“We should talk.”
“Shhh, I’m trying to work here.”
“But-“
“Shhh!”
“AJ about my-”
“We’re not talking about this man.”
“Dude, look-”
AJ’s hands ran through Nick’s scalp as
he mixed the pink dye into his hair. Nick glanced up in the mirror, just in
time for AJ to shut his eyes in determination as he shook his head slightly.
Nick rolled his eyes, tilting his head back over the sink he sat in front of so
AJ could do his work. After his revelation on the rollercoaster, the rest of
the day was being spent in a world of pointless denial. They tried going on
other rides afterwards, but the day had been ruined. The ride home had been
quiet and uneventful till AJ declared they still needed to get the dye so he
could do Nick’s hair when they got back. Anytime Nick tried to explain, he cut
him off, every single time.
“Look at what? How much like that
idiot Perez you’ll look when I’m done?” A forced laugh followed. “I already
know.”
Before Nick could even attempt to
move, AJ forced his head back further, making sure the dye was applied evenly.
Nick sighed. “Dammit dude, I-”
“You know man; it’d be easier if you
just relaxed while I did this.”
“Fine, fuck it; you want to pretend
it’s not happening. Go ahead. I’ve already joined that club, won the t-shirt,
starred in the commercial, and even designed the damn mascot. In fact, I even
went and changed my middle name to denial!”
“So I was thinking about the next
album…”
Instead of fighting it, Nick simply
nodded. He knew he shouldn’t be getting upset at AJ. Not for doing the exact
same thing he had attempted to do when he was diagnosed. Still, he felt hurt by
his friend’s refusal to acknowledge what was happening to him. Nick wasn’t sure
why. Maybe it was because AJ was able
to play denial if he wanted. Or maybe it was because he knew if AJ did do that,
it would just be that much less support then. Nick hated even thinking about
it, but the fact was that he could use all that he could get.
“Yeah?” he asked, leaving his thoughts
where they belonged, in his own traitorous mind.
AJ nodded, rising the excess dye out
of his hair. Nick shut his eyes. It helped, really, because then he could
pretend far easier that this was just another day on tour. That he hadn’t just
confessed something vital, that he wasn’t slowly fading away. Shutting his
eyes, helped him shut out reality, the way AJ wanted it. In all honesty, it was
the way he wanted it too. The difference was Nick had hit the point where he
knew that wasn’t going to happen. At least not till he couldn’t remember
anything, so that the point was moot.
“Yeah, I’m thinking let’s get crazy,
really break some boundaries.”
Nick chuckled; trying his best to act
like nothing was wrong, the way AJ wanted it. “Are there any left for you to break?”
“Man, haven’t you learned from me yet?
They’re always boundaries to tear down, rules to break, and ways to shake
everything up.”
“Wisdom from the king of mani-pedis. “
“Shit, just because I’m rebellious and
wise, don’t mean I can’t look good.”
The sink was turned off and AJ set to
dry off his hair. He toweled it first, before beginning to blow dry. Nothing
was said between them, leading once again to an awkward silence Nick didn’t
know how to feel. So, Nick laughed to himself at the image of the two of them;
it was stuff like this he knew caused others to believe they were all gay.
If a picture of this got on the internet, it would just feed the
flame. Ha! Flame. Flaming. He snickered silently at the pun in his head.
The blow-dryer was shut off, and AJ
spun the chair around. Nick stared at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t sure
whether to laugh or cry at his own reflection. There, sitting with a shocked
expression, was himself. He looked normal beyond the expression, as long as
people didn’t look at the top of his head. There, fluffy and being spiked as AJ
applied gel to style it, was his hair. It was like instead, he had mini glow
sticks implanted to the top of his skull.
“You look…” AJ couldn’t even finish
his sentence as he put the styling gel away, he was laughing too hard.
Nick glanced at him as he stood,
wondering how exactly he could make this look cool rather than ridiculous. “The
rest of the tour?”
“Yep.”
“That’s just cruel and unusual
punishment.”
“You’re the one who agreed to it. You
lost.”
Nick nodded, groaning. “Fuck.”
“Wait till the others see you!”
The others had no idea about the bet
of course, or about Nick’s new hairdo.
He chuckled, if nothing else, their reactions would be fun to watch. He
brushed off some nonexistent dust, idly trying to find a way to talk to his
friend without freaking him out again. A hand ran through his bubblegum colored
hair, trying to tousle it just enough for his own liking.
“AJ…look about what I said at the
park…”
“I already told you, I’m not talking
about this. In fact you know what man? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He practically ran off their tour bus, with Nick following closely behind him.
He and AJ were sharing a bus for this leg, and Howie and Brian shared the other
as their families weren’t coming out for this part of the tour. Nick was
mentally cursing this fact at the moment, because now it was going to be that
much harder with AJ’s current attitude if it continued.
“Come on man! You think I want to deal
with this?”
“I’m going for a walk, I’ll see you
later!” He called back behind him, not one glance back at him.
“AJ!”
AJ kept going, pulling out his cell
phone and walking down the road away from where the busses were parked. Nick
let him go, rolling his eyes. He suddenly wished he did have a show tonight, he could use the distraction. He turned
and kicked the door of the nearest bus, angry at himself, angry at the
situation, just angry in general. The door opened, and Brian was there, a small
smile of amusement lit up his face as he came down the steps.
“Was the bus being mean to you or
something?”
Nick looked at him, completely
puzzled. “You heard me kick it?”
“Saw you through the window.”
“Oh.”
The two stared at each other. Neither
blinked, it was a sudden staring war. Nick knew what Brian was fighting not to
do. He also knew he’d lose that battle. Finally, Brian couldn’t hold it in
anymore, he started laughing uncontrollably. The southern man clutched his
stomach as the giggles continued to come, becoming higher pitched, louder and
harder to stop. Soon, Nick was beginning to join in the amusement-fest. Nick
could never resist laughing when Brian really got going. Cause his laughs went
from normal to “hahehe-haheheeee!” and it always brought out his own infectious
laughter. Sometimes when the two got started, they couldn’t stop till their
stomachs hurt. This was starting to look like one of those times.
“What…is…with…your…hair?!”
Nick smirked. “Don’t you know Brian?
Pink is all the raaaage in Japan. I have to be totally chic.” He flipped his
hand over effeminately, laughing at himself.
“Oh honey…” The shorter man walked
over, running his hand affectionately through his hair. “This is definitely
your color. It’s so…FAB-U-LOUS!”
He cracked up, pulling away. “You
scare me sometimes man. Nah, I lost a bet.”
“Nice.” He eyed Nick carefully, and he
knew Brian was just trying to figure out how best to ask about AJ. Of everyone,
he knew Brian was taking it the best, and he was including himself into that as
well. He wasn’t sure why. Was it because of Brian’s unwavering faith? Was it
because Brian was the biggest optimist he’d ever known? Kevin was handling it,
but Nick couldn’t see how he coped daily since he was back in the states, still
doing his run on Rent. He knew how he
was though, and guessed Kevin was putting on a strong face for his sake. One he
appreciated more than Kevin would ever know.
Oddly, his mind went to his therapist
as well. It had been awhile since he talked with her, and felt the urge to call
her up later. Maybe talking about everything actually would do some good. At
this point, he was running out of options. Couldn’t hurt, could it?
“Nick?”
He blinked, coming back to reality. He
hated the way he spaced out more these days. “Sorry. I bet you’re wondering
about the pink hair right? I lost a bet to AJ, heh.”
Brian’s brow creased as he watched
him. “I know; we were joking about it ten minutes ago, remember? You spaced out
a bit.”
Nick felt like screaming, he hated
this. He was lately experiencing more and more this feeling of confusion where
he couldn’t connect like everyone else. It made him feel like an outsider and
he hated it. Every single bit of it.
“No! That’s my damn problem.” He
softened when he saw the look on his best friend’s face. The one who was
sticking by him despite everything, always had, and from the looks of it, he
always would. Nick knew he’d been lucky the day Kevin called his cousin to have
him join the Backstreet Boys.
“It’s okay.” He wrapped his arm around
Nick, leading him back to the bus where they sat on the ground, their backs
resting against it. It was almost peaceful. Nick rest his head on Brian’s
shoulder, sighing.
“How’d AJ take it?”
“According to him, it’s not happening.
I wish he was right.”
The two sat there silently, Brian
patting his back. He didn’t tell Nick it’d be okay, and he was thankful. He
didn’t try to lie to Nick, or give false hope that would just disappear like
popping bubbles. In fact, he said nothing. All he did was rub his back
soothingly, and ignored the fact that Nick’s eyes shined from unshed
tears.
And he was thankful.
***