Chapter 30

“Daniels, report upstairs. Fifteen minutes.” The voice crackled over her phone, and Regan nodded.

“I’ll be there, sir. In fifteen.”

There was a click on the other end of the line, and Regan set the phone back in its cradle. Turning back to the file she had open on her computer, she stared at it without really seeing the information.

What could the head of the department want to see her for? she couldn’t help but wonder. She hadn’t been given a big case since the Littrell one ended in April. That had been over for nearly two months, and, though she’d received a commendation, she hadn’t been given a major case since then. Either the department was low on their workload because criminals weren’t abducting people anymore, or something was going on.

Clicking the file closed, Regan pushed back from her desk, pressing a hand to her queasy stomach. She’d been feeling ill lately and had already freaked herself out by throwing up twice in the past three days. June, when the weather was gorgeous, was not the best time to be getting, what, the flu? She didn’t have time to go to the doctor anyway, but she didn’t want to pass whatever she had to Jordan, either. She jotted down a note to herself to make an appointment with the doctor if she vomited again and stuck the post-it to the center of her computer screen.

Praying that it would subside, she stepped out of her office. As she headed towards the elevators, she thought of how she had risen relatively quickly through the ranks of the Bureau and had her own office space. Of course, she could easily remember when she’d sat in the cubicles she was now walking through.

“Hey, Regan! When are you gonna let me take you out for a good time?”

Regan turned to face the handsome man leaning out of his cubicle, watching her with twinkling green eyes. He’d been asking her out for the past two years, and she was amazed at his persistence. Jack Logan was a good man, great detective, and, at the moment, she couldn’t really think of any reason why she should decline. Except one.

“Jack, you keep asking, and, though I hate to keep breaking your heart, the answer’s no. Again.” She smiled a little.

He grinned back, undeterred. “If you hate breaking my heart, you should just say yes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. We’ll talk about it, later. Got a meeting with the superiors.”

“Yeah? Think they’re finally going to give you a good one?” He knew how frustrated she was becoming with the lack of real action.

Regan shrugged. “I hope so, but, at this point, I’m not holding out much hope.”

“The head of department’s your godfather, Regan. Maybe he’ll take pity on you,” Jack suggested.

“I doubt it, but we’ll see. I’ll see you later, Logan.”

“Good luck,” he called after her.

Regan made her way towards the elevator, smiling. She really did like Jack but as the clichéd “just a friend”. They’d been friends for three years, and he knew almost everything about her. Not to mention, Jordan and Jack got along well, especially because Jack had figured out that her son liked baseball and had gotten him into a Little League team. Every weekend, she and Jack would take Jordan to his games and cheer him on. Unfortunately, one man had ruined her for nearly all others, and Regan knew she would never be able to be what Jack deserved. Because her heart was no longer her own.

As she stepped onto the elevator, she couldn’t help but think of what Jack had said. Her father had been in the Bureau for nearly thirty years, and, in that time, his best friend had become the head of her department. And, though he acted gruff and businesslike towards her in company, he was practically her second father. If there was anyone who would know how useless she was feeling, it would be Will Harrison.

Getting off the elevator, she hurried down the corridor towards his receptionist, who let her go right into the office. Where she stopped.

“Dad?”

James Daniels, a distinguished-looking man in his late fifties, sat in an armchair across the desk from his best friend. Both men smiled at the woman both considered a daughter.

“Come on in, Regan.” Will gestured for her to take a seat.

Regan sat in the armchair next to her father’s and waited expectantly. When the two men looked at each other then at her, a nervous ball of anxiety formed in her belly, replacing the nausea. What was going on?

“Um, can I know why I was called up here? And why my father is here, too?” she finally asked. “Or are the two of you just going to stare at me?”

Will leaned forward and smiled over at James. “She’s impatient today, isn’t she?”

“She’s always been impatient,” James waved it off. “She was born impatient.”

Regan knew she’d scream soon. “Please, can one of you tell me what’s going on?” she asked through gritted teeth.

Will shrugged. “Absolutely. I was very impressed by your ability to bring the Littrell family back safely. Especially since you had no team to work with at the crucial stages of the investigation.”

“When I had to kill Scott Thompson?”

The smile on her godfather’s face died. “Yes, especially then. It was a tough investigation, and I have to tell you, we were testing you, Regan.”

Her brows shot up. “Testing me? After six years in this business, you think I needed to be tested?”

James placed a hand on her arm. “Honey, I suggested that they take the team off because I wanted to make sure that you would be fine on your own. Obviously, you were fantastic.”

“But why?”

Will lifted a file from his desk and passed it to her. “This is why. I was sent this offer at the end of January, and, after talking it over with my superiors and your father, I knew it would be the best thing for you. For your talents. The Littrell case just gave us a chance to evaluate you one, last time.”

Regan opened the file, and the letter caught her eye. As she skimmed through it, her heart leapt and raced. The National Council of Investigative and Security Services had an opening in one of their more prestigious companies, and, having seen her work, they had recommended her to the private agency, which was headquartered in the DC area. The agency was building up a new Missing Persons department, and they were eager to find detectives already trained in the field. Regan was on the top of their list.

As she went through the rest, she could feel the excitement bubbling through her. A private agency would mean she’d have more flexible hours. Private investigators were also given more pay per investigation, and they could pick and choose their cases. With her name having been tossed around in the media lately with the Littrell case, she knew she’d also bring the company more business.

Regan looked up to find her father and Will watching her intently. “Well?”

“You’ve had this for six months and let me dangle? I had to yawn over the cold cases while this was sitting here waiting for me!”

“Like I said, we needed to make sure that this was best for you. Since, you joined the team, your father and I have known that the Bureau’s work is not what you were meant to do. Regan,” Will held her gaze, “this place doesn’t make full use of the compassionate part of your personality. Brian Littrell, among the others you’ve helped, emphasized that your compassion and genuine concern helped him throughout the investigation. You have the grit, the courage, the drive, and the compassion to be truly great in the private sector. Trust me when I say this job is what you’ve been heading towards.”

Regan looked down at the file again. She’d been eager when she’d read the job description, but now she wasn’t so sure. She’d been with the Bureau for six years, enough time for her to feel as though those she worked with were family. Could she really leave that easily? She thought briefly of what Jack would say.

“I don’t know,” she said finally. “I need time to think this over. It’s a big change, and I have to make sure that this is the best thing for me. And Jordan. Because he’s my main concern,” she added.

James nodded. “Of course, he is. So, take your time and think about it. The agency needs to know by the end of the month. Once you’ve decided, let either Will or me know, and we’ll push your records through the proper channels to move you from the Bureau to the private sector.” He paused. “Honey, I’m proud of you, and I think taking this position would be a big step up for you from this place.”

Regan nodded. “I have to think.” She glanced over at the clock. “And I have to get going. I have to pick Jordan up from school.”

“No bus?” Will wondered.

She shook her head. “His class went to Six Flags today as an end of year trip, so I have to pick him up.”

“Well, then, tell him we both said hello, and Diane expects you at dinner on Friday,” Will reminded her, referring to his wife.

“Okay.” Regan leaned over and kissed James’ cheek. “I love you both, and I’ll let you know what I decide.”

***

The doorbell rang, and Regan sighed, frustrated. Were the distractions never going to end? She had been trying to go over the papers the private firm had sent her, but she kept getting sidetracked. First, Jordan had recounted every ride he’d been on that day at Six Flags, then her mother had called to berate her, again, about how she’d done a really foolish thing by leaving AJ. Not to mention, she’d gone and vomited. Again. Which meant she’d had to waste time to call the doctor and schedule an appointment for Thursday. Surely, surely, God hated her, Regan thought, because He kept sending her problems.

“I got it, I got it!” she heard Jordan yell as his footsteps headed towards the door. After ten seconds, she heard him call for her. “Mom! There’s someone here to see you! She says it’s important!”

Regan pushed back from the desk, rolling her eyes. She was never going to be able to decide if she wanted the job or not at the rate the night was going. When she reached the door, she found her son standing with a tall, dark-haired woman. She was going to have to work on his manners sometime if he left guests standing in the doorway.

“Jordan, honey, you should’ve asked her inside,” Regan said simply before turning to smile apologetically at the visitor. “I’m sorry, he forgets sometimes.”

“No problem,” the other woman smiled as she stepped into the house. “I’m Sarah. Sarah Martin.” She held out a hand, and Regan could feel the blood drain from her face. AJ’s ex-fiancée?

“Nice to meet you,” Regan answered, clasping Sarah’s extended hand. “Um, would you like something to eat, drink, anything?” she asked, leading Sarah into the living room.

Sitting on a sofa, Sarah shook her head. “No, really, I’m fine.” She paused. “I guess you know who I am.”

Regan nodded. “AJ’s ex-fiancée. It’s nice to meet you.”

Sarah smiled again. “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you, too. I have to confess, visiting you was a complete whim. I was in town, and I decided I wanted to meet the woman who bewitched AJ so completely.”

Regan shook her head. “I’m sorry, but how did you even know who I was? No one knew that AJ and I were even together. As far as the world knows, I was the woman in charge of the team that brought Brian’s family back home.”

“I keep in touch with Howie. He made it a point to keep in touch with Amanda and I,” Sarah explained. “A few weeks ago, I called him to say hello and see how his son was, and he told me about you. About how AJ is so completely in love with you.”

Regan sighed. “He’s not in love with me. He just got caught up in everything and turned a fling into more.” Though she knew it wasn’t true, she couldn’t think of how he’d told her he loved her. It hurt, and she didn’t need the pain. She’d put it aside and into the past. Where it would forever stay.

“While I’d agree with that because I know how he usually works, from the way it sounds, he’s really serious this time. About you.”

Sarah watched for Regan’s reaction. She’d never thought AJ would be capable of seriously loving someone, but, from what Howie had told her, he was dead serious this time. And absolutely torn up about Regan leaving him.

“I’m sorry, I—why are you here? I don’t mean to sound rude,” she added quickly, “but you and AJ split years ago, why do you still care who he is or isn’t with?”

“Because a part of me will always care about him. And because I wanted to warn you.”

Regan’s brows shot up. “Warn me? About what?”

“AJ. The way he is. At least the way he once was, and part of him may never change,” Sarah spoke quietly.

Regan waved it off. “What way? Was he that horrible?”

Sarah managed a tight smile. “He was wonderful when he wasn’t thinking of himself and the next party, the next night, the next big thing he could do. I’m sure he’s not doing the party scene as much these days, but AJ’s always looking for the next risk he could take, the next thing he could do that will get him attention.”

“Pardon me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you with him when he was in his addiction phase? Isn’t it possible that you’re still thinking of him the way he was five years ago?” Regan couldn’t help but defend him because, damn him, even if he wasn’t there and in the past, she still loved him.

Sarah nodded. “Yes, that’s true. But his addiction was helped along by the way AJ really is. You’ve got a child, and I’m sure he already loves AJ.” When Regan nodded slowly, Sarah continued. “Kids love AJ, and he loves them, but he’s not always good for them. I don’t want to see you or your son hurt because you love him.”

Though she understood that Sarah was merely trying to protect her and Jordan, Regan couldn’t help but be annoyed at the way she spoke about AJ. It didn’t sound like the man she knew and loved.

“Sarah, thank you for coming here, for voicing your concerns, but the fact is, AJ and I are done. We’re over, and I have no plans of going back to him. I don’t think he’s all that you’ve painted him as either, but, again, your concerns are duly noted.”

Sarah nodded and stood. “I hope whatever happens, you and your son will be happy. I do care about AJ,” she murmured. “But it is your heart, and I hope everything works out well for you. I’m sorry to have taken up your time.”

Regan followed her to the door. “No, thank you. I really do appreciate the thought, but I’ll be fine. And so will AJ. He’ll get over it and move on to the next actress, singer, model, whatever who catches his eye. We’ll all be happy.”

Sarah smiled. “Maybe we’re both underestimating him, too. But thanks and have a good night.”

“You, too,” Regan answered and watched the other woman make her way to a car.

Then, she shut the door and closed her eyes. Would he never leave her alone? Would people from his life keep coming back into hers to remind her of what could have been? Or, according to her mother, what should have been. But, the fact was, she was, currently, part of the FBI and he traveled all over the world singing. What kind of a life would they have? What kind of a life would they be able to give Jordan, their children?

At the thought of children, her eyes flew open. Had she actually thought of children? With AJ? She’d known him all of six weeks, and, here she was, thinking of their kids. Shaking her head at herself, she repeated what she had been telling herself since early April. You can’t build a relationship, a lifetime based on six, stressful weeks. You cannot build a lasting relationship on six, precious, stolen weeks when the regular rules of life stopped applying. It had been almost like a fairytale for her, and fairytales weren’t real, Regan reminded herself.

She had a life, a child to take care of, and fairytales didn’t apply to that life. Which she should get back to, she told herself and started back towards the kitchen to start on dinner.

Regan found Jordan at the kitchen table, poring over his math homework. As she watched from the doorway, he wrote something down, frowned, erased it, and tried again. Then, with a frustrated sigh, he pushed away from the table, tossing his pencil down. When he spotted his mother, she smiled.

“What’s wrong, pal?” She slid into the seat next to his.

He shrugged. “I can’t get the math right. This is like one of the last homework papers for math for the year, and I can’t remember how to do the carrying over part of multiplication,” he complained.

Regan ruffled his hair. “You got good grades on it when we got back from Kentucky. Why can’t you remember how to do it now?”

Jordan shrugged again. “AJ explained it to me then. It was easy when he did it, but I can’t do it anymore.”

At the mention of AJ, Regan sighed. Maybe he had had a bigger impact on all of them then she’d thought. He’d taught her son how to multiply, she couldn’t help but think. And she’d let him go.

Pulling the paper closer to her, she noticed where Jordan had made the mistakes. “How about we try from the beginning, hon? Afterwards, if we figure them all out, I’ll take you out for pizza instead of cooking. How’s that sound?”

Jordan sighed. “Okay. I just wish AJ was here, so he could explain it to me again. I wish we didn’t have to leave him behind in Kentucky. He could have come back here with us, and we could’ve been a family. I would’ve had a dad.”

Regan couldn’t breathe as each word her son spoke stabbed at her. Jordan wanted AJ with them, he wanted AJ to be a part of their family. Most of all, her little boy wanted AJ as his father. He’d never asked about his own father before, but, now, he wanted AJ. Her heart breaking again, she shook her head.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. AJ has his own life, and so do we. Right now, that life includes doing your math homework, so we can go for dinner.”

“Do you think we could call AJ sometime? Maybe he could visit us,” Jordan wondered.

Visit them? Regan didn’t think she’d survive a platonic visit with AJ. But, she smiled down at Jordan. “We’ll see what happens. Let’s just finish out the school year and see what summer brings, huh?”

Jordan nodded and bent over his paper again, leaving Regan to swallow hard to prevent the tears from spilling.

***

Regan staggered out of the bathroom and collapsed on her bed. She stretched out and waited for her stomach to go back to normal. She’d gone to work that morning and had felt bright and chipper. Unfortunately, immediately after lunch, she’d felt nauseous again and had barely made it to the bathroom to vomit. Which is where Jack had found her and, against her insisting that she was fine, drove her home and tucked her into bed.

Half an hour had passed since then, and she was hoping her system was ready to go back to normal. It was a good thing she had the doctor’s appointment the following day because this random nausea was getting to be ridiculous. She didn’t have a fever, no sore throat, nothing. All she had was an upset stomach.

Flopping onto her bed, she listened to the birds chirping in the tree outside the window of her bedroom, which was on the second floor of the two-story town home she’d bought three years before. The wind blew soft and warm through the windows and slowly lulled her to sleep.

The doorbell was ringing, and, feeling remarkably back to perfect, Regan slid off the bed and padded down the stairs. She loved how amazing everything felt when she was dreaming and decided she would stick with this dream for a little longer.

When she opened the door, the shock hit her first like a fist in the belly. Then the combination of love, lust, longing, and loneliness attacked her. If this was a dream, she thought, she could live here forever. And, knowing that in a dream she could do whatever she wanted, she stepped forward.

“AJ,” she whispered, before wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his.

AJ was surprised at her reaction. She’d opened the door, looking as beautiful as he’d remembered her, not to mention a little mussed up. He had a second to wonder why she was home in the middle of the day, since he hadn’t actually expected to find her at home, before she’d launched herself into his arms and kissed him.

And what a kiss, AJ managed to think. It was as though two months hadn’t passed since they’d last seen each other. The same powerful sensations rocked through him, and he held her closer, as close as he could manage, not wanting to ever let her slip away again.

Suddenly, she stilled and leaned back to look into his eyes. He could see her eyes clouded with confusion.

Not a dream? Regan wondered.

“AJ?”

AJ smiled. “Hey, baby. Miss me?”

Her pulse tripled. Definitely not a dream.

***

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