Chapter 8
I figure right about sundown, you'll be in West Tennessee,
and by then maybe I'll understand why you had to leave.
I know that you've done some changin' and I know there's no
changing your mind,
Yes I know we've been through this a thousand times.
I'm sorry for still holdin' on,
I'll try to let go and I'll try to be strong...
and I wish you the best, and I wish you nothing less,
than everything you've ever dreamed of and I hope that you
find love along the way,
But most of all... I wish you'd stay.
The words of my favorite Brad Paisley
song echoed through my ipod as I sat there in my hospital bed. I glanced over
towards my monitors and IVs and shivered for a moment at the sight of all of
the tubes and wires I was hooked to, running places I couldn't even begin to
imagine. I had downloaded a ton of new music before the surgery because I knew
I'd need something to do to pass the time, but I found myself going back to the
same old songs over and over again.
I'd finally given up on sleep after
several hours and had pulled out my journal, turning back to what I'd written
the week before;
April 21st,
He left this morning...
He said he needed time alone to think about things... exactly what
he needs to think about I'm still not sure. I know this is hard on him... it's
hard on all of them... on me... I didn't wish for any of this to happen.
He said he's going to spend some time with AJ so at least I know
he won't be alone.
The surgery is in 5 days.
I'm really scared.
I don't want to die.
I traced my hands over the words on
the paper. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine where he was and what he was
doing at that exact moment. Was he scared too?
Just then the nurse came in to check
on me. When she saw that I was still awake she raised her eyebrows. "Can't
sleep dear?"
I shook my head in response and leaned
back as she placed the blood pressure cuff on my arm.
"Too much on my mind." I
told her.
She patted my shoulder gently and told
me she could get me something to help ease my worries and let me get a peaceful
night's sleep. I nodded silently thanking God that finally I would be able to
relax.
She took out a syringe filled with
medicine and inserted it slowly into my IV. I immediately felt at ease and a
few minutes later I was drifting off, the sounds of Brad Paisley echoing in my
mind...
I know you need to go... but before you do I want you to
know,
that I wish you the best, and I wish you nothing less
than everything you've ever dreamed of
and I hope that you find love along the way,
But most of all... I wish you'd stay.
**song lyrics -- Brad Paisley -- I
Wish You'd Stay**
***
