Chapter 29

“Can we talk?”

“No.”

“Please, Sienna, can we talk about this?”

Sienna snapped the cap back onto the tube of lipstick, put it back on her dresser, and turned to her husband, who sat on the bed behind her. He’d asked her this question at least a hundred times in the two days since he’d come home. It had been a week since they’d agreed to do the Primetime interview, and Brian hadn’t been able to accept it.

“Brian, I have to go to work, right now. This isn’t the right time to talk,” she said simply.

Brian sighed. “When’s the right time, Sienna? When you’re dead tired after work, and I’m busy putting the kids to bed? Is that the right time to talk about what’s going on?”

“Look, I know you’re frustrated that we haven’t had time to understand each other’s reasoning on the whole interview deal, but you have to know that I need to do this. I love you, Brian, and I need your support.” She looked at him with pleading eyes, and he couldn’t hold out against it.

“Okay. We’ll figure out a time to talk about this, but I’m not ready to accept it, yet. I do support you,” he added when she opened her mouth to protest, “but I can’t accept this, baby. It’s hard to see you put yourself out there for the world to find out what happened.”

“Why?”

She needed to know why he was so against letting anyone know what had happened. From the beginning, he’d kept the knowledge of the rape in the Backstreet circle, reluctant to let anyone else know. Sienna couldn’t understand why he wanted to keep everything so hushed up when she, the person who was the actual victim, was ready to talk about it.

Brian looked down at his hands, the feeling of helplessness washing over him again.

“I-I don’t know, Sienna. I just don’t like the idea of everyone knowing about our private lives,” he explained, knowing it was a lame excuse. He was famous, and the idea of the world not knowing everything about his life was laughable. His life was fodder for the press, and they both knew it.

Sienna lifted a brow. “Come up with something better, please.”

When he shook his head and looked up at her miserably, she couldn’t help but feel horrible, too. She could see that not being able to be with her and not agreeing on such an important thing were both breaking his heart, but she couldn’t be anything different, do anything different. She loved him for being the generous man he was and loving her so deeply, and he loved her for being the independent woman she was. If she changed, they wouldn’t be the same.

Glancing at the clock and knowing she’d be late soon, she managed a smile for him. “I love you, Brian, and I know you’re worried, but I need to get to work. I promise, we will talk about this.”

“Right.”

She sighed, frustrated. “What bothers you so much? Can you tell me at least that much?” He shook his head again, and Sienna blew out a breath. “Okay, well, have a good day, Brian. I’ll see you tonight. Love you.” And she hurried out.

When he’d heard the door close downstairs, he moved to the window to watch her car leave through the gates. He put a hand up to the window as if to reach out and keep her near him but knew it was impossible.

“What bothers me, my love?” he murmured to himself. “The fact that the entire world will know I was off singing while my family was being kidnapped. That I wasn’t man enough to be able to protect them as I should have.”

Knowing that feeling such guilt wouldn’t get him through the day, Brian pushed it to the back of his mind and, when he heard the babbling over the baby monitor, headed to start his day with his children. The one constant in his life that would never leave him feeling empty and alone.

***

AJ paced back and forth, the cell phone attached to his ear. “So, you’re telling me you found two places? Where?”

“Georgetown,” the man on the other end of the call told him. “Both are in excellent condition and meet the exact requirements that you sent us. Would you like to see them?”

AJ sighed. With his schedule the way it was, he didn’t think he’d have time until June. “I’d love to see them, but I won’t be able to make it until the first week of June. What’s the demand on them? Is it possible that, by that time, they might be gone?”

There was a clicking sound on the other end. “Actually, I think they should still be around at that time. Whenever you can make it out here is fine, Mr. McLean. Just say the word, and they’re yours.”

AJ had to smile. Sometimes, being famous paid off and well. “I’ll call you in two weeks and schedule an appointment. Thanks, man.”

“No problem. We look forward to hearing from you soon. Have a great day.”

AJ hung up and stared out his hotel room window, relishing the hour he had left before he had to entertain another interviewer. He had been on the circuit for over a month and hadn’t tired of it. Well, not all of it, he corrected himself. He was tired of the nights.

He missed Regan and Jordan, and the ache he felt without them was unbearable at times. Especially late at night when he wanted to call her and just hear her voice. Of course, he hadn’t gotten her cell phone number because he hadn’t expected her to run off on him so suddenly, and they’d been living in the same house. It had seemed pointless at the time, but now it was different. He knew Brian had her number, but he didn’t want to call her. Not when he was planning a surprise visit soon.

June couldn’t come fast enough.

***

Dr. Lewis stepped out of her office and locked the door. She was done for the day, and she was tired of the constant stream of phone calls she’d been receiving ever since it had become public knowledge that she was Sienna Littrell’s therapist. It was nothing short of a miracle that she hadn’t had fans show up in her office yet. Only a matter of time, she thought, shaking her head.

“Dr. Lewis?”

She whirled around and came face-to-face with Brian. “Brian! My goodness, you scared me!”

He gave her a small smile. “Sorry. Are you closed now?” He gestured to the keys in her hand.

“Oh, well. Yes, I am.” She smiled back. “Did you need something? I know Sienna doesn’t have another appointment for another two days, but did something happen?”

He shook his head. “If I ask you something, will Sienna find out that I’ve spoken to you?”

She frowned. “No, of course not. We have a little something called doctor-patient confidentiality, so feel free to talk.”

“If you have to go, I can always come back,” he began but she shook her head.

“Brian, seriously. Something’s worrying you, so I’d rather you just talk to me about it. Here,” she gestured towards a bench down the hallway. “We can sit, and you can tell me what’s going on.”

He nodded, and, when they were sitting, he sighed. “I guess, the only thing I really want to know is why? Why are you supporting Sienna’s plans to go on national television and talk about what Scott did to her? How is that going to help her?”

Dr. Lewis sighed. She’d been afraid he’d ask this because Sienna had called her to say that Brian was reluctant to support her in her venture.

“Brian, she needs to talk it out in any way, shape, or form. If she does it on national television, the whole world will know. It’ll make it easier for her to live with it once everyone knows about it. She told me that you didn’t want many people to know, but it’s better if you don’t tiptoe around it.” She paused. “Tiptoeing around the issue only makes it seem worse for her, so she needs you and everyone to acknowledge what happened and then begin to move on.”

“I feel guilty,” he whispered.

Dr. Lewis frowned. “For what?” When he’d explained the guilt he felt, she sighed. “And you haven’t told her how you feel, right? You need to do that, no matter how hard it might be. Just tell her how you feel.”

Brian shook his head. “It’s like she’s someone different now. I mean, she’s always been this independent person, but, now, that independence scares me. I feel like she doesn’t need me to help her, and that I’m just getting in her way. It infuriates me and makes me feel so inadequate.”

She couldn’t help but sympathize when he sat in front of her looking so miserable. “Of course she changed, Brian. You can’t go through an experience like that and not come out a different person. She needs that independent shell around her to help rebuild herself. Although, she’s not as independent as she seems. She’s been able to rely on Shane again.”

Brian looked up. This was news. “Excuse me?”

“When you were away, she was able to trust Shane again and spent quite some time with him. I thought she would’ve told you,” Dr. Lewis said, seeing the confusion on his face.

Brian shook his head. “No-I…she spent time with Shane and can trust him now? Physically, too?”

Dr. Lewis nodded. “It’s amazing progress, and it should be a sign to you that things are going to get better. I promise, Brian, Sienna’s on her way to being back to normal again.”

He managed a smile. “Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Lewis. Sorry for taking up your time.” He stood. “Have a good night, and I’ll be in touch.”

She stood, too. “You’re welcome, and call me anytime. Seriously.”

Brian nodded and walked out of the building, heading towards his car. So Sienna and Shane were back to normal. Somehow, it didn’t surprise him that she would be able to trust Shane first. If he were the type to get jealous, Brian knew he’d be green by now. It wasn’t fair of him to want to pressure Sienna into gaining enough courage to be with him, but it didn’t stop him from aching for what he was afraid was lost.

His cell vibrated, and Brian picked up. “Hello?”

“Brian, it’s Holly.”

He grinned. “Hey, Holly. What’s up?”

“I wanted to say thanks for the dancing bears. They made my day,” she thanked him.

“Yeah, I thought I’d send you a thank-you present for dealing with the mess I’m making of everything,” he explained.

“Uh huh. Well, I have news from ABC. They want to tape the interview on June fourteenth. Your schedule and Sienna’s are clear, so I just need the word from you to confirm it.”

Brian took a deep breath. This was it. It was now or never, he knew. It was either help Sienna or…he didn’t know the “or,” so he settled.

“June fourteenth, our place. Got it. Let them know, Holly.”

“Okay. I’ll get back to them, and you have a great rest of your day, Brian.”

Right. He leaned against his car, trying to settle his thoughts. Nothing was going to be “great” for the foreseeable future, he knew. Not until he and Sienna were able to agree on the important things. And certainly not until he could dispel his own guilt.

Well, he mused, pulling onto the road. It was a long, bumpy road ahead. Good thing he had a seatbelt.

***

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