“Come on baby, we can go back to my
tour bus…” Nick slurred into a girl’s ear as their bodies danced slowly
together upon the floor of a random nightclub he didn’t know the name of.
“You are so wasted.”
“No, no no no…” Nick shook his head,
almost stumbling. He’d only had a few drinks, but in combination with the
Exelon it caused him to feel drunk far sooner than he would normally. “I…am
fine. Fiiiiiiiiiiine.”
The young woman laughed. She was his
old type. Bottle blonde hair, in her mid twenties, skinny, and legs that could
go on forever. Her green eyes met his and he just laughed some more. “You don’t
believe me?” His words blurred together, making it hard for her to even
decipher what he was saying.
“I wouldn’t have guessed you to be a
lightweight.”
“I-I-I ain’t. Well I am liiight. I
dunno.”
She watched him with a raised brow. “I
think it’s time to get you back to your tour bus buddy.” She sighed. “Call
Brian or AJ. Just be happy I’m a fan and not some random groupie who’d use
you.”
Nick shook his head, which ended up
shaking his whole body with his complete lack of coordination. “Noooooo I’m mad
at Brian. I...I ain’t calling him. Noooope.” He laughed and pulled her close
once more. He didn’t even know her name,
but right then, he didn’t really care.
She pulled away as the neon strobe
lights danced around them, showing a mass of bodies moving sensually to the
music around them. “Come on, give me your phone. I’ll call AJ then. You need
some rest; don’t you have another show to do tomorrow?”
Evidently declaring Nick was no longer
in any condition to make the decision himself, she snuck her hands into his
pockets in search of his infamous Blackberry. He grinned, pulling her against
him as he nuzzled her neck. “No AJ…you and me…”
She pulled away, staring at Nick sadly
as the music boomed around them in an upbeat melody. “You know, I used to dream
of this when I was a teeny, and now…” The girl shook her head as she flipped
the phone open, scanning his phone for AJ’s number. “I can’t even say yes in
good conscience.” She called the number, muttering. “Damn my morals…”
The conversation she had went
unnoticed to Nick as he once again tried to pull her into his warm embrace. All
he wanted was to escape. To feel. He felt so distant anymore, separated from
those he cared about. They thought he was back to his old addictions, and he
couldn’t even correct them. Instead all he could do was plead for them to trust
them. Which, thanks to his own damaged history, they simply couldn’t do. After
the first accusation, Jen approached him with the same questions. As did Howie.
Only AJ had held back as of yet. All it did was add to his ever-growing
frustrations. It led to a night of drinking and clubbing the pain away. He’d
known he shouldn’t, and he just didn’t care anymore. One day he’d just forget
this anyway. That had been his logic when he caught a cab downtown immediately
after the concert that night in Miami.
As always, the way the tour had been
set up was a bit random. Tomorrow was another show in Miami, then Orlando,
before making their way along the southern states going west. The tour ended in
Las Vegas in a month, giving them a break for Christmas and New Years before
going overseas. Leighanne and Baylee had joined them on the tour only the night
before, causing Brian to finally get his own bus rather than share Nick’s much
to his relief.
A hand waved before his eyes, causing
him to stagger and come back to reality as best as he could within his drunken
stupor. AJ stood in front of him, his lime green polished nails danced before
his eyes. He smiled at the girl who handed him Nick’s phone.
“Thanks for calling me down.”
She just nodded. “No problem, I mean
he’s my fave…but I couldn’t take advantage of him like this.”
“Good to know there’s still good
people in the world.” He hugged her, and before Nick could protest he lead him
outside the club where a cab awaited alongside the road.
With the cab however, were a few
paparazzi just waiting for the perfect scandal. AJ led Nick into the cab as
cameras flashed around them. The two just ignored them, AJ grumbling as he
followed Nick inside the car.
As it headed back to where their
busses were waiting, AJ stared at Nick in disbelief, anger written clearly
within his expression. “Are you kidding me dude?”
“I’m not drunk.” He slurred as he stared out the window. “And I’m noooot
on drugs.”
AJ’s face softened, realizing what
spurred this outing. It was typical of Nick, and one they all should’ve seen
coming. Kevin would have, had he been there. When Nick was hurt, or angry, he
would always do exactly what they accused him of doing. And while Nick hadn’t
done any drugs, he had decided to go back to bad habits full force just to show
them something. He’d been acting oddly, leaving all of them confused and angry.
Anger never worked well with Nick, it only made me pull away even more than he
already had. Nick kept his eyes out the window, even in his drunken stupor; he
ignored the ache in his heart that yearned to tell AJ, or anyone what was
really going on.
“I’m not. I miss Kevin.”
“I know buddy, I know. We’re just
worried about you okay?”
“You should be.”
And while Nick passed out beside him,
AJ was left to try and figure out what exactly Nick meant by that last and
painfully honest drunken statement.
***
“Uncle Niiiiiiiick….”
A shaking motion caused him to stir,
and shake him from the bliss dreams could give him. In them, he’d been okay. He
didn’t have Alzheimer’s, and the people he cared about weren’t mad at him. It
wasn’t a dream too strange or out there. It was simply a dream of the normality
he craved. It was a dream of younger days, back when he felt more innocent and
naïve in the ways of the world and its cruelties. The smile upon his face was
gentle, sweet, and almost angelic.
“Niiiiiick…”
“Go away Kevin…” He mumbled. “I don’t
care about school or the tutor…”
“NIIIIICK!”
His eyes blinked open. A curly, blond
haired, twelve year old version of his best friend came into his vision. Baylee
grinned as Nick rolled and turned to face him in his bunk. “Hey Bay.” He
croaked, his head throbbing as a reminder of the previous night’s events.
Baylee peered his head further into
the bunk, grinning. Nick grinned back, despite how bad he felt due to the
hangover. I didn’t even have that many
drinks…oh damn I’m a moron. He
realized when he remembered the medication. Still, now wasn’t the time to dwell
on it. “Happy to be back on tour with us squirt?” He asked as he climbed out of
the small bed, stretching and wearing only a pair of worn Celtics sweatpants.
His hair was all over the place, and his eyes were somewhat bloodshot as he
rubbed them tiredly.
“Yeah! Though the fans asking for my
autograph still weirds me out, cause I’m not even the famous one.” He made a
face. “And I’m gonna get taller than you one day.” Baylee replied, smirking.
“I still don’t get the autograph thing
and I am the famous one. And you ain’t growing if you’re anything like your
dad. And squirt, you’re like his mini me.” Nick made his way further down the
bus where the small kitchenette awaited.
“How’d the whole autograph thing
start?”
“Hell if I know.”
“I’ll Google it.” That was always
Baylee’s answer if someone didn’t have one, to Google it on his phone. Nick
sometimes swore the kid helped keep the company in business.
“Google addict.”
“YouTube whore.”
Nick almost choked from laughing so
hard. “Okay who told you I’m a YouTube whore?” In essence it was true. Ever
since YouTube had first been created, it’d become Nick’s favorite pastime when
he was bored. Especially during tours. He would watch anything and everything
on the page even though he did have the money for Netflix and downloads or
movie and every other normal way of entertainment. So it wasn’t something he
let people know. Mostly because a lot of the videos he’d searched for were a
bit strange, admittedly. It led to interesting “recommended” videos though when
he would visit the page.
“AJ.”
“I’ma kill him…you ought to see what
he does when he’s bored.”
Baylee raised a brow. “Dad always says
AJ’s better staying in the dark about.”
“True story.” Nick yawned a bit. “So
what’s up?”
“I’m bored…”
“And of course I’m the best cure for
boredom…”
“Exactly!”
Nick sat at the table as he opened a
package of poptarts to munch on. His eyes traveled over to a clock. 11:05 am,
so it wasn’t too late in the day just yet. Baylee flopped in a chair, pulling
out his phone and texting someone while Nick let himself wake up a bit more. As
he went to ponder what to do, a knocking came from the door at the front of the
bus. Baylee ran over to the door to answer, hyper as always, his father’s son
in almost every way. Almost. His knack for sarcasm came from Nick, which he
supposed made sense since he always called Baylee his adopted son anyway.
When Baylee came back into view again,
he wasn’t alone. Now, the original version followed him. Nick stared him down.
Part of him was still so angry at Brian for starting off the trend of drug
accusations he’d been getting. Part of him wanted to yell and scream at him
till he had no voice left to show the pain of betrayal he felt from his closest
friend. And then there was the other half. The half that knew it was his fault
they were having problems in the first place. The half that had caused him to
go out last night. Because that half needed Brian so much, and had ever since
that day he first went to the doctor’s office because he’d known something was
wrong. That same half simply felt vulnerable, guilty, and scared, plain and
simple.
Brian looked back at his son, who
watched the awkward silence between the two curiously. “Bay, why don’t you help
your mom set up for her Wylee Party.”
The preteen looked completely off put
by such a suggestion when Nick knew he’d been ready from some Bay and Nick
bonding time. “But Daaaaad I hate going
to those things. All those old ladies…” Old of course, in Baylee’s book, meant
around Nick’s age or a few years younger. “…they end up fawning and cooing and
it’s weiiiiiird!”
Brian gave him a firm look. “Baylee,
go help you mother.”
“But!”
“Not another word.”
“UGH! You never wanna let me have any
fun!” He stormed out, shutting the bus door loudly behind him.
Brian sighed. “There, now you have
someone else who can be mad at me with you.”
Nick gestured to the chair Baylee had
been occupying. “You may as well sit as you interrogate my ass.”
Brian’s mouth twitched at the word
choice, but instead of cracking a joke and laughing the way he normally would,
he simply sat down as Nick requested. Nick broke off part of his poptart,
chewing slowly, and waiting for whatever shoe Brian had to drop. “Look, Nick…”
Nick bit his lip. This was just as
much his fault as it was everyone else’s. Time he acted like it. “…Brian…I…”
But could he say it?
Could he really tell Brian what was
going on? How he lost things constantly on his bus? That part of the reason
he’d become so flaky and late all the time was that it took him forever to
recover necessary items? Or that he’d accidentally get lost if he was driving a
car that didn’t have GPS? Or that his new trend of creating joke lyrics the way
Brian did was to cover up his slip ups so no one realized he almost screwed up?
He stared at Brian, who waited
expectantly. Into the kind, gentle face of a man who always accepted him no
matter what. A man who on their first day meeting each other, had spotted Nick
looking a bit lost amongst the others when they were at Lou’s mansion and
hugged him tightly before he even knew Nick’s name? Someone, who, despite
everything fought to be there no matter how much he screwed up?
He’d be there for him now, Nick knew
that. And he knew he needed that.
But he’d be treated differently, so
differently.
“…I’m sorry for the way I’ve been
freaking you out.”
“You’re scaring all of us. Something’s
going on…”
Nick nodded. “You’re right. And before
you ask, yes Kevin knows what it is.”
Brian opened his mouth to reply but he
interrupted him before he could. “And he’s not telling. Look…”He licked his
lips. “It’s not drugs. It’s nothing bad.” Guilt rose at the lie, but he shoved
it back down yet again. It was becoming a common feeling. “You just gotta trust
me when I say that. I’ll tell you, but not now. Now ain’t the time. I just…I
need time.” His voice was almost pleading now.
I need so much time. How am I gonna be able to tell them? Telling Kevin had just happened, a burst of emotion he hadn’t
been able to control. Telling everyone else would be far more controlled, and
far more painful.
Brian nodded slowly. “Kevin knows.”
“Yes. And you know if it were drugs
his ass would be here right now dragging me to rehab the way he did AJ.”
Brian laughed, nodding. “He would too,
and you’d kick and scream…”
“And whine a whole lot…” Nick joked,
before pausing again to regain his train of thought while the laughter settled
between them. “So can you trust me on this? Till I’m ready to tell you?”
“You know you can tell me anything…”
Nick leaned forward, his poptart lay
on the small table, now forgotten. He rubbed his arms a bit. From an outside
perspective, it looked like he was a bit chilly from sitting shirtless under
the air vent. In truth, it was simply the idea of telling the fellas that
chilled him. “I know man, and I will. I just need time.”
“Okay, I trust you.”
***