Chapter 29
One week later
The past week had been one of the best
of Olivia’s life. Although there was
always the nagging remembrance that she was dying in the back of her mind, she
did her best to ignore it and focus on right then and now.
Olivia had never had a boyfriend before
or even a guy that had liked her, as far as she knew. And she had never like a guy that much
either. Nick was the first.
They had spent the whole week
together. They didn’t go out many
places, instead choosing to stay at home and go for walks on the beach and out
on Nick’s boat, things that Olivia felt comfortable doing.
One night, Olivia lay in bed, listening
to the radio and thinking. Her thoughts
drifted to Nick, as they always did, and then she remembered something. Reaching into her night table drawer, she
pulled out a small book with a lavender cover.
Her diary. She had had it for many years, ever since
she was a little girl. As a child, she
had written in it often, but over the years, she lost interest and never
updated it. Now, she had the sudden childlike
urge to write in it, to pour her heart out about her feelings for Nick and
about everything that was going on in her life.
And so she did. For an hour, Olivia wrote in the small book,
filling up several pages with her thoughts.
When she was done, she went back and read it over.
September
15, 2001
Dear Diary,
I know I haven’t
written in you for years. In fact, my
last entry was from when I was just thirteen.
That seems so long ago now. I’m
twenty now; just had my birthday a few weeks ago. And I’m dying.
It seems so unfair to
die at only twenty. There’s so many
things I’ll never be able to do. I’ll
never get married. Never have children. Heck, I’ll never even be able to drink
legally. I won’t even live to see
adulthood. Not literally, anyway. But I already feel like an adult. I’ve been through so much this past year, I
feel older than only twenty.
And still, there’s so
much I haven’t experienced. Many things
I’m going through for the first time right now.
Like being in love. I’ve never
been in love before, but I am now. At
least I think I am. It’s hard to say the
L-word with Nick because I’ve only known him about three months. But they say that when you fall in love, you
just know it, and that’s how I feel about Nick.
I don’t know if he
loves me back or not. I know he likes
me. We’re best friends, and now we’re a
couple too. But does he love me? I’m not sure.
I wish he did, but that would be hoping for a lot. After all, we’ve only known each other a
summer, and I’m dying. It doesn’t seem
like grounds for a good relationship.
But if there’s one thing I would like before I die, it is to be in love
with a man and have him love me back. I
already know I love Nick. Now it’s up to
him to decide if he loves me back or not.
I wonder if anyone
will read this after I’m gone. Surely
they’ll go through my things. But will
they read stuff like this? Or will they
respect my privacy? It doesn’t matter to
me. Once I’m dead, privacy’s not an
issue. Maybe reading this will help
people feel closer to me.
If anyone is reading this right now, I’ll leave a few quick shout-outs:
Mom and Daddy – I love
you so much! I’m so sorry I had to leave
you. If I could change it, I would. But you know I can’t. Just know that I’ll be up in Heaven, waiting
for you, and I’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s
a wonderful place, and in a way, I’m looking forward to getting there. I have so many questions for God, and now
maybe I’ll finally get some answers to them.
Please don’t cry too much when I die.
I’ll be watching down on you, and it’ll break my heart to see you so
upset. Mama, you know I hate it when you
cry. Try to be strong and remember that
I’m in a better place. I know that’s the
generic line they say at funerals, but I’m sure it’s true. Until we meet again, goodbye, and I love you.
To all my friends back
home – you guys are the best. I know we
haven’t seen each other much lately.
You’re all in college, and I’m here in Tampa. I hope you’re having the time of your
lives. I know things may not have turned
out so great for me, but while I was living down here, I was having the time of
my life too. Keep me in your hearts and
in your memories. Love ya!
Nick – You’re my first love, and I will always
cherish our short time together. Fate
brought us together, and it will bring us back together someday. I’ll be waiting for you in Heaven. Please take care of yourself, Nick. I love you.
Always, Liv.
That’s it for
now. And to anyone who was not
mentioned, you know I love you and care about you. I’m pretty tired now, so I think I’ll go to
bed. Goodnight, and God bless.
Love,
Olivia Marie Caisson
Olivia signed the entry with her full
name, written in fancy cursive, as she always had as a child. Then she closed the diary and put it gently
back into her night table drawer. With
a contented sigh, she turned off her light and went to bed.
***
Over the next few weeks, Olivia’s body
grew weaker and weaker, as her tumor got bigger and bigger. Soon, she was bedridden, too weak to get
up. Nick came by every day and stayed
by her side for hours, just holding her hand and talking to her. He had gotten the rest of his tour postponed
so that he could stay with her for the rest of her short life.
The symptoms Dr. Avery had mentioned
were progressing. Olivia got bad
headaches, which she took high dosages of painkillers for. She was too weak to walk or barely even sit
up. Sometimes when she talked, her
words sounded slurred, like they had that time on the phone with Nick. Her
vision had began to get blurry. She
forgot things, like phone numbers or conversations she had just had with
people.
And still, throughout all of this, Nick
was there for her. He was so patient,
staying with her and talking to her, even when she was foggy and
disoriented. Sometimes he even stayed
beside her while she slept. Even though
she was dying, Olivia felt lucky to have such a wonderful guy there with her. If only they had longer together.
***
