Episode 14: In the Wink of an Eye
Part 4
Pearl looked up from her computer, where her fingers had been flying across the keyboard for the past couple of hours. She laughed to herself. Sure, she knew she had more important things to focus on right now. That new intern K had forced upon her was bound to show up soon. But she’d needed a break, and after spending a long time on Wink, she’d gotten a better idea of how she could spend her time. She’d always wanted to see how many of these people she could get to. Seeing how the off-shore accounts owned by Jeff Bezos didn’t sense her at all felt like a sign that she could do what she wanted.
I can do a lot with this, she thought with a satisfied smirk, stretching. But, as her eyes drifted up towards her monitors, a better idea came to mind. She could hack the Pentagon later. K hadn’t returned with Jay just yet, and no one had come by her lab. A few more keystrokes, and, suddenly, all the screens went black. Pearl checked her phone for any texts, just in case, before standing and heading out of her laboratory. Didn’t K want her out of there more? Maybe he’ll be happy I listened to him this time.
There was a clear destination in her mind. Truth be told, she didn’t even have to think about it. It was like there was nothing holding her back for once. All her anxieties, all her overthinking, and all the chaos in her brain had finally gotten quiet. It seemed pretty clear what she wanted at that point. Her sneakers were near silent as she walked down the halls towards the 00-ranking agent quarters. There was a sense of freedom in her smile as she turned a corner.
Another set of footsteps caused her to pause and back up so she wouldn’t be seen. As she peeked around the corner, her blue eyes narrowed, and her brow furrowed. What is Lancy doing here?
Once she saw him knocking on Nick’s door, she picked up her pace. This wasn’t exactly what she had in mind. Not at all. Not that it mattered. She had a feeling she could get Lancy to go away and find Diamond if she tried hard enough.
“Hey, Lancy, something wrong?” she heard Nick ask as he opened the door.
“You like my purple jeans?” Lancy asked, leaning in the doorway. “Aren’t they the sexiest thing that you’ve ever seen?” It sounded like he was talking in song lyrics; his words struck her as that cheesy.
“They’re nice for… um, jeans.”
A loud thump echoed loudly and was soon followed by the heavy door slamming shut. “Oh, Nick!” This time, the sound was more like a thunk. If eyebrows could fly off her face, Pearl was sure they would have. She heard Lancy’s breathless voice say, “You’re the reason why cavemen drew on the walls.”
“Get off me!” Now there was a dull thud.
Pearl hurried down the hall to Nick’s room, quickly entering the override code to get in — a code she was pretty sure only she and K knew. She threw the door open just in time to see Lancy jump off the ground and run at Nick in a strange tackle. Nick’s look was a horrified mixture of shock and stunned surprise as the two landed firmly on the bed. Before he could do anything against his suddenly far-too-aggressive secretary, Lancy whipped out a pair of fuzzy purple handcuffs and cuffed Nick to the metal frame of his bed. “Lancy, what the actual fucking shitballs?!”
“Is it too much to ask for one minute to breathe?” Lancy murmured. “‘Cause you take my breath away like I’d never sink.” He gazed down at Nick for a moment before leaning in close, licking him gently along his neck. If Pearl had been asked to describe his expression, she would have said it looked like Lancy was a blind man seeing for the first time.
“What the fuck?! Dude, I’m not okay with this! Anyone have a rape whistle?!” His eyes widened with hope once they caught sight of Pearl in the room. “Pearly! Help me get out of here! He’s lost his fucking mind!”
She snapped back to attention. It was easy to keep watching like it was a television show. But that’s not what you want, is it?
Lancy looked up sharply. “What are you going to do?”
Pearl smirked as she walked up to the bed and, with a force that reminded Lancy that she’d done the same basic training that any and all agents went through in their time there, practically threw him off the bed and onto the floor. He rolled back, hitting his head against the wall, which stunned him long enough to give her the opportunity she needed. Pearl crawled onto the bed and straddled Nick under the guise of freeing him from the cutesy handcuffs. “I got you, Blondie.”
“Thank god you’re here Pearl or–”
She slid her hand underneath his shirt, ripping it open and watching as the buttons flew everywhere. Nick’s eyes were so wide she half-expected them to pop out just like Drums’ did. “Shhh…”
It wasn’t often that she saw Nick blush, but he did then. His skin was redder than she’d ever seen. “Pearl?”
“Isn’t this what you’ve wanted, Nick?” she asked softly, reaching up to free her long blonde hair from its ponytail. He watched as it came tumbling down in loose waves. “Me, on top of you? Undoing those cuffs and letting you…” She leaned down, leaving a trail of kisses along his chest. “…do whatever you want with me?” Pearl grinned as she reached into his pants. “I think someone thinks that’s what you want.”
“I…” He licked his lips.
“What if I said I want it, too?”
“You do?” He looked shocked but happy at the same time. His reaction made her smile, too — gently this time. “But–”
“I wouldn’t be on top of you if I didn’t.”
“Can’t we share?” Lancy said as he stumbled to his feet and finally regained his balance.
She paused, settling back as she considered. “Maybe we can. I don’t like sharing, though. I like what’s mine…” Pearl reached down and stroked Nick’s cheek. “…to stay mine.”
“Are… are you alright, Kit?” Nick finally managed to ask — which was impressive given that her other hand had gone back down his pants once again.
“Oh, I’m better than I’ve ever been.” Pearl stripped off her t-shirt, revealing the lacy blue bra beneath. “I thought earlier that I wanted to just vent to you, to let you listen while I talked about feelings. But, really, this is so much better.”
Nick gazed bemusedly at her, unable to come to grips with what was happening right before his eyes. “I never thought you’d…”
“Let myself become one of your ‘Carter Girls?’ I know. It seems so silly now, resisting all those years.” She shot a glance at Lancy, who had now come to sit on the other side of the bed. “You can watch, and maybe later–” She grinned before leaning down to nibble on Nick’s ear. “–we’ll see where this goes. I may be greedy, but part of me always wanted to try a threesome.”
Nick snapped his head up as the reality of what Pearl just said hit him. “Wait, what?”
“Pearl, I want my turn.” Lancy leaned in, smoothing his hands on Nick’s chest. “You can’t keep him like this. He’s too much man for just one.”
She sighed. “I suppose round one can be both of us.”
“Round — what? Wait, share? I–” Nick sounded so confused; it was endearing.
“Fuck, you’re adorable.” It was like Pearl didn’t have a filter, and she loved it.
“Nick?”
Pearl and Lancy looked to the door, startled by yet another interruption. Nick smiled in relief when he saw Diamond standing in the doorway. “Di! I don’t know what’s going on, but Lancy cuffed me down, and Pearl… well, I like what she’s doing.”
“Glad to hear it.” Pearl leaned down and pecked his lips.
“But she’s still acting crazy and saying she might share me with Lancy.”
Diamond giggled as she approached the bed, running her fingers over the fuzzy handcuffs. “These are nice. They’ll hold up well and be soft on Nick’s wrists so he’ll be comfortable.”
Lancy grinned from ear to ear. “I’ll text you where I bought them later. They have the best toys.”
“Enough with the handcuffs! Can you get them off so I can get up and tell K they’ve lost their minds?!” Nick practically screamed, though his voice cracked a couple of times, thanks to Pearl having gotten bored with the entire conversation.
“If she’s sharing with you…” Diamond pouted. “Will you share with me, too?”
Lancy blew a kiss at her. “Best besties always share.”
She squealed. “You’re the best! Nick, we’re all going to have so much fun. I can show you so many new tricks we can’t do when it’s just us.” Diamond tilted her head toward Pearl and Lancy. “It’ll be tricky because the bed is only so big, but we’ll all be able to play if we get creative.”
“Desiree?! The hell?!”
“We’ll all get a piece?” Pearl confirmed.
“All three of us.” Diamond winked. “People always brag about menage a trois, but we can brag about a menage a quatre.” She ran her hand through Nick’s hair, then down his chest. “Or keep it our little secret.”
“Got a secret,” Pearl sang softly as she held a finger up to her lips. “Can you keep it? Swear this one you’ll save…” She leaned in, kissing Nick along his neck.
“Listen, ladies, you two would be a dream come true. Can we just…” Nick looked between the three of them. “…swap Lancy out with Red? I’m sorry, man, but you’re not my type.”
“Oh no, Nicky.” Lancy grinned hungrily. “You’re ours tonight.”
“HELLO?! SOMEBODY?! ANYBODY!!!” Nick shook the bed as hard as he could, making as much noise as possible. “What the hell is going on here? Did someone pump some mutated aphrodisiac in the air? HELP!!”
Diamond tossed her hair back and giggled. “You’re so cute.” She pressed a kiss to his lips as she unzipped her dress. “Ready for round three today? I know I am. Lancy, help Pearl with Nick’s pants.”
Lancy leaped toward the bed.
“HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!!!!”
***
Red Jewel couldn’t sleep. There was too much on her mind: Opal’s unsolved murder… The Rok’s sudden disappearance… not to mention the mole in their midst.
It was the memory of her most recent case that haunted her the most. When she closed her eyes, she could still see K’s lifeless body lying on the table in her infirmary, a mere four minutes away from death. By the miracle of modern medicine and technology, she and her team had managed to bring him back from the brink, but it had been a close call — too close for comfort. Someone had almost killed their leader by implanting that microscopic bomb inside his heart — while he was sleeping, no less. Where would they strike next? Who would they strike next?
Red tossed and turned, the top sheet twisting around her legs until she couldn’t take it anymore. She pushed back the covers and rolled out of bed, pulling her black and white polka dot pajamas into place. Sliding her bare feet into a pair of fuzzy black cat slippers, she wrapped a satiny red robe around herself and tied the sash before she left her private sleeping quarters.
She padded down the dark hall to her infirmary, deciding it was time for a pharmaceutical intervention. If she didn’t take something to relax her mind and help her sleep, she would be a zombie the next day.
The lights were off in the infirmary, but as she let herself in, Red noticed a faint glow coming from the far left corner of the large room, where the drug closet was located. She frowned. It wasn’t like her to leave any lights on when she locked up for the night.
She flipped a switch on the wall, and the fluorescent lights buzzed to life. Squinting as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, she crossed the infirmary and cautiously approached the drug closet. Suddenly, her heart leapt into her throat when she heard voices coming from inside it. Her worst fear was confirmed: someone had broken in!
She froze on the spot, contemplating what to do. Should she confront the intruders herself or call for backup? On the one hand, she knew she was no match for someone dangerous. She was a doctor, not an agent — she didn’t have the same combat training most of her colleagues did. On the other hand, she would feel foolish if she woke one of her bosses in the middle of the night for what turned out to be nothing.
She decided to try contacting Pearl first. The scientist was a night owl; she would probably still be up tinkering in her lab and could check the footage from her surveillance cameras. Plus, Red had a direct link to her. She reached down her pajama top until her fingertips brushed against the ruby cross pendant that rested close to her heart. She brought it up to her lips as she pressed a tiny button on the back. “Pearl?” she whispered. “Pearl, come in!” She waited, but there was no answer. Perhaps the scientist was asleep after all.
Against her better judgment, Red crept closer to the drug closet. Curiosity outweighed her fear; she wanted to see for herself who was in there before she called for help. She hugged the wall, keeping well out of sight of anyone who would happen to look out the small window in the door to the closet. Pressing her body against the doorframe, she leaned over and peered through the window.
At first, she didn’t see anyone. Then, looking down, she caught a glimpse of red hair and immediately relaxed. It was just her assistant Archie, she realized as she recognized the man who was sitting on the floor, dressed in a pair of dark purple scrubs. She rolled her eyes, annoyed with herself for overreacting and with him for freaking her out in the first place. What on earth was he doing in the drug closet this late at night? They had no patients to monitor, and he had already finished the monthly inventory earlier that week. He had no business being there. Almost as immediately as she had relaxed, Red became suspicious again. Could he be the mole?
With narrowed eyes, she watched Archie through the window, wondering what he was up to. He didn’t seem to be stealing drugs or mixing deadly poisons. He was just slumped on the floor in front of the counter, his back pressed against the wall of cabinets, his legs stretched out in front of him. His head was bent over his phone, which he held in his lap, apparently so engrossed in whatever he was watching that he hadn’t even noticed the lights flicker on in the infirmary. Surely he would have been more observant if he were trying to be stealthy.
Red took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. Archie jumped, his head jerking up. His eyes widened when he saw her through the window, but then he beckoned her in.
“What are you doing in here?” Red asked him as she walked into the drug closet.
“You gotta see this, Doc!” Archie giggled, waving her over. He was slurring his words. Crouching down in front of him, she saw that his pupils were dilated, despite the bright fluorescent lighting. He was clearly high on something.
“What did you take, Archie?” she asked, frowning.
Archie didn’t answer. All he said was, “Check it out,” as he thrust his phone in her face.
Red blinked, her eyes struggling to focus. At first, she didn’t understand what she was watching. The video showed a dark-eyed woman wearing a lacy blouse, lavender boa, and matching fedora talking to the camera. “Let’s see, what else can I tell you about?” Upon hearing the deep, masculine voice, Red did a double take. She recognized that voice — and those soulful brown eyes, despite the thick layers of mascara and black liner he had used to disguise them.
“Jay??” she gasped.
Archie giggled again. “I know, right? He sure makes an ugly drag queen. But you should hear the tea he’s spilling!”
“Oh! I know!” Jay went on, his eyes brightening. “I found out that our secretaries have private meetings where they share all our juicy secrets.” As he leaned closer to the camera, Red suddenly realized why she hadn’t recognized him at first: he was clean-shaven. She had never seen him without facial hair. “Like, did you know Pearl hates all her assistants?”
Yes, and I can understand why, thought Red as she glanced at Archie. “What is this?” she asked him.
“It’s the Wink app,” Archie replied, pointing to a small logo in the bottom right corner of his screen: a purple W with a pair of simple, black eyes. The left one was closed in a wink. “Have you downloaded it yet?”
“No.” Red frowned. “I’ve never even heard of it.”
“It’s brand new… Diamond’s secretary told me about it this morning. It’s freaking addicting.”
“Yes, I can see that.” While Archie returned his attention to the video of Jay, Red studied her assistant, wondering again what he was on. She looked around the drug closet for evidence of what he could have taken, but she didn’t see anything out of place. There were no pill bottles on the counter or syringes left lying around, nothing to suggest he had taken anything, but why else would he be hanging out here after hours?
“Also, I have it on good authority that 008 keeps a pink stuffed crocodile hidden in his desk.”
Archie laughed hysterically at Jay’s words, throwing his head back until it bonked against the cabinet. “A pink crocodile!” he repeated, as if it was the punchline to the funniest joke he’d ever heard.
“Are you okay?” Red asked automatically, but Archie didn’t respond. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had hit his head. She was just about to request a blood sample from him so she could run a tox screen and find out what was in his system when she suddenly honed back in on what Jay was saying.
“And 002 used to work at Walt Disney World… as Aladdin! Ha! Can you imagine K as Aladdin? ‘A whole ne-ew wooooorld!’” Jay sang, throwing his hands out dramatically. “And speaking of ‘whole new worlds,’ you haven’t lived until you’ve been on a ‘magic carpet ride’ inside K’s nasal cavity. Talk about boogers!”
“Heh… boogers.” Archie leaned back against the cabinet with an amused smile, his eyelids drooping.
Red frowned again. “When did he record this?” She didn’t think K would be happy if he knew one of his agents was talking about his boogers on social media. Not to mention, Jay was coming dangerously close to revealing details about the classified mission to defuse the bomb Dr. Rough’s minion had planted inside K’s body. If their other enemies found out FANS had breached their walls once, Himitsu Takana would be even more vulnerable to another attack.
Archie didn’t respond right away. When she looked over at him, Red saw why. His eyes were closed, his chin dropping to his chest.
“Archie!” she snapped, shaking his shoulder. He lifted his head, blinking blearily at her. His pupils were still unnaturally large. “Stay awake, Archie.” She gestured at the phone in his hand. “When did Jay record this?”
“Right now,” Archie murmured. “It’s live…”
“Shit,” Red hissed as he nodded off again, the phone slipping out of his limp hand. She pressed her fingertips to the carotid artery in his neck, feeling his pulse. It was rapid and irregular. “Damn it, Archie, what did you take?”
“And then there’s 007,” she heard Jay say. “Did you know how much plastic surgery that dude’s had to keep him looking young? He basically gets a whole new face every decade or so.”
Red hesitated, torn over what to do. It was her duty as a doctor to take care of Archie. But it was also her duty as a HimTak employee to tell K that one of his agents had gone off the rails. Making her decision, she snatched Archie’s phone off the floor and closed the app. Then she called K, whom Archie had listed as “Dr. Eyebrows” in his contacts.
The phone rang three times before she heard a croaky voice answer, “Agent K.” Clearly, K had just woken up.
“K, it’s Red. I’m sorry to call you at this hour, but I thought you’d want to know…” Hurriedly, she explained what she had seen and heard on the Wink app.
“Thank you for telling me this,” K said curtly when she finished. This time, his voice was clear. “I’ll take care of it.” With a click, he hung up.
***
K climbed quickly out of bed, cramming his feet into a pair of plain black slippers. He opened his closet and pulled a matching robe off the hook on the back of the door. He put it on over his pajamas, which were also black with white trim. He had debated getting dressed in his usual black suit before leaving his bedroom, but had ultimately decided that protecting the secrecy of his agency was more important than maintaining a professional appearance.
Agent Jay had always put protecting HimTak ahead of professionalism, which was why K could hardly believe what Red Jewel had told him: that Jay was live on the internet, blabbing his agents’ secrets to the world. But he had never known Red to lie, so he hurried down the hall to Jay’s room to find out for himself.
“Jay!” he called, rapping his knuckles on the door. “It’s K. Open up.”
He heard a rustling sound behind the door, which opened a few seconds later to reveal Jay, wearing women’s clothing and more makeup than Diamond and Lancy combined. “Hey, K! What’s up?” he asked casually, leaning in the doorway.
K stared. Jay’s fingernails were painted the same shade of fuchsia as his pants. He wondered what Emerald would say if she were to walk by and see him now.
“You kinda caught me in the middle of something, buddy, but come on in if you want. You can make a cameo in my Wink video!”
K cleared his throat. “Actually, that’s what I came to talk to you about. Have you been revealing private information about our agents online?”
Jay shrugged. “Nothing important — just that Nick keeps a stuffed pink crocodile in his desk and–”
“–And that you’ve been inside my body?” K interjected.
“Maybe you should try it sometime. Going inside someone’s body — preferably a woman, if you know what I mean.” Jay wiggled his eyebrows.
K frowned at the implication that he had never been with a woman. It wasn’t true, although he supposed he couldn’t blame any of his agents for making such an assumption. He never talked about his late wife. Yet he couldn’t imagine being with any other woman but Kristin.
“Jay, if anyone outside these walls found out we were in possession of the kind of technology Pearl has developed for us — if they found out our agency existed at all — we would lose our biggest advantage: secrecy.”
“Dude, I’m sure whoever injected that bomb into you and stole the alien device has already told dear ol’ Dr. Rough all about the super secret technology Pearl has developed for us,” Jay replied flippantly. “In fact–”
Before Jay could finish, K was distracted by the sound of a distant scream. “HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!!!!”
His heart leapt into his throat as he looked at Jay. “Did you hear that?”
Jay nodded, his expression sobering. “It sounded like it was coming from down the hall. This way!” He brushed past K and barreled down the hall, his lavender boa fluttering behind him. K followed on his heels, flinching every time he was hit by a flying purple feather.
At every door, they stopped for a second to listen, but they didn’t hear another sound until they approached 008’s room. Through the door, K could hear the creak of bedsprings, followed by a dull thump. “Oh, Nick!” cried a female voice.
Rolling his eyes, he exchanged a knowing glance with Jay. “Diamond,” they both said in unison.
They were about to move on to the next room when they heard another female voice call out, “Hold on, Nick… I’m coming!”
Jay and K looked at each other again. “Pearl??”
A third voice, undeniably male, replied, “Girl, you better hurry up and help me get these pants off him before I cum in mine!”
Their eyes widened. “LANCY?!?!”
Finally, a fourth voice let out a muffled scream. “That’s Nick,” K said in a low, uncertain voice. “I don’t know what’s going on in there, and I’m not sure I want to know, but if Nick’s in trouble…”
Jay didn’t hesitate. He raised his right leg and kicked the door hard, just above the handle. It made a loud bang, but nothing else happened.
K gave Jay an incredulous look. “Did you really think you could kick down a door made of reinforced steel? In those shoes?”
Jay looked down at his lilac suede loafers. “What’s wrong with my shoes? Aren’t they fabulous?”
“You sound like Lancy. Did he let you borrow that outfit?”
“No. From the sound of it, he’s in there having an orgy with Nick, Diamond, and Pearl.”
K frowned. He couldn’t believe that was really what was happening behind Nick’s closed door. Diamond, yes. Pearl, possibly. But Lancy? No way. Yet, he didn’t have another explanation for the muffled cries for help, and he couldn’t just ignore them.
“Move,” he directed. As Jay stepped aside, K knocked once on the door. “Nick?” he called. “It’s K. Y’all better be decent in there ‘cause I’m coming in.” He punched in the passcode on Nick’s keypad.
Jay looked at him in astonishment as the secure door unlocked with a click. “You know Nick’s code?”
“No, but I know the override code for every agent’s door, in case of emergencies,” K replied smoothly as he reached for the handle.
Jay’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t I know that?”
“Because you’re not the boss — and you have a big mouth.” K turned the handle and opened the door.
Despite Jay’s warning, he was not prepared for the scene that awaited him inside. Nick was lying on his back on the bed, both wrists bound to the bed frame by a pair of fuzzy purple handcuffs. Diamond, wearing nothing but a lacy, lavender bra, was sitting on his face. Pearl, also topless except for a blue bra, was straddling his hips. She fumbled with the waistband of his underwear while Lancy stood at the foot of the bed in a pair of purple skinny jeans, struggling to pull down Nick’s pants. He was struggling because Nick kept kicking, flinging his legs wildly as he squirmed around on the bed.
K felt his eyes widen as he watched the scene unfold, his jaw dropping in disbelief at what he was seeing. Finally, he came to his senses and shouted, “What the fuck is going on in here?!”
Diamond, Pearl, and Lancy all froze as Nick looked up. “K… thank god,” he croaked when Diamond scrambled off of him.
K frowned at his agents. This was not what he’d had in mind when he had suggested they use this time to forge stronger relationships with each other. “008, I knew you were a ladies’ man, but all of them at the same time? And Lancybassy, too??”
Nick shook his head frantically, his face bright red. “It’s not what it looks like!”
K raised his eyebrows. “Really? Because it looks like some kind of kinky ménage à… quatre.”
Diamond beamed. “That’s what I said!”
“I thought the term was ‘love triangle,’ not ‘love square’,” said Jay, snickering.
K allowed himself a rare smile. “It’s a love rhombus.”
“No, it’s a rape rhombus!” shouted Nick.
K’s smile faded back into a frown. “008, why are you arguing the semantics of this with me?”
“Why are you talking about semantics in the first place?! Can’t you see what’s happening here?!” Nick howled. “They were trying to rape me!”
Jay snorted. “C’mon, Carter. You expect us to believe you’re actually upset that two beautiful women–”
“And a beautiful man!” Lancy inserted, striking a pose in his purple jeans.
“–were trying to have sex with you at the same time?” Jay finished.
“Yes!” cried Nick, his blue eyes wide. K was startled to see tears shining in them. “Now, can someone please take off these cuffs? Lancy put them on me; he has the key.”
Without another word, K held out his hand to Lancy, who silently placed a small, silver key in his palm.
As he approached the bed to unlock the handcuffs, K heard Nick mutter, “You know, this is why some people don’t report rapes. Because they’re worried other people won’t believe them — or worse, that they’ll blame them.”
“I believe you,” K said quietly in Nick’s ear as he removed the restraint from around his wrist. Remembering why he had been roused from his bed in the first place, K felt uneasy. Some of his most trusted agents were acting strangely. First Diamond, then Jay, and now Pearl and Lancy, too? Had cabin fever caused this crazy behavior, or was something else happening inside the walls of their headquarters?
“Thanks,” replied Nick as he sat up, rubbing his wrists.
“Are you okay?” K asked, and Nick nodded. K placed the purple handcuffs in the pocket of his robe as he turned to address the trio of half-dressed seducers. “I’ll be holding onto these for now, Mr. Lancybassy. And I’d like to see the three of you–” He paused, his eyes shifting to Jay. “–make that four of you in my office immediately.”
They all began to protest at once.
“Me?” Jay blinked in disbelief. “Why me?”
Lancy let out a nervous titter. “Aw, c’mon, K, we were just trying to have a little fun!”
“Can’t we at least put our clothes on first?” asked Pearl, trying to cover herself as she climbed off the bed.
Diamond’s mouth dropped open in dismay. “You mean right now?!” she cried, clutching her wrinkled dress. “K, it’s the middle of the night!”
“Immediately!” he repeated so firmly that they all fell silent.
K felt like a father trying to figure out how to discipline his naughty children as the four of them followed him to his office. He ushered them in, shut the door, and sat down behind his desk.
Pearl slumped into one of the chairs on the other side of his desk and folded her arms over the front of her purple t-shirt, looking down at the floor. Diamond perched on the edge of the seat beside Pearl and crossed her legs, jiggling her foot as she stared determinedly at a framed piece of art on the wall. Lancy stood behind them, wringing his hands, while Jay paced in the corner.
Steepling his fingers on the desktop in front of him, K looked at them for a few, long seconds before he finally spoke again. “Well? Do you want to explain yourselves?”
At first, no one answered. After a long pause, Lancy threw his hands in the air and exclaimed, “Do my actions really need explaining? I’ve had a not-so-secret crush on 00Carter for years! He’s always been oblivious, of course, but earlier today, he helped me with this dance for Wink, and… I dunno, maybe I misread his signals, but I thought I picked up on some pretty obvious sexual chemistry between us while we were practicing. I didn’t act on it then, but I was feeling cute tonight in these purple jeans, so I decided to drop by his room and take my shot.”
“By handcuffing him to his bed.” K arched an eyebrow.
Lancy shrugged. “Yeah… I thought it’d be fun — you know, like roleplaying!”
K shook his head. “008 is right. That’s not roleplaying; it’s attempted rape.”
Lancy’s eyes widened. “No! I never meant to hurt Nick, I swear! I thought he wanted to try something new!”
“He did — with me, not you!” snapped Pearl, glaring at Lancy. “Nick’s been trying to get in my pants forever, and tonight, I was finally going to let him. But no, you just had to go and ruin our first time together!”
K couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He hardly recognized his head scientist. The woman sitting in front of him looked like Professor Pearl, but she didn’t sound like her at all.
Before he could ask her why she had suddenly changed her mind about sleeping with Nick, Diamond cut in. “Oh, Pearl, don’t kid yourself! Nick only wanted you when he knew he couldn’t have you! We all know I’m his favorite Carter Girl!”
Pearl rolled her eyes. “Most frequent doesn’t mean favorite, Diamond. You said it yourself: what he really craves most is what he can’t have.”
Jay snickered. “Does that mean Emerald is actually his favorite Carter Girl? ‘Cause that’s the one woman at this agency Nick will never have.”
As they continued to bicker back and forth, K picked up the phone on his desk and dialed an extension. After a few rings, a breathless female voice answered, “Infirmary.”
“Red, it’s K,” he said in a low voice. “I need you in my office as soon as possible.”
“Psh… Red?” he heard Lancy snort in the background. “Please. She’s far from Nick’s favorite.”
“Is it an emergency?” asked Red. “I’m a little busy here at the moment. My assistant Archie broke into the drug closet and took something; I’m still trying to figure out what so I can treat him.”
K felt his brow furrow as he considered the possibility that Diamond, Pearl, Lancy, and Jay were also under the influence of some drug. Could they have been poisoned? “He may not be the only one. I’ve got an office full of people who are acting out of their minds. Can you take a look at them, too?”
“If you can bring them here. I don’t want to leave Archie alone.”
“Okay. We’re on our way.” He hung up the phone and rose to his feet. “Everyone, follow me. Your next mission starts in the infirmary.”
***
Red hadn’t seen her infirmary so full in a long time. She had spent the last half hour bustling between the beds of her five new patients, checking vital signs and taking blood samples. Aside from Archie, none of the others showed any physical signs of drug intoxication. Yet, mentally, they seemed altered.
“God, I’m so horny,” Pearl groaned, flopping backward on her bed in obvious frustration. She left her knees bent, her legs spread wide open.
“You and me both, babe,” replied Lancy, who was perched on the edge of the bed beside hers. “But at least you don’t have one of these to deal with.” He uncrossed his legs and pointed to the prominent bulge in the crotch of his tight purple jeans. “What is it they always say in those Viagra commercials? ‘Seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours?’”
“It’s been, like, forty minutes,” said Diamond from the next bed. “You’ll be fine.”
“Red?” Lancy called across the room. “Will I be fine, or do I need immediate medical help?”
“You need a cold shower,” said Jay, snickering as Red rolled up the lacy sleeve of his blouse.
“Di’s right — you’ll be fine as long as it doesn’t last more than four hours,” Red replied patiently, tying a tourniquet around Jay’s tattooed arm. “Just try to think about something else.”
“I can’t.” Lancy let out a wistful sigh. “After eight years of being the only gay man in a building full of sexy, straight alpha males, I finally came close to fulfilling my wildest fantasy: me and 00Carter…”
“Hey, we’re not all alpha males,” argued Jay, gesturing to himself. “I happen to be very in touch with my feminine side.” He wiggled his fingers, flaunting his bright fuchsia nail polish.
“Hold still,” Red warned, pushing his hand back down until it was resting palm up on the bed again. She palpated his forearm, feeling for a suitable vein from which to draw blood.
“Dude… just rub one out already,” she heard Archie mutter from the bed behind her. Glancing back over her shoulder, Red was relieved to see her assistant sitting up and looking more lucid than he had an hour ago. The treatment she had given him — activated charcoal to absorb the drugs he’d ingested and intravenous fluids to flush them out of his system — seemed to be working.
“Ew, not here!” Diamond squealed as Lancy unzipped his fly.
With a sigh, Red rose from her stool and pulled the curtain closed around Lancy’s bed to give him some privacy. Then she returned to Jay’s bedside.
“You know I don’t like needles, right?” Jay said nervously as she rubbed his arm with antiseptic.
“I’ll be gentle,” Red promised, setting the alcohol wipe aside and picking up one of the blood collection tubes she had prepared. “Just don’t look.”
“I mean, is this really necessary?” He let out a high-pitched laugh. “Look at me — I’m fine!”
Red looked, her eyes lingering on his lavender boa. “Unless you’d like to tell me why you’re suddenly wearing makeup and women’s clothing, yes, it’s necessary. We need to know what’s causing this abnormal behavior.”
“Abnormal?” Jay repeated, his false lashes fluttering as he blinked furiously. “Why is it that a woman can wear whatever she wants, but when a guy wants to wear something pretty, it’s considered abnormal? Who decided purple and lace were only for women in the first place? Purple’s the color of royalty, for god’s sake! Kings used to wear purple and lace! So fuck your gender norms! Why should I have to conform to what today’s society says I should wear?”
“Yaaasss, king!” Lancy cried from behind his curtain.
“He has a point,” Pearl agreed.
“I’m finally free to be me, and I’ve never felt better! There’s nothing wrong with– motherfucker!” Jay screamed as Red slid the long needle attached to the tube into his vein. “Jesus! You could have fucking warned me!”
Watching the tube fill with dark red blood, she shrugged. “Sorry. I thought it was better to do it while you were distracted.” When she finished collecting the sample, Red withdrew the needle and covered the small wound with a cotton ball. “Keep pressure on it for a few minutes,” she told Jay as she stood up to take the samples to her lab. “I’ll be right back.”
Despite her efforts to remain calm and professional, Red felt deeply troubled by Jay’s uncharacteristic rant and the others’ reported behavior. “It’s like they’ve lost their filters,” she told K later in the hall outside the infirmary. “Whatever thoughts and feelings fill their heads come spilling out with no regard for anyone else, causing them to act on compulsions they would usually repress. They’re clearly under the influence of something that has taken away all their inhibitions.”
K frowned. “What do you think it could be?”
Red shook her head slowly. “I’m not sure yet… but if it’s some kind of toxin, I’m going to find out.”
***