Chapter
8:
Safe From Harm
The ride to Howie's apartment had been eerily quiet. I know that when I get
this upset, I seem pretty unapproachable and by the way Howie was fidgeting in
his seat, I could tell I was making him very uncomfortable. I did my best to
try to brighten my mood by humming along with the radio, but it didn't really
work. I felt bad for the way I had acted today, not to say I didn't handle it
well but I shouldn't have sulked the way I did. That was unprofessional and I
did not like to be unprofessional. I know that's another myth about me. Nick
likes to constantly fool around instead of stay focused on work, but that isn't
true. When I was younger I didn't like working long hours and being away for
months on end from my family was too much for me; but I was only a kid. My work
ethic is as solid as anybody's nowadays. When I am in the studio I stay focused
and never really fool around at all. I enjoy having fun during interviews
because I don't really consider that work. More like an infringement on my
time. Especially from the magazines that insist you meet with them only to
write crap about you afterwards. Studio's, on the other hand meant the real
deal. I took recording so seriously that the guys would actually have to pull
me away from the mic after not being happy with take after take of a song. I
actually pouted man, have I become that much of a spoiled pop star that I was
willing to risk our recording time to pout.
"Nicky, don't beat yourself up
over that. You weren't pouting, Brian was out of line"
It took me a minute to realize that I
had said my last thought out loud and then acknowledged what Howie said by
giving him a half smile.
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When we got to Howie's place I had calmed down considerably. He always has that
calming effect on me. I think he does on all of us. We sat in his living room
watching T.V and talking most about the old days. Way before the fame and
hassle of stardom, the five of us would make it a habit of having a night like
this. No talk of rehearsals or songs, just being guys and hanging out. That's
when we really got to know each other. The three older guys shared an apartment
so J and I would come over and have a "guys" sleepover. Much different
from girls I have to say. When B.J would have her little friends over all they
did was talk about boys, dolls and more boys. There was no mention of girls at
our little hangouts. Just sports, T.V, beer and poker for the older guys.
Nintendo games and ice cream for the younger ones. Brian would fluctuate
between the older crowd and us little guys. He always ended up staying with me
playing Nintendo claiming that he had to keep an eye on things. That was a load
of bull! J always made his way into the poker games and beer. Maybe they did
talk about sex and stuff but they never did in my company. They do now. We
called our little hang out nights "Sanity breaks" and boy I really
needed this one. We stopped having them once we hit it big in the U.S. It was
like we realized that sanity was going to be thrown out the window. This sanity
break with D felt good to me and I felt safe.
"Are you going to talk to
him?" Howie asked me out of the blue. I hadn't really thought about how I
was going to handle the whole Brian thing yet.
"I'm not sure he'll even let me
talk to him. He seems to hate me. His loss" I tried to act nonchalant
about my last phrase but Howie saw right through that one too.
"Nick, you know he doesn't hate
you, you'll work through this like you always do." I had to ask him the
next question, even though I knew the answer. For my own reassurance I needed
to hear it from at least one of the guys.
"Is it true? Do you guys think I
should leave the group?"
I looked at D to find him staring
straight into my eyes. "No" he said before getting up to throw our
beer cans away. "Hey, why's Joe following you all over the place these
days?" he said handing me another beer.
"Oh, just getting threats"
He seemed concerned. "Anything to
be worried about?"
I looked up from the magazine I had
started to read and shook my head no.
Now, did you ever see those self help books where the question is posed, If you
could go back in time and change one decision you've made what would it be?
Clearly for me it would have been the answer to the next question D asked.
"Tell me about it? Was it
specific, what did they say? Anything weird?" The way he was asking, he
suddenly seemed like he was on speed or something.
"No, it's really no big deal just
the usual stuff" Is all I said.
If I had just told him the truth, I
would have saved myself from the nightmare of what was to come...
***
