Chapter 1:
Rebellion
"But if anyone who sins defiantly, whether native-born
or alien, blasphemes the Lord, and that person must be cut off from his
people." ~ Numbers 15:30
It's been real rough around here. AJ got word that his grandmother
passed away. She had been sick a long time, but he didn't seem to expect it at
all. We all tried to be there for him and all, tried to get him to sit down and
talk to us, but he didn't want to. He just wanted to get home. Everything has
been such a mess.
When we found out that he couldn't leave right away, I don't know
what happened. AJ just kinda disappeared in his bus. I'm worried about the kid.
He's been turning into a vampire--going on out to the bar long after the rest
of us are ready to turn in.
I've gotten on him about it several times, as it's been getting
progressively worse since last year--with his partying and all. All the fellas
and I can tell that his voice is suffering. But none of that seems to make a
damn bit of difference to him, just so long as he can go out and have a good
time.
I gotta admit, my patience is wearing thin with him. I mean, I've
got more to worry about. I've got a wife now, for cryin’ out loud! What's AJ
expect us to do? Drop it all and go wait for him to come to his senses? I'm
sorry, but it's been long enough. We've tried. It's his decision if he wants to
screw up his life and his career.
But that's just it. It's not just his career he's screwing up, it's all of ours. Sometimes I think he
thinks all of this is a joke. He never takes a thing I say seriously anymore.
I tried to be there for him--I offered myself out there for him to
talk to. But he just blew me off. Said I didn't know a damn thing about it. His
eyes were all red and his voice sounded awful, real stressed. I guess I kinda
went off on him right back, as I did know a thing or two about having those
close to you pass on. The two of us almost had it out then.
On top of all that, we're shooting "More Than That," and
of course it had to be the weekend after Aje got the news. That shoot was hell.
No other way to describe it. They wouldn't let Nicky drive after they saw how
reckless he was, and Brian cost them $600 worth of damage on the car he was
driving.
Then there was Alex. The kid was not on. At all. I could totally
get that. I mean, who can focus on anything after they lose somebody close? But
the director was a dick about it and kept on him all the time to get stuff
right and concentrate. And Alex just couldn't handle anymore stress, and kept
threatening to walk off the set if he wasn't left alone. I stepped in
eventually, when it was clear that things might come to blows, and it was a bit
calmer after that.
Strange that AJ's grief is effecting me the way it is. 'Cause I'm
actually starting to miss my father more, and it's been close to ten years now.
Time doesn't heal all wounds, let me tell ya. True, the sting is gone after a
while, but the pain is always there...And now that Alex is in mourning I find
that I am, too. We really are a family, and we feel it when one of us is down.
I just don't see why he won't accept the help that's right in
front of his face? I'm here for him, the guys are here for him, but he'd rather
drown himself in booze to chase away the pain and it ain't gonna do a damn
thing for him. But he doesn't see that. Right now he's just doing what's
necessary to survive. He works and then he parties...
I haven't seen the kid fall apart once--at least not emotionally.
He's not cried at all. That’s probably what gets me the most.
Even today when I'm asked to talk about my father I get sad. Howie was with him
when he got the call from his mother, but he said that Alex just kind of stood
there and got pale and really quiet. And then he got pissed and threw his phone
across the room and busted the hell out of it. Howie said he tried to be
there--tried to hug him and all, but Alex wouldn't take it, and shoved him and
cussed him out.
And tomorrow we gotta be at some baseball game, and I don't know
how that's gonna fly... Nick's hand is broken and AJ's a putz when it comes to
sports...And Howie said he saw him down at the hotel bar a few minutes ago.
It's 1 a.m. Howie said he looked like he was just getting started...
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