Nick stared at the item he held within
his hands as his friends got into the large bright green custom stretch hummer
they’d arranged for the evening with him. He couldn’t believe it. Of all days,
this had to come out now. He didn’t need this today, not now. All this would do
was make everything that much more awkward when they arrived. He didn’t want
the questions, didn’t want the harassment until that night when he invited them to. Tabloid magazines
taunted him endlessly, reminded him there would be no peace. Not in his life.
He continued the stare at them, standing next to the car.
Nick Carter – Caught at the clinic. Back to old habits?
A Dying Man – Nick Carter caught coming out of the doctors, his
heart condition coming back to haunt him…was it his own doing?
Nick Carter doesn’t want
a solo tour? Or can’t? Is he too
trashed to try?
In all of them, he saw himself clearly
coming out of the back of the hospital he’d been in days before. It had just
been a check up, for the doctors to monitor the progression of the disease.
They had upped his medication, as he expected. Ran a few tests, to see where he
was at. All stuff that had sadly become a standard within Nick Carter’s life.
And now, it was being warped, twisted into something it wasn’t.
At least the last title has it right; it just needs to know the
real damn cause.
“I’m sorry bro.” AJ’s voice cut into
his thoughts, causing Nick to finally climb into the vehicle and shut the door
behind him. He sat, glanced around, and tried to relax.
“I love it. I’m fucked in the head and
they think its drugs or my heart.” He shook his head. “What the hell happened
to people actually finding out the story?”
Kevin pat his back comfortingly,
taking the magazines away from Nick’s grasp. He tossed them on the floor and
kicked them out his reach, eyeing him when Nick still began to move for them
anyway. He leaned back, shot the oldest member a sheepish grin, and said
nothing. It was almost amusing, the way Kevin was still trying to protect them
all. Old habits die hard, as his own tattoo said.
“Those pieces of trash think it’s a
bigger story if you became like Aaron, that’s all.”
Nick winced at the mention as he shook
his head. His hands wrung together nervously. He tried to gather his thoughts
and he glanced around in the luxury vehicle. Even though his performance that
night was to be solo, as was the announcement, they said they would go with
him. They ignored his protests that he could handle it, saying it wasn’t about
that. They wanted to arrive as a group to support their youngest brother. Just
the five of them. No wives and no kids were to accompany them that night. It
was solely the five men who had been together since the beginning, and now
would be there till the end.
One last appearance, a final goodbye.
“Nick?” Brian called, his eyes watched
him intently.
“Sorry, spaced.”
“It’s okay; I just asked if you heard
from him?”
“Aaron?”
Brian nodded, sharing a quick glance
with Howie. “Yeah.”
Nick scoffed, not looking any of them
in the eye now. “No, he’s mad at me. Ignoring my calls because I told him he
needs to get his shit together. Angel’s been checking in on me though, checking
on him, and updating me.” The Carters never deserved her; she’s too
good for our bullshit. He added on mentally.
“Does he know?” Howie asked? “About…”
he left the rest unsaid. None of them actually spoke of the disease by name. It
had been taboo for some time. It was as if they were afraid actually saying it
would make it progress faster than it already was.
“He never gave me a chance to tell
him. I was going to that night. And-”
“Wait, wait, wait little man…”
“-Not little anymore…” Nick
interjected.
“Beyond Angel, does anyone in your family know?”
“Nope.” He stared out the window,
ignoring the looks he knew he was earning.
“You’re kidding.”
“Does it look like I’m kidding Bri? I
didn’t know how to fucking tell them, I first tried to set something up at New
Year’s, remember? That was the first plan, and I couldn’t even get far enough
to say hi really. And then, I just didn’t want to. It’s not easy to figure out
a damn way to tell them when they can’t stand me… unless I’m acting like an
ATM. I already warned Angel so she could turn her phone off. So, they’ll find
out tonight.”
“Along with the rest of the world.”
Howie added on dryly. “That’s not going to go over well.”
Nick shrugged. “Not much with the
caring lately.”
AJ smirked. “At least it’ll make
things interesting. Your mom’s gonna flip her gourd dude.”
“So nothing new for me then.”
The stretch hummer finally got into
the line of vehicles, waiting to arrive at the red carpet. That year the awards
were being held at Paramount studios, which he actually liked better than Radio
City Music Hall. It hit Nick once again, as they slowly got closer to where the
cameras, the glitz, the glamour, and media waited, what all of this meant. They
had agreed that tonight and the interviews that followed would be their final
appearance as the Backstreet Boys. It would be Nick’s final public appearance
all together. It was the end of the façade he had worn since the diagnosis. No
more hiding. No more performance. It was the ending, yet it was the beginning.
It was the true acceptance.
For everything.
He knew he was slipping more than he
would admit to the others. He had to write where he placed things before he
slept, so that he could find them the next day. Sometimes, even that didn’t
help. Things were becoming harder, and he was completely reliant on his GPS to
get around these days. The past and the present were still overall clear, but
like in New York, slips were happening. This was going to be it, and then, he
would begin to set everything else in motion.
Nick was terrified of what was to
come.
The hummer pulled to a stop, and the
five of them glanced at each other. Nick smiled. He couldn’t let fear touch him
now. Not when he had the best people in his life around him. They were his
protective shield and his hope that maybe he had done something right in his
life. If he hadn’t, he knew they wouldn’t have stuck with him so long, and
would continue to do so until the end.
“You ready?” Howie asked with a tap on
the shoulder.
Nick opened the door, and was greeted
by an overwhelming amount of light. The five of them exited the car and began
their walk down the red carpet. The cameras continued to go off around them.
Nick paused, and waited for the others to get to him. When he did, he ran over
between the two cousins, with AJ and Howie on each end. He grinned cheekily,
posing for the cameras.
“Nick! Over here!”
“Backstreet Boys! We hear you guys are
retiring! Is that true?”
“Nick! Is the reason you won’t tour
due to drug problems?”
“Are you going to go to rehab? Will
Aaron Carter go with you?!”
“Is Backstreet breaking up?”
“Why were you at the doctor’s?”
They waved them off, till Nick took a
microphone from one of the paparazzi. “Everything’s gonna be answered after the
show. Hell, during the show. So you guys better be payin’ attention when it
happens.”
With a grin, he handed it back, and
they continued on, where the more legitimate press were waiting for them. They
continued down, stopping and posing for the cameras now and again. They looked
to be content, happy, and at yet another height of their careers. The image was
everything, because they all knew that was what would be flashed to the world
when the news hit later that night.
They got to where MTV’s VJs were
waiting, all wanting to interview them as the next ones in line. He felt an arm
wrap around his shoulder, and smiled at Brian, who understood what he was
thinking of without even saying a word. A young girl was waiting for them, with
bouncy curly blonde hair, and bright blue eyes. Nick wondered if she even knew
much about them, given her age. Before she could open her mouth to greet them,
however, something else captured their attention.
“NICK!” A female voice shrieked,
holding up a pass hanging around her neck. It was for some paper Nick had never
heard of in Georgia. He didn’t get much time to think about this though because
she immediately lunged at him.
They fell to the ground, Nick pinned
down beneath her overweight body. Lank, dull, brown hair fell into her face
hovering over his. She grinned widely as she sat on him. Nick struggled as the
Boys immediately tried to wrestle her off of his body. She flattened herself
against him. Her arms wrapped securely around his body, refusing to let go. She
fit her face into the crook of his neck.
“SECURITY!” Someone yelled, Nick
wasn’t sure who, but it sounded like Howie.
“Nick! It’s about time I found you!
You remember me right? You called me sexy…and…and we created eye babies
together back in 2010!”
Even if he didn’t have Early-Onset
Alzheimer’s Nick knew he’d never remember that. He tried shoving her off, but
she held on fast, a human leech. They were being jerked around, and he figured
it had to be from the fellas trying to pull her off. Nick glanced up at her and
she looked down at him again.
“You gotta let me up…how did you even
get in here?!” He asked, trying not to sound frightened, but failing. She
reminded him of the more “passionate” fans in Brazil.
“I’m a journalist!” She exclaimed
proudly. “And now I’ve found you, and we can be together…and…” Her mouth
pressed against his, her tongue snaking into his own. Disgusted by the clearly
psychotic and delusional fan’s actions Nick did the only thing he could - he
bit her tongue.
She shrieked. The reaction gave her
enough pause that the beefy security men who just arrived were able to pull her
away. Gentle arms helped pull him back up to a standing position. He didn’t
bother to look at who it was, he knew. Nick stared as the nameless fan was torn
away, struggling and screaming to get back to him. Her face was bright red,
tears streamed down her face.
“But wait! I needed to ask him
questions! I’m a journalist!” The middle aged woman fought to break free again.
“I wanted to ask him about fan fiction! The world wants to KNOW! We’re meant to
be Nick!” And finally, she disappeared from sight. He took a deep breath,
trying to settle his own nerves.
This was clearly going to be a night
to remember, or in his case…forget.
***
Nick peered around from backstage. The
fellas were sitting out in the audience, and now he could finally quit hiding
how nervous he was. He had just escaped makeup; his headset mike was just
hooked in, along with his ear piece. Nick just hoped it didn’t glitch on him.
He had a history of bad moments where he couldn’t hear himself on the earpiece
and therefore couldn’t keep himself in tune. He had a guitar strapped around
him, red and black, one he’d had since the “Now or Never” days of his solo
performing. As the lights went dark, and the cameras cut to commercial, Nick
walked slowly to the large stage set up for his performance. He stood there,
breathing, and looking sneakily at the crowd waiting for him. He was the last
song of the night, and with good reason.
Just remember, they’re set to tell you lyrics in the earpiece if
you look lost. So stay calm. He reminded
himself. Jenn had truly thought of everything to help make sure this moment was
iconic in its own way.
“And now, back with his third solo
record, from the Backstreet Boys…Nick Carter!”
Strobe lights began to flash around
him, as he readied himself. The beginning notes began to play from the piano
below on the side of the stage. His head shot up. The lights stopped, except
for the sole spotlight that settled upon him.
“Lost out on the road with my head spin-spinning, speeding heading
for a dead end…”
Pyrotechnics shot up on either side of
him as he made his way down the steps. He grinned. “But I turned it around...” He looked to his left. “YOU!” A chorus came from the background
singers just out of his line of vision. “I
did it for you…” He looked to his right. “YOU!” He stared directly at the crowd before him, jumping down
from the steps and onto the stage. He meant every word.
“I did it for you…” On his
album the song would continue. However he wanted to be sure the message simply
got to them. The music began to change, have a rockier edge because of his love
of all styles of music, especially rock. He played the guitar feeling the music
as he made his way up to the edge of the stage, the music far more upbeat now.
Nick wanted to give them a performance no one would ever forget.
Behind him the stage he was just on
split into too, pulling away. A scene of a broken down Hollywood sign took its
place. Dancers also came up on the stage, dolled up in jewels and fancy
clothing, meant to be a mockery of the world of fame he lived in. Nick was dead
center of it all, adrenaline running high, and somehow he knew, everything
would be alright as he began to sing.
So you wanna be famous
You're looking for that rush that comes along
Well come along with me baaaby
And I'll give you one Hollywood Style
Welcome to lifestyles of the rich and famous
That's the American dream
Nothing's as it appears, nothing's as it seems
You can't see the darkness within
It's a world of glitz and glamour
One run by corruption and sin...
The dancers surrounded him with
cameras, as if they were paparazzi. Bright lights strobbed heavily around him.
He broke free of the circle of the dancers, and ran to the edge of the stage,
lost within the music.
It's alright you're safe with me baby
Come with me on the ultimate thrill ride
You looking for a thrill
You wanna go on that ride
Well come along with me baby,
I'll give you one Hollywood Style
He pulled a dancer close, the lead. He
let the guitar fall to the side of him as the backing band continued to play.
While the other dancers continued to stare and snap pictures as part of the
performance, he pulled her close, kissing her deeply. Nick smirked, looking at
the crowd.
I’ll give you one Hollywood style
He looked to have shoved her aside,
and resumed his guitar once more. He ran to one edge of the stage, grinning at
the fans reaching out to touch him as he sang. Nick felt the pride at what he
did consume him, keep the energy he needed to finish the performance. He didn’t
think about what was about to come after, after the song ended.
Hollywood will suck your soul
That's the price of fame
You give up yourself
And they grant you your dreams
Now the dream gone, nightmare's forever alive
On this fucked up Hollywood Thrill Ride...
But it's alright you're safe with me baby
Come with me on the ultimate thrill riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!
Nick continued to play, holding the
note for as long as he could do so vocally. Passion for the music consumed him,
in a way it hadn’t before.
You looking for a thrill
You wanna go on that ride
Well come along with me baby,
I'll give you one Hollywood Style
Nick didn’t try to see if the crowd
was truly into it or not. For once, he didn’t care. This wasn’t about them this
time. Despite the fact it was for them, it wasn’t about them. This was about
him, who he was, and everything he loved. He loved music, loved performing.
Somehow, Nick hoped that would never change. Even when his memories left him.
He was at the center of the stage once again, singing his heart out in a way he
hadn’t done for years.
You try to escape, to break away free
You want to live, you want to just be
It's never gonna happen...they own your soul
For every dream granted, you gave them control...
Did you love it?
Was it worth it?
Did you enjoy the thrill...?
It's alright you're safe with me baby
Come with me on the ultimate thrill ride...
I'm gonna escape
I'm gonna survive...
So come on you're safe with me baby...
On this ultimate Hollywood Thrill Ride...
The music faded, and the lights went
dark. The spotlight settled on him once again. To him, the performance was
perfect. It had been just the way he’d imagined it to be. A lasting legacy to
leave behind once he told the world the truth he had been hiding. For a moment
all he could hear was his own breathing. Then, the crowd erupted with cheers.
So many were standing and cheering. Nick looked around, amazed he could have
such a perfect moment still within his life.
“Once again…Nick Carter!” The host
said, only to be drowned out once again by the cheers. Nick bowed, grinning,
waving. He couldn’t believe how well received it was. His solo career had never
reached the highs his career in the group had, and he’d always been okay with
that. Now, with the ending of everything so near, he was just incredibly
thankful to have people loving the music what he’d put his heart and soul
in.
Nick headed backstage, taking off his
guitar, getting cleaned up by makeup. He only had a few moments, as they had
just gone to commercial. He took a long swig of water. They took his headset
equipment off. Too many people were hurrying about him; trying to make sure he
was ready to go back out and announce what people thought would be a special
announcement. Only it was just the sad truth he was living with. His high was
slowly dying, and he plummeted back to reality.
When he was given the signal, Nick
jogged back onto the stage, going directly to the podium. The cheers began
again, and Nick found himself beaming, despite the situation. He would be
remembered, he knew, and he would be loved by so many for what he created
during his lifetime. That’s what he wanted to believe, that’s what he told
himself repeatedly. As the crowd once again quieted down, Nick swallowed hard.
He lifted up the microphone waiting for him.
“Thank you. I know you think I’m about
to say the winner for some um, special award, but that’s not it.” He stepped
away from the podium, walking out on the stage to keep himself busy. “I have an
announcement to make, and…I’d like to thank MTV for this opportunity to do so,
here at the VMAs. And I’d like to thank my brothers, AJ, Howie, Kevin, and
Brian…for supporting me right now as I try to tell you what…what it is.”
Nick sighed. Now or Never.
“I’ve been diagnosed….” He stopped,
his voice catching within his throat. He coughed, to clear it and start again.
“I’ve…I’ve been diagnosed with Early…Early Onset Alzheimer’s disease. And
this…this will be my final performance.”
The crowd that had been so loud with
cheers only minutes before, was now utterly silent.
***