Episode 6: It’s a Small World
Part 1
Top Secret: FANS. The words had haunted K since he’d first heard them uttered a few weeks ago. And now, with the acquisition of this folder, their secrets began to unravel. As Jay and Grasshopper took the chairs in front of K’s desk, he continued to stare at the folder intently.
Jay looked over at K with a knowing smirk on his face. Even when K met with his highest-ranking agents, he always laced his fingers and rested his chin on them. It was a telltale habit of his.
“So, is this Chinese ice water torture, or are you going to start this meeting?” Jay laughed.
Grasshopper held up his hand. “Patience is like the wind — it can sting you or embrace you.”
Jay shook his head and fiddled with his sunglasses. Stinging wind…
K slowly opened the folder. “It seems our enemy has a common thread.”
Jay leaned forward. “Meaning?”
K flipped through the pages. “Global Idol… the Antarctic missile…”
“How about the aliens?”
K shook his head. “There’s nothing in here about it, but, of course, we can’t be sure since Nick retrieved this before we encountered that dilemma.”
“We are the Romans… FANS is our Caesar…” Grasshopper started.
K shook his head. “Is it really necessary for you to speak in riddles among the 00-agents?”
Grasshopper gave him a knowing smile.
Jay removed his sunglasses. “So, what do we know about FANS?”
K continued flipping through the pages. “Even if it’s a file from their own hands, there’s not a lot of information in it. It was found in Antarctica, but…” K stopped.
Jay lowered the hand holding his sunglasses. “K?”
“According to this, their headquarters are located somewhere in Florida.” K shook his head and passed the file to Grasshopper as he turned back to Jay. “And even without this file, we still have the issue of the aliens.”
Jay set his sunglasses on the desk and crossed his arms. “Why did you let the FBI take all the evidence?”
A small smirk crept across K’s face.
“It was you!” Jay shook his head.
K laced his fingers again. “Even if he had the wrong reaction and reasoning, Nick had a point yesterday. We do focus a great deal of our attention on America. But that really isn’t our job…” K pushed a button on a remote, and the small screen popped from his nameplate again. The local news was discussing recent events, including the death of Hugh Hefner.
Jay shook his head. “It was a pretty quick cover-up.”
K set the remote down. “Too quick and smoothed over for Himitsu Takana to process in that short of time, don’t you think?”
Jay shook his head again. “I guess you’re right.”
Grasshopper closed the folder and slid it across the desk to Jay. “There seems to be some commotion at a Disney-themed park…”
Jay and K turned toward the screen. K increased the volume on the small device.
The sound crackled a little. “…Reporting live from Disney World, where there seem to be many odd phenomena…” The reporter quickly shielded herself from what looked like rain.
“A hurricane?” Jay asked.
K studied the screen for a moment. “It looks like there’s snow on the ground… and maybe hail?”
“Even at the Christmas Day parade, the Magic Kingdom has never been blanketed with snow like we’re experiencing today. This is a record snowfall, everyone!”
K tapped the screen with a pen and stared intently.
Grasshopper leaned toward the screen. “I have heard of it snowing in warmer climates, but the snow melts when it hits the ground…”
The news report panned across the park, stopping at Main Street. The scene looked almost like a snow globe inside one of the many gift shops. If the picture shook, would the snow disappear?
Grasshopper put his hand on K’s shoulder, giving him a brief smile.
Jay, who had been perusing the file until that moment, stopped abruptly. He had come across a photograph of a sinister-looking character with a ferret on his shoulder. Jay smoothed his hand across the glossy paper, staring at it intently.
K put his hand on the page. “There’s no name…” He turned back to Jay. “Do you recognize him?”
Jay turned away.
K pushed the photo back toward Jay. “Do you know anything about FANS?”
Jay shook his head as he set the paper back on the top of the stack. “No. I just have a hunch that we should be careful…” He sighed, giving the photograph one last glance before he pushed back his chair and stood up. “K…”
K grabbed the file again and slid it towards himself. He paused to look up at Jay for a brief moment.
“With this strange weather in Florida… and FANS having their headquarters there… I’m assuming you want to check it out?”
K stared at the photo of the man with the ferret atop his shoulder again. “Yes. I think this is why we let the FBI handle the messy end of the last mission.”
Jay grabbed his sunglasses and smirked. “Should I start calming Carter down now?”
K shook his head and smiled. “No, I’ll take care of 008 this time. Compile the rest of the report for the last mission.”
After sliding his sunglasses back up his nose, Jay saluted and left the office. As the news broadcast played in the background, K continued to stare at the photo.
Grasshopper placed his hand on K’s shoulder again. “A man’s hunch is like the bands of a snake. If man is not cautious, he is the one in peril…”
K gave Grasshopper another smile before turning back to the screen. The white world of the Magic Kingdom was almost haunting. He shook that haunted feeling from himself.
Grasshopper smiled. “Perhaps Agent Jay could use a break this time. I hear 002 is quite familiar with the restricted access trails in the theme park.” Grasshopper gave K a slight bow as he stood before exiting the room.
K managed a small chuckle before closing the file on his desk and placing it inside a drawer. He locked the drawer quickly and returned the key to a pocket on his suit.
***
After pushing open the door to her office, Diamond leaned against it with a smirk on her face. “I never expected to return from my mission and see the infamous 00Carter sitting on my desk…” Her face softened into a genuine smile. “…with flowers…”
Nick picked up the vase and gave Diamond a quizzical look. “Do I really seem like the type of guy that would give you flowers when you came back from a mission where you were dressed as a Playboy Bunny?” He winked. “Be serious, Di.”
“So who are the roses from then, Romeo?” Diamond crossed her arms and returned his wink.
“These are from Lancy…” Nick shook his head before pulling the card from the bouquet, then laughed after skimming it. “For your phone.”
Diamond rushed at the flowers with a squeal. “I want to read the card! Let me see!”
Nick hopped off the desk then set the vase down. When Diamond reached him, he grabbed her hand, pulling her toward him. “You know what upsets me most about the last mission?” Nick grinned as he leaned toward her.
“That you know Pearl will kill you the minute you leave my office?” Diamond laughed.
Nick ran his hand down the small of her back. “That I didn’t get to be there with you while you were an undercover Playmate, dressed in your Bunny best.”
She flashed a seductive smile as she leaned closer toward him. “Who says you won’t get to?”
A wicked grin crossed his face. “You saved it?”
“Vintage is hard to find.” She ran her hand up his chest. “Why would I give it back?” While fiddling with his shirt collar, she leaned into his ear and whispered, “You know what upsets me most about the last mission?”
“What’s that?”
“Being all alone in a place just begging you to have sex.”
Nick leaned in to kiss her. “Desiree…”
As Diamond walked her fingers down his chest, she leaned toward him, stopping centimeters from his lips. “Maybe I’ll put it on now if you keep begging.”
When Nick opened his mouth to speak, a loud vibration interrupted him that swiftly became the blaring beat of “Mambo No. 5.” Nick groaned, and Diamond laughed.
“Pearl hacked your phone?”
Nick rolled his eyes as he pulled it from his pocket. “She changed it after Global Idol and I don’t know how to erase it.”
“She just wanted to make sure everyone knew that you’ll be their man for just a little bit of them.” Diamond giggled. “Is she calling to demand your presence for a butt-kicking?”
“Damn it, it’s K.” Nick silenced it and put it in his pocket before leaning to meet Diamond’s lips again. “You’re really gonna make me beg?”
Diamond simply grinned.
“Desiree, Desiree, Desiree, De–” Once again, Nick’s phone loudly and melodically vibrated.
“Too bad…” Diamond pressed a quick kiss to his lips, then pulled back and winked. “Maybe next time you’ll beg me on your knees.”
“Pretty sure you’ll be the one begging if I’m on my knees.” Nick grinned, pulling her back in for another kiss.
At the tell-tale sound of another vibration, Nick scowled as he pulled back from her. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back.”
“Maybe I’ll get the Bunny suit and meet you in your office instead.” Diamond winked.
“Damn it, K!” Nick stormed out of the office, grumbling to himself as he finally answered the phone.
Once he left, Diamond laughed and sat down on top of her desk. She pulled the card from beside the vase where Nick left it.
Dearest Di,
Sorry to hear about your phone. Please accept these flowers and my sympathies. I miss you! Let’s dish and shop tomorrow. You know what they say, Diamonds are a guy’s best friend!
Fabulously yours,
Lancy
As she clutched the card to her heart, Diamond laughed again. “Oh, Lancy, you always know just what to say!”
***
A small smile played on K’s lips as he stepped into the elevator. During the ride down, he reflected on the agents he was about to assign to the Disney World mission under the guise of a vacation. He was certain that 008 should be a part of it — he knew Nick was still upset about being left out of the previous one. 006 would make a fine addition to his team as well — Shazam was an expert in weaponry, and K wasn’t sure what they would be facing in Florida. His only hesitation was the fact that the two of them tended to butt heads, which was why K was also going to bring 005 along — he needed a strong woman like Emerald to keep the other male agents in line.
The elevator doors slid open with a soft ding. K exited and walked down the hall to Pearl’s lab. He wanted his head scientist to accompany him on this mission, too. He was sure she would be able to figure out what was altering the weather patterns in Orlando.
As he approached the door of Pearl’s lab, he noticed a dark figure coming from the opposite side. “Right on time, 006,” he murmured as the fellow agent nodded in response. He knocked lightly, then let himself and Shazam into the laboratory.
Pearl sat behind a computer, typing continuously as her eyes darted between two screens. Emerald leaned against Pearl’s huge, metal desk, looking bored with her companion. Her eyes brightened at the sight of Shazam and K. What she wouldn’t give to have a high-speed, action-packed mission — one that didn’t involve dressing up as a damn Playboy Bunny or giving creepy old men enemas.
“Hey there, boss,” she said, straightening up and walking towards the pair. She placed her hands in her jeans’ pockets. “What’s the news?”
K’s green eyes wandered around the room. “Isn’t 008 present yet?”
“When is he ever at a place at the right time? Why should now be any different?” Shazam replied promptly, grinning as Emerald chuckled.
“Looks like you’ve been working on that sentence for a couple of weeks now, 006, haven’t you?” said Pearl.
Sending a glare towards the two agents and a more meaningful one towards Pearl, K took out his phone. He felt the familiar sense of impatience boiling inside him as he called Nick for the second time since he’d left his office. No matter what Nick meant to him, K was a man of discipline and punctuality — the two qualities 008 lacked the most.
“So anyways, just start to fill us in on what we’re up to this time, K,” Emerald continued impatiently. “008 can be filled in later. He needs special tutoring because of his lack of comprehension anyway.”
K threw another glare towards Emerald. She was a hell of an agent, but he could never understand why she was so spiteful towards Nick. If there was any other rebel in the agency besides Nick, it was her. For some reason, K saw a lot of similarities between the two agents, more similarities than differences, but maybe that was what made them conflict so much.
Shaking his thoughts away, Agent K decided to deliver the news. “Actually, y’all, I’m not here to call you in for a mission, but for a different occasion.” He looked at his employees’ confused faces. “We’re going on a vacation.”
“On a what??” Emerald and Pearl replied in unison.
Pearl had finally darted her eyes from the computer screens. If there was one thing that could draw her attention while working, it was the word ‘vacation.’ “I’m starting to believe that you actually are a human boss who needs a break as well,” she said, chuckling. “I didn’t know you had the word ‘vacation’ in your vocabulary.”
Oh, little did she know.
“Yeah, we’re going on a vacation–” He was interrupted once more by Nick’s sudden burst into the lab.
“A vacation?” Nick replied. Late as always, he had only heard the last words of K, who just looked at him and nodded as a response before talking again.
“We are going on a vacation… to Disney World.”
“To where?!” Emerald shouted. She just wanted to make sure she had heard it right. Who would actually consider going to an amusement park with stupid costumed mascots everywhere, annoying the hell out of everyone, as a vacation?
“To Disney World,” K repeated. “I thought this would be a great opportunity to just take our minds off of all the recent stuff.”
“That sounds pretty good, boss,” Shazam said and motioned towards the lab’s door. “I better go and let the others know.” Before he could proceed, K took his arm and stopped him.
“Nope,” he said softly and placed a smile on his lips. “The Disney World vacation is only for the five of us. We can’t leave the headquarters empty, so we’re taking vacations one group at a time.”
“Aww, that’s too bad,” Pearl said from her seat, sounding genuinely sad. “It would be nice to have Red and Jay and the others with us…”
“Yeah, it wouldn’t hurt to tag along with Jay in that damned fake world…” Emerald grumbled. “Why Disney World anyway? Couldn’t we go somewhere like Hawaii or Barbados or something? I wouldn’t even say no to the Alps.” She was truly pissed off that they didn’t have the chance to choose where to go, and she knew pretty well that when you had a boss like K, you didn’t have the luxury to object.
Utterly surprised and even more disappointed about the fact that his favorite agent wasn’t included in the trip while his least favorites were, Nick looked at K like he’d just betrayed him.
“K, come on, can’t we replace Emerald or Shazam with Di?” Nick almost pleaded. He knew he sounded weak, but he couldn’t care less. Considering the fact that he had just enjoyed a few steamy moments with Diamond, he wasn’t thinking with his brain anyway.
“Shut up, Carter. I wouldn’t mind trading you with Di, either. I’d prefer her any time of the day to your whiny little sorry ass!” Shazam spat back.
“In your dreams, Chasez, in your fucking wet dreams.”
“Hey, enough, both of you,” K growled. He walked towards the door and out to the corridor, but they could still hear his stern voice clearly inside the lab. “The jet’s leaving in an hour. Start packing.”
Rolling his eyes, Nick followed his superior outside the lab. K was walking down the corridor on his right. Sighing and knowing he just couldn’t protest, Nick went in the opposite direction, only to come across Diamond leaning seductively against the wall wearing bunny ears.
“Hey.” A small smile played on her lips. “So you’re on your way to Disney World for a vacation, huh? Too bad, I was just about to meet you in your office after I grabbed my new phone from Pearl.”
“Di, you know…” Nick trailed off as she moved closer to him. Her face was only inches away from his, her hands moving slowly but firmly down his chest. “I’d prefer staying with you here.” As Diamond’s hands dropped to his belt and pulled him towards her, air caught in the back of his throat.. He wiggled his eyebrows, flashing the crooked smile that he knew Diamond just couldn’t resist. “We can still finish what we started, you know. I still got an hour.”
Diamond tugged firmly on his belt one more time until their bodies pressed against each other, then lowered her voice to a sultry whisper. “After the hour I have planned, you’d only be begging for more.” She ran his hand along his abdomen. “You should pack. Even a hungry bunny can be patient for a good carrot.” Letting go of him, she placed a soft peck on his lips. “But when you get back, I’ll take you wonder by wonder, over, sideways, and under.” She winked, then blew a kiss as she walked into Pearl’s lab.
Torn between walking left or right, Nick stared at the door to Pearl’s lab, then glanced the other way to see K’s disappearing silhouette.
Nick shook his head as he turned to his right. “Damn it, K!”
***
Just as he was about to turn the corner down the hallway, Lancybassy heard K’s orders.
“The jet’s leaving in an hour. Start packing.”
He stopped in his tracks to listen. Then he heard Diamond’s voice, probably talking to his boss since Lancy knew that Di didn’t talk to just anyone that way.
Placing his hand on his chest, Lancy sighed dreamily.
“So you’re on your way to Disney World for a vacation, huh?”
So his boss was going on a vacation to Disney World. Clapping his hands happily, Lancy took another second to hear Nick’s muffled voice. “Di, you know…”
Having proven for sure that it was 00Carter who would be leaving for sunny Florida, Lancy headed back to his office. If his boss was taking a little break, why couldn’t he? And he had to give credit to K for choosing Disney World as the vacation spot. Half walking, half jogging, Lancy tried to keep his giggles under control.
He only needed to find where he’d put his green tutu. Then he was good to go.
***