Chapter 19

October and November passed quickly with both Sienna and Brian spending time on their separate work during the days and spending their nights together. Though they hadn’t spoken about it, both of them held back from moving their relationship towards any sort of physical intimacy. It was enough to just be with one another, and both reveled in it.

The Littrells and Richardsons decided to have a large Thanksgiving dinner at Anne’s home, so Brian took Sienna with him. Though she tried to resist, pointing out that she wasn’t family, he refused to take no for an answer. So, Sienna spent one of the most enjoyable Thanskgivings she could remember with Brian’s family. Kevin and a beautifully pregnant Kristin were there, so Sienna figured she wouldn’t feel out of place. However, Brian’s family took her in and treated her like family, too.

Nevertheless, she didn’t notice that Jackie showed no pleasure in seeing Sienna with her younger son. Jackie knew the look on Brian’s face when he looked at Sienna and knew that he would quickly be in love with her, unless she brought the woman, she believed to be Brian’s true love, back. So, Jackie planned.

“Brian, are you sure your mother won’t mind that I’m coming to dinner with your family on Christmas Eve?” Sienna asked for the hundredth time.

“Baby, Mom asked me to bring you. And, even if she hadn’t, you’d still be welcome, trust me,” Brian told her. “So, just show up at my parents’ house at 4:30, and everything will be fine. You’ll see.”

“Wait, wait. I thought you were picking me up,” Sienna said.

Brian sighed. “I know, but Mom wants me to pick up someone from the airport. She says it’s a surprise. The flight’s coming in at four, so I’ll probably be home by five. I promise my mother does not bite. Besides, you already bonded with her over my birthday bash planning, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” Sienna said, remembering and feeling a little relieved. “Okay, all right. I’ll see you at your parents’ house tonight.”

“Bye, darling,” Brian said.

“See you tonight,” she answered and hung up.

When she arrived at the Littrells’ house, Harry opened the door.

“Hey! It’s the flower lady my brother’s gone crazy over,” Harry greeted her.

Sienna smiled. “Hello, Harry. It’s good to see you again. And you,” she added, tickling Abby as she ran up to the door. Abby gurgled then held her arms out to Sienna.

“Uh-oh,” Harry said, ominously. “Now, you’re going to be stuck with her the rest of the night.”

“It’s okay,” Sienna told him, kissing the baby’s cheek. “She’s great. I don’t mind.”

“You say that now,” Harry told her as he led her back to the kitchen where Jackie and Rebecca, Harry’s wife, were putting the finishing touches on a turkey.

They greeted Sienna, and Jackie thanked her for the bouquet she had brought and the Black Forest Cake Sienna had Liv make for her. The women and Harry moved into the living room, where Harold was plugging in the lights on the Christmas tree.

“Harold always waits until the last moment possible to plug in those lights,” Jackie explained to Sienna. “It’s his own little tradition. The crazy man,” she added fondly.

Harold hugged Sienna, and they sat and played with Abby, who would run to the pile of presents under the tree, pick one up, carry it to one of the adults, shake it in their faces, and run it back to the tree.

When the front door opened, they heard Brian call out a greeting. When he walked in, Sienna managed to keep the smile on her face as she saw the “surprise” guest.

“Leighanne!” Harry said, delighted. “We didn’t know you were coming! And, look, you brought your adorable daughter with you.” He gave her a hug and took the carrier she held, setting it down by his wife and Jackie.

Leighanne greeted everyone and smiled at Sienna. “It’s good to see you again, Sienna. How have you been?”

“Not bad,” she answered. “Besides, Christmas is my favorite holiday, so I’m as happy as a Christmas tree.”

Leighanne laughed and turned to Jackie, who hugged her as though she were a long lost daughter. Which, Sienna supposed, she was. She tried not to let the smile slide away, especially when Brian walked over and kissed her hello.

“Did my family eat you alive?” he asked her.

“Ha ha, very funny,” she replied. “I’m glad you’re here. Were you surprised at the airport?” she wondered.

Brian sighed. “Sienna, I thought you liked Leigh?”

“I do, I do,” Sienna assured him. “I just, I don’t know, Brian. I always feel like I have to be overprotective of you around her.”

His brows lifted. “Overprotective? Sienna, sweetie, I’m all yours, and you know that. I care about you so much. I would never do anything to hurt you. Besides,” he continued, looking over at Leighanne, “Leigh’s got her own family, remember?”

“Yeah,” Sienna sighed. “I’m overreacting, that’s all. I’ll be good now.”

Brian smiled. Then he turned to his mother. “Mom, when’s dinner because something smells really good!”

Jackie smiled. “Give it five minutes, honey.”

Dinner passed smoothly, and Sienna relaxed. Nothing was going to break her and Brian up, she thought. There was nothing to worry about. Leighanne and Brian acted like they were brother and sister almost, what with all the teasing and joking. Nothing to worry about, Sienna said to herself again. She smiled as she felt Brian squeeze her hand under the table and smile at her.

After dinner, she played with Michelle and discovered that she had an affinity for babies. As she held the baby, she wondered what it would be like to have one of her own. She tried to imagine what her child would look like. Brown hair, a rounded nose, cute, chubby cheeks, and blue eyes like…Sienna’s thoughts trailed off. Like Brian’s, she realized. She was imagining what their children would look like. And, suddenly, she realized that she was in love with him. She could see their future together, but she couldn’t see her own, separate future. She didn’t want a future separate from his, she realized.

Trying not to panic at the thought that her heart was no longer her own, she passed the baby off to Rebecca and glanced around the room for Brian. When she didn’t see him, she wandered into the kitchen where Jackie was pouring eggnog into mugs.

“Jackie, do you need any help?” Sienna asked, thinking that if she focused on something else she wouldn’t think about being in love with Brian.

“Oh, no, dear. I’ve got everything under control. I must thank you again for that cake. It was absolutely decadent,” Jackie enthused.

“It wasn’t a problem. My friend, Livvy, is a dessert chef and was happy to make one,” Sienna told her. “By the way, do you know where Brian is?”

“Oh, I think he and Leighanne are in the basement,” Jackie informed her innocently.

“The basement?” Sienna wondered aloud. “Thanks, Jackie.”

She opened the basement door and had walked down the first three steps when she heard their voices.

“I’ve missed you, Leigh. I just didn’t realize how much,” Brian was saying.

“Oh, Brian. I know what you mean. Sometimes, I dream we’re still together,” Leighanne told him. “I’m sorry that I left all of a sudden.”

“We never really said goodbye, Leigh,” Brian answered.

When there was silence, Sienna quietly crept down enough that she could see the two of them. What she saw shocked and hurt more than she thought possible. Leighanne had her arms around Brian, and they were locked in a kiss. Sienna choked back an anguished cry and hurried back up the steps.

She had to get out because she didn’t know how long she would last before the dam broke. She didn’t want to burst into tears and give them any satisfaction. Sienna hurried into the living room.

“I’m sorry, Jackie, Harold, everyone,” she began. “I’m not feeling too well. I think I’m going to get going. Thanks for the dinner—it was great! Merry Christmas!”

She grabbed her coat off the rack in the foyer and was nearly out the door when Harry called her.

“Sienna, what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

She blinked back tears and turned to face him. “I have a terrible headache. I think I just need to get home and lie down. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay driving,” she added.

“It’s started to snow out there,” Harry told her. “It’s going to be a white Christmas. Feel better and drive safely,” he added, hugging her.

She leaned into the hug just a little, then pulled back and managed a smile. “Thanks Harry. Really.” And she left.

Harry shut the door and walked back into the living room. “Where’s Brian?” he asked. “Does he know that she’s not feeling well?”

Jackie shrugged. “She went down to the basement to see him. Perhaps she told him when she was down there.”

Harry didn’t think so, but said nothing, until Brian and Leighanne walked into the room.

“Where’s Sienna?” Brian asked them.

Harry frowned. “She wasn’t feeling well, so she headed home. I thought she told you. Mom said she was asking where you were and then went on down to the basement. She just left, what, five minutes ago?”

“She didn’t come down to the basement,” Brian told him, frowning, too. “I would know, wouldn’t I?”

“Maybe she felt ill on the steps and came back up,” Jackie suggested.

“Maybe,” Brian said. “I should go and check on her. I’m worried, now.”

But, before he could go anywhere, Jackie stopped him. “Brian, it’s nearly eleven. We have to go to church soon. I don’t think there’s enough time for you to run over there. And, you are most certainly not going to blow off church on a day as big as this.”

Brian sighed. “Mom, she must be really ill. She never feels sick, and headaches don’t bother her.”

“Brian, I think you should let Sienna rest, tonight,” Rebecca spoke up. “She’s better off sleeping than having you disturb her.”

“I agree with Rebecca, kiddo,” Harold added. “She needs rest more than you if she’s not feeling well.”

Brian sighed. “Well, I guess I’ve been told, huh? I won’t go, but I’m going to call her to make sure she’s okay.”

But, when he called, he got her answering machine and her voicemail on her cell phone. Deciding that she must have turned off her phone and gone to sleep, Brian resolved to go over the following morning, hoping that Sienna would be feeling better in the morning.

The next morning, after exchanging presents with his family, Brian drove over to Sienna’s cottage. He rang the doorbell twice, three times, but no one answered the door. Finally, he dug out her key on his key chain and unlocked the door. Walking in, he was about to call for her and stopped when he spotted her.

She lay on the sofa, fast asleep. She still wore the burgundy dress from the night before, but he noticed the stains on her cheeks from where her makeup had run. Had she been crying? Brian wondered. Then he felt guilty for not having been there to take care of her when she had obviously been feeling very ill.

Suddenly, her eyes fluttered open, and she stared at him in shock. Then, slowly, she sat up and rubbed at her eyes, staining the makeup further.

“What are you doing here?” she asked him in a voice devoid of any emotion.

Brian went to sit next to her, but she sprang up. He looked at her, frowning. “Sienna, are you feeling better? Harry told me you went home early because you felt ill,” he explained.

She turned to look back at him. “Did I feel ill? Yes, I did. And I had been feeling better, but now I feel sick again. I’d like you to leave, Brian,” she told him calmly.

His stomach beginning to twist, Brian reached out to take her hand, but she snatched it away before he could. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare touch me,” she said, her voice cold.

“What did I do, Sienna? Why are you lashing out at me?” Brian wondered.

She tried to take a deep breath, then she looked at him again. “I trusted you, Brian. I trusted you not to betray me, not to see other women behind my back. All those months of you practically begging me to be with you, and, here you are, kissing someone else when I’m not there. How stupid do you think I am?” she managed to control her voice.

“I don’t, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian began, then understanding dawned on his face.

“I guess you do now, huh?” Sienna said. “All that talk about you and Leighanne being friends, you only wanting to be with me, and Leighanne having her own family—what was that, Brian? A gigantic pile of bullshit,” she answered herself.

Brian shook his head. “Sienna, let me explain. It wasn’t what you think. We both needed closure because we never properly ended the relationship. It has nothing to do with you,” he told her, then realized what he had said.

“Nothing to do with me, huh?” Sienna wondered, trying to prevent the fresh hurt from showing. “That’s fine, then. Then, I suppose, my life has nothing to do with you. I am not going to have anything to do with you, either. So, go. Just go,” she told him, pointing to the door.

“Sienna, please,” Brian pleaded. When she remained firm, he realized that he had made a serious blunder and would now have to deal with the consequences. Part of that was respecting her wishes, so he walked to the door. Stopping, he looked back at her. She stood where he had left her and watched him out of eyes that were filling with tears. Tears he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop because he had caused them. She was everything he wanted and would never have. “I’m sorry, Sienna. I’m so sorry,” he apologized, then walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Sienna heard the door click shut and squeezed her eyes shut. Tears overflowed onto her cheeks, and, hugging herself, she wept.

***

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