Nick
It had been easy to run
away, to not be a part of all the drama. It was what he did best, run and hide.
Kevin Richardson would get mad at him and he’d try to call him every minute, so
he had turned off his phone in advance. AJ McLean wouldn’t want to talk to him
for months and made sure to let everyone know why not. Howie Dorough would hit
him in the face, get really red and then cool down after a few minutes,
everything forgiven and forgotten. It was easy that way with Howie. And Brian…
well Brian Littrell was more of the silent anger type of dude. He’ll get all
serious, look disapprovingly at you and tell you exactly what he thinks of your
latest stupid idea. Yep, that was Brian. Was.
Nick Carter wasn’t sure how this new Brian would react on his betrayal. Well,
he wouldn’t call it a betrayal. Betrayal was where you actually betray your friends. He was sure Brian
would understand his actions. It wasn’t like he had done anything wrong, had
he? He was just afraid, a coward, someone who would rather run away from his
problems than actually deal with them. He knew he should, he knew he should go
back and meet up with everybody, but now, after it had been three weeks since
he had seen anybody he didn’t dare going back. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to
face everything, it was just that he was afraid to go back. Time had a funny
effect on things. The longer you stayed away from something, the more difficult
it became to come back.
Three weeks was a long
time to be on a boat. Nick loved boats. In fact, he owned several of the
floating vessels. He’d take one out and set out for the ocean whenever he
needed time to think. Three weeks had been a long time to think. And he had
thought about everything. About himself, about Brian, about the group, about
his girlfriend (who would be wondering where the hell he was) and about the
future. He figured Brian didn’t deserve a friend like Nick. He deserved much
better. Brian deserved someone who would stand by his side, who would never
leave him when things got rough, who would tell him time after time that things
were going to be okay. Brian needed someone like Brian. Nick didn’t understand,
he had wondered why he’d run away, when he had spent such a huge part of his
life pretending to be just like Brian. There was only one problem: he wasn’t
Brian. He couldn’t be that sweet natured, friendly Southerner, who only seemed
to get bad luck time after time with that angelic smile. Nick was, in many
ways, the opposite of Brian. He was more self-centered, afraid of commitment
and had much better confidence. His ego was at a height where Brian’s had never
been. Nick was also a worse friend.
He had realized it
yesterday, actually, when he was deleting 58 messages from Kevin (not that he
ever listened to Kevin anyway, even less since Kevin had left the group and
came back). Why had all those messages been from Kevin? AJ would probably be so
mad that he refused to acknowledge Nick and he guessed Howie just forgot about
him altogether. But why hadn’t Brian called? Probably because he had far more
important business to mind. You’re a bad
friend, and you should feel bad.
He wondered for the
millionth time in three weeks how Brian was doing. He was worried about him. He
had been afraid that staying would be too hard, but had found out that leaving was
ten times worse. He wanted to go back so badly, wanted to beg for forgiveness.
But there was his irrational fear that held him back. If you have to go, stay gone.
It had taken him three
weeks to realize that he didn’t want to lose his friends. He didn’t want to be
a coward. So what if he made a mistake? He was human, he could be scared, could
be irrational, could be forgiven. He had done the wrong thing by leaving and
would be doing the right thing by coming back. He would take the blame,
deserved the blame, but he wouldn’t let himself be sent away. He needed to be
strong, it wasn’t all about Nick Carter anymore, it was about something much
more valuable. About friendship, about being a good brother.
That’s why he immediately
answered his phone the next time Kevin called. The oldest Backstreet member
didn’t have many words to spent on Nick.
“Kev?”
“Nick.”
Awkward.
“Wassup?”
He could almost sense
Kevin’s anger through the phone. He imagined what Kevin must look like and was
happy he wasn’t there to see it.
“There’s a meeting on
Friday morning, nine o’clock in Tampa, be there.”
Kevin hung up. Nick was
happy. Now he didn’t actually have a choice but coming back, he had to be
there.
There was only one place
they could have a meeting in Tampa, Florida. Kevin hadn’t told him and he
didn’t need to. The building was huge, he had been there a few more times in
his life before and he liked the place. He walked towards the elevator, but a hand
stopped him.
“Say, if you like fitness
so much, shouldn’t you take the stairs?”
He smiled mischievously at
her. Lauren was with him. He had actually called her yesterday and explained
everything. She had been mad at him, but was also very understanding. It was
what he loved about her, she would forgive him no matter what kind of stupid
things he did. She had promised to come with him to the meeting. Good. He
needed an ally.
“Maybe I will.”
He went for the stairs and
heard his girlfriend groan behind him.
“I was only kidding! We’re
not gonna walk seventeen floors!”
“I do not see the
problem.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
“If you say so.”
“Come on, let’s just go,
get this done with.”
He reluctantly followed
her. He didn’t want to get this done with. He wanted nothing more than to get
back where he came from and never show up again. He couldn’t do that though, it
was too late for that now.
When they arrived on the
seventeenth floor, everything was quiet. It was only 8.30. They had gotten
there early because Nick didn’t want to be late, like he always was, and he
wanted to be the first one in the conference room without having to knock on a
door and draw all the attention towards himself. They came into the room and
there were a few people from management inside. Jen was there. If looks could
kill, Nick would be sent straight to hell right now. Seeing Jen mad wasn’t
really that special, but it always sent chills through his spine. He squeezed
Lauren’s hand tightly, looked Jen straight in the eyes and clenched his jaw.
“Oh Nick, how wonderful of
you to stop by! Have a seat!”
Nick ignored the angry
sarcasm in her voice.
“Are the others here yet?”
“No no,
don’t be scared.”
Lauren motioned for him to
follow her to the back of the room where they sat down in the corner.
The first Backstreet Boy
after Nick to come in was Howard. He actually seemed surprised to find Nick
there and looked at him unbelieving. Nick suspected Kevin hadn’t told anyone
else about the phone call. But, Howie being Howie, he quickly recovered from
his shock and stuck out his hand.
“Hey, I’m Howie Dorough,
what’s your name?”
“Nick Carter, nice to meet
you.”
Howie smiled, drew his
hand back and slapped him in his face. Then he smiled again.
“There, had to be done.”
“Probably.”
Howie went to sit next to
him, no hard feelings, conflict solved. There was nothing more simple than
solving a problem with Howard.
Next came AJ. The tattooed
man totally ignored them and sat on the far opposite of Nick and Howie. Nick
wasn’t even sure AJ had seen them until he heard him ask Jen very loudly: “What
is he doing here?”
“He is, like it or not,
still part of this group.” Jen had answered bitterly.
AJ grunted a reply that
Nick couldn’t decipher. He wondered if AJ would come around. Eventually maybe,
but not in the near future. AJ was the type that would hold a grudge against
you until he thought he had something better to do, or when he needed you to do
something for him. Usually it was the latter. Nick could live with that, he had
dealt with AJs grudges before, they weren’t that bad.
He’d be on the receiving end from nearly every practical joke that AJ could
pull off, he’d be made fun of in public, and he’d have to get AJ his McDonalds
or else, but AJ would never really
hate him. They had known each other too long for that.
He was interrupted in his
musings by the door opening for the last time. He could see Kevin coming
through, with Brian. Nick was sure that if it wasn’t for Kevin strong hold on
Brian’s arms and waist, that the blond would keel over and collapse on the
floor. He looked nowhere better than he did three weeks ago. The two slowly
made their way to sit with AJ, which caused Kevin to sit next to the bearded
Backstreet Boy and Brian to sit next to Nick.
Nick had never seen Brian,
or anyone, for that matter, look so tired. He looked twenty years older than he
was and there were dark bags beneath his eyes. Nick could tell from the one
look he got at his best friend that Brian had been only just holding it together
these last three weeks. I could have been
there to help him. He wasn’t sure what he could have done, but he should
have done it.
“Very well, as you all know, this meeting is about the
future of the Backstreet Boys. About what is going to change, and what is going
to stay the same.”
“And since Nick was so
friendly to keep us company in his tight schedule, maybe he could explain to us
where the hell he’s been these past few weeks.” Kevin interrupted angrily. Oooooooh. He
should have expected something like that from Kevin. Whenever Kevin was mad, he
was the worst. He could deliver low blows like no one else and make you feel
humiliated all the time. He could actually make you feel bad about what you had
done, without saying more than two or three words. Kevin was pro at being mad.
“I uhh…”
He glanced around him
nervously. Howie looked as if he wasn’t in the room, or didn’t want to be
there. Lauren looked pretty much the same. Great,
so much for my allies. AJ grinned maliciously at him and Kevin looked at
him with a fire in his eyes, that promised forever pain if he gave the wrong
answer. Brian just looked tired. Nothing more, nothing less. He hadn’t moved
one bit since Kevin had set him down on the chair next to Nick. Nick wondered
if he had fallen asleep already.
“I was in uhh…”
“Oh yeah, I’ve been there
too! Great landscape!” AJ snarled.
“I just needed to get out
alright? Take time to think. I know I shouldn’t have left like that, it was
wrong, I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright Nick, we
understand.”
The room went silent. It
wasn’t really the words that Brian said, as well as the way he said them, or
even the fact that he had spoken at all. The words came out flat, emotionless,
as if he really didn’t care. Maybe he
doesn’t. There was no disappointment in Brian´s
voice, no annoyance, but no forgiveness either. There was no anything. And it
scared the crap out of Nick.
“I’m sorry Brian.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“But I…”
“I said, don’t mention it.”
“Okay.”
Nick slumped back down in
his chair. Usually he was a sucker for attention, a little recognition, but not
today. Today he wanted to be anywhere but here. He wanted to go invisible if he
could. He felt everyone’s stare on him and Brian. Brian didn’t seem to care,
but he did.
“Alright, now that that’s
settled, I’d like to go on with this meeting.” Jen said irritated. Everyone
looked down and stayed silent.
“Now for the future of the
group, it’s simple. Brian came to me yesterday and told me that he’d like to
continue.”
Nick looked at his friend,
he didn’t seem to like it to continue, but that didn’t say anything, because
Brian didn’t look like he liked to do
anything.
The rest of the meeting
went by in a blur. The rest of the tour would be something similar like they
had done when This Is Us came out.
The performances would be acoustic and intimate, with absolutely no dancing,
since Brian was still in recovery. Nick was perfectly content with that, as he
had never cared much for dancing anyway. He remembered a performance they did
in Miami almost three years ago, it would be similar to that. Nick liked that,
he liked to just sing, show everyone what they were capable of without more
assistance than an acoustic guitar. Nick was excited. The others looked excited
as well. Brian looked the same as he did before.
After the meeting they
each went their own way. Nick got sight of Brian trying to get out of his seat,
without much success. The others seemed to be busy with discussing the tour and
shutting Frick and Frack out of the conversation. Nick grabbed Brian by the arm
and tried to haul him upright.
“Ow! Don’t touch me!”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to
hurt you.”
“You didn’t. Just go.”
Nick frowned. Brian didn’t
accept his help, but Nick wouldn’t be sent away.
“Can I ask you something?”
Brian didn’t answer, Nick
continued unstirred.
“Why did you decide to
continue the group?”
It stayed silent for a
couple of moments. Brian’s mood and condition seemed to get worse by the
second.
“Because I’ve got nothing
better to do in my fucked up life.”
When Brian got himself on
his feet, he walked out of the room without glancing back.
Nick wondered where his Frick had gone. The new Brian seemed
unpleasant, agitated and a little scary.
Boy, this tour is not gonna be easy, Nick thought as he walked out of the room after
Brian.
***
