Episode 7: Here Ye Be Pirates
Part 1
Alone at the bar, a young woman played with the stem of her wine glass, watching the liquid swish around the bowl. With the brush of a quick breeze, her eyes drifted towards the door. Left disappointed by the unfamiliar face, she sighed and glanced at her watch. She had been sitting here, alone, for over an hour and was beginning to believe that she had been stood up. The lights in the bar dimmed, alerting the patrons inside that they had now entered the evening hours.
This is it; I’m leaving, she decided and pulled out her cash to pay her bill. As she stood, straightening out her sleek black dress, footsteps approached her table. She swore to herself that if it was another drunk trying to pick her up, she would use some of her newly-acquired training to tell them she wasn’t interested.
“You aren’t leaving already? Are you?” The familiar male voice startled her, and she met his gaze.
“You’re late,” she said with a slight growl to her voice. Nonetheless, she sat back down, indicating that the man who had finally joined her should do the same.
“Aw, c’mon, you know how hard it is for me to get away. Demanding job and all.” He smirked at the woman, pulled out the chair opposite her, and sat down. When the waiter took his drink order, she motioned for another.
The couple sat in awkward silence, staring at anything besides each other. When their drinks arrived, the man downed his first one in a few gulps, then immediately ordered another.
“Stressed?” she asked, taking note of how fast he drank his beer.
“Tomorrow we start out on a new… mission,” he replied.
“One of those top-secret missions that even I, your own sister, am not allowed to know about, I suppose.” There was a slightly haughty tone to her voice.
“This one, sis, even you woulda joined in on back in the day, and it is gonna be so much fun.” The man giggled but caught himself quickly when the server dropped off his second beer.
The woman scanned the nearby tables, suspiciously eyeing anyone who caught her gaze. “I can’t believe I agreed to meet you here, of all places. What if someone sees us together?”
“You’re too uptight; you work too hard. A night out could only do you good.” The man across from her downed his second beer and began to eye her drink, plotting when would be a good time to steal her beverage for himself.
Shoving her drink towards her brother, she continued, “I would feel better if you weren’t involved with that organization you hold in such high regard. I don’t understand why you feel the need to be involved with these people. What is it that they do for you? It seems to me that they are only using you.”
“You’re my kid sister; you shouldn’t worry about me. I know what I’m doing, what I’m getting into. I am a big boy and don’t need you looking out for me. Let me be the one looking out for you.” He finished her drink.
Sensing that she was still feeling uneasy, he felt that perhaps he could trust his sister with the plan, so she wouldn’t have to worry as much as she did. “Well, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but since you worry so…” The young man leaned in closer to his sister and began telling her about the latest plot. He spun his tale quietly but with exuberant hand gestures so that she would get the entire picture. “…Anyway, it will happen in the Bermuda Triangle, so who will believe anyone about what happens there?” He cackled with glee, savoring the stares that he received from the other bar patrons.
She shook her head and hid her face with her hand out of embarrassment. “I don’t understand why you just told me that. I’m a police trainee… what if I turned you in?”
Stunned she had even said that, it took him a few minutes to pull out his wallet and throw down his money to pay. “I told you so you wouldn’t worry about me like you are so fond of doing. I can’t believe you’re going through with police training. What about family? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” Shoving back his chair, he stood quickly and turned to storm out. “Besides,” he turned back, adding, “you’re my little sister. You would never do anything to harm your older brother. Both you and I know that you don’t have the guts to turn me in, else people dig deeper into your past and discover the monsters in your closet.”
She watched as he made his way out the door, conflicted over whether she should ignore what she had just heard or do something about it. She rummaged through her purse and found her cell phone. Flipping it open, she began to scroll through the phone numbers listed. After finding the one she wanted, she quickly hit the call button.
“Hey, beautiful lady,” a voice slurred from behind her. “How about you and me…” He was unable to finish the statement as her hand flew to his groin and squeezed tightly.
“I am on the phone. Go hit on someone else,” she informed him before releasing him to find some other unfortunate girl to hit on. Thankfully, the other line picked up at that moment. “Hello, Nick. It’s me, Aly…”
***
“Hey, you. To what do I owe this honor?” Nick chuckled.
“You know why I’m calling. I just met with my brother, and…”
“Oh yeah? How’d that go?”
“Well, I’d tell you if you’d let me talk…”
“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry about that. Just so glad to hear from my favorite girl and all,” Nick said softly, trying not to laugh.
“Your favorite girl, huh? Whatever, anyway…”
“Aww, c’mon, you don’t like being my favorite girl?” Nick pouted, feigning hurt.
“Shut up, Carter! I’ve got something important to tell you!”
“Well, sooorrry!”
“Anyway, my brother told me about this plot that he’s going to be working on next. Something about this sub that’s going to be designed as a kraken so they can take over cruise ships to get money.”
“Isn’t that a little… I dunno, old-fashioned? I mean, seriously. Then again, there are some cruise ships that are worth a lot, and… actually, that’s not a bad idea.”
“Nick, shut up and let me finish! I swear, I don’t know why I even bother.”
“What?! I was just joking… go on,” Nick sighed.
“Okay, so they’re going to be dressing up as pirates, and get this: it’s all going to take place in the Bermuda Triangle. Ya know, because of the myths and everything. They figure if anyone tries to explain it, everyone will think they’re crazy, ya know? I mean, that is, if anyone were to survive.”
“I can see that; it would be kinda crazy…”
“And stupid! I mean, they’re going to use some kind of… mist machine to make it look foggy, and…”
“Oooh, I love that misty, foggy effect! That’s gonna look sweet! I’ve always wanted to be in a movie where I come out of the mist dressed in this really great tux, looking all smooth, and I have this martini glass in my hand with an olive on a toothpick, and…”
“Nick… can we focus, please? Hmm?”
“Sorry…” He cleared his throat. “Sorry, go ahead.”
“As I was saying, that’s what’s going to happen.”
“So this is all about money?”
“Basically. Isn’t that what everything is about?”
“I guess. Do you think they could pull this off? Well, I mean, if someone didn’t stop them?”
“I dunno, Nick. I can see where they’re going with it, but it’s just crazy.”
“And besides, stuff like that never works in the movies; there’s always one fatal mistake, and then it’s over. Their first fatal mistake was not being careful about who found out their secret!” Nick cackled dramatically.
“I swear, Nick, you’re such a loser.”
“Thanks! I have to say… I kinda feel sorry for your brother.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“’Cause I’d hate it if I had a sister who was a snitch,” he laughed.
There was silence on the other end.
Nick frowned. “Hey, I was just kidding. I didn’t mean it.”
He felt like an ass. It couldn’t have been easy to pass along information that could possibly get a family member hurt or, even worse, killed. And he couldn’t fault her for wanting to protect family; it was something he admired most about her.
While on a past mission, he’d visited a local nightclub for a drink and a little entertainment, which luckily turned out to be Aly Mendez. She’d been just as beautiful then as she was now. He’d stayed through her entire set and had made sure to meet her after.
They’d talked for a while, and he’d tried his best moves, but all of them had failed. Still, he’d found himself drawn to her, especially after he discovered she only moonlighted as a singer. Luckily, she spent her days training on the police force, and she’d come in handy on a past mission.
“Carter?! Hellooo?”
“What? Sorry, I’m still here, just thinking.”
“Really?” she said, amused.
“Shut up!”
Theirs was a love/hate relationship.
***
Nick had been blessed with a vivid imagination, a way of conceiving things in his head and bringing them to life on paper. Sketches, lyrics… he might have been an artist instead of an agent. He had the talent but not the temperament. At least, not anymore. His angst would have suited an artist’s craft well, but the anger… the anger was what had driven him deep into this world of espionage and secret agents.
It was widely known that 00Carter couldn’t walk without tripping over his own two large feet, but just the same, he could jump back up and fire a gun with dead-on accuracy. And he possessed more subtle skills as well. He could read and charm people, and those two innate abilities aided him even more than his hand-eye coordination did. They were evidence of a depth that few of his peers at HimTak saw in him, which was probably his own fault. He was the one who had groomed his persona as a prankster and a womanizer, charismatic and fun-loving, but rarely serious.
However, he kept his serious side to himself, making his artistic endeavors a private pastime. Those at the agency knew he had musical talent, thanks to the Global Idol debacle, but they didn’t know how he liked to make up words to the random melodies flowing through his head, or that when he was alone in his room, he drew in a large sketchbook he stashed beneath his mattress.
It was in this sketchbook that Nick doodled while he listened to Aly’s voice on the phone, picturing her face in his mind’s eye and scrawling the lines of it by memory. It was a hastily done portrait, certainly not his best work, but, looking down at it as she shared her woes over her brother’s latest crime scheme, he thought he had effectively captured the melancholy look of her angular features. He would just have to go back and fill in the color of her eyes. They were what made her striking, the blue she’d inherited from her white mother contrasting with the black hair of her Latino father.
Sapphire Siren… that was his secret name for her. She wasn’t a part of the agency like the others, but he’d gotten so acclimated to the gemstone names for the women of HimTak that it seemed the only natural choice for her, the enigmatic singer whose life was as conflicted as her biracial features. She spent her days training for the police academy, her evenings singing on the LA club circuit, and her nights turning the other cheek, while her brother continued her father’s legacy of drug smuggling, theft, and God knew what else. Nick knew it hadn’t been an easy decision for her to pass on information about his latest conspiracy.
“Please,” she begged, “I’m only telling you because I know you can take care of it without getting the authorities involved. You know I can’t turn my own brother in to the cops or the government. You can stop this whole scheme without getting him hurt or incarcerated, like my dad. Can’t you?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Nick vowed. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll-”
The beeping of his phone stopped him mid-sentence. “Hold up a sec,” he interrupted himself, lowering the phone to glance at the screen. It was another incoming call from ‘Grandma.’ Nick groaned. “Hey, I gotta go. Got another call from the big boss man. I’ll call ya later if I can, ‘kay?”
“It’s cool. Catch ya later. Oh, and thanks.”
“Yup.” With the push of a button, Nick switched over to the other call. “K?”
“Where are you, 008? Did you not receive the memo about the staff meeting that was supposed to start five minutes ago? We’re waiting on you,” K growled in his ear.
Nick’s eyes flashed down to his watch, but of course, he couldn’t get the time from that. “Oh shit, is that now? Sorry, K, I’m comin’.” He flipped the phone shut before K could begin a lecture and shoved his sketchbook back under his mattress before scrambling out into the hall. He could say it was Pearl’s fault he couldn’t keep track of the time — how could he, with a watch that didn’t either?
When Nick reached the conference room across the hall from K’s office, he groaned to himself. All of the Double-0 agents, from K down to Diamond, had already assembled. Even more irritatingly, he noticed Lancy perched next to Diamond and wondered why his secretary hadn’t reminded him of this meeting on his way to it.
“Nice of you to join us, 008,” K said, with a sarcastic cock of the brow.
“00Carter,” Nick corrected automatically, taking the empty seat in between Diamond and Agent 007. “Hey Jim,” he greeted the latter out of the corner of his mouth, smirking when he saw the man’s posture stiffen. He knew the stuffy British import detested nicknames, so he tried every nickname he could think of just to annoy him. A sudden thought struck him: was that why K insisted on calling him 008 instead of 00Carter? He considered this, effectively tuning out the start of the meeting.
“As you know,” K said, “it’s been nearly three months since we lost Agent Chasez, which has left us short one Double-0.”
Instantly, Nick’s attention snapped back to the present as an uncomfortable regret gnawed at his stomach. He didn’t feel any guilt over Shazam’s death. Agents died in their line of work all the time. It wasn’t like Drums’s accident — he hadn’t been there, hadn’t caused it any more than he could have stopped it. It was Drums who had thrown Shazam to his death, Drums and Drums alone. Actually, the lack of remorse made Nick feel guilty.
It was no secret that he’d thought Shazam was a prick. The two had been rivals, never friends, and Nick hardly missed him. Not that Nick had ever wished death on him; no, he felt bad that JC had been murdered so ruthlessly at the hands of a former friend. But he hadn’t exactly mourned for him either, and that made him feel worse. He should have felt something more than what he had, but the truth was, life had gone on at Himitsu Takana. Crime didn’t take time off for grief, and so, missions had continued without 006. Nick had been getting more assignments himself, now that there was one less agent to send into the field, and he couldn’t say he felt bad about that either.
“Now that our secondary agent force has completed their tests, I’m happy to announce our newest Double-0 Agent,” K went on, “Agent Leonardo DiCaprio, code name Vitruvian, formerly Agent 010.”
All eyes shifted to a lanky man in the corner of the room, who stood, an awkward smile on his face, and gave a little wave of acknowledgement. He was a couple of inches shorter, his hair a shade darker, and he had a few extra years and lower rank than Nick. Still, Nick suddenly felt intimidated by the way he noticed both Diamond and Lancy staring at Vitruvian.
“Know why they call him ‘Vitruvian’?” Lancy whispered to Diamond. “’Cause he’s a fab-u-lous work of art!”
Nick instantly frowned, surveying DiCaprio again. He wasn’t that good-looking. He wasn’t even that toned. What did Lancy see in him? Wait, he thought suddenly, his frown deepening, I’m mad because Lancy’s finally hitting on someone besides me?? He shook his head, chuckling to himself.
A feminine giggle matched his own. To his chagrin, Nick turned to see Diamond nodding, emphatic in her agreement with Lancy, seeming to undress DiCaprio with her sparkling eyes. Nick glared at her, too.
K cleared his throat. “As the newest Double-0 agent, procedure dictates that Vitruvian should take the rank of 009. As follows, all other Double-0 agents will be promoted one rank until-”
“Ahem.” Everyone except Diamond and Lancy looked at the dark-haired man on the other side of Nick, who raised a hand to protest. “Pardon me, Agent K, but I do believe I’ve already shared with you my objections in the matter of changing ranks. Might I remind you, I’ve held this number since my days in the Secret Intelligence Service, MI6. Which, I might add, was decades before you took control of this organization.”
“Decades?” Diamond murmured to Nick, her attention finally dragged away from DiCaprio. “How old is he, anyway? He doesn’t look much older than K…”
“I’m telling you, the guy never ages; it’s creepy…” Nick whispered out of the other corner of his mouth.
K held up a hand in surrender, nodding. “My mistake. I stand corrected: Agent 007 prefers to keep his rank rather than change numbers. That means, 008, you’ll take the rank of 006, and Diamond, you’ll be the new Agent 008.”
“Whoa, hold up a minute!” Nick jumped to his feet, rising to K’s height. “How come he gets to keep his rank, but not anybody else? I don’t want Shazam’s number! I wanna keep my own too.”
“I thought you hated being called 008,” replied K, looking back at him levelly. There was a tiny hint of sarcasm behind his cool stare that seemed to confirm Nick’s earlier suspicions about K.
“I do, but… but it’s still my number!” Nick spluttered. “I’m not being 006.”
“009, do you have a problem changing numbers?”
Diamond shrugged. “I’ve only been 009 since Drums left… I’m not exactly attached. I’ll switch to 006,” she said cheerfully, then mused to herself, “Six is the degrees of separation between all celebrities, you know… mostly notably Kevin Bacon…”
“Ooh, I love that game!” Lancy squealed. “Here’s one: Brad Pitt was in Troy — all bronze, buff, and battered, yum — with Orlando Bloom, who was in Pirates of the Caribbean with Johnny Depp — Captain Jack Sparrow, squee! — who was in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape with… oh, what’s the name of that one kid who played the retarded brother?” Lancy frowned, lost in thought for a few moments. “Oh poo… well, okay… Johnny dated Winona Ryder — Winona Forever! — who was in Mermaids with the one and only Cher, who was in The Witches of Eastwick with Jack Nicholson, who was fabulously fierce in A Few Good Men with none other than… ta-da! Kevin Bacon!”
“And plus, then I’ll outrank Nick!” Diamond beamed. “And Lancy, Brad was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon, so I can do that one in one degree! Mani-Pedis, your treat!”
Lancy pouted. “Show-off.”
“Hey, wait!” Nick whined, catching what Diamond had said a few seconds earlier. “Diamond can’t out–”
“She can, and she will,” K cut him off before he could finish, shooting Nick his infamous no-nonsense look. “You passed on moving up the ranks, 008, so you’ll keep your number, and Diamond will be promoted to 006. That leaves Vitruvian to take on her rank of 009.”
Nick huffed, avoiding Diamond’s gloating smile. Well, at least he’d still outrank the other blond Double-0.
Diamond stood up from her seat, giving Leo a wink as she offered him the chair. “You’re totally entitled to it, hon.” Her lips curved into a smile. Nick felt a tinge of jealousy as Leo smiled back. Diamond’s flirting smile was even worse than her gloating one. He felt his face twitch a little and smacked himself in the head so it would subside.
Only Lancy chuckled. Nick gave him a small glare before turning back to Diamond, who was theatrically moving to her new seat. She gracefully lowered into the seat between Emerald and 007 with a wide smile before pulling out her phone and furiously texting.
Emerald leaned over Diamond’s shoulder curiously. “Lancy, I’ll miss you at the slacker end of the table. Don’t faint from how hot it is over there now. Semicolon, parenthesis…” Emerald shook her head before taking Diamond’s phone out of her hands. “Don’t worry, you and your Blackberry Storm have officially spread the slack down the table.”
Diamond grabbed for the phone and whined, “I didn’t send the message…”
“I read it out loud. And he’s probably too busy suffering from heatstroke anyway.”
Lancy giggled, causing Leo to blush and Nick’s face to tense up once more.
Grasshopper leaned over to Emerald with a smile. “It is the young, after all, who replenish the earth like spring rain.”
Nick felt his face tingle as it twitched slightly. He hit himself in the forehead one more time before slamming his fist on the table. “If we could all stop fussing about Leonardo Di-Crapio for just two seconds, I have some important information about disturbances in the Bermuda Triangle…”
“Like ‘Gilligan’s Island’?!” Diamond squealed.
Nick smirked slightly, pleased that he had distracted her attention away from Di-Crapio and back on himself.
“That’s in the Pacific Ocean.” Lancy shook his head. “Pop culture, Di.”
“Well, actually,” Vitruvian started, “disturbances in the Bermuda Triangle are a gross exaggeration. There is no substantiated evidence that a disappearance there is more likely than any other part of the ocean.”
“If it’s exaggerated, then why is that all anyone ever talks about?!” Nick sneered. “Nobody ever says, ‘oh no, another boat disappeared in the Caribbean!’”
“Hurricanes are a prominent natural disaster in the Caribbean that can cause extreme wreckage to both land and ships.”
“Stop lecturing me about the ocean like you’re some kind of expert!”
“Ah, nature,” Grasshopper mused. “A loving wife and harsh mistress.”
“At least this is better than that argument about shoes.” Emerald laugh.
Jay smirked with a shrug. “A man’s gotta buy shoes.”
007 remained silent.
K raised his hand. “Enough. What sort of disturbances, Nick?”
“There’s a sub designed to look like a kraken. On board are people dressed as pirates who are taking money and valuables from people on cruise ships.”
“What’s a kraken?” Diamond puzzled.
“It’s a mythical sea monster,” Leo explained, at the same time as Nick replied, “It’s like a giant squid.”
Nick gave Leo a short glare before continuing, “Anyway, they figure that since it’s in the Bermuda Triangle, then everyone will think the survivors are crazy.”
“And giant squids don’t usually come to the surface.” Leo smiled.
“They can.”
“But they don’t usually.”
“But–”
“Enough.” K raised his hand once more. “Nick, where did you get this tip from?”
Nick lowered his head slightly. “A contact.”
K gave Nick a quick once-over, followed by a meaningful glance at Jay. K then returned his stare to Nick with a disapproving look.
Nick lowered his head a little more. That was definitely an “I don’t approve of you hanging around club singers with dangerous pasts” look.
“Pirates?” Emerald rolled her eyes. “We’re supposed to be world agents, not pirate police.”
“But pirates are outside of any country’s jurisdiction!” Nick jumped from his seat, knocking his chair back in the process.
“In the Bermuda Triangle…” Jay paused and turned to K.
Nick rustled his hand through his hair as Jay and K exchanged another silent glance. It said a million words, but he immediately caught the main topic of their silent conversation. FANS…
Nick slammed his hand on the table. “We definitely have to go!”
“008…” K started as he laced his fingers and placed his chin on them.
“The volumes of history…” Grasshopper began.
K sighed. “What do you propose, 008?”
“We should pose as pirates and get on that ship.”
“And who’s ‘we’?” Jay mused.
“Well, you sort of look like a pirate… and I have the tip, so I have insider information…” A small smirk formed on his lips. “And Di would look great as a pirate wench.”
Diamond laughed as she typed on her screen. “I would look good as anything. Did you know that there’s not really pirate fashion? They would wear the same type of clothing as any other sailor.”
“You’re picking agents based on appearances and not on skill?” 007 shook his head. “You need more training, 008.”
“We’re all skilled!” Nick crossed his arms. He really just wanted to get Diamond away from Di-Crapio and back on missions with him, where she belonged. Virtuvian’s approving nod at her fact only irritated him more.
K glared at Nick. “Sit down, 008.”
Nick picked his chair up from the ground and sat back in it.
“I think it would be best to send 003, 005, and 008,” K announced.
“But–” Nick started to protest.
K stood from his chair. “Leave as soon as you can. Meeting adjourned.”
Nick clenched his hand into a fist. “Well, this is really irritating…”
“Don’t worry.” Leo smiled at him. “I’ll keep Di-Di entertained for you.” Nick glared as he watched him turn to Diamond. “Hey, Di-Di, want to celebrate my promotion with drinks?”
“You know I’m always up for a good drink.” Diamond smiled.
Nick continued to glare at Vitruvian. Preying on Di’s hobbies like that…
Leo smiled. “Meet you downstairs in an hour and a half?”
“How’d you know?” she giggled.
When Leo left the room, Diamond put her hand on Nick’s shoulder. “Sorry about the mission, Nick. We’ll go out when you get back, okay?”
“Fine…”
“I’ll wear that dress you like.” Diamond gave him a short kiss before running over to Lancy and linking arms with him. “Let’s plan the perfect outfit, Lancy!”
“You’ll be a more fab-u-lous work of art than Vitruvian!”
“I can be his Mona Lisa,” Diamond giggled.
“Fuck this shit,” Nick grumbled to himself.
***