Chapter 13:

 

A Chapter About Brian’s Funeral That I Hastily Slapped Together In Twenty Minutes So I Could Show Susan When I Came Online And Make Her Laugh Cause Laughter Is The Best Medicine And She Has A Cold So I’m Trying To Be A Good Friend And Make Her Feel Better

 

The day of Brian’s funeral dawned cool and rainy (cause, come on, it’s not like it’s ever sunny at a bopper fanfic funeral – that would be too happy).  And pretty much all that happened at the funeral was that everyone walked up and stared at Brian’s corpse (which was waxy and didn’t look like him, etc.) in his baby blue silk-lined casket (cause he liked blue, you know, so of course his coffin would be blue on the inside).  And then Nick made an inspirational speech about his bestest friend ever, Frick, and then the guys sang “One Sweet Day,” and PANTS sang it with them.  Oh, and since we’re on the topic of PANTS, I guess I should mention what they all wore to the funeral.

 

Safyre looked stunning in a skin-tight pair of black leather pants, a black halter with fringe on the bottom, and black platforms.  Her hair (which was also black… hey, wait a minute – why the hell does she have hair anywhere?  Didn’t she have cancer?  Oh well… bopper stories don’t have to be logical or realistic, I guess… so yeah, her hair was black, and she had lots of it because obviously, she was so unbelievably perfect that chemotherapy had no effect on her) was hanging loose, framing her beautiful face.  Her too-heavily-applied eye makeup ran as she cried, leaving trails of black gunk under her radiant sapphire blue eyes and tarnishing her beautiful white complexion.

 

Nikki was also wearing a pair of skin-tight black pants, only hers were stretchy and not leather, and her top was a tube top, not a halter.  She, too, wore black platforms, and her blonde hair was piled on her head with happy little tendrils framing her beautiful face.  Her too-heavily-applied eye makeup also ran as she cried, leaving trails of black gunk under her radiant sky blue eyes and tarnishing her beautiful tan complexion.

 

Ali was also wearing a pair of black pants, only hers were not skin tight, rather loose and flowing and silky.  Her top was a black lace-covered tank top and was so low cut that it left little to the imagination, so little in fact that Howie didn’t cry during the service because he was too busy staring at her… oh, no wait, correction – he did cry because he’s Sweet D, and he’s a Backstreet Boy, and he loved Brian with all his heart and was very sad that he died.  So yeah, forget that bit about watching Ali and not crying and everything…

 

Well, anyway, on to Praline.  Being AJ’s girlfriend, she was naturally a rebel and a bad girl and all that (despite the fact that she was part of a girl pop band), so she opted not to wear black and wore a skin-tight leather catsuit that was similar to Britney’s outfit in the “Oops..” video *shudder*, only hers was not red, but hot pink leopard-print.  She even had a cool hot pink leopard-print cowboy hat, and she had six inch stiletto cowboy boots to go with it.  Naturally, Brian’s traditional, Christian parents were completely shocked and had the minister escort her out of the church before the funeral started, and so she sat outside the church by her lonesome and sulked, but hey, she still looked hot.

 

Well, anyway, the funeral got over, and they all headed to the cemetery, where they watched Brian’s casket being lowered into the cold, muddy ground, and they all said their final goodbyes and walked away, and one of them might have seen a vision of Brian waving off in the distance or his head smiling down at them from the heavens (kinda like on Lion King), but in any event, they finally left anyway, but not before stopping to read Brian’s tombstone, a classic moment in all bopper tearjerkers where someone dies.  So here’s what it said:

 

Brian Thomas “B-Rok” Littrell

 

Beloved son, lover, friend, and Backstreet Boy

 

February 20, 1975 - … well, whatever the hell day he died, I dunno

 

 

It might have also contained some inspirational quote or Bible verse or something, but I don’t feel like coming up with one at the moment, so that will have to do.

 

So, yeah, anyway, as they rode somberly in a black limo (except Praline, who, rather pissed off at being banned from the funeral, had raided the booze from the little refrigerator in the back and was a little tipsy), they figured the worst was over.

 

But they were wrong.

 

When the limo pulled up in front of the Backstreet Boys’ mansion following the funeral, the boys were shocked to see a caravan of news vans parked along the street and a flock of reporters on the lawn.  They came stampeding to the limo as soon as they spotted it.  Inside, Kevin groaned.  The paparazzi was worse than teenyboppers sometimes.

 

“Kevin, Kevin!” they shouted, pushing and shoving each other in their scramble to reach Kevin as he cautiously emerged from the limousine.  “How do you feel about Brian’s death?”

 

“No comment,” Kevin muttered, grabbing Safyre’s hand and helping her out of the limo.  The other boys and their girlfriends followed.

 

“Nick!” cried one man, reaching out and snatching his arm.  “Lionel Rodriquez, Teen Beat magazine.  Can I get some insight on your feelings about your best friend’s death?”

 

“NO!” cried Nick, jerking out of the reporter’s grasp.  “Screw you!”  Following the others, he raced up the house and away from the evil paparazzi’s greedy clutches.

 

Frightened and upset, AJ, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Praline, Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre huddled together inside the Backstreet mansion, peeking out the curtains at the drove of reporters congregated in the yard.

 

If only they knew what was to come…

 

***

 

 

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