Chapter 24

After a lot of pleading, begging, and near groveling, Brian had convinced Sienna to spend the month of September with him and the guys while they recorded. The rest of July and August had passed quickly. Sienna had been up and about in no time with her usual energy. They had waited to make love again, but, in the end, need won out over caution.

In the middle of August, Brian had flown to Nashville and recorded several more songs for his album and realized that he was nearly finished with it. Provident planned on releasing it in the spring, and Brian agreed. He needed his work out where people could hear it.

Now, he was back with the other guys and had brought Sienna with him. Kristin and Bridget were there, too, and, though she had felt envious and a little weepy on seeing Kevin and Kristin with their daughter, she had enjoyed playing with the baby, too.

During breaks, they would turn music on and sit around talking, eating, or, on one memorable occasion, dancing. AJ shoved a soundtrack from a recent movie in the stereo system and turned it up. When the first song played, Brian had grabbed Sienna and rumbaed around the room. He lip-synched the song while she danced to it. Bridget had sat up and clapped her hands, so Brian picked her up and whirled her around the room with them. Seeing Brian holding the baby and looking so happy, Sienna had tried to squash the tears that rose.

Afterwards, she slipped out of the room and made it to the bathroom before the tears slipped down her cheeks.

“Sienna?” Kristin stepped in to the bathroom. “Are you okay?”

Not bothering to hide the tears, Sienna gave her a weak, watery smile. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. It’s just, when I saw him holding Bridget, he looked so happy. He wants to be a father,” she whispered. “We were so close without even knowing it. Then I ruined it.”

Kristin put her arm around Sienna’s shoulders. “Don’t blame yourself, Si. You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t meant to have that baby yet. It doesn’t mean you won’t have one later.”

Sienna nodded. “I know, I know that. But, sometimes, it still hits me, you know?”

Kristin nodded. “Kevin and I tried for awhile before we managed it. Every time we failed, it broke our hearts. Eventually, we gave up, then Bridget came along when we weren’t even expecting it. Don’t give up hope,” she advised Sienna. “Sometimes, things happen for a reason. And, sometimes, you don’t even have to try.”

Sienna repeated Kristin’s words over and over in her head. It wasn’t that she was desperate for a child. It was that the need had been awakened in her, and she wanted to make Brian happy. Though she knew he was happy without a child, too. He loved her and, each time she told him she loved him, it made him happier.

In October, she returned to the shop and realized that she had put too much of the weight of the shop on Marlena’s shoulders. Marlena insisted that she had been fine, that Sienna had taught her a lot about managing a place. As Sienna watched her work, she realized that Marlena did indeed know what she was doing. Sienna’s Flowers had boomed during September, and Marlena had managed it without a hitch. Sienna decided to give her a raise, and, when she told Marlena why, the young woman blushed and said that she was only doing what she thought was expected of her. Sienna had given her the raise anyway.

Brian was home for Thanksgiving, and they spent every day and night together. The Littrells and Sienna’s aunts and uncles had become friends over the past months and decided on a joint Thanksgiving dinner. Afterwards, Brian and Sienna had snuck off to spend time alone. They were no longer cautious about protection, and each secretly hoped for a child.

After Thanksgiving, the Backstreet Boys headed off on a testing tour in Asia. They played a few of their songs from the new album, and the reaction they received encouraged them. They had the best fans in the world and had had it proved to them a thousand times over. Kevin played the song he had written in memory of his father, and the fans had loved it. It was a pretty good bet, they all agreed, that their album might just make it in the new age of music.

The day before Christmas Eve, Brian arrived home. He had promised Sienna that he would be home on Christmas Eve, but he had decided to surprise her by coming home early. He pulled into her driveway and noticed the pretty lights she had decorated with. He wondered if she might be sleeping because it was nearly midnight.

Not wanting to wake her, he used his own key and opened the door. When he stepped in, her scent hit him. It made him feel like he was coming home, and he patted his pocket. He had bought her a ring and planned on asking her to marry him the following night. Imagining the look of surprise on her face, he walked through the kitchen and into the den. He froze in his tracks.

Sienna was asleep on the couch under a blanket, but she wasn’t alone. A dark-haired man slept beside her, squeezed onto the couch. Sienna’s head rested against him, and the man’s arm curled around her. It was such an intimate pose, and Brian felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Not bothering to wake either of them, he left the house, locking the door quietly behind him.

Sitting in his car, he called Nick.

“Hey man,” Nick greeted him. “Did you get home yet? Surprise Si?”

“No,” Brian replied tersely. “I need you to do me a favor, Nick. I’m taking the next flight to L.A. It’s going to get there at six in the morning. Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, but why? Don’t you want to be home, Bri?” Nick asked, puzzled.

Brian sighed. “Don’t ask any questions, Nick. Please. Just tell me if you can pick me up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick promised. “Six in the morning, I’ll be there. But you’ll have to tell me what’s going on, eventually.”

“I will. See you in the morning,” Brian said and hung up.

When he got to the airport, he checked in and paid for his ticket. His flight wouldn’t be boarding for another hour, so Brian stopped by a cell phone vendor and exchanged his phone for another one with a different number. Then, he boarded his plane and tried to sleep without the images of Sienna with another man burning in his mind.

Nick picked him up at the airport and didn’t ask any questions until they were sitting in his kitchen drinking coffee.

“What’s going on, Brian?”

Brian drank the coffee down like it was a shot. “I went to Sienna’s and found her asleep. With another man.”

Nick shook his head. “I don’t believe it, Brian. If it was another woman, maybe I’d believe it. But this is Si we’re talking about. She couldn’t have cheated on you because she really, genuinely loves you.”

“Yeah, well that’s what I thought, too,” Brian shot back. “Obviously, I was wrong a second time. How stupid could I be?” he muttered. “Two women. Two women have obviously found me lacking enough that they found other men.”

“Good morning,” BJ Carter said, walking into the room. Then she stopped. “Brian Littrell? What the hell are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be home?”

Brian smiled grimly. “Yeah, well, I’m here. How are you, Bobbie Jean?”

She sat at the table and regarded him closely. “Okay, what’s wrong? You can tell BJ. Really, I’m reformed and now helping others. Come on, you can tell me.”

Because her words hit too close to the ones Sienna had once said to him when he had been upset about Leighanne, Brian laid his head on the table and wept.

Later, Nick told BJ to not ask Brian what was going on because it was a painful subject.

“Let’s try and cheer him up, instead. Do something in the spirit of Christmas, you know?” Nick suggested

“Sure,” BJ had agreed and come up with a slew of ideas.

Sienna didn’t know where he could possibly be. Brian’s flight had been due in to Lexington’s airport at two that afternoon, and it was now five o’clock with no sign of Brian. She had called the airport only to find out that the flight had been on time.

When she called his cell phone, there was a beeping noise, and she was told that the number she had dialed was no longer available. Sienna frowned at the phone. Not available? Had Brian changed his number and not told her?

She called Jackie and Harold, but, since they were expecting Sienna and Brian for dinner at seven, they didn’t know where Brian was, either. When Jackie had become worried, Sienna had told her that she would just call Nick or one of the other guys. Perhaps, they hadn’t made it home, either.

When Liv called to say that Howie was home, Sienna began to worry. AJ told her that he didn’t know where Brian was if he wasn’t with her. Kevin said he hadn’t heard from Brian since they had left the airport in Los Angeles. When she called Nick, he had coldly told her that Brian should be at home and had hung up. Sienna frowned at Nick’s attitude, then shrugged it off.

Half an hour later, though, Jackie called her to say that they weren’t going to be having dinner after all. She had heard from Brian, and he didn’t plan on returning to Lexington for the foreseeable future. When Sienna had asked her where he was and if she could have his phone number, Jackie had hung up.

Nick worried about Brian and what he would eventually do to himself in his heartbreak. Each night, Brian would sit out on the back porch of Nick’s home and brood. Once, Nick had tried to talk to him, but Brian had gotten angry and yelled at him. Since then, Nick had decided to leave Brian alone. On New Year’s, Nick came home at three in the morning to find Brian asleep on the back porch swing. A slew of beer bottles littered the space beneath the swing. Nick knew that he would have to say something to Brian soon because he couldn’t let Brian drink his heartache away. Hadn’t he and AJ learned that themselves?

Two days later, Brian knocked on Nick’s door at two in the morning and asked to talk to him.

“I’m sorry I’ve been worrying you,” Brian apologized. “I shouldn’t have gotten drunk on New Year’s. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do, I know. It’s just I can’t understand what I’ve done wrong that the two women I’ve ever cared about have both found it necessary to find other men. I didn’t hurt this badly after Leighanne left. This hurts worse,” he whispered.

Nick put his arm around Brian’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, man. But, Brian, why does this hurt more?”

Brian rubbed his eyes wearily. “I realized that I hadn’t been waiting for Leighanne, I had been waiting for Sienna. I loved her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. Damn it, I still love her. I can’t get rid of it. I don’t know if I even want to, even knowing that she easily betrayed me. God, it hurts so bad,” he murmured.

Nick patted his shoulder. “It’ll get better, Bri. Maybe, after a while, you should talk to her. Don’t waste two years hurting again. Just talk to her, resolve everything. That way, you can move on without having any unanswered questions, you know?”

Brian shrugged. “I can’t think about seeing her again. Not yet. Not when I still need her so badly. Isn’t that crazy?” he asked Nick. “That, knowing she cheated on me, I still need her more than anything?”

Nick didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say.

The next few weeks passed in a blur of confusion. When Sienna managed to get a hold of any of the guys, they would cut the conversation off and say they had to go. Howie refused to tell Liv why Brian had suddenly let go of Sienna, so Sienna couldn’t find anything out from that end, either. The Littrells had stopped answering their phones or returning her messages when she called them, and she could not understand what she had done. Why had Brian cut her off so suddenly? He hadn’t even given her a reason.

The only things keeping her sane were the shop, Liv, her family, and her cousin Shane, who had moved to Lexington from Ireland. He had moved to Ireland nearly ten years before to work there and had decided to move back. He was currently living with Sienna because she had the room and his parents, Sienna’s mother’s older brother and sister-in-law, refused to coddle their twenty-eight year old child. When Sienna wept, he held her and offered to find Brian and beat him up. She loved him for simply being there and was even more thrilled when he began to date Marlena. As her own world crumbled around her, Sienna found momentary peace watching Marlena and Shane fall for each other.

In February, Sienna came down with the flu, but, when Liv made her go to the doctor, she was told that she was pregnant. The news filled her with a dulled joy. What was the point, Sienna wondered, in being pregnant when the man she loved would never come back to see their child with her?

One day, after work, she sat alone in front of the television. Shane was out with Marlena, while Liv was still at work. As she flipped through the channels, she saw Brian’s face and turned the volume up.

“Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell seems to have broken up with his hometown girlfriend, Sienna McKinnon. He was spotted at the People’s Choice Awards with the lovely Kelly Monaco, who plays the stunning Samantha McCall on ABC’s General Hospital. The two were spotted holding hands, and, at one point, Kelly kissed Brian’s cheek. Their spokespeople have issued no statement so far. The Backstreet Boys will be…”

Sienna no longer heard the anchor but stared at the screen. A picture of a happy-looking Brian holding Kelly Monaco’s hand and leaning down to say something in her ear flashed on screen. This picture was followed by another where Brian was laughing as Kelly kissed his cheek.

She placed a hand protectively over her belly while trying to swallow the tears that she knew would come soon. “Don’t worry, honey,” she murmured to her child. “If daddy wants to leave us for no reason and go off with other women, that’s fine. We don’t need him anyway.”

But she did, Sienna realized. She desperately needed Brian as February turned to March. She knew the Boys were doing a show in Lexington, but she also knew that she would never be able to sit through it, so she didn’t go. It would have been too painful, and she didn’t know if loud music would have any effect on the baby.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” AJ muttered as he watched Brian talk on the phone with Kelly. Of course it was Kelly. Brian refused to talk about any other woman but Kelly. Not that there was anything wrong with her because she was as sweet as they came. Granted she had been a Playboy foldout model, but that was in the past. The problem was that he knew Sienna was suffering. AJ had listened to what Brian had related to them all about walking in on, but, after listening to Sienna’s tearful begging, AJ wondered if something was amiss.

He felt terrible because he had hung up on her, putting his friendship with Brian over hers. He realized he couldn’t take it anymore and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” Sienna answered.

“Sienna? It’s AJ, sweetie. How are you?” he tried to say lightly.

He heard her sigh. “I’ll be fine. Why are you calling, AJ?” she asked tightly.

“I’m sorry, Si. I’m sorry for hanging up on you before. It’s just, I thought it best to take Brian’s side and all,” he began.

“Brian’s side in what?” she demanded. “I’ve been cut off by nearly everyone, AJ. But no one will tell me what I did wrong! How can I fix what I don’t know I did?”

AJ sighed. “I’m sorry, Sienna, but that’s something only Brian can tell you if you don’t already know.”

“AJ,” her voice wavered. “I need to talk to him, desperately. There’s more to whatever happened than just the two of us.”

“What are you talking about?” AJ asked her.

“I’m pregnant. About five months,” she told him and his jaw dropped.

“Oh, my god,” he murmured, then remembering Brian’s story, he asked, “It’s Brian’s baby, right?”

“Well, of course it is,” she answered, surprised. “Who else’s could it possibly be? Oh, my god,” she said, slowly. “Oh, my god, he thinks I cheated on him. Am I right, AJ? Is that why everyone is staying away from me like I’m some scarlet woman? Because he thinks I cheated on him?” Her voice rose hysterically.

“Sienna, calm down,” he told her. “It can’t be good for the baby if you stress yourself out. I can’t tell you anything definitive,” he added. “Maybe you should try and find out from someone else.”

“Who?” Sienna nearly wept from the unfairness of it all. Then, she had an idea.

***

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