Chapter 12
I shift uncomfortably in my seat wondering when Kevin is going to say something
cheesy to me. Luckily I am spared. I'm glad we are complimenting each other
instead of insulting each other, but still it feels odd. We had to do things
like that in my therapy sessions in rehab. We would sit in this huge circle and
tell each other why we were worthwhile. Some people would go on and on...
"You are a great person because you smile when I make a joke"
"Oh, well you're a great person because you said I am a great person
because I smile when you make a joke" Blah blah friggedy blah blah blah
All the while I would sit there gradually sinking down in my chair thinking
they don't know me at all. Those people who I went through treatment with were
really nice but once we left that place, we never spoke again. Those people
didn't know me.
These people do.
I admit, I was never one to hand out unnecessary compliments. I am much better
at handing out silly insults. I am just about to make a joke at Nick's expense.
Why not he is the easiest one to pick on, when Kevin turns to me with that
loving look in his eyes. Oh no here it comes, AJ I like you because...
"AJ?"
"Yes?"
"Can you pass me a soda?" Not exactly what I was expecting. I look at
him a little confused. I'm a little disappointed.
"Soda, you know what that is right?"
"What?"
"S O D A, or pop or cola! However you decide to pronounce it, pass one my
way please!" I open the cooler and take out a Coke for Kevin. I hand it to
him and he smiles at me.
"Thanks" He says and turns back around. I can't help but feel
slighted. They complimented everyone in the car but me. True, Nick did mention
the juggling thing but that wasn't exactly a compliment. I wonder why they
don't feel like I deserve something nice to be said about me?
I look past my thoughts and realize that all eyes are on me except for Brian's.
They have grins on their faces.
"AJ?" Kevin says again.
"Yes?"
"You wanted me to say something nice about you didn't you?" He laughs
when I start to stutter.
"Aw, AJ that's so precious!" Nick says as he reaches over and pinches
my cheek.
"No! I don't care if you say anything nice about me or not!" I
insist.
"And if you pinch my cheeks again I will break your fingers!" I say
playfully to Nick.
"Come on J admit it, you were totally expecting me to give you a
compliment" Kevin says to me wiggling his bushy brows my way.
"I was not" Now I find myself laughing.
"J?"
"Oh all right! I was expecting you to say something cheesy ass to me but
you didn't big whoop dee doo" I say laughing.
"Oh AJ repeat after me your good enough, your strong enough and gosh
darnit, people like you"
"That's enough Carter, I mean it don't make me come over there!" I
look over at him and he sticks his tongue out at me.
"Oh very mature" I say sticking my tongue out at him.
"AJ, I'll say something nice about you if you want" D says and his
demeanor is serious. I send a smile his way.
"I'll say that we are all extremely proud of you! It's not easy to do what
you did and you overcame everything. Good going Alex!"
They all clap and say good job.
"Hey, I already knew you were proud of me!" I say when it dawns on me
that maybe that was the whole point.
The car quiets down for a few minutes. They do know me better than myself
sometimes. I am amazed by that. I shouldn't be but I am!
"AJ?" I look over at Nick and smile
"Yeah kid what is it?"
"I like something about you too"
"And what would that be?"
"I like how you are dealing with going bald. I know that must be hard for
you!" He cracks up at his own joke in such a high pitched squeal that I
can't help but join in.
"Carter I swear I am going to beat you!"
When the laughing is over and done with I slip back in to my thoughts of rehab.
Sitting in a circle pretending that everything would be all right. There were
twenty people there with me. How many have stayed sober? How many are back
there for a second time, a third? How many of them are dead?
"I am lucky to have you all as my friends" I say to my bandmates.
They all look at me and nod.
"Well, same to you buddy" Kevin says as he winks at me.
"Except for you Carter!" I say pointing at him.
"I'm sorry J, I didn't really mean it" He says and the look in his
eyes tells me that he thinks I was serious. So I continue, pointing to my
head...
"Not until you say your sorry to what's left of my hair!" He smiles.
I feel
better.
"Okay... sorry hair I won't let it happen again."
"That's better!" I wink at him. He turns to look out the window. Back
into his little world. I wonder what color the sky is in there.
These guys, I have been through so much with them. They know me so well. I sit
back, pull my baseball cap over my eyes and realize...
I like that!
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