Chapter 34

Unlocking the door, she turned to face him again and smiled. “I had a really great time tonight. I don’t think I remember the last time I went dancing, actually, so thanks.”

He smiled back. “No problem. And you really aren’t a bad dancer. I swear!”

There was something happening, she thought, and maybe it was time to just give in to it. Or what she thought it was. Obviously, he was thinking the same thing as his hand cupped her cheek, and, as his face came closer to hers, she let her eyes close. She could feel his breath on her lips and felt the anticipation bubble through her. She lifted her lips just a fraction of an inch and then

“Regan?”

Her eyes flew open and her gaze shot to the walkway leading up to her porch. He stood there, and, in the glow from her porch light, she could see his eyes wide, the shock and hurt rampaging across his features for a moment before his face became expressionless.

She moved out of Jack’s reach and left her porch to stand in front of him. “Alex. What-what are you doing here? Where’s Jordan?” She suddenly remembered leaving her child with him for a sleepover.

He shrugged. “At my place. With my mom,” he added, seeing the worry flash across her face. “She decided to surprise me and came tonight. She and Jordan were watching a movie when I left.”

“Oh.” She felt ridiculous and ashamed for thinking that he would ever neglect her son. That and, oh, the fact that he had just caught her about to have her first actual kiss with Jack. She stared down at her hands. She couldn’t meet his eyes, knowing she’d see the hurt in them and afraid of the disgust he had to be feeling. “Why did you drop by?”

He held out a cream-colored envelope. “Mom brought this with her.” When she stared from the envelope to him, he blew out a breath. “It’s Marlena and Shane’s wedding invitation. They sent yours and mine to my mom because they didn’t know either of our addresses. So, here’s yours.”

“Why would they invite me?” she wondered. “I don’t really know them that well.”

AJ shrugged again. “Because you were a big part of their lives by bringing home someone they loved very much. Will you just take the goddamned envelope?” He was perilously close to losing his temperature. Alexander James McLean did not take pain well and seeing her about to kiss another man had cut him off at the knees. He wondered how he was still standing in front of her when her date was on her porch watching them.

Could he have known how it would feel, exactly how much pain he would feel, if he saw the woman he loved in someone else’s arms? Maybe if he had known she was dating again…no, it wouldn’t have made a difference in the amount of pain he was feeling just being here, in this situation.

Regan took the envelope, careful not to let her hand touch his. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He turned to walk back to his car. “Have a great night. I’ll have Jordan back tomorrow.”

“Okay.” She watched him get in his car and closed her eyes when she heard the squeal of his tires as he sped off.

“Regan.” A hand lay gently on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She stepped away from Jack and sank down onto her porch steps, burying her face in her hands. She sensed him sit next to her, but, this time, he made no move to touch her.

“That was AJ, wasn’t it?” His question was soft but surprising.

Her head came up as she turned to look at him questioningly. “How do you know about AJ?”

He gave her a small smile. “Regan, did you think that, after knowing your parents well for almost three years, I wouldn’t be in the know about what’s going on in your life?”

“Are you saying one of my parents told you about Alex and me?” At his nod, she sighed and rested her chin on her knees. “Go figure. They tell the guy I decide to date about the guy I’m in love with.”

“So it’s true, then?” His voice betrayed no emotion.

She sighed again and turned her head a little so she could see his face. “Are you mad that I would bother dating you when this, you and me, was probably going nowhere?”

He grinned, surprising her again. “Regan, Regan, Regan. Did you think I knew you so little? After two and a half years of spending time with you and Jordan, I know you better than you seem to know me. I’ve known about AJ McLean since your mother came back from Lexington and spilled it all to me.”

“Then why did you keep asking me out and then actually follow through when I agreed?”

He patted her cheek. “To see how long you’d actually deny how you felt, especially since the man moved to the area to be near you and your kid.”

“So this whole thing was a manipulation?” She was outraged. Who the hell did he think he was, playing around with her?

“Regan. You are in love with AJ McLean. He obviously loves you, too. Why the hell can’t you just let yourself love him? And, no, this was not manipulation.” He paused. “Well, maybe it was. But it’s only for your own good. You need the man, he needs you. Women,” he shook his head. “Why can’t they just make up their minds?”

Her anger deflated as quickly as it had come, she sighed. “It’s complicated, and it’s all my fault.”

Knowing she was no longer angry, he looped his arm around her shoulders and scooted her closer. “Tell Uncle Jack everything.”

And she did. She told him about when AJ had arrived on her doorstep, everything she’d felt when she’d seen him, everything she’d tried not to feel, and how she’d convinced him that he should let her go.

“So, basically, even if I went back to him and told him that my dating you was all a smokescreen for my love for him, he wouldn’t believe it. Not now,” she finished.

Jack dropped a kiss to her forehead. “And what? Fearless Regan gives up? I don’t think so.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s more complicated than that, now. There’s more to everything now.”

“What is it?”

Regan’s eyes met Jack’s. “I’m pregnant.”

The shock was apparent on his face, as was the blinding smile as he pulled her into a hug. “Congratulations! It’s obviously AJ’s, right? Why don’t you just tell the man, and then the two of you and Jordan can live happily ever after?”

“I’m afraid he’ll be disgusted by me,” she whispered. “He’ll be thrilled by the baby but upset because, knowing I’m pregnant with his child, I dated, and for all he knows, am sleeping with someone else. He’d be furious.”

“Or maybe you’re underestimating him,” Jack told her and stood. “Listen, I think you should just turn off all this worry tonight. Go in, put your feet up, and relax so that baby doesn’t come out with wrinkles, okay? I’ll see you at work tomorrow, and we’ll figure out a way for you to break the news to him and tell him you love him.”

She stood too. “I don’t think I have enough courage to do that. But I’ll work on it,” she added quickly seeing the look on his face. “Thanks for everything, Jack. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She placed a hand on his arm. “You’re not mad, are you? About me being in love with AJ but still dating you?”

He kissed her cheek. “No, I’m not mad. I’m just happy you’re coming to your senses about who you’re really supposed to be with. Besides, there’s this woman in Transportation…” He grinned when she smacked his arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Have a good night.”

“You, too,” she replied and watched him leave.

When his car had disappeared into the night, Regan turned and headed into her home. She slit open the invitation and noted that Marlena and Shane were planning to be wed in just over three weeks. She didn’t know if she would go or not, but something told her they would appreciate her being there. Still, she’d think about it.

Slipping off her shoes, she spotted a post-it stuck to her bulletin board and yanked it off.

Brian and Sienna—Primetime, 10PM, Thursday.

Glancing over at the clock, her eyebrows shot up, and she raced to the television, flicking it on. Immediately, a copy of the flyers Brian had had posted all over the country, announcing his family missing, appeared on the screen, and Regan dropped onto the couch to watch.

On February twentieth, Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys was plunged into a nightmare that plagues thousands of families each year—kidnapping. Littrell’s wife and three children were snatched from the security of their home by Scott Thompson, a former boyfriend of Littrell’s wife, Sienna. Now, four months later, after their safe return and Thompson’s death, Brian and Sienna have taken the time to allow Primetime into their home to tell us, in their own words, of the nightmare they lived through and its aftermath.

The scene flashed to Brian and Sienna, along with Diane Sawyer, sitting in their lovely living room. Diane sat facing them, while Brian sat next to Sienna, the closest he’d been to her in months. No one but a select few knew that fact and could see the way Sienna seemed to shake, just a little.

“First of all,” Diane began, “let me just say that I am glad that your story turned out to have one of the happier endings. Many kidnappings don’t end with families reuniting, but yours did.”

Sienna nodded. “I have to thank God everyday that He brought our children and me back home where we belong.”

“Why don’t we begin at the beginning then? Do you mind telling us exactly what happened on that Tuesday in February?” Diane asked.

Brian shook his head. “Of course not. It’s not a day either of us likes to dwell on for too long these days, but”

“It did happen, and we have no choice but to think about it,” Sienna finished. “February twentieth is actually Brian’s birthday…” she began.

Her hands were clenched together, and, when they started to go numb, she wrenched them apart and tried to relax. She was no longer on the spot, she reminded herself. She’d done that interview a week ago and couldn’t go back and change what she’d said.

During the first commercial break, Liv rubbed Sienna’s shoulder comfortingly. “Relax, Si. Everything’s fine, isn’t it? I mean, you know what’s going to happen, so what could be so bad now?”

Sienna swallowed. “You’re right.” She smiled at her best friend. “Thanks for being here to watch it.”

Howie smiled back at her from over Liv’s head. “We wouldn’t be anywhere else. We know how hard everything’s been for you, so here we are.”

“And us,” Shane reminded her, sitting on her other side, his fiancée in an armchair nearby.

Her smile widened. “You guys are the best. I don’t know what I’d do without all of you.”

Shane tugged on one of her curls. “Hopefully, you’ll never know. Out of curiosity, though, where’s your husband? I’m surprised he isn’t here.”

Sienna’s smile disappeared as she remembered their last argument, the one they’d had before Brian had left for the West Coast two days before. She hadn’t been able to understand how he could just leave without talking to her about the outburst he’d had the previous Friday, but he had gone. And, here she was, feeling guilty, hurt, and angry.

“He’s in LA,” she told them.

“What’s he doing there?” Howie asked with a frown. “We didn’t have anything planned until next month. Did he have something with Reunion?”

She shook her head. “No, um. He said something about wanting to see Kelly. Monaco,” she clarified.

“Why?” Liv frowned too.

How could she explain that he was using his friend as an escape from the pain she, his wife, was causing him? Sienna didn’t think they’d understand Brian’s pain as well as they understood hers. Who could have predicted that the ones who loved victims of such atrocious crimes could also hurt? She hadn’t.

Sienna shrugged. “He didn’t say, and I didn’t really ask. He deserves to go, especially after the way this interview went,” she added.

“What…” Liv began but was cut off by the return of the program.

Taking a deep breath, Sienna turned her attention back to the interview and hoped that Brian could forgive her after everything was said and done.

“Sienna, what happened when Scott Thompson had you and your children hostage?” Diane asked now. “Did he treat you well, or did he hurt you in any way?”

Brian’s expression grew grim, while Sienna looked down at her hands then up at Diane. “He treated my children well because…” she trailed off.

Diane leaned forward. “Because...?”

Sienna pressed her lips together once then spoke. “Because he hurt me. We, Brian and I, never wanted to go public about this before because it was too painful at the time. But I think we’re ready now to face it. Scott…he…he raped me,” she finally finished, a tear sliding down her cheek at the memory.

As the interview continued, Diane gently asked Sienna why she thought Scott had abused her, among other questions, and Brian was left to helplessly watch as Sienna tearfully answered each question. Finally, Diane turned to him.

“Brian, through all of this, knowing that Thompson hurt your wife in such a hideous way, how do you feel? And how are you supporting her recovery from such a nightmare?”

Brian glanced over at Sienna, a worried expression on his face as he watched her wiping the tears off her cheeks. Then he looked at Diane. “It kills me to know that she was hurt, that she was in pain for even a moment. I never thought I’d be grateful that another person died, but I’m thankful that the FBI was able to destroy Scott Thompson.” He paused. “As for helping and supporting my wife,” he began.

“He’s been great. Really supportive of everything that I need in order to recover,” Sienna broke in, cutting off Brian’s thoughts. “The thing is, it hasn’t been easy to come back and be comfortable right away with the men in my life. It’s difficult to be close to them, touch them.”

“Even Brian?” Diane wondered.

Sienna bit her lip and nodded. “Even Brian. It’s so hard to distance myself from the men I love, but, every time they get within a foot or two of me, I lose control. I’m reminded of those horrible weeks and everything that happened.”

“So how are you able to sit next to your husband, right now?” Diane asked, gesturing to the physical closeness between Brian and Sienna.

Sienna smiled sadly. “I’m actually really nervous.” She held out her hand, and, when the camera zoomed in, her hand was visibly shaking. “Like I said, I love my husband very much, and it’s horribly painful to be unable to be near him.”

Diane smiled kindly. “Would you be more comfortable sitting where I am?”

“I-well, would it be okay if we switched places?” Sienna asked, hesitating a little.

Diane shook her head. “No problem.”

As the two women exchanged seats, Brian’s expression teetered between hurt, mortified, and annoyed, and the camera caught each one just before the interview cut to another break.

Brian buried his face in a pillow and tried not to scream. That moment in the interview had caused him to drown his sorrows in alcohol, and it had been awful to watch it again. Relive it again.

“Hey, Brian. It’s okay,” Kelly said soothingly as she rubbed his shoulder. “It wasn’t that bad.”

He sat up. “Not that bad? Are you kidding me? Kelly, the whole world now knows that Brian Littrell’s wife is afraid of him! How could that be not that bad?!”

Kelly studied him for a moment before she shook her head. “Do you think your wife, the woman you love with all your heart, meant to hurt you, humiliate you in this interview? Or did she do this interview because she wants to stop everyone from tiptoeing around the fact that she was raped and empower other women to talk about their experiences, too? Because she was raped, Brian, and nothing that you feel or do can change that fact. I’m impressed that she went on national television and had the guts to do this. Don’t you see, Brian? Can’t you see that this interview was really great for her?”

His brows shot up. Was Kelly actually defending Sienna? She was supposed to be on his side, helping him, not siding with Sienna. He glanced over at Luke to make sure his son was still peacefully sleeping and remembered the argument he and Sienna had had just before he had left to visit Kelly.

Sienna had been furious that he was leaving when things were still unresolved between them. They had never discussed their altercation when he’d come home the morning after the interview’s taping. She couldn’t believe that he was leaving before they had a chance to talk about it. Running away? Probably, Brian thought, rubbing a finger over his wedding band, but at least he’d been able to bring Luke with him.

Which was another thing that had bugged the hell out of his wife. She didn’t think it was wise for their six-month-old son to travel such a far distance, but what she had really been upset over was that Brian was taking Luke away at all. Then again, if he wasn’t able to take his son with him where he pleased and spend time with him, what kind of father would he be? He was tired of not spending time with his children amidst all the arguing with Sienna and was determined that he’d be with them in whatever way he could. So, here he was, with Luke, at Kelly’s home in LA.

“Brian?”

He looked up at her, remembering that she’d just defended Sienna’s actions to him. “Yeah. Sorry. Look, I know that this could be beneficial to Sienna, but Kelly. Come on. Why am I not allowed to have any feelings on the matter? She made our marriage seem empty, false because what kind of a marriage is it when a wife is afraid to be near her husband? I love her, but I can’t handle that she’s doing this to us.”

Kelly sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll try to understand how you’re feeling, but I can see Sienna’s side in all of this, too. That’s why I think it was ridiculous that you came all the way here when you should be in Lexington, trying to work on making your marriage better.”

“And not see how you’re doing after the bone marrow transplant?” he wondered, trying to change the subject by bringing up her ongoing battle with leukemia.

She arched a brow. “Brian, I’m fine. Seriously. I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time.” When he watched her with a look that clearly said he wasn’t buying it, she sighed. “Okay, so it sucks that the cancer cells are still there, but I am getting better. At least they let me leave the hospital and be at home. You know, outpatient chemo treatments and all.”

He smiled. “Is it just me or are you starting to gain back all that weight you lost, too?”

“She’s gaining it back,” a voice sounded from the doorway to Kelly’s den.

Brian and Kelly glanced over at the door where Kelly’s best friend, Julianna, or Lia, Bryant, leaned against the doorjamb. Brian had only ever met the British woman once but knew that she had taken care of Kelly through the past eight months of her illness. Lia straightened and, entering the room, sank onto the couch next to Kelly, dropping a stack of envelopes in her friend’s lap.

“I decided to drop by and see how you were. I got your mail, too, darling,” she murmured before flashing Brian a smile. “Look who’s back. How are you?”

He smiled back. “I’ve been better, but I’m hanging in there.”

She nodded, her dark hair bouncing in its messy updo. “I saw part of that interview with you and your wife. I’m terribly sorry for what happened to her. I hope she’s doing well.”

“For the time being,” Brian told her.

Lia nodded then, looking past him, spotted the sleeping baby next to him. “Oh, how lovely! Is that your son?”

Brian saw the genuine delight in her nearly violet eyes and found himself grinning. “Yeah, this is Luke.” He stroked a hand over Luke’s soft hair.

“How old is he?”

“Almost seven months,” Brian answered.

“Oh!” Kelly interrupted their conversation by holding up a gilded envelope. “It’s Shane and Marlena’s wedding invitation! I didn’t even know they were engaged.” She gave Brian a questioning look.

He smiled. “They got engaged quietly. Sienna didn’t even know until a few days after it was official. But, yeah, they’re getting married. I take it you’re invited?”

She nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t know if I should go. I don’t really know them that well, just from hanging out with you and Sienna.”

Luke interrupted them by letting out a wail, but, before Brian could turn back and pick him up, Lia stepped in front of him.

“May I?” she asked him.

Brian looked between her and a crying Luke then nodded. “Sure.”

Lia scooped up the baby and rocked him, singing something softly. Brian watched with an eagle-eye just to make sure Luke was okay. Thankfully, Lia knew how to hold and soothe a baby, which allowed Brian to turn back to Kelly.

“You should definitely come,” he told her, seeing the indecision on her face.

She sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think I’m strong enough yet to travel two thousand miles, and what if something happens? I’ll be miles away from my specialists.”

“Lexington’s got specialists for leukemia, too,” Brian reassured her. “Come on, Kelly. Be my date.”

“You have a wife, she’s your date,” Kelly pointed out.

Brian waved it off. “She’ll be busy making sure everything’s running smoothly and won’t even notice if I’m there or not. Please? Be my date?”

“Oh, Kelly. Just go already!” Lia urged her as she patted a now quiet Luke. “Nothing’s going to happen to you, and you’ll get out of this house. Have some fun!”

Kelly looked down at the card then up at Brian’s big smile. “Okay. I’ll go. But only if you talk to Sienna seriously when you get home. I mean it, Brian,” she stressed when he nodded solemnly. “I think it’s ridiculous that the two of you are letting misunderstandings come between such a great marriage. Your marriage is not going to be broken up because you neglected each other’s feelings.”

Brian looked at her, surprised. “Kelly, it’s not going to make me want to get out of my marriage. I take marriage very seriously, and I can’t imagine leaving my wife. No matter what, for richer or poorer, better or worse, ‘til death do us part. I’m with Sienna. Always.”

“Good.” Kelly nodded. “I hope you both remember that.”

***

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