Episode 9: Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland
Part 1
Loud screams resounded inside the Pacific Coliseum in Vancouver, British Columbia. The loudest of those screams, by far, came from one particularly enthusiastic blond American, who was sitting front row center, holding a large, glitter-covered sign bearing the names of the two skaters currently taking a bow after completing their performance.
“WOOOO!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!” Mr. Lancybassy screamed as he stood beside Diamond Divine, who was definitely not as emphatic in her cheering as he was. When the couple on the ice waved at him, Lancy nearly fainted right on top of her.
“Lancy, sweetie, are you okay?” Diamond asked urgently, fanning his pale face, which had various skaters’ names painted all over it in shades of pink and blue.
“They… they waved… at me… at ME!!” Lancy exclaimed, his hands flapping wildly as he pointed at himself with his pink angora mittens.
“Absolutely, they totally waved at you.” Diamond giggled. She had only ever seen Lancy this excited the last time they went on a shopping spree and found matching boots in both men’s and women’s sizes at Gucci. Until a few months ago, she would never have guessed that her best friend was such a fervent figure skating fan — although, come to think of it, she should have guessed when she saw some of the velvet, spandex, and polyester ensembles he had in his closet that were clearly not meant to be worn anywhere but on an ice rink. When Lancy had asked her to come with him to Vancouver to see the Winter Olympic Games, she couldn’t wait to start shopping for more cute boots and matching coats, especially when Lancy had told her how many fit, young, male athletes would be there.
The arena fell silent as the scores were announced for the latest pair of skaters.
“What?! That will put them in third place!” Lancy cried, looking up at the scoreboard in dismay. “They totally deserved to be in first place after that routine.”
Diamond simply nodded in agreement. She still didn’t quite understand everything there was to know about figure skating yet, despite Lancy teaching her about it all day, every day, since they’d gotten there. She was slowly starting to realize just how much the sport meant to Lancy.
After the last pair had skated and they announced the final rankings of the night, Lancy pulled Diamond along to where he knew the skaters would be exiting the venue. They pushed their way to the front of the crowd, and that was where Lancy truly let his excitement show. “OH MY GOD!!! TANITH! TANITH BELBIN!! I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER! HAVE YOU AND BEN BEEN READING MY BLOG?! I SENT YOU MY BLOG!! BENNNN!! BEN AGOSTO!! I WORSHIP YOU!!!”
Diamond watched as he jumped up and down, squealing and screaming like a teenage fanboy. At first, she gladly let him do whatever made him happy. However, when he tried to jump over the barrier separating him from two of his idols, she quickly pulled him back right before two security guards came over to block his way. “Come on, hon, let’s go back to the hotel. I’ll buy you a venti mocha cappuccino on the way, and you can tell me more about the difference between ice dancing and pairs.”
“Oh my God, I totally forgot I had to finish telling you about that!” Lancy exclaimed, tucking the posters he had toiled over for two weeks straight safely under his arm while they walked to their hotel just outside of the Olympic pavilion. “The scoring and requirements are totally different, but, as I’m sure you noticed, the costumes are just as fabulous! The guys look H-O-T HOT, of course, but the ladies look way pretty, too! But just wait till the ladies singles; that’s the best! My favorite is — oh, that’s her!” Lancy tugged on Diamond’s arm as they walked into the lobby and saw a crowd of people watching a beautiful young figure skater on TV. He and Diamond joined the others, wondering what was going on.
“We have just received word that Kim Yuna, South Korean figure skating superstar and current frontrunner for the Olympic gold in Ladies Figure Skating, has gone missing,” a female news anchor reported as footage from one of Kim’s last performances played on the screen.
“WHAT?! NOOOO!” Lancy wailed. Diamond began rubbing his back supportively as the rest of the crowd turned their heads to shush him so they could hear the rest of the report. He waved them off as they all turned back to the TV.
“…Kim’s coach and a spokesperson for the Olympics both declined to comment at this time, but there is already outrage in the international community over this mysterious and tragic incident. South Korean government officials have expressed deep indignation over the disappearance of their star skater — an intensely beloved celebrity in her home country — and have also laid blame not only on host country Canada for its so-called ‘lack of scrutiny over details concerning the security of all of the athletes,’ but also on Russia and several other rival countries that they believe could have been plotting to ruin South Korea’s chances of taking home the gold medal in figure skating,” the reporter continued over muted clips of government officials making formal announcements at podiums.
“Because of these claims, the South Korean government insists that other organizations, such as the United Nations and specific countries’ governments, including the American CIA, should assist with the investigation, while other countries believe that only Canada and South Korea’s resources should be used in the search. The debate continues as we speak. The Canadian government has indeed begun searching the Vancouver area for any sign of the missing athlete, as time is certainly of the essence.” The broadcast cut to the reporter sitting at her desk. “We will continue to keep you updated as the story progresses. In case you’re just joining us, we recently received word that…”
“Th-that’s it? That’s all they can say?!” Lancy shouted as the crowd dispersed. “Kim Yuna, THE Queen Yuna, is MISSING, and all they can say is ‘They’re looking for her, and we’ll keep you posted’?! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!”
“Lancy, calm down, hon!” Diamond urged as people began to stare at Lancy’s hysterics.
“I can’t calm down, Di! My shining star, my inspiration, the very woman who motivated me to come here to see this wonderful sport in its competitional best, has DISAPPEARED!!” Lancy dropped to his knees and abruptly ripped — or rather, unzipped — off his bright pink parka as he shouted, “MY QUEEEEEEEENNNN!!!!! WHHHHHYYYYYYY!?!?!”
As Diamond knelt down to console her distraught friend, she looked up at the screen, where the news anchors were still discussing the missing figure skater Lancy so greatly adored.
***
“Peaaaaaaarl.”
“Niiiiiiiiiick.”
“Whatcha dooooooing?”
“Working… you know, that thing K keeps trying to make you do,” the blonde scientist teased with a smirk as she messed with wires inside what appeared to be an iPod Touch. Nick grinned at her.
“Hey, is that for me?”
“Actually, no, Mr. Ego. This is a gift for our new honorary HimTak member. Last minute touch-up to it.”
“Is that going to still be able to play music once you’re done with it?”
Pearl shot him a look as he leaned on her work table. “Keep that up, and I’ll take all your toys away, including your latest one.” For Nick’s birthday a month before, she’d gifted him with a Nintendo Wii game set that could paralyze any intruders with the right button combination in case of a breach. It connected to the camera feeds rather than the internet, which Nick found humorous and handy for pranks — especially since Pearl hadn’t mentioned it to K. There was always an advantage to having a technological genius as your friend.
He raised a brow as he found what looked like a cigarette lying upon the table. “Okay, you and I both know you hate smokes.”
“That’s Jay’s birthday gift… or, well, was. There’s a glitch I need to fix on it before giving it back to him.”
“What’s it do?”
“I’d tell you… but then I’d have to kill you.” She beamed as she fit the back panel back onto the iPod Touch and set it down with an air of triumph. “Finished.”
“Aww, come on. I have to admit, a cigarette device looks cool.”
“Knowing you, you’d smoke it — or try to. Even though you don’t even smoke anymore.”
“No faith.”
“After what you did to your car?”
Nick looked sheepish as he shot her a grin. “Right.”
Hearing footsteps, he turned to see two more people enter the room. Nick’s grin grew the moment he spotted the familiar faces of CIA Officer Brian Littrell and his girlfriend, Opal Odyssey. He hadn’t seen Brian since their escapades in Canada, which had almost resulted in The Rok’s demise from a super virus created by the now-deceased Dr. Rough. The two men approached each other and, after an awkward moment, quickly embraced. Then Nick took Opal’s hand and brought it to his lips before giving her his most charming smile.
“Opal, always a pleasure.”
“Turn off the charm, Nick.”
“Opal, you wound me. So, what are you doing in my neck of the woods, Country Boy?”
Brian jerked his head towards Opal, who shook Pearl’s hand and formally introduced herself. “She needs help with a technical project. I told her Pearl’s one of the best.”
“The best, CIA!” Pearl corrected with a smirk before turning back to Opal as the boys returned to their conversation. “So, what’s the deal?”
“The FBI has me on a side project,” Opal answered.
“Hmm, government work?” Pearl pursed her lips. “Technically not my jurisdiction…”
“I know, but it all goes back to that Playboy mission with the aliens. Brian told me how Nick said you were reverse-engineering two of the devices you stole from that mission.”
Pearl’s cheeks tinged red at the mention of her secret project, since all of the alien technology should have become the property of the FBI. K knew she had taken two of the devices, but if the U.S. government found out, she would be in big trouble. Nick smirked when he noticed her reaction, and Pearl shot him a dirty look before answering Opal. “Yeah, I kinda did. I was able to crack the Cone of Silence–”
“Cone of… what?” Brian interrupted, leaning into their conversation.
“Long explanation.” Pearl patted Brian’s shoulder. “Anyway, it’s the other device I’m having trouble with. I can’t seem to decipher the language to figure out what it does. I’m an engineering girl; I’ve never been the best at code-breaking, compared to, you know, a cryptographer.”
“Between you being able to reverse engineer and my skills, I was wondering if you’d be willing to partner up with me,” Opal replied. “This is my sole project at the moment; apparently, the FBI doesn’t have anyone talented enough to crack it.”
“Sure, we can work out a time to meet up… It would be cool to learn something new. K probably won’t care if I’m caught up on my other projects… Oh, projects!” Pearl smiled and picked up the iPod Touch. “Happy birthday, by the way,” she said, handing it to Brian along with a small booklet. “I customized this for you.”
Nick grinned as he watched Brian run his hand over the device. “She makes a specialty weapon for all top agents. Feel honored, man; you’re the first non-HimTak employee she’s done it for.”
“Eh, we all kinda consider you honorary.” Pearl shrugged.
“Thanks, and unlike Nick, I’ll make sure to read the manual. That way, I don’t destroy it like… oh I don’t know, a certain car,” Brian teased, inciting laughter from Pearl and Opal.
“Hey! I read some of it!” Nick’s watch vibrated, and he sighed. With the push of a button, the small screen revealed his superior’s face. “Yes, K?”
“I’ve been calling your phone. Why have you been ignoring me?”
“Shit, I left it in my dorm.”
“My office, now. I have an assignment for you.”
“Sweet!”
“Try not to dawdle, 008.”.
“00–” The screen went black. “–Carter…” For a moment, Nick frowned, but he quickly shook it off and waved at everyone before he left the lab. He’d definitely have to call Brian later and find out just what that new toy did. That way, he could ask Pearl for a better one.
Nick hummed as he walked down the hall. It seemed things were getting better. Dr. Rough was dead, and FANS would soon be done for, which meant Nick could finally settle the score with Drums and move on with his life. He rubbed his shoulder, remembering the scars hidden under his tattoo — remnants of the mission that had led to Drums’ downfall.
From around the corner, he heard an indecipherable mutter. As he got closer, it clearly became words of some sort from a language that Nick didn’t recognize. Leaning against the wall, he crept down the hall, curious to find the source of the language. At the turn, he spied Agent 009, Leonardo DiCaprio, crouched against the wall and whispering into his cell phone. Foreign languages weren’t odd at HimTak; most of the agents had some level of multilingualism. However, hiding in hallways while whispering foreign languages was definitely suspect.
“What are you doing, 009?” Nick hoped calling Leo by number gave him a commanding presence like K that would scare the lesser agent.
Leo rolled his eyes. “Not your business, Carter.”
Nick stared at him in stern silence.
“Don’t you have some mission to wreck? I have my own business to handle.” Leo said a hushed farewell to the other end of the line, stood, and shoved past Nick as he walked down the hall.
For a moment, Nick stared down the hall after Leo, wrinkling his nose and refusing to blink. The jolting buzz of his watch brought him back to his senses and he trudged down the hall toward K’s office. Although, he did sneak a few suspicious glances over his shoulder as he walked.
When Nick stepped inside, both K and Styx looked up from the file on K’s desk. Their sideways glances made Nick feel like a kid summoned to the principal’s office. A frown crossed Nick’s face as K returned his attention to the file. Styx grinned, then turned back to K.
Nick raised an eyebrow as he sat down. “Okay, so what’s the deal?”
“Been watching the news, Nick? Or talking to Diamond?” K asked.
“Not yet…” Nick shrugged. “No phone.”
“The Winter Olympics are currently occurring in Vancouver, Canada–”
“You’re not telling me I gotta visit Avril’s homeland again?” K’s stern look silenced Nick immediately.
Styx sniggered. “Blame Canada…”
“As I was saying…” K cleared his throat. “Korean figure skater Kim Yuna has gone missing. She was the favorite for gold, and South Korea is furious about her disappearance. Every country is blaming each other; it’s worse than Jerry Springer. They requested HimTak’s assistance in the matter. Go to Vancouver; find Kim Yuna and the person behind her disappearance. So far, the evidence corroborates this act as an inciting incident for global warfare.”
“Alright, so who are we going with?” Nick asked.
“I think you can handle this. It’s been some time since you’ve had a solo mission, and it would be a good opportunity for you to help Styx get some good field action. Diamond does happen to be there on vacation with Mr. Lancybassy, however, should the situation spiral and you find yourself in need of backup.”
“I can handle it, K.”
“The helicopter leaves in an hour.”
The two stood, and Nick motioned for Styx as he walked to the door. Inside, Nick fought the urge to skip — finally, a solo mission!
***
“Niiiiick!” With a dazzling smile, blue eyes alight, and rosy cheeks aglow, the blond practically skipped towards him and enveloped him in a fierce embrace. Their bodies slid against one another as Nick’s winter coat met with slippery pink fabric.
Nick patted the back of the shiny, pink parka awkwardly and pulled himself loose from the grip of the pink angora mittens. Clearing his throat, he replied, “Nice to see you too, Lancy.”
“Oh, we’re so glad you’re here!” gushed Lancy, flapping his fuzzy mittens. “I’m all of a dither over My Queen’s disappearance! I told Di that if anyone can help us get to the bottom of it, 00Carter can.” Leaning into Diamond’s ear, he added under his breath, “Wouldn’t mind him getting to the bottom of me, either, if you know what I mean…” The secretary waggled his eyebrows suggestively while Diamond tittered into her gloved hand.
Nick cleared his throat again, pretending not to hear. “Enjoying yourself, Miss Divine?” he asked, his eyes traveling the length of Diamond’s body. He wasn’t used to seeing her in so much clothing, but she even managed to look sexy in the sleek silver jacket and tight jeans she wore tucked into fur-lined, high-heeled white boots.
Diamond offered a flirtatious smirk and tossed her cascade of silken blonde hair, half-hidden beneath a loose-knit white beret, over her shoulder. “I’ll enjoy it even more now that you’re here, 00Carter,” she replied with a wink.
“Ditto!” sang Lancy.
“So, uh… can we get to the case?” They’d almost forgotten about Styx, who was standing at Nick’s side, looking uncomfortable. “You two know anything more than what K told us about this missing skater chick?”
“We told K everything we know,” Diamond said, “which isn’t much… Well, unless you want to know the order of the jumps in her short and long programs over the last four seasons or the content of her most recent tweets on Twitter. If so, Lancy’s your man.”
“The tweets may come in handy,” Nick remarked while Styx cocked his head at Lancy.
“Except her last one was in October after she won gold at the Trophée Eric Bompard in Paris,” sighed Lancy miserably. He pulled out his pink Palm Pixi and waved it about. “Trust me; I’ve been checking.”
“Hm.” Nick frowned. “Well, if there’s no word from Yuna herself, we’ll just have to talk to anyone who might have seen her before her disappearance.”
“Exactly why I suggested meeting us here,” said Lancy, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he gave a sweeping gaze, spreading his arms wide. “Olympic Village!”
Nick followed his gaze. They were standing on a sidewalk outside a typical mid-rise apartment building on the waterfront of False Creek, a small inlet in the heart of Vancouver.
“This is where all the athletes are staying,” Lancy elaborated. “I’ve already figured out the room numbers for all my favorite skaters. The Queen was in this building.”
“The Queen?” Nick smirked, raising an eyebrow.
“Queen Yuna! That’s the nickname fans gave her,” Lancy said with a shrug. “Oh, hopefully she’s found alive and well before the short program on Tuesday! She’s a shoo-in for the gold! She has to be there; she has to win!”
“Apparently, someone disagrees.” Nick crossed his arms. “I think we should start by interrogating other skaters — especially her closest competitors.”
Diamond nodded. “Everyone thinks this is just another Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan plot taken to the extreme. The police have already questioned other skaters and their teams, but you’re right — that’s the logical place for us to start, too. You know they always miss stuff.”
“Well, sounds like you know who to talk to and where to find them, Lancy, so… lead the way!” Nick spread his hand toward Olympic Village.
“Me, lead the mission?” Lancy jumped in excitement. “Ooh, where to start, who to talk to first?! In a situation like this, there’s only one question to ask…”
Nick, Diamond, and Styx all raised their eyebrows, leaning closer in anticipation.
“…What would Brian Boitano do?” Lancy grinned.
Styx blinked. “Brian… Boitano?”
“Yes, Brian Boitano, 1988 Olympic champion!” Lancy paused just long enough to draw breath and then began to sing, “What would Brian Boitano do if he were here right now? He’d make a plan, and he’d follow through… That’s what Brian Boitano’d do!”
Arms stretched towards the sky, Lancy did a little twirl, lost in song. “When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics, skating for the gold, he did two salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blindfold…”
“When Brian Boitano was in the Alps, fighting grizzly bears,” chimed in Nick, “he used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair…”
In unison, they sang, “So what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today? I’m sure he’d kick an ass or two… That’s what Brian Boitano’d do!”
Styx stared at Diamond. “They always like this?”
“Lancy prancing around in pink and Nick singing his way through a mission?” Diamond paused, pretending to consider the statement, before laughing. “Yeah, pretty much.”
***