to the
ground once again. “There’s AJ.”
“I thought you two got along just fine.”
“Dad, there’s something that’s going on with him, what I
don’t know. He’s changing, getting wilder and… I don’t know, it’s like he’s
buying into that whole public image thing. I feel like I should step in and
give him advice, but he’s not listening. Sometimes I think he’s on the verge of
letting me in, then the door slams. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, how I
can fix things.”
“You can’t solve anyone’s troubles but your own, Kevin,”
Gerald said. “AJ has to follow his own path, make his own mistakes. You are
doing exactly what you should be doing… being there in case he needs you. He’ll
have to face his own problems by himself, when the time is right.”
“So I’m supposed to watch him crash and burn?” Kevin said
incredulously.
“If that’s what’s meant to be, yes,” came the flat reply.
“But don’t worry, he’s stronger than even he realizes. What about the rest?”
“Howie, he’s been doing great, he’s getting really involved
in other projects, I barely see him when we’re not on tour. I’m glad he’s so
busy, but… I dunno. Brian is kind of the same way. We hardly ever spend time
together, he’s always so focused on Leigh. I miss some of that, that
closeness.” He frowned. “That sounds really whiney and childish, doesn’t it?”
“No,” the older man said. “Wanting closeness in your life
is all part of being human.” Gerald regarded the sky for a moment. “You got a
lot of responsibility on your shoulders, Kev… been that way for a long time.
Tell me, son, who do you turn to when it’s your time to be comforted?”
“I…”
“Kristen is there, I know; that’s part of what being
married is all about. But you said yourself you don’t see her that often. So
what do you do?”
“I don’t know,” Kevin said defeatedly. “I… there’s no one.”
“Is that because no one cares, or because you don’t let too
many in on your problems, give them the chance to help out?”
The question generated a small bit of pain. “Well…“
“Kevin,” his father cut in sharply. “Answer the question,
and I want to hear it true.”
Kevin took a deep breath and felt his shoulders slump. “I
don’t think I should need anyone’s support, Dad.”
“Not good enough.”
Kevin stood and did a quick pace. Turning back to his
awaiting father, he ran his hand through his hair and said, “I’m supposed to be
a role model, the sensible one, the steadiest and most level-headed. I should
be able to handle my problems on my own without relying on anyone else.”
Surprisingly, the older man laughed. “Is that what you’ve
convinced yourself to believe? Who do you think you are, Kevin? You don’t have
a big ‘S’ on your chest, and that ain’t a red cape flying behind you. What
would you say if someone… Nick for instance… told you exactly what you’ve just
told me?”
“That’s different,” Kevin argued. “Nick’s still a kid, he-”
“You still have a lot of growing to do, yourself,” came the
firm interruption. “You’ve had a lot on your plate, son. I know it hasn’t been
easy, and you’ve had to be tough to survive. But there’s a lesson you seem to
have skipped: there’s no shame in leaning on others. It’s not a sign of
weakness, it’s a sign of strength.”
Kevin was hit by the words. Not too long ago, he’d heard
them come from another person, someone who had been worried about him. He
blinked, then raised his eyes to his father’s. “Nick said the exact same thing
a while back.”
“Hmm,” Gerald said. “Maybe he’s not such a kid after all,
huh?”
Kevin had no answer.
After a moment, the older man stood and walked over to his
son, putting an arm across his shoulder. “All these things might be troubling
you enough, but I think there’s something else you’re not telling. There’s
something big that drove you here, to this place, to me. I want to know.”
“Dad, it’s…”
“Kevin,” came the soft plea. “This is serious. There’s a
lot at stake here. You know what I am referring to.”
Despite the fear that churned in his stomach, Kevin
swallowed and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I do. But it’s so damned hard.”
“All the important stuff is.”
Kevin stared at the ground. He had never really told anyone
about the incident, and it wasn’t easy to find the words. Finally, in a voice
that was just above a whisper, he began.
"When we’re not touring, we do some charity stuff for
local hospitals and such. Sometimes we visit the children’s wards, sometimes we
sing, a lot of times we hold special autograph sessions. Nothing much, but it
seems to cheer up the kids that are having a tough time.” He paused, wincing.
“Well, there was this young girl, just 12 years old, named Anna. She had
written this letter… she said I was her favorite, and that it was her dream to
meet me. We get a lot of letters like that, but there was something about it… I
don’t know. She said that when we had come through her hospital, she hadn’t
been able to make because of some tests she was having done, but wanted to
thank us for thinking of kids like her. I tracked down her number and spoke to
her on the phone one day, she was so thrilled. It was only five minutes, but I
felt like I’d done some good. She seemed so full of laughter and energy... you
should have heard the excitement in her voice. I told her that we’d planned
another stop at the hospital she was in near the end of the month, and that I’d
make a special point to meet her in person if she was still there. I almost
forgot about her during the next few days, but then I got this urgent message.
It was her mother-”
He stopped, swallowing against the pain. “She said that
Anna had a sudden bad turn and there didn’t seem to be a lot of time left. The
doctors didn’t hold out much hope, so she was wondering if I could come and
bring the smile back to her daughter’s face one last time.” Tears glistened in
Kevin’s eyes as he remembered. “How could I refuse?” he said. “Of course, I
went, but they didn’t tell me what was wrong with her, she’d never mentioned it
and I forgot to ask. When I got there, she-“ He stopped, clenching his jaw. He
could still see the horribly thin girl, her face as pale as the white sheet
beneath her, tubes and wires…
"She what, son?” Gerald prompted gently.
"On the phone, she was so... so cheerful, full of
life, Dad. In just those five minutes we spoke, she actually got me to laugh,
can you believe it? It was the first time I’d laughed like that in a long time.
She was such a pretty girl, too; she’d sent me a picture with her letter. Her
smile was like looking at a spot of sunshine in a dark corner. B-but when I met
her mother at the hospital, and she led me up to the ward…”
“What happened?”
A tear trailed down Kevin’s face as he met his father’s
caring gaze. “I didn’t realize where we were headed until I saw the sign above
the ward doors.. D-Dad, she had c-“ He stopped, unable to continue.
“She had cancer,” the older man finished. “Like me.”
“Oh, God, yes,” Kevin cried. “All the terrible
memories, all that pain, came flooding back. I almost lost it, right then and
there. I wanted to run down the hall, away from that horrible place. But the
look in her mother’s eyes… I…”
"But you didn’t leave, did you?” he asked softly.
“Despite how much it hurt.”
Kevin’s voice shook with emotion. “No, I couldn’t. I… I
made myself go through the door. She was so pale, so thin. Her skin seemed
almost transparent. Her father was in there holding her hand, but got up from
his chair as soon as he saw me. He gave me a hug and thanked me for coming,
then stepped outside to be with his wife and give us some privacy.” Kevin
blinked against the scene that was still so vivid in his mind. “Anna was asleep,
I could barely tell she was breathing. I sat down and took her hand… it was so
cold… but I didn’t know what else to do. I sat there for a while, I don’t know
how long, trying to figure out what to do next, when she opened her eyes.”
He took a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was
full of pain. “Her eyes had that glazed look… at first I didn’t think she saw
me, but then they got wide as she realized who I was. She smiled, Dad… but I
could tell she knew exactly what was happening to her. She gave me this smile
and tried to clench my hand. I said hello and the first words out of her mouth
were to thank me f-for coming.”
The words seized in his chest and he allowed his father to
guide him back to the bench. After a few deep breaths, he continued.
“Gone was the excited, energetic girl I met on the phone.
Instead there was this… this shell. To see her that way, lying there so
helpless, s-so…” He fought for words. “So…”
“So like me.”
Those three words of truth were all it took. Kevin put his
head in his hands and allowed all the loneliness and grief and guilt and
frustration to flood to the surface. He sobbed bitterly, heedless of anything
but the raw emotions that had taken over.
Gerald Richardson wrapped his arms around his son, cradling
him in an embrace. For several minutes, not a sound was heard except for the
ragged statement of anguish coming from the young man who had held so much in
for so long. When the sobs had weakened, the older man finally spoke.
“My son, you did make a difference. To her… to me.
There wasn’t a thing you could have done to save her life, or mine… but you
made part of it very special. You’ve been holding on to the pain so tight,
never allowed it to ease. Kevin, I don’t want you to have any more pain because
of what happened with Anna, or with me. Let it go. Let it all go."
A new flood of tears escaped the Boy, much to his dismay.
But his father simply held him tighter, allowing the tears to soak into his
shirt. Kevin dimly remembered being comforted in much the same way as a child,
upset over nightmares or disappointments or injustices long since forgotten.
His father had always been there, back then. And for a moment, Kevin allowed
himself to be consoled.
It didn’t last long. Kevin fought for control, fought
against the heaviness of despair that threatened to drown him. He returned his
father’s embrace tightly, in thanks, before he drew back a bit. Trembling with
reaction, he fought to steady his hands as he wiped away the wetness on his
cheeks. Only then did he become aware of what was happening around him. The sky
above had darkened ominously and he looked at it with a pensive, confused
statement.
His father followed his gaze. "Time is almost up.
There’s something I have to show you before you leave, before you make your
decision. Come on, walk with me."
Kevin rose slowly, taking the offered hand. They walked a
short distance until he saw a large flower garden to the right. He knew it
shouldn’t be in the Camp, but for some reason it simply… belonged there.
"This is your Garden, son. It represents the good work
you have done in your lifetime. You have so many beautiful flowers here. For
every person you have truly helped, for every effort you’ve made to better your
world, for everyone who has been touched by your love and kindness and
strength, there is a flower."
"But... it’s not even halfway full," he commented
carefully.
His father remained silent while Kevin thought of the
implications of his statement.
After a moment, Gerald pointed to a particularly beautiful
purple bloom. "This one, here, belongs to the little girl that recently
Crossed. Anna."
"I didn’t do anything for her," he said bitterly.
“She could barely talk, just ten minutes passed before she fell asleep. She…”
He swallowed hard. “She died that night, so they told me later.”
"But you were there to hold her hand, when she was
scared and in need of some magic. You gave her something to smile about, even
so close to her ending. Because of you, her last day was special. It was a gift
beyond price to her."
A red flash, like lightning, lit the sky with a strange
intensity. Off in the distance Kevin heard an odd wailing, too elusive to
identify.
“Kevin, you have a lot of chances ahead of you, a lot of
opportunities to make a difference somewhere. You can do so much for the
environment, with your JWR foundation… you can be a great example to countless
young people with your music and ideals. Kristen needs you in her life, there’s
so much in front of you there too. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished so
far, but son… you have so much potential. You can do even more, help in even
bigger ways. You doubt your strength, your abilities… but you have to push past
that doubt. There’s a battle ahead of you, one that you are capable of winning
if you want to. Really want to.”
“A battle?”
“For your very survival,” he said gravely. “My son, the
time to choose is at hand. I know your life is not easy right now, but it is
this life that you must fight to keep. I don’t think your work on Earth is
done, but that’s really your decision. Just think on what I said. Consider how
many people you have enriched by coming into their lives. Think of how many
more there are in need of your help and generosity, of the potential you have
of creating happiness. Don’t underestimate yourself. Remember, things change.
People change, situations arise, emotions grow and fade. The future is
unknowable, always in flux. What seems a hopeless situation one day can be
resolved on another. Hope is worth holding on to, Kev. You must keep your
dreams alive with every bit of the strength you posses. They are too important,
you are too important to waste the chance."
"Can you tell me what’s going to happen in the future?
With the group, with Kris and our plans?"
"I can’t say what is in store for you and Kristen, but
remember that should you choose not to fight this battle, all the dreams you
began with her will vanish. It’s the same with the others. They all love you so
very much, I have no doubt that they would fight for you, if that were
possible. But it’s up to you, and you only."
Suddenly Kevin felt wetness on his shirt. When he looked
down, he felt a stab of panic mixed with confusion. His entire shirtfront was
covered in blood. An icy chill swept past him and he shivered violently against
it.
"What the-?"
A red flash, followed seconds later by another. The wail
was intensifying, beginning to modulate slightly.
"You are being drawn back, Kevin. Your time is at
hand." Gerald smiled and gave him a quick, last hug. "Remember you
are always loved, and that you are never truly alone."
“Dad, wait!” he cried as his father stepped back. Before he
could utter a single word more, his father vanished in a blink.
***